A question rolled around his mind like a hot coal in his hands. He needed to ask her but was afraid the answer would singe him. He opened his mouth and cleared his throat. “Is it normal for Auseklis to be so tiny, so fragile?”
His mother met his gaze but said nothing for several seconds. Then she answered with a thin, unconvinced tone. “I’ve never seen a human converted during pregnancy. I’m grateful he’s alive, and yes, he’s a little small, but I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
He gripped the cup handle a bit too hard, almost breaking it. “You don’t sound convinced. I know you don’t want to talk about Velta, but do you think her making Sarma into a vampire while pregnant, is the cause of Auseklis’ problems?”
“We need to investigate things as soon as we can. But…it’s possible.” Laima folded her lips in and looked down at the floor.
He needed solutions, but she had none. Pressing her further would only bring more tension to an already desperate situation. He swallowed a few more mouthfuls and glanced down the hall. Almost three days had passed without shut-eye, clinging to Sarma’s and Auseklis’ sides. Even with his strength, he couldn’t hold out much longer.
His own appearance in the bathroom mirror was shocking. Dark rings hung under his eyes, facial hair grown out to a beard, and he was gaunt and pale. But each time he laid his head down, horrible thoughts of his son not surviving attacked his mind like a swarm of hornets. How he wanted to track down Velta and string her up himself.
“I know you’re concerned, but you have to sleep. You can’t go on like this.” Laima took his hand, squeezing it. “I’ll go tonight and speak with other elder healers.”
Reinis swallowed the last sips of the brew and stood. He hugged his mother from behind and stroked the top of her hair.
“Paldies, mammu. I know you’re doing everything you can.” He embraced her chest with an arm and kissed her temple while thanking her.
She grasped his arm and leaned against him. “Now, go to sleep.”
“You too.”
“I’ll try,” she said as he took off down the hall to stare at his son’s empty crib.
Auseklis was asleep next to Sarma down the hall, but afraid his foul mood would wake them, he didn’t want to lie next to them. He gripped the edge of the bassinet until his knuckles turned white, his joints ached, and his arms trembled.
A lump of rage balled in his throat and he bent his head onto the wooden frame wishing with all his heart he could have been there for Auseklis before he was born. To have prevented this from happening. What infuriated him was that Velta’s attack on Sarma happened while she was inside the manor—supposedly the safest place for her. Velta didn’t want to make Sarma a vampire. She had intended to kill her.
He never should have left Sarma’s side when she was still human. Hindsight was always twenty-twenty, but he ached to have found a better way to protect her and his son. Then Auseklis wouldn’t be so small and weak. The elders had prohibited him from staying with Sarma. He would have been able to defend them the way he should have.
Nothing prepared for him for the new hell his life had become. He let go of the bedframe and paced the room, waiting for the herbs to take effect, wanting to wear his body down so he’d collapse into bed and think no more. A pang of sadness hit him when the words he’d spoken to his mother about Velta passed through his mind. Despite her silence, Laima grimaced when he said he wanted his sister executed. Reinis wouldn’t repeat the statement, even if he believed it with all his heart.
Tracing over the events since June, he still couldn’t believe everything that had happened. His own sister tried to kill his heartmate. Sarma became a vampire, and shocking everyone, not only did she survive, but she was perfect, even beginning to show signs of supernatural abilities.
Before her conversion, no one attempted to turn humans anymore since they either died or lost their minds in the process. For that reason, new vampires were strictly prohibited. Against everyone’s expectations, Sarma suffered no fallout. Her vision and hearing were exceptional. When she improved, he planned to teach her to fly. If she improved. And if his son survived.
His whole body ached. He left the nursery and followed the hall to the bedroom.
He dreaded losing his heartmate and son. The scrawny infant cried little, and he hadn’t yet opened his eyes. His mother hoped that with nursing, he would gain strength and weight. She reassured them that because the baby nursed that he would soon begin to react.
