“I just miss her. Plus, I’m worried she’ll file a police report or look for me.”
He glanced at her. “She might. But believe me, she’ll come up with nothing, mourn your loss, and give up. Sounds cruel, but you understand now why I’m saying all this.”
Sarma sniffed. Tears misted her eyes. Reinis was right. Besides, she had way too much going on right now. Still, Marita was like a sister to her. She’d have to let Marita go.
“But back to what we were talking about. Auseklis. What’s the situation with you now?”
She flipped away from him onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. “Situation?”
He propped himself up on his elbow. “You know. This can’t go on. Auseklis is languishing. You can’t put your feelings before him anymore. It’s time to forget yourself and feed him your blood. You should latch on to me tonight to refresh yourself. You haven’t taken any in days.”
Even in bed, she trembled with weakness. “I would if I could. My feelings aren’t petty. Something serious is going on.”
He reached over and twisted the end of a strand of hair. “You have yet to explain.”
She flicked his hand away and grasped the edge of the blanket, yanking it up toward her so he couldn’t touch her anymore. “The memory. Didn’t you see it when you read my mind? I mean, what more is there to say?”
“Don’t shut me out. There’s a lot to say, and yeah, I felt what you felt, but I need you to talk about it. You need to talk about it. To let it go. And explain things to me because you shut me out before I could really understand. And there’s something I have to tell you.”
A twinge of regret stung her. She shouldn’t shove him away like that. Shouldn’t close him off. He was only trying to help. “I don’t know how to tell you. What’s up?”
He sat up in bed, the comforter falling around his waist, exposing his perfect, rock hard abs that never failed to make her thighs wet. Warmth spread over her chest and down into her core. She missed him. Missed their intimacy. Not only the physical closeness, but the sharing of their feelings. Their deepest thoughts and secrets.
After he grabbed his pillow, he scrunched it up in a ball between his fists. “You’re being selfish. I already told you I know how hard this thing has been for you, but a month has gone by. You’re the only one that can help him. Tomorrow, you have to drink the teas my mother made you and feed him. I’m going to help you, but no more stalling. Because the elders want you to present before them. And it doesn’t look good.”
She sprang up to a sitting position and threw her pillow toward him. “Selfish? I have nightmares every single day. Flashbacks of that night. Wake up in an icy sweat and I can’t accept myself the way I am. You think I want to keep his remedy from Auseklis? And now the elders? I’m screwed.”
“Then tell me, damn it!”
Hot tears spilled down her cheeks. She gritted her teeth and crossed her arms. “I’m a monster.”
He reached out a hand and cupped her cheek, wiping away her sadness with a thumb. “A monster?”
She searched his eyes then glanced down at the bed. “Velta made me feel like a monster. She ruined being a vampire. Her bite was so painful, and the terror that ripped through me. Don’t you understand? I thought my son and I were going to die.”
His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her against his chest. The warmth of his nude skin and the rapid rhythm of his heart reminded her why she loved him so much. No matter how angry he got, he always had a tender touch for her.
He buried his nose in her hair and kissed her temple. “I didn’t know things got that bad. That you had nightmares. And all that. I heard you whimpering in your sleep a couple times, but Sarma, you’ve been so distant. I didn’t know what was happening to you. Believe me, I never wanted you to feel like a monster. You’re right. She caused you agony on purpose, but a bite can feel so good. Blood exchange during sex…it’s the best thing about being a vampire.”
How she wished to experience that. And he’d mentioned it a few times. Like he really wanted her to try it with him. “I wish I could give that to you. I wish I could give you so much more. At least, let me drink from you. Tomorrow, I’ll help our son. When do the elders want to see me?”
“I don’t know. Soon. Probably in a couple days.”
She bit her upper lip and crunched up the edge of the duvet in her fist. Might as well drop a hot iron on her face. “You don’t know what about?”
“Not yet. They’ll explain when we get there.”
“Just what I needed. On top of everything else. Now I’m in trouble.”
