Then Kate makes her way back into my memory, leaving me feeling guilty. I try to remind myself that our vows stated until death do us part, so technically, I’m a free man. So why do I feel like I’m cheating on her? I know it’s stupid, but I can’t get over it.
Minutes turn to hours and hours turn to days. Days turn to weeks. I work on myself every minute, always reminding myself to think of the future instead of the past. That’s hard to do when you’re trying to keep someone’s memory alive for the sake of your little girl. I have to learn to talk about her objectively. I tell Margo things about her mom, but I think of it as a history lesson. Like I’m talking about someone I didn’t personally know. I may as well be talking about George Washington. I try to remain detached. It’s the only way that I’ve found to work around it.
It’s late August now. It’s been more than a month since I last saw Violet and the urge to see her gets stronger every day. But I don’t want to go dragging Margo back into this, so after I drop her at daycare, I make the journey across town to the bakery. I walk in like usual, and the bell above the door rings.
“Just a sec!” she calls out from the back.
I walk up to the counter with my hands in my pockets, waiting.
The swinging door opens, and she comes rushing out. “How can I help?” she starts but then her eyes find mine, and the words fall from her lips. She mentally prepares herself. I can see it in the way she nods her head once and squares her shoulders, like she’s ready for whatever I can throw at her.
I offer up a friendly smile. “What’s going on, Violet?”
Her eyes widen in surprise. She looks around, then her eyes are right back on me. “Where’s Margo? Is she okay? Is she hurt or sick?”
“No, no,” I say, holding my hand up, palm facing her. “She’s fine. I signed her up for daycare a while back. I figured it would give me more time to work, and she would make some friends before school starts this fall.”
“Oh,” she says, body starting to relax. “That’s a good idea. How’s she liking it?”
I nod. “She really likes it. Every day, when I pick her up, she has some new story to tell me.”
She nods and pulls her eyes from mine.
“She really misses you.”
She looks up with a sad smile. “Well, tell her that I really miss her too.”
“I will,” I agree.
“So, what can I get ya? Coffee, breakfast?”
“I’ll have a cup of coffee and a glazed donut.” I wonder how in the hell I can bring this up.
She gets busy getting out my donut, which she puts in a small bag like it’s a takeout order and then she pours a cup of coffee into a paper cup. She sets both things down on the counter, then rings me up. “That’ll be four sixty-five.”
I hand over my card, and her hand lightly brushes against mine. I feel the shock race through me.
“Can we talk?” I ask as she’s handing the card back.
“Talk?” Her brows furrow together.
I nod. “About us?”
“Oh, you want to talk about us. Well, there’s not much to talk about. We haven’t been an us in…well, ever.”
“I know, and that’s what I want to talk about. Will you come over later? After Margo goes to bed. I really don’t want to drag her back into this if it can be avoided. Not until…not now, anyway,” I say, changing my mind. I was going to say not until we’re sure of our relationship, but I don’t know if she wants a relationship and I don’t want to count my eggs before they hatch.
“Um, I don’t know, Carson. I mean, is that a good idea? Being close to one another again? I mean, we couldn’t even handle that before.”
“I promise I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to. We’ll just sit out on the back deck, have a beer, and talk.”
She nods. “Okay. One drink.”
I show her my palms again. “One drink. That’s all,” I promise.
She nods.
“So, I’ll see you around nine? Just to make sure that Margo is good and asleep?”
“I’ll be there,” she agrees.
I nod and smile, taking my things and turning for the door. I pull it open but pause before stepping through it. “Oh, and Violet?”
She turns to face me.
“You look beautiful.”
She smiles but doesn’t reply. I can’t help but to notice how much more beautiful she looks today than before. Her long hair seems even more shiny, her skin slightly dewy. Her eyes are bright and wide, and she seems to have gained a few pounds, but all in the right areas. Her breasts and hips are more curvy now, and I can’t keep them off my mind as I make my way to the truck.
The rest of the day goes by slower than normal. Working on my boat keeps my mind off it for most of the day, but then I have to finish up and go pick up Margo. We come home, have dinner, play, and watch TV, then she goes for a bath and bed. She’s out by eight-thirty, and I take a quick shower in preparation for Violet. At nine on the dot, she’s knocking on the door.
I open it with a smile, happy that’s she’s finally arrived. “Hey, come in.”
“I hope I’m not too early,” she says, stepping into the foyer.
“No, not at all. Marg’s has been out for over a half hour already. Daycare really takes it out of her.” I lead the way into the living room and then to the kitchen. I reach into the fridge. “Beer?”
“No, I’ll just take a water if you have it.”
“Sure,” I say, grabbing a beer for myself and a bottle of water for her. “Don’t trust yourself to be drunk around me, huh?” I say in a teasing tone, but I can’t help but to think that’s what it is.
She laughs. “Something like that. The last couple of times we drank together, we ended up in bed. Maybe beer is the common denominator.”
I smile as I lead her out onto the back porch. We both take a seat. The nerves settle in.
