by Tijan
I deserved a family. I had one, but I’d have one in the future complete with a husband and children. One day.
And happiness.
I’d have that, too, because I already did.
But to the reason I asked Tabatha to come find me here, I figured there was no reason to stall.
“You know, I couldn’t figure it out. It took me awhile, like a few days, but I kept thinking that Drake called me to tell me he knew the witness. We decided not to ask for the name and the next night, Tim Harper was kidnapped. In front of me. And I found out the next day that his dad was the witness against the Red Demons.” I turned to look at her.
I had my knees up, but she was sitting with her feet together in front of her, her knees angled out, and she was looking down at the ground. Her shoulders were hunched forward, her head down.
“It was you.”
I wasn’t asking. I already knew. I just didn’t know the how.
When she didn’t speak up, I added, “You’re my friend. That’s something I’ve been working at this whole year, since last year when you and Sunday informed me how I wasn’t being a good female friend. I’ve been trying this year. Maybe I’m messing up at it, I don’t know, but I think when I know that somehow you’re the connection, I feel like you should tell me how that came to be. It’s friend code.” A breath. “Or girl code? I’m sorry, I’m still trying to figure that out. I knew crew code and soulmate code, and I’m a fledgling for everything else.”
“Oh my God. Shut up.” Tabatha lifted her head, rolling her eyes, but she reached up and flicked away a tear. “You’re like a baby demon who’s all cuddly. I can’t take it, and yes, it was me. How you figured that out, I have no ide—”
“It was a guess.” That she just confirmed.
As if she realized this, too, her head went back down on a soft sigh. “Right.”
“Tell me why, Tab. Tell me how.”
Another soft sigh, but this one ended into a sob. “You know why. Harper was killing my mom. I mean,” at my look, she clarified, “the stress of him, what he was holding over my parents is what was killing her. I found out two things that day when I went home. I found out that Tim Harper, Sr. was threatening my dad if he didn’t pay his debts, and he had dangerous friends so he could follow through with any threats he was saying, and I found out that my mom has a heart condition. I didn’t know about either, and let me tell you, it rocked me. It rocked everything about me. The old Tabatha, gone. Done. She died that day, and when you hear a legitimate threat being made against your family and you’ve never been exposed to that world, everything looks different. You count up what weapons you have, what options you have, and when you come up seriously short, you reach a desperate level that you’ll never understand.” She looked over, another tear slipping from her eye, but they were hollow. And they were haunted, just like me, but I saw a bitterness underneath them.
Tab had changed, but it didn’t have to do with Harper, Jr. like we thought.
“What’d you do?”
“I had to, Bren. I know you guys were trying to help, and I know your brother was keeping tabs on my mom for me, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t going to be enough.” Her voice broke, trembling, before her face hardened again. She rasped out, “I didn’t know how to fix it, so I tried to figure out how to make it go away. That’s what I did.”
“Tab.” I was whispering. She was breaking me here. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t know who else to contact besides you and your brother, except… Drake. I contacted Drake.”
That’s how he knew.
The dots were starting to connect, but there were so many of them.
“Just tell me.”
Her head bobbed up and down. “I will. I promise. It’s just, it’s hard.” She flicked another tear away, and her voice dropped another decibel. “I got in contact with him, and he called me. I told him what was happening, and I asked if he knew or could find out anything to help me, help my family. That’s all I did in the beginning, I swear.”
And knowing Drake, even if he was in prison, that wouldn’t stop him.
“What else?”
“He said he’d ask around, see if he could find a solution to my problem. After that, nothing happened. Not for a long time until suddenly he called, the day before Jordan came to get Zellman, and he said that things were in motion. He was going to set things in motion and to be ready. That’s all he said.”
I frowned. “The day before Jordan went to Roussou?”
She nodded. “Yeah. Then the next day, he called again and he said, he had a name to help me out. But he couldn’t tell me over the phone because you know…” Because calls were recorded, and I nodded, knowing what she meant. “But he said he’d email and give me directions what to do.”
“That was the day Jordan went to Roussou?”
Another nod. She started picking at the grass underneath her. Pulling blade after blade up, running her fingers down it, smoothing it until she tore it in two. She sliced each one straight down the line, an almost perfect tear. “The day, but I didn’t know Jordan was coming when Drake called me.”
“What did he say in the email?”
“It was weird, but I figured it was coded again, because you know.”
Because they could read emails, too.
“He said, “I’ve thought about your problem and I think you need to go back with your boy. You need to take the advice of his crew, and you never know, the solution might be the most random.”
“That was it?”
“Yeah, and he also said he’d email again telling me what to do with what I got. So, it didn’t make sense until Jordan showed up. Then I got what he was saying. I was supposed to go back with Jordan, hear what you guys had to say, and then listen for some random thing. None of that made sense until I overheard Jordan and Zellman say that Drake called you, and you guys needed to have a crew meeting. After that, I mean, it was simple. I came here, waited for your meeting, and overheard everything. I didn’t know anything about the Red Demons or the witness. Then they asked if Drake said anything else, and you said…”
I was there.