His warm hand clasped hers and he rubbed her fingers. “We’ll get through this. Together.”
She raised her eyebrows. He’d believe whatever he needed to make things seem all right. But that statement couldn’t be farther from the truth. Their relationship was tearing apart at the seams and she had no idea how they would patch it.
He tried to catch her mouth in another kiss, but she flopped over and closed her eyes. Her life shattered before her like a vase thrown against the ground, the beauty of the flowers deranging as they scattered in broken glass. With her son sick, her mother and father hounding her in different ways, and her inability to accept her new status as a vampire, she lay paralyzed, unable to gather any solutions for any of it. Reinis and she had never been farther apart than this moment, when she needed him most. And now the elders demanded her presence before them.
This would never work.
~ * ~
Reinis tucked Auseklis into the rocking swing. Sarma stayed with her son, making silly faces at him while Reinis turned to meet his mother. He said nothing but averted his eyes. He was shocked. Laima’s alabaster skin had turned a yellowish hue, she had dark smudges under her eyes, and she had lost weight. Sarma rose and hugged her mother-in-law. She had returned from who knows where after a couple days.
“Please take the tea I made you. Drink the whole bottle.” Laima handed her a thermos capped with a small cup Sarma could drink out of.
Reinis responded, “I’m glad you came back. We need to help Sarma feed Auseklis. Look at him.” He pointed to the baby. Auseklis rocked back and forth in the swing, with a muted expression, his tiny eyes staring forward.
Sarma stood by the swing, hands folded over her stomach, head drooped toward the floor. “I’m sorry, Laima. I’ve tried to talk myself out of the way I feel, but I’m going to give him some blood now. I know I should have done it already…”
Laima did not speak, but she shifted her eyes between them then sat on the loveseat across the nursery. Her black hair was pulled back in a messy bun, stray strands flaring out like she hadn’t brushed it in days. So uncharacteristic for a female who usually wore ironed clothes and styled her hair with care. Reinis opened his mouth when there was a knock at the door.
“Please, come in.” Reinis motioned for Imants to pass through the door.
“I can go, if you wish.”
“No, I’m sorry. Please, sit.”
Reinis and Imants appeared in the nursery. Laima’s back was to the door. She had unraveled her bun, and was combing out her long, wavy, black hair with her fingers. Though she didn’t look right, she was still elegant and beautiful.
Sarma rose and offered Imants a chair. “Hi, I’m glad you came back.”
“You are? I thought you’d never want to see me again.” Imants flashed a grin, his blue eyes glowing like jewels.
“This is my mother-in-law, Laima. She’s like a mother to me, so I’m happy you can meet her.”
Laima stretched out a hand and shook his, glancing up at him.
“This is my, well, um, I guess, he’s my real…” Sarma blushed.
“I’m her father. But Sarma, we know each other. She just didn’t know you were my daughter. We’re around the same age, but still, thank you for caring for Sarma.” Imants chuckled and spoke in English.
“Pleased to see you again. Welcome to our home.” Laima outstretched an arm toward a seat.
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Sarma giggled and slapped her forehead. “Oh, duh. I’m such a dope.”
“Thank you. Not a dope. Learning about things.” Imants sat on the chair offered.
As they chatted about how Auseklis was doing, Imants glanced at Laima several times.
Laima stood, her black, clingy skirt ruffling as she shuffled across the floor. She leaned over and kissed Auseklis on his chubby cheek. He lifted a hand at her and gurgled.
“I’ll leave you to your conversation. I know you have a lot to catch up on.” Laima gestured to them. “I’ll be back in an hour. Drink the tea to prepare, Sarma.”
She bowed her head again. “Yes, Laima. I will.”
The door closed behind Laima, and Imants glanced up at Sarma. “Prepare for what?”
Reinis caught Sarma’s eye and they shared the same thought. They were very worried about Laima. The problem with strength was when it became an impenetrable fortress. He stared at the doorframe where his mother had gone. For a brief moment, he’d seen a flicker in her eye when she played with Auseklis. But now that light drained away.