She takes a drink of her water, then turns to look over at me. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
I look out over the lake instead of at her. I don’t know if I can bear to see the look on her face if she turns me down. “Well,” I start with a deep breath and then blurt out, “I miss you, Violet.” I turn to look at her, and her facial expression hasn’t changed. “I miss you and Margo misses you, and we both want you back in our lives.”
She shakes her head. “I miss you guys, too, but Carson, I can’t just be a bandage for the wounds your wife left. I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “That’s actually why I’ve waited so long to see you. I’ve been working on all that.”
I look over at her, but she waits.
“Look, I know I was using you before, and I know that because I was completely unwilling to give you any piece of myself in return. I was…being with you—for lack of a better word—and knew that it couldn’t go further than that. But this last month without you, it’s made me realize that I don’t want to live in the past anymore. Living here, with you, in the present, is better than living in the past. I’m ready now. If you’ll still have me. I want to be a friend to you, a boyfriend, a lover, someone you can fall back on and trust not to hurt you. I want to be anything you need.”
I look over and I can see the tears building up in her eyes, but they haven’t yet fallen. She’s not looking at me. She’s looking out over the dark lake, watching the soft waves and ripples. She takes a deep breath and I hold mine, not knowing what she’s going to say. Will she tell me it’s too late? Will she be happy that I’m finally here, with her? Finally, her eyes meet mine, and her lips part. “Does that include being a father?”
Eleven
Violet
His mouth is left hanging open from my question. He wasn’t prepared for that. But to be honest, neither was I when those two pink lines appeared before my eyes. I’d been safe, or at least, I thought I had. I’ve been on birth control pills since I was a teenager and never missed a day. I mean, I know it’s not one-hundred-percent effective, but I never thought it would
happen. I mean, what are the odds?
“You’re…You’re…”
I nod. “Pregnant. It’s okay. You can say it. It’s not a dirty word,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
He shakes his head and sits up, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don’t understand. How did this happen?”
I shrug. “I’ve been on birth control for years, but it’s not always effective, you know?”
“But we only had sex twice. I mean, what are the chances?”
I laugh. “Almost my exact words.”
I see how much he’s mentally panicking over this, so I lean forward and reach for him. My hand takes his. “Look, I know this is something that you’re probably not prepared for, and that’s okay. I’m not here to trick you or trap you into anything. It’s my mistake and I’ll handle it. It doesn’t have to change anything with us.” I stand up, ready to leave. He knows the secret I’ve been hiding away, and he needs time to process it like I’ve had.
As I’m walking past him, he catches my hand in his. “Where are you going?”
“I thought I’d leave you alone to process everything.”
He stands up, shaking his head. “I’ve had over a month to process all of this, Violet. I don’t want to let you walk away again, not knowing when I will see you again.” His hand comes up to cup my jaw. His eyes settle intently on mine, making the space between us grow heavy with anticipation.
“I don’t understand,” I whisper, losing myself in his dark eyes.
“You’re pregnant with my child,” he states.
I nod, trying to follow along.
“I told you I wanted to be with you. This pregnancy doesn’t change a thing. I still want you, Violet. I want all of you, that includes the baby you’re carrying.”
“You want to try…being together. Like really together?”
He doesn’t reply. He only leans down and brushes his lips against mine. The kiss starts out slow and sweet but quickly becomes heated and rushed. I give myself over to him, enjoying the way his body feels pressed against mine.
“Daddy?” Margo says, and the two of us quickly pull away. “Violet!” She comes running for me.
I pick her up in my arms.
“Why you kissing Daddy?” she asks, brows drawn together in confusion.
“Well, I like your daddy, and we’re going to see if we like being together for a while. Is that okay with you?”
She smiles wide and nods. “Does that mean you’re going to start coming over again?”
I laugh and so does Carson. “Yes, I’ll be over here all of the time. I’ve missed hanging out with you.”
“I miss you too.” She squeezes me into a tight hug.
“Come on, monster. Let’s get back in bed, and you can see Violet tomorrow,” Carson says, taking her from me.
She peeks at me from over his shoulder as he carries her away. Her little hand comes up and waves goodbye. I smile and wave back as I follow them into the house. I sit on the couch, waiting.
Carson is back within moments, and he comes to sit at my side. “Now, where were we?” He places his arm behind me on the couch and turns to face me, but I lean in and capture his lips with mine once again.
His hand comes up to cup my cheek, and he holds me against him, deepening the kiss. The next thing I know, I’m in his arms and being carried to the bedroom where we spend the rest of the night.
I wake early in the morning, and Carson gets up to show me to the door since I have to get to work. At the door, he pulls me back. “Promise that you’ll be back tonight. We’ll have dinner together again and talk some more.”
I smile and nod. “See you later.”
Work drags by. I have hopes of seeing him again. I try to think how our future could be. We not only have this extreme attraction, but we fall deeply in love. Margo would become the daughter I’ve always dreamed of. And then we’d have this little baby I’m carrying. I can see us living out a happy life, with all of us playing in the kitchen. I try out every one of new recipes on them. We’d get married, grow old together, watch the kids go off to college, and get our happily ever after. Maybe it’s silly for me to be thinking this way so soon, but I’ve always been a dreamer. It’s what keeps me going even on my worst days, that tomorrow will always be better.