I was remembering.
“He say anything else?”
I shook my head, then remembered. “It was weird.” I looked at Cross. “He mentioned Harper.”
“Harper?” Jordan’s head lifted farther up.
Cross added, “Said there’s a Harper on the prison board where he was, and knew he was from Cain. He knows Harper’s son, and wondered if we knew him.”
“The fuck?”
Cross nodded at Jordan. “I know, but with Drake, who the fuck knows what he was really after.”
“Harper.”
“Yeah,” Tabatha said. “I knew that was the name I was waiting for, but it didn’t make sense to me. None of it made sense. After that—”
I was remembering that part, too.
“You left. Went back to your sorority.”
“Yeah, and then I got another email that night.”
“What’d it say?”
“Just a name.”
I looked over, waiting.
“Kess Foster.”
I drew in a ragged breath, feeling as if I was just smacked in the face.
This was the second time since last year she popped up for me. “I saw her recently.”
“She goes here. I didn’t know that at first, but I figured since he told me her name, I should look her up. When I saw she was a student here, and what dorm she lived in, I was guessing that Drake was telling me to go to her. I didn’t know why. I didn’t—I mean, I remember Kess. She was nice. Quiet, though. She was the only other girl in a crew back home and I thought, it’s Drake. He’s crazy, but he tends to know shit, and because I didn’t want to wait, I went to her place. Knocked on the door, and a guy opened up.”
I was remembering that, too.
She stopped, still frowning, and looked up.
The guy—he seemed familiar, but I couldn’t
place him. Dark hair. Blue eyes that almost matched Kess’, but not quite. A brother? I didn’t remember if Kess had any other siblings, but no. There was an air about them, about them both. He moved into her, also looking at us, but he wasn’t looking at me.
He was watching Harper, and seeing who Harper was talking to—now he saw me and he saw me watching him. That was enough. He grimaced, swearing under his breath (not hard to read lips when someone says ‘fuck’) and then two guys walked past them, and they were gone.
I looked but couldn’t see them.
“I saw him. At a street party. He was looking at Harper and I thought that was weird. Kess was coming to help us out because that’s how she is.”
“She was crew. That makes sense.”
“That guy, he’s her boyfriend?”
She nodded. “Yeah. He opened the door and introduced himself, and as soon as he did, I knew I wasn’t supposed to tell Kess. I was supposed to tell him.”
“Why? Who was he?”
“His name was Chris Raith.”
Raith.
Maxwell Raith.
Then I remembered what Cross told me.
“My brother told Cross that there’s rumors the Red Demons had a student on campus.”
“I don’t know about that, but I recognized that name you guys said at your meeting. Maxwell Raith and this guy had the same last name, and I saw a motorcycle in the dorm room’s parking lot so I just told him. I had no clue.”
Jesus.
She was blindly going forth, sending a message that she didn’t even fully understand.
She kept on, “The guy said Kess was grabbing her laundry, but I could wait if I wanted. And I told him, ‘I think I’m here for you actually.’ And then I said Harper’s name. I said, ‘Drake sent me. It’s Harper.’ After that, I bolted. Literally turned and sprinted out of there. I never even saw Kess. And I didn’t know what would happen until the next morning. Jessinda came in my room, half-sobbing and hysterical because the guys all witnessed Harper get kidnapped. Right in front of them. Guys with masks and guns. Scary shit, huh?”
She had no clue.
“I was there, Tab.”
“What?”
“I was there.” I already told her before. “They took him in front of me.”
I was remembering them, too. The guy in the white mask. Heckler stopping and staring at me.
Another shiver went down my spine.
I didn’t want to go back there, when Maxwell Raith was in my backyard. No way, no how. Another nightmare for someone else, not me. That was behind me, or it would be now that I knew all the connecting dots.
And that also meant that Drake had used me.
“I’m sorry, Bren—”
I stood up, cutting her off. “I don’t want to hear it.”
My stomach was churning.
Tabatha.
Drake.
I didn’t know how to do any of this. How to be used and be okay with that? That wasn’t the game I played in life.
I played no games. I didn’t know how.
But fuck them. I knew that much.
“I’m okay, I think.”
“What?” She looked up, frowning.
I looked out over the houses, knowing who was sitting at my feet, and knowing that I was different again. “I think I’m good with friends. You got that guy killed, and I even understand why you did it. You wanted the problem to go away. You wanted your mom to be okay. I understand that, but I don’t like this feeling I have. You used me and two guys are dead because of that.” Three. My assailant. Three were dead. “And I had a hand in that, whether I knew it or not and I’m good. I mean, I have to live with that and I have to live with some other things, but you and me. We’re done. Clean slate. I’m going to be friends with other girls like Aspen, like her crazy floormates. They kinda make me laugh. You. Jessinda, if she comes around because of Jordan, I don’t know what’s going to happen between you all and Jordan, but I’m out. You come around for him, you and I are civil to each other, but that’s it. I’m done.”