Sarma turned toward Imants. “Please don’t tell anyone, but Auseklis isn’t doing well. I’m supposed to be feeding him my blood, but I haven’t.”
“All vampire mothers must do that when the baby turns four months old, but since he’s ailing you have to start early. Why haven’t you done it?” His tone came out soft, though his words seemed tough.
She sucked in air as if preparing to respond and tugged on the edge of her blouse.
“She’s had a few things come up. That’s all,” Reinis cut her off. “How are things with you?”
“I came to catch up with Sarma. See how she was doing after I dropped the terrible news of her childhood on her lap. I see there’s a lot going on here and it’s only going to get worse.”
Reinis was relieved Imants caught his drift and didn’t continue with the conversation about feeding Auseklis. But Imants’ words threw him off. “What’s going to get worse?”
Imants crossed his arms. “Sarma’s situation.”
With her eyes pinned to her father, she rubbed the couch cushion fabric. “Why?”
“Gunita is in Latvia.”
Sarma slapped the couch and Auseklis began to cry. “I knew it.”
She stood, scooped him out of the swing, and patted him on the back.
Reinis raked a hand over his face. “How do you know?”
“When she called me on the computer, I saw a strange background behind her. I asked her if she wasn’t at home and she admitted it but didn’t want to say where she was. And it looked like she was in a hotel room.” Sarma paced, rocking Auseklis. “But why does that make anything worse?”
Imants rubbed his chin then leaned forward. “Gunita vowed never to return to Latvia. She hates me. She hates all vampires. You are a vampire, now. She called me to tell me she was going to hit me where it hurts most. Does she know we’ve made contact?”
“She does. But my mother would never hurt me.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “I don’t trust her. There’s no good reason for her to be here. She’s human but rage makes people do insane things.”
“Well, Sarma has no reason to worry. She’s safe here at the homestead. It’s not like she’s going anywhere.”
Imants stabbed a finger into the air. “Don’t be so sure of yourself, Reinis. You don’t know Gunita.”
Reinis’ chest tightened. Did Imants have a specific reason he was afraid? Imants was right. He didn’t know her. He’d do everything he could to protect his heartmate and son, but Imants’ words left his heart with an empty, unsettled doubt.
Chapter 17
Sarma checked one more time over her shoulder, then opened up the computer screen in her bedroom. Her instincts were right. Gunita had tried to reach her again last night around the time Imants paid them the visit. But after the bad news, she didn’t want Reinis or anyone else to see she was contacting her again.
True, Gunita wasn’t happy with Sarma, but she refused to give up on her mom. Even if she’d said that horrible thing about her son. She understood her heartbroken, bitter mother. There was no way she really meant it. Plus, giving up would mean losing her mother and Auseklis’ grandmother.
She needed to hurry up. In an hour, she had to meet with the elders. Something she worried about and didn’t look forward to at all. They still hadn’t informed her what the topic of conversation would be but she had a pretty good idea. The same old broken record—hierarchy and coven before personal feelings.
Especially regarding their sacred Auseklis. Of course, as her son, he was most precious to her. She came so close to feeding him the drops of blood last night. Then Imants threw the plan off track and Laima never returned like she had said she would. So much for guzzling the crazy, bitter concoction she gave her. At least she slept with no nightmares for the first time in weeks.
The computer beeped while she rang her mom. Was this a bad idea? Would she regret it? Why did Gunita come to Latvia? With all her worries about the past, she never pressed her mother to find out what her motives were. Imants was 100 percent right. Gunita had vowed to never return here. So why now? Sarma mulled it over. Gunita came after they talked the first time. Did that conversation spur her to come?
