This was the part where I was supposed to be sensitive or take some pity on her. I planned to, just in a more professional way that would help her. Tough love.
“It’s all a blank slate to me, Dr. Taylor. Your reasons for your year out are your own and best left outside by the door. I assume you’re here because you feel you can do this?”
She looked completely surprised by my answer. “Yes, of course.”
“Well in my book that tells me I treat you the same way I would any of my other mentees who fuck around and piss me off.”
There was the line, and I’d just clarified how we’d proceed going forward.
Sensitivity was me coming to my office in anticipation of her visit. Sympathy was me letting her off for this morning or going easy on her because I was told I may have to be sensitive.
Sympathy from me was one sure way to defeat the purpose of all that a residency stood for. It was supposed to be hard for a reason and tough to give you thick skin. Even in my lackadaisical years I’d known that.
The whole medical profession and studies was tough. It was the survival of the fittest. Sympathy wouldn’t do her any favors. It didn’t do me any, not that I deserved it.
“You need to be here by five a.m. sharp.”
Her brows raised. “Five? I thought the morning meetings started at seven.”
“They do. I’ve made it easier on my group by adding in the extra hours into your study that will be required for your research. I don’t want it to interfere with your practical work and your time with your patients. At five we will meet in the library and take it from there. Expect to be here up to eighty hours per week. Can’t hack it? You know where the door is.”
I gave her a pointed stare. She nodded and pressed her lips together.
“Okay. I got it. I got it,” she answered.
Her facial expression made it pretty clear that she totally thought I was a prick with no compassion.
“Good.” I went back to my desk and sat in the soft leatherback office chair. The gesture was meant to dismiss her. She stayed where she was for a few seconds longer, then left.
I released a sigh and stared at the door in her wake.
I had to admit, this guy I’d become felt like a mask. Like I’d slipped into a mask that suffocated my personality. But it was for the best because the last time I allowed myself to be me I nearly lost everything I worked so hard for.
These days I was exerting better wisdom .
I learned my lesson well and wouldn’t make the same mistake twice, no matter how beautiful and interesting Dr. Paige Taylor was.
Chapter 4
Paige
It was ten o’clock when I got home. I was supposed to be up for work at five a.m.
I’d thought the seven a.m. start and late shifts during my internship were bad enough. No way was today a get-to-know-you sort of day, and what lay ahead did not look pretty, or anything like what Kelly said it was going to be. This was just orientation week and I felt like this.
The official start was Monday and the whole year felt like it was going to be hell. With Ryan acting like the devil it definitely enhanced that hellish feeling, and the feeling that I’d hit the proverbial stumbling block. I felt like it didn’t matter what I did, there would always be something wrong.
I couldn’t believe Ryan was the same guy from last night. It was as if I was talking to two different people. It was probably how people used to feel when they got me and Lizzie mixed up. Our personality differences would always throw people when they spoke to us.
I saw Ryan again at the end of the day for the end-of-shift huddle and he was definitely in military mode. He gave a whole speech then cautioned about lateness, specifically looking at me.
Now I was so tired. It was the longest day I’d had in a long time.
I’d gotten five patients with heart disease. Each of them were scheduled for surgery over the next two weeks. Today was about introductory and going through their care plans. Each person took just over an hour. It was nice to get back into the swing of things, but I’d forgotten how draining it could all be.
This year was exciting for the fact that I would have more patient involvement and get the chance to go into live surgery. I’d mostly be watching and assisting the certified surgeons and consultants with various procedures. It would be awhile until I was certified to perform any procedures and assisting would probably be something as simple as handling tools and monitoring the patients during surgery, but it was a big deal for me.
Essentially, this was the year when shit got real. A complete opposite to my internship, which was mainly floor work with the patients. This year I’d actually be doing more practical on-the-job work a surgeon would do.
As I marched into the living room, Kelly came out from the kitchen. She was dressed in a pink fluffy dressing gown. In her hands was a tub of Ben and Jerry’s.
“Paige, how are you?” she gushed. “You look so stressed.”
I frowned when I noticed her skin had that glowy look about it like she’d had a facial.
Today was shit but I knew two things for certain. The first was I hadn’t seen Kelly all day, and the other thing was all second-year residents I did see looked just as stressed out as me.
Kelly looked like she’d either given herself a facial and lounged around the house all day doing nothing, or like she’d been to the spa.
“Kelly…” I snapped, sounding like I was growling.
She smiled. “What?”
I marched up to her, set my bag on the floor, and placed my hands on my hips.
“You didn’t go in today, did you?” I narrowed my eyes at her and she winced.
“Oh Paige, I was wasted. Completely wiped out.”
“Oh my God Kelly, you just missed the first day, just like that.”
“I called in. I said it looked like I had a stomach bug, so I got tomorrow off too.” She looked proud of herself.
I was not impressed. “Good for you, so I’ll bet you spent the day frolicking and doing who knows what with that man I saw you with.”
A mingle of guilt and mischief washed over her face. “Oh Paige, he was so hot! I couldn’t say no.”
I rolled my eyes. “Where did you even find him? We came home. The both of us.”