When he passed Laima’s bedroom, relief filled him. His poor, exhausted mother had fallen asleep. He lay down on his bed toward his heartmate’s and baby’s sleeping faces. Thoughts of Sarma almost dying, his son born sick, and fears of Auseklis’ destiny—would he be the healer everyone expected him to be?—buffeted his ribcage like a rain of punches.
He tossed and turned in cold sweat, terrified of what the future would bring.
Chapter 3
Sarma paced the nursery, patting Auseklis on the back. His face turned red and his wails rang out. Tears rolled down his baby cheeks. He had opened his eyes, but he hadn’t gained much weight. She wrapped her index finger and thumb around his upper arm, measuring the width of this limb. How could he be so tiny?
She dragged her nails down her cheek then pulled him close to her chest. Maybe if she’d drank more of Reinis’ blood, she’d have more strength and richer milk for her son. But she always took the minimum, sating her need, but never fully indulging the way she needed.
She groaned and rocked him in her arms. Her body had transformed fully to a vampire, but somehow the animal instincts she always admired in Reinis hadn’t settled within her yet. She needed to ingest the life blood he provided for her, but she couldn’t face it. Couldn’t do it.
Next to her, Reinis folded baby clothes and straightened out Auseklis’ bed. Laima’s teas and strong, pure blood from various female vampires brought Sarma back from the edge.
Sarma paused bouncing Auseklis and faced her heartmate. “I’m glad you’re getting more sleep, but I know something’s going on with you. You’re blocking me off on purpose and I don’t like it. I need the imprint, Reinis.”
He shook out a spit-up cloth and glanced up at her. “I know.”
“I thought you would be happy. Auseklis and I haven’t been doing well, but we’re a little better now, so tell me what’s wrong.”
Sitting on the loveseat next to the crib, Sarma opened her blouse to feed him and stem his bellows. At first, Auseklis didn’t cry at all, barely fed, and mostly lay in her arms, listless. Since he had no teeth, he would breastfeed until they came in.
Reinis sank next to her and caressed her upper arm, then adjusted the pillows underneath Auseklis.
“You owe me the truth. Whatever it is, I can take it.” Sarma softly gripped his bicep in her hand, searching his face.
“There is no easy way to tell you this. I hate keeping you in the dark, but I have to tell you.” He closed his eyes and gripped her hand. “I’m here for you, Sarma. Please know that, no matter what, we’re going to be okay.”
“Tell me already. You’re driving me crazy.”
“Sarma.” He took a deep breath and exhaled. “You almost died the night Auseklis was born. I’ve thought I lost you before you came back to Latvia, and again when you became a vampire. I…I was so scared. Last week, I thought I was going to lose you forever.”
Sarma pulled her free arm around Reinis and caressed his cheek.
“I was frightened for me too. I almost died twice this year, but believe in me, Reinis. I’m strong. Stronger than I ever thought I was, and I’m here.” She held a tender kiss on his lips.
When he released her mouth, he said, “It wasn’t only that. Like you, I’m worried about our son. He was born thin and he’s still not eating well. I’m afraid for him.”
Sarma released his arm and supported Auseklis again. “Me too. I mean, it’s weird because I’m full blood now, so does that make him full blood too? What did Laima and the other healers sa
y on how we’re going to help him?”
“She’ll be here soon to let us know. Of course, you’re both full blood. Once we made you into a vampire, your human side disappeared, and so Auseklis became full blood as well.” He stroked the fine black hair that covered Auseklis’ perfectly round head.
Though she had the strength to get out of bed, the muscles in her back and shoulders remained rigid and sore. A week had gone by since he was born, and each time they checked Auseklis, he barely weighed more than the time before. “That doesn’t explain why he’s struggling then. Nothing makes sense.”
Reinis palmed the back of her neck and sent her gentle waves of calm. Instead of the ease his touch usually brought her, his hand made her skin crawl. But he wasn’t responsible. Everything frayed her nerves right now. She just couldn’t let go. When would Laima return from meeting with the other elders?
She met his gaze, tight with concern. Tears brimmed in her eyes and thickness formed in her throat. “Do you think this is my fault, Reinis?”