Her stomach flip-flopped. Why wasn’t she answering? She burned to find out the answers to the questions. Strange. She never sought her mother out, never cared that Gunita gave her the cold shoulder, or pretty much abandoned her. But all that changed with Auseklis. Having her son made her pine for a connection that she’d never had. Made her want to fight to put their relationship back together. If she didn’t try, she’d always have that niggling doubt she didn’t work hard enough. Even with Imants’ worries. Maybe he was wrong.
She re-dialed Gunita and her mother’s face popped up within seconds.
“Sorry I didn’t answer. I’ve been waiting for you but I went to the bathroom.”
Gunita had a freshened-up look with her gray roots dyed and light makeup on. How her mother usually appeared. She turned away then faced the screen again with glossy eyes.
Her mother rolled a pen around on the table top, then picked it up, clicking the top. “I’m sorry I hung up on you the other day. So many bad memories. I have to learn to put them behind me. I didn’t want to tell you before because I planned on leaving without contacting you, but that’s why I came to Latvia. To find you and hope you wanted to see me after all that’s happened. Things haven’t been easy…but I have a grandson now.”
Sarma swallowed hard. Did she mean all this? “Are you sure? Why the turn around? We’re all vampires. You hate us. You’ve spent a lifetime hating us. I thought you said Auseklis is a mini-monster.”
Gunita clicked the pen and stared downward. “I don’t like it. But I’m all alone now. If I don’t try to make things better, that’s the way I’ll stay. Bitter and alone.”
Sarma glanced at the computer clock. Oh geez! Time slipped away and Reinis would come home any minute to go meet with the elders. “I have to go. What would you like to do? So it’s true you’re in Latvia?”
“I didn’t want to tell you at first. Like I said, I was going to go home without saying a word, but when I saw your face…where do you live? We can meet up at night in a café or restaurant.”
Sarma’s palms were sweating. She really needed to end this conversation but she also needed answers. What about her son? Telling Reinis would be a bad plan but so was taking her son out of the house. But there was no way she would tell Gunita where she lived either. Still, if she took no chances, she’d never find out the truth. She hated finding herself in this position.
“Sarma?”
In front of the house, footsteps crunched up the front path. Her pulse picked up and she glanced over her shoulder then faced the computer again.
“Yeah. I live in Liepāja. How about we meet there? At Boulangerie Liepāja café? Friday night. Eight p.m.”
“I�
�ll be there.”
The front door clicked open and the thud of Reinis’ boots echoed down the hall. She shut the screen and wiped her forehead. That was too close. She slammed her mindguards up and lay down on the bed as if she’d been there the whole time. Reinis dashed into the bedroom and stopped in the doorway, a frown on his face, fists cocked on his hips.
Chapter 18
Sarma met his gaze. Her heart pounded. How much had he seen and heard? Of course, he didn’t miss a thing from outside the house. What would her excuse be if he asked about what she had been doing? She didn’t want to share her secret with him. Not this. This she’d have to do all on her own.
“You ready?”
She sat up, off the bed, and leaned over to put her shoes on. “I guess. How’s Auseklis?”
“He’s okay. Who were you talking to?”
“No one.” She laced up her boots and pulled on her parka. Temperatures outside already warranted warm clothes though she technically didn’t need them, cozy clothes were always a good thing.
He raised his eyebrows and adjusted Auseklis in his arms. “All right. Whatever you say. Let’s go. They are waiting.”
Her stomach tightened with guilt. She didn’t want to lie but he wouldn’t support her visiting with Gunita. Not after what Imants said. Together they headed out of the house and took the path that led toward House of the Black Swan’s elegant manor.
Inside, in the back of the main hall, all eight elders sat in a semi-circle before the silver Auseklis symbol inlaid on the marble floor. Sarma took her place before them, head down to show respect and submission. Reinis stood beside her, Auseklis wiggling in his arms.
“You may lift your heads. We called you here today for several reasons,” Aivars, the coven head addressed them, speaking in Latvian while Reinis translated. She still didn’t understand enough.
Darkness Born: Paranormal Vampire Romance (Immortal Desire Series Book 1.5) Page 8