I have an awkward conversation with Jane about why I’m wearing the same clothes two days in a row, but she’s happy, maybe even overly happy, about the turn of events. The moment I’m able to leave the bakery, I do. I go by my house, shower, dress, and get ready for the evening. While I’m home, I throw in a load of clothes to wash and take out the trash. Around five, I find myself unable to wait any longer, and I get in the car to make the drive over.
“Violet! Violet!” Margo says the moment I walk in the door. She comes running at me and throws her arms around my neck the moment I drop down to one knee to catch her. “I’m soooo glad you came back.”
“I told you I would,” I coo in her ear.
“Daddy is making spaghetti for dinner. I love sketti!”
I laugh. “Well, let’s go see if he needs a hand, huh?”
She releases me and takes my hand, pulling me into the kitchen. “Look who’s here!” she announces.
Carson turns around with a laugh. “How was your day?” he asks, leaning in for a kiss.
“Slow,” I confess.
“I’m making spaghetti, but feel free to put your magic touch on the sauce.” He gives me a blinding smile.
The three of us get busy with making dinner and then we all sit around the table, eating our spaghetti, salad, and garlic bread. Margo tells us about her day at daycare, and Carson and I talk about our days. I tell him about the bakery having a sudden rush on blueberry muffins that left me making more in the middle of the day, and he tells me about where he’s at on the boat process. I don’t understand much of it or the terms he uses, but I smile and nod along like I understand it all. He’s already planning on taking it out on the water soon to try it out, and Margo and I both volunteer to come along.
After dinner, Margo rushes upstairs to get her bath, and I help him clean up the kitchen. Then we crash on the couch to relax while Margo plays in front of us.
“Have you been to the doctor yet?”
I nod. “I’m due in April.”
He nods in acknowledgement. “And what are your plans?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, tilting my head.
“I mean, when you get to leave the hospital, will you be coming here or going home?”
“Oh, I guess I haven’t thought of that yet. It just feels too soon.”
“So, we fall into bed, create a baby, and now we’re taking it slow?” he asks around a smirk.
“You made a baby?” Margo yells, eyes wide with excitement.
Now she chooses to listen?
Violet and I look at one another, then back to Margo.
“Well, I guess the cat is out of the bag now,” I say.
Her eyes get bigger if possible. “And a cat?”
We all laugh. “No, honey, there is no cat, but you are going to be a big sister. What do you think of that?”
“Yay!” she yells around her giggles as she jumps and up down, unable to contain her excitement. She quickly runs around the coffee table to hug us both. “Does that mean that you’re getting married?” She smiles wide.
I laugh, but Carson picks her up, holding her up in the air. “One thing at a time, monster,” he tells her, lowering her to the floor to tickle her until she falls onto my lap.
After play time, Margo goes off to bed, leaving me and Carson alone for the first time today. I’m lying back on the couch, ready to fall asleep when he comes and sits down.
“You know, if you want to stay the night, I won’t argue.”
I smile. “Well, that’s good because I’m so tired I don’t know if I’d make it home.”
“Come on. Let’s go up to bed.” He stands and helps me to my feet. Quickly, he sweeps me up in his arms and carries me
up the stairs.
“I’m telling ya, this baby growing process wears you out.”
He chuckles. “I’ll just have to take your word for it.” He leans in and kisses my lips, then sets me softly in bed.
He helps to remove my shoes, and he pulls the blankets back enough that I can slide beneath them. When I’m lying down, he pulls them back up around me, tucking me in. He rips off his shirt and jeans and comes to lie at my side. He pushes his chest against my back, and his heat sinks into me, relaxing me. I drift into a deep sleep.
Time passes in funny ways sometimes. Sometimes, it’s slow and lagging, and seconds fel like minutes. Other times, it passes so quickly that if you aren’t careful, you won’t even notice the changing of the days. Before I know it, my belly is big and round, and the three of us have settled into a nice routine. While Carson and I have agreed to take things slow, I find myself staying at his place more than mine. Slowly but surely, more and more of my things get brought over, and we even start decorating a nursery for the baby. We paint the walls a light blue and decorate it with a nautical theme. There are fish painted on the walls along with big boat anchors. The carpet is a dark blue, and all the trim is a crisp white. The closet gets filled with clothing, and the diaper changing station gets stocked to the brim. Everything is falling together nicely, and I know there’s no point in pushing for anything because, with us, everything just falls into place. I don’t know when I’ll officially move in, or if/when Carson and I will ever tie the knot, but those aren’t the things that need worrying about. With us, it’s better just to buckle up and enjoy the ride because fate is going to take us wherever we’re supposed to be anyway.
Epilogue
Carson-Five Months Later…
Grand Lake Colorado Series: A Complete Small Town Contemporary Romance Collection Page 34