“What? Why?”
Ugh. How could she explain that after four months she still hadn’t accepted being a vampire? A creature of the night? A being who lived off the blood of others, who had to hunt and steal. She didn’t want to insult him. Didn’t want him to feel ugly. Because he wasn’t.
Reinis still stole her breath away when he graced a room with his sexy black fade, manicured stubble, and a body human models would be royally jealous of. Not to mention those emerald eyes that brought her a sense of security and waves of heat to her core. Even when he transformed, and his teeth dropped, his pupils dilated, she never feared him. A thrill raced in her blood and her arousal only intensified when he became his full, untamed self.
But somehow none of that applied to her. Somehow, she couldn’t look at herself with the same beauty and wonder she did when she viewed him. Sarma opened her mouth to answer but no words formed on her lips.
The door cracked open and Laima poked her head through. “Am I interrupting? Can I come in?”
She almost jumped up but Auseklis was dozing so she stayed put. “So glad you’re here.”
Her mother-in-law extended cups of tea and sat across from them in an armchair. Her long flowing skirts settled around her ankles.
Sarma’s stomach churned and she pulled Auseklis against her chest. Her little boy. What would Laima say?
Laima licked her lips. “I’ll get to the point. The other healers and I agree that most likely the cause of Auseklis’ condition is that you were made into a vampire while pregnant. We already have trouble with our species in general. Pregnancies are never easy, and things often happen…that’s why we created duty to replenish our population. But we never experienced a conversion during a pregnancy. Auseklis likely survived because despite his condition, he is a powerful baby.”
Sarma and Reinis glanced at each other. She bit her bottom lip. Auseklis could have been lost. She peered down at her son, his long dark eyelashes against his pale cheeks. Thank goodness she held him in her arms and that Reinis didn’t have to complete duty anymore.
Not too long ago, he still had to mate with humans. Their coven, House of the Black Swan, would safely remove the half-blood children so their kind would survive. As it was, their species still stood on the brink of disappearing forever. Another reminder why they needed Auseklis to be healthy. To bring peace to warring covens and restore vampires everywhere.
“As soon as spring comes, we will find certain fresh herbs and harvest them on the equinox and solstice and on the full moons. But Sarma…you have to do something else.”
The hair on her neck stood up and cold shivers slithered over her skin. Laima’s tone dropped and her mouth puckered like she sucked on a lemon. Neither of them seemed to like what was coming.
“I know you haven’t adjusted to being a vampire—that you struggle with feeding and giving blood. I see that it’s still foreign to you, like you almost have to force yourself to do it. I’m not judging you for this. I understand the entire thing must be so difficult for you. Leaving your home, birthing a son that’s gifted, the pressure we exert on you, and on top of everything else, having become a…vampire.”
Sarma pressed her lips together and dropped her chin down. That’s what she feared. That Laima would bring these emotions she’d tried to keep secret into the open. And damn…what was her mother-in-law going to ask of her? She wanted to hear an answer to heal Auseklis, but at the same time, she didn’t. Because she had the awful feeling it involved doing something she dreaded. Instead of meeting Laima’s gaze, she pulled her mindguards up as tightly as she could so no one could read her thoughts and feelings.
Reinis wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Did Laima know she felt like a monster? Did Reinis? She didn’t want to admit the dreadful truth. Didn’t want to speak it out loud. Saying that wouldn’t be fair. She didn’t want to hurt their feelings when they couldn’t help what they were.
Laima nudged her face up with a gentle hand.
Sarma couldn’t help what she was. What Velta had made her. And that hurt. Made her revulsion to drinking blood worse. Because she couldn’t do anything about the horrible, beastly, need to hunt and sink her fangs into someone’s flesh. A shudder rolled through her. She averted her eyes to avoid crying.
Her mother-in-law caressed her cheek. “I know this is very hard on you, but for Auseklis’ sake, you have to feed him your blood and receive blood supplements from other vampires.”
“Other vampires?” Reinis interjected. “Like who?”