With that, I walked.
And there was no regret.
BREN
It took me six months to get approved, but I needed to do this in person.
It was the only way he’d be honest with me.
Once I was sitting at the table, it took a few moments for them to grab him, but it didn’t seem long enough until Drake was coming toward me.
He looked good.
And I wasn’t noticing in that way, as his ex. I was noticing it as someone who knew him, had once cared for him, and knew this would be the last time I saw him again. Or I was hoping.
He’d never been bulky, but he was lean and muscled now. The angles on his face seemed harder, more chiseled. And he just seemed tougher. I caught a few of the other prisoners glancing his way as he sat across from me, and then I noticed the tattoo on his neck.
It was the emblem for the Red Demons.
That. Right there. That told me what I came to find out, but I’d driven all this way, waited all those months to get approved, I wanted him to say the words.
“Heya, Bren.” His eyes twinkled at me, and he grinned. “How are you? You look good.”
A small nod. A small smile. Some polite conversation.
That was fine and dandy.
Now to business. “I know what you did.”
His small grin vanished, and he leaned forward, dropping his tone. “I know. Tabatha gave me the heads-up.”
I kept lingering on that tattoo on his neck. “Is that why?” I nodded at it.
He reached up, covering the tat, and an awkward sounding chuckle slipped from him. “Why’d you make the drive if you already knew?” He frowned, his hand fell away and he cocked his head to the side. “You didn’t know, did you? You just found out.”
“I couldn’t think of why you did it because you don’t do anything unless you’re getting something out of the deal. Tabatha getting in touch with you, giving you a problem to help with? That’s not you to do it out of the goodness of your heart. So I thought about it, and I just figured—just come and ask. Maybe he’ll be honest for once.”
The corner of his mouth tugged up. “Ah. Bren. When you talk to me like that, you don’t make me want to be forthcoming at all.” He started soft, sweet, and then ended with an edge, and his eyes flat. “Jesus. At least be kind with your request?”
I mashed my lips together because what I wanted to do and what I wanted to say, I couldn’t without getting arrested myself. So I sat put and waited because a mean glint showed in Drake’s eyes and he jerked even more forward over the table. “You’re going to come here and judge me for what I did? Fuck you, Bren. Fuck. You. You know why I did it. I have a kid. I came in here with a target on my back already. Excuse you if I got an opportunity to help myself out, to get me some protection because that’s what I did. That was my deal with them. They got a whole group in here. You should know. You joined ’em.”
“You used me—”
“That’s your pissing point? That I told you bullshit, knowing you’d never take me on the offer? Sending someone to overhear and do the dirty work for you? I set you up to say some words. That’s it. I needed someone that made sense of why I’d be calling them. You’re my ex, that shit makes sense. And it worked. It all worked. She got a mom that’s not going to die. I’m not going to die. My kid gets a father in a few years. You got to decide not to get dirty and help your pops out, and what? That’s it.”
“Two men—”
“You don’t know anything. You got no clue if they’re dead or not. They’re just gone. That’s it, and I heard the chatter. I know it happened in front of a bunch of college kids. The other Demons filled me in. They all know you know, so you’re in this box with me. Get off your high horse and stop judging me for trying to survive because that’s all I’m doing.”
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Maybe Drake would have a soft spot with me because I loved him for a moment in
my life.
Or maybe he wouldn’t, and when I walked out of here, I truly hoped to never see him.
All that said, all those conflicting thoughts and emotions, I knew what else he was saying. We were stuck where we were. I was going to keep quiet for my life, Channing’s life, Cross’, Jordan’s, Zellman’s, and anyone else affected by loving me. And for Drake, I’d focus on Drayana because he was right. He got a kid and that little girl would love and worship her dad, and I didn’t want to take the dream away from her.
“Okay.”
That was all I had.
I started to stand up.
Drake reached over, tugging me back down.
“Drake!”
He let go, holding his hand up over his head.
The guard settled back, but still frowned at us.
Drake grinned. “No touching. You can only hug kids in here. Listen, I’m going to get out of here. I cut a deal when I came in, but when I get out, I’m a Red. Forever. They have different rules for prison guys joining up, so it’s not official official. It will be. I’m telling you this so you know that you got another guy on the inside, and I’ll do what I can to look out for you. You know something on us, but I’ll vouch for you and Pops will, too. That will hold weight. I’m not saying this for any other reason except so that you know. That’s it. Contrary to your low opinion of me, I do do things sometimes for other people. I’ve loved two girls in my life and …” He motioned to me, not meeting my gaze anymore. He was looking at the floor, half-turned away from me. Then he finished, “And the other one has my eyes so there you go. Have a good life, Bren.”
He was off the seat and heading for the door before I registered what he said.
And when I did, he was through the door.
“How was it seeing Drake today?”
Cross asked me that as I slid into bed that night.
I just got back thirty minutes ago, since the drive there and back took most of the trip.
Drake’s words stayed with me, and I didn’t know how I felt about them.
But I said, “He joined the Red Demons, did everything for protection.”