“And we drank the wine. You fell asleep in the kitchen so I went out for cheese balls and saw Mr. Hotness in the same aisle.” She giggled.
“Oh Kelly.” I didn’t know what more to say. That was her normal. I hadn’t lived with her since we were interns, but back then she wasn’t this bad. Wild, but not like this. That was probably because she had a boyfriend.
Last year I went back to live with my parents.
I must have just forgotten how crazy Kelly could be, thought that was the least of my worries. Earlier it dawned on me that last night she must have seen Ryan and known who he was. She’d had a whole year here without me. There was no way she wouldn’t know him because in my extensive reading today and getting to know who was who, I’d found out he was the son of James Dawson—as in the head of the hospital board, medical director, and governor of the college program.
He signed off on our acceptances to the program, our contracts, and at the end—if we made it—his signature would be on my license and certificate.
That was how important the man was. There was no way Miss Kelly, the woman of popularity and gossip, wouldn’t know who his son was. And any woman with eyes would have known him anyway, because as prickish as he was, he was hot.
An arrogant prick of an asshole who was hot, and that part distracted the hell out of me.
“Kelly, why in the ever living fuck didn’t you give me a heads up last night when you saw me talking to Ryan Dawson?”
Her eyes widened and her hands flew up to her cheeks. “Christ, was he there? Oh my gosh was that actually him?”
“Yes. Didn’t you see?”
“I saw a guy and he looked hot. I’m so s
orry, I didn’t know that was him. Was he the guy you actually asked what his favorite sexual position was?”
At least she looked serious now.
“Yes, and guess what? The man is my mentor.”
Her mouth dropped and I could see her trying to keep a straight face for all of two seconds, then she burst out laughing. “Oh Paige, this is unreal. I’m so sorry. I’ll tell you what, keep the car. You earned it.”
I would have rejoiced on the regular but I would have actually preferred a time machine or some kind of spell that would have helped me to either erase last night or go warn my stupid self to say no to Kelly’s dare. To everything.
“Kelly, I can’t keep a Ferrari. Damage is already done because the man hates me. I was super late this morning by hours.”
“My God, that wouldn’t have been good at all. This year is his first as mentor. There was a juicy scandal last year about him that rocked the whole hospital. I don’t even know how he got a mentorship but hey, I guess that was his father’s doing.”
My interest piqued. “What kind of scandal?” It was hard for me to imagine Mr. Bug Up His Ass with any kind of scandal, and a juicy one at that.
Kelly gave me a mischievous smile. “If you ask me, the man is a sex addict. One masked in scrubs. He’s calmed down tons but that’s because he had to. In my group last year was a girl called Celina. She had the major hots for him. They got together, he dumped her, and she accused him of raping her at our friend’s party.”
My mouth fell open. I didn’t know how it didn’t hit the floor and shatter. “You’re kidding! Are you sure we’re talking about the same person?”
“One and the same, except she lied. She lied big time about the whole thing. He was cleared of all charges. But just imagine what something like that could do to a person. He definitely got around, and I get that she was hurt from being ditched, but what she did was well below the belt. She didn’t just want to get him back, she wanted to destroy him.”
Wow, that was a lot to take in. “What happened after that?”
“She was suspended and he hit her with a defamation lawsuit. I believe she has to work for the next five years to pay it all off.”
“Geez, that’s a long time. No wonder he was awful.”
“Well, I guess. There’s no specifics, but I guess Daddy Dearest laid down the law on him real good. He might have been innocent and everything with Celina but that didn’t excuse his other behavior. I knew about him even before I set foot on site for the first day. The thing about him is he’s practically a genius. He did this radiation therapy research that was featured in all these top journals and got people talking big time in the medical world. I think that is why he is where he is today. What was he like when you spoke to him last night?”
I sighed with frustration. “Nice, really nice.”
“You liked him?” she teased with a saucy laugh.
“I liked the look of him. He’s gorgeous, that is all. Just a great package with shit inside. The man hates me. My whole day was absolute hell and stressful.”
She stopped laughing now and offered a look of sympathy. She came closer and rested her hand on my shoulder.
“Paige are you stressed? You’re kind of supposed to avoid stress. Your mom made me promise that if it got to be too much for you, I should do something. You’re the kind of person who keeps going and never talks about how you feel.”
I pulled in a deep breath. “The truth is yes, I’m stressed out, but a residency isn’t supposed to be a walk in the park.”
I wouldn’t forget Ryan’s comments and questions today about me being there. I thought he was a little cold at the time but he was right to be that way. I couldn’t have people feel sorry for me just because they knew what I’d been through.
After he threw me out of the lecture hall I went to the human resources department and was able to speak to a lady who did have some sympathy when she went over my files. It was her who told me I had to speak to Ryan to get my personalized plans, and I nearly died when I saw all he had planned for me.
The lady showed sympathy and that was fine because that was her job.
My mentor though, no, and I didn’t expect to get any sort of understanding that I’d come a long way in the last year. I’d survived an accident that could have taken my life, and I overcame severe anxiety. All so I could catch up and put things back on track.