Sarma gasped. Her sight lurched around the room, like she searched for something to hold onto inside herself. But there was nothing. Her stomach churned, raising to full boil and an urge to vomit punched her gut. Laima spoke her worst nightmare. She would not only have to give blood to someone else, but she’d have to drink from complete strangers. She wanted to take back the words about being strong.
Laima flicked her glance to him and bunched her skirt in her hand. “Now hold on a minute, Reinis. Of course, we will have her feed only from elder females. No males, and only members of our coven.”
He drummed fingers on his thigh and let her continue.
She shook her head. “Can’t I do it from a bottle? Like how you do when someone can’t drink from someone in person? Those blood supplements? And what about Auseklis? Why can’t someone else do it? Like you, Laima. You’re so ancient and powerful.”
“That’s not possible, Sarmiņa. You will have to give your blood fresh from you into your son’s mouth and receive directly from the elders. There’s no other way to heal him. We need to enrich your life source so Auseklis can overcome this weakness. I hate to say these things out loud, but I need to so that you understand how important this is. To help you come to terms with your task. Sarma, Auseklis is on the edge of survival right now. He needs his own mother’s nutrients. Your connection is more powerful than anyone else’s. He needs you to survive.”
Sarma sank against the couch and tipped her head back. She scrunched up her face and whimpered. “But what about your teas? Aren’t they enough? Some kind of healing ceremony?”
Reinis rubbed her arm. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll help you through this.”
He didn’t understand the ugly beliefs she had about herself. “You don’t know what you’re asking me to do…”
“Helping our son? What do you mean? You have to help him.”
She shook her head and huffed. Her insides quaked. They were pushing her over an edge she didn’t think she could come back from. “It’s not that simple. I don’t know how to explain it. But, of course, I’m going to help Auseklis. No matter what…”
“Give her a break, Reinis. She’s newly converted. This can’t be easy,” Laima said.
Reinis kissed her temple. “I’m sorry, Sarma. This whole thing…must be tough for you. With our son sick. So much of the burden has been laid on your shoulders. You’ve never said a thing to me, but I’ve seen how you only take the minimum blood from me. D
on’t worry. For now, I will feed him.”
Laima raised her eyebrows. “Son, that’s okay for a short time. If we want to see Auseklis improve, Sarma must step up to the plate.”
With her head tipped back on the couch, she let the tears that had built up roll down her face into her ears. Laima’s words nailed the guilt further into her heart. Confirmed the burden lay squarely on her shoulders. She would have to feed her baby with her own blood, and she had no idea how she would do it. She didn’t want to look down at Auseklis.
Because she committed the worst act. She’d failed her son.
Chapter 4
Under the beauty of the starry sky, Reinis parked the Audi with a rock of worry in his stomach. Groups of vampires milled around the House of Amber manor, drinking cocktails, beer, and wine. On the other side of the three-story building, techno music pumped out of speakers.
Auseklis still hadn’t improved much, but Reinis couldn’t leave Sarma at home alone and depressed. Something wore at her, but she didn’t speak a word about it. And hell hath no fury than a female forced to talk about something she wasn’t ready to discuss.
He went around the car to help her with Auseklis and their bags. Behind him, a few partiers he didn’t know whispered about their son, asking if he and Sarma were really his parents. They were the new parents of the special baby, bit it surprised him they held such a celebrity status. He felt their eyes looking them over. When he glanced over his shoulder, the young male and female laughed and averted their gaze.
Years had passed since he visited House of Amber at their Latgale center outside Jekabpils, but his friend, Ako, sent an invite to his coven. The elders asked Laima to attend the Fall Equinox Jumis celebration. They would make an offering to the fertility god tonight to continue to bring abundance to their kind.
He wished Laima had come, but with her weighed-down mood, she had stayed home. Said she didn’t feel like being around people. He couldn’t figure out what was eating her either. Both his mother and heartmate were in wicked bad moods, and he didn’t know how to help.
Darkness Born: Paranormal Vampire Romance (Immortal Desire Series Book 1.5) Page 2