“It’s not a walk in the park, Paige, but you have to take care of yourself. This is day one. Remember that. I know you think I don’t take anything seriously but I do, I just look after myself first. You have to know when to put up that wall of protection. Know when to have some down time. Yes, my absence today was self-inflicted and yes shame on me, but with my two days off think of how invigorated I’ll be come Thursday when I go in.”
As annoyed at her as I was I had to agree she made sense. The point was I needed to push myself but not over my limit. What I didn’t know was when I would need to pull out that wall to protect myself.
“Okay, I’ll be mindful of stress,” I agreed.
“Good. Come on, I made dinner.” She linked her arm with mine and ushered me into the kitchen where I sat and she served me a mean-looking slice of lasagna.
That was my favorite.
“Thanks. This is perfect.” It helped to chill me out. If only for a few hours. It gave me the energy I didn’t realize I would need until I got to the library the next morning at five a.m.
***
Ryan was at the entrance handing out more work. He had a stack of gray foolscap folders which he handed to each member of our group.
I looked in mine and saw it was a reading list of medical journals and research papers.
There were over a hundred of them on the list. Today was Wednesday and he wanted us to read all of them by Friday. Then he wanted a ten thousand-word disquisition for our proposed research handed in to him by Monday morning.
I looked from the list to him and found myself becoming angry. He caught my eye the same way he did at the bar, except this time I was glowering and glaring. Not giving him the look of admiration I had that night.
This was an outrage! I didn’t even go through this type of shit in college, and I went to Stanford. It was tough but I made it good enough for me to continue here.
I was supposed to do all of this and work too?
It was too much, and I felt desperately that I needed that wall Kelly spoke about. I just had the feeling that any kind of wall or defiance would be to my detriment.
Chapter 5
Ryan
“How is it going?” Dad asked.
“Good, really good,” I answered, straightening up in my chair.
He templed his fingers and rested his elbows on the large mahogany desk.
I always thought he looked more like a judge sitting behind that desk of his.
He certainly looked like it when he cast his judgement on me last year, and it felt like it was being issued with a death sentence.
It was the moment when I realized how badly I wanted to be a surgeon, and not just any old surgeon. In the moment my father gave me the ultimatum I saw what I wanted most flash before my eyes and that was to be the best I could be. A better version of myself.
Dad gave me a pensive yet tentative stare. “Really good is always great. But I’ve had two requests for transfers to another mentor group.” He raised a brow.
I wondered who they were from. Secretly I hoped one was from Paige because I knew she hated me the most.
“Who?”
“Doctor Doran, and Knight,” Dad answered. “Think your program may be a little too rigorous for this section of their training?”
“No, if they can’t hack it they know what to do.” I nodded, surprising my father. “Everyone else is managing.”
I knew that was a lie. They weren’t actually managing. They were coping because they had to. But I had a method to my madness.
Dad actually chuckle
d. “Son, I’m told your team are pulling all-nighters here.”
I raised my shoulders into a shrug. “Dad, I know I wasn’t the best intern and most of my residency was a joke. But what I remembered was this: things were harder when I left too late, and I had a different experience. We have a lot of research and knowledge here that I want them to be aware of. They’ll be going into any number of possibilities and the more you know the better you’ll be. They can only do that by following the program I set out.”
I was pleased to see he was hanging on to my words. He ran his hand over his salt and pepper beard and pride lit up his eyes as he nodded.
“I agree and I’m happy with this. I won’t grant the transfers. If you feel that they need to continue on the plan you have for them then that’s great. I just…wanted to make sure this wasn’t some sort of overkill to show me how serious you are.”
I sighed. “It’s not.”
It wasn’t, although it might have seemed that way.
This was two weeks into the start of the training year. I’d had my group for two whole weeks and from what I knew of them I could surmise that they wanted to do well. My schedule might be overkill but I was sure it would be for their benefit.
Dad had scheduled this type of bi-monthly catch-up meeting so he could talk out any issues with me and, I suppose, follow up on my supervision.
“Any other matters you want to talk about?” he asked.
“No, there’s nothing more. I’m certain Dr. Barry would have given you a full report on my behavior. Two weeks in and I managed to keep my pants on.” I smirked.
That sounded a little sarcastic but I couldn’t help it. It was the result of knowing I was being watched and not just for my work.
Dad looked uneasy. “Ryan that’s not fair.”
I gave him a tight-lipped smile. “I know. I do know. I guess it just gets to me when I see him watching to make sure I don’t get close to anyone.”
“Ryan, this is a very sensitive situation and my threats on your job and career were the only things I could do to contain you. I’m a very important man here at the hospital, and the university at large. Over the years I’ve done my best to fix what I could and I fear that only made you worse. You knew I would be there to fix the situation. Then it got bad, really bad. We accept that people form relationships. You work close together, and you see each other all the time. It happens a lot. That was never the problem with you. We only step in when it’s with line management because of various risks, and even then we simply remove the person from that line of management. None of those scenarios occurred with you Ryan. ” He pulled in a deep breath. “None of the women you involved yourself with were anything close to a girlfriend. You were actually worse than you were in high school. There has to be a point when someone takes a stand and issues discipline. That person is me.”
Dr Dawson Page 3