“Last night happened, but it was a combo of everything. If you take away that night at the bar, there was still the attentive way he looked after me after my panic attacks. There’s still the way he invited me to the bar to play pool and how we connected there. There’s still the kissing that led to last night. The first night was just one thing. One thing to add to a course of events that led me here.”
She pressed her lips together and gave me a tentative stare. “What do you want to do Paige?”
Ryan had told me that wanting me was the problem. I wasn’t so sure it was the only problem and I couldn’t base my decisions off that or what happened last night.
Despite my want for him, I had to think of my career too.
“I think from his absence today, it might be an idea to transfer to a different mentor group. If he doesn’t want to be with me, I really don’t think I can work with him. I can’t look at him every day and try to forget what we did, and how I felt. Out of sight out of mind.”
She nodded at that, agreeing. “Yes…I think I would do the same thing. I would. I don’t think I could just continue to work and act like nothing happened if I were you. However, I think you should talk to him. Talk to him first. Take away the part about him not being here today and talk to him, get the full story if there is one, but yes, look after you too. If he’s just running out on you, leaving you hanging and thinking you’re just some fling to pass the time with, that is not on you at all. Not by a damn long shot, and definitely not on my watch.”
Talk to him then. Sure, I would do that.
***
It was like déjà vu.
I found myself going through the motions of yesterday. Get up at four thirty in the morning, get dressed, and head out to work.
Like yesterday, he wasn’t in the library with the group. I didn’t, however, allow myself to crumble at that.
I did my studies and the research I planned.
I did crumble though when he came into the lecture hall for the morning huddle and never once looked at me. Not even a glance in my direction. That just infuriated me. When he said he wanted to reschedule the lecture for this afternoon so we could spend a longer time with our patients, I decided I wasn’t going to do that.
He left the hall walking the way he would to his office and I followed.
He got to his office before me and must have been inside for a minute before I knocked on the door.
“Come in,” he called out.
I pushed the door open and when he saw it was me he straightened instantly in his chair.
I went in and closed the door behind me.
“Paige—” he began. I didn’t allow him to finish. I held up my hand cutting him off like I did the other night.
There was no explanation necessary at all because I knew what was going on here. He’d avoided me through the whole class. Doing the standard shit I saw some assholes do to women, by acting like nothing happened. Well, he wouldn’t be doing that to me.
“Don’t bother,” I told him with a wave of my hand. “We’re good here. I want to be transferred to another mentor group.” There, I said it. As bad as I felt saying it, I said it and it felt like the thing I should do.
He stood up and walked over to me, stopping a breath away with his lips parted.
Confliction was what I saw all over his face. It pinched between his dark brows. It made the muscle in his clenched jaw spasm, and it flared deep in his eyes.
It was there in his beautifully sculpted lips, taunting me. Those lips that kissed me all over every inch of my body, making me come alive.
I stepped backward. He was too close and I couldn’t stand it. It was all there in his eyes. Everything and more as he stepped closer.
He reached out to touch my face and tipped my chin with his fingers.
Now was the time to flee. Now…
Time to run away. To stick to my guns and take charge of my emotions. Except I couldn’t. I couldn’t move.
The mere touch of his fingers sealed me to the spot. The mere touch sent a shiver of delight through my soul and my body remembered how it felt when I was with him.
The crackle of energy that passed between us grew hot and carnal and like a mindless puppet I moved to him too as he lowered to my lips.
This kiss felt different to all the others. Something primitive took over with such a force that it sent a sexual jolt of energy that rocked me to the bone. It made me want to give in and do nothing more than satisfy the wild sexual hunger that took me. Sexual excitement poured into my stomach and rippled through my being taking me right back to that state of mindlessness where all that filled my world was him.
Before I knew it we were tearing at each other’s clothes again. Tearing away until we were both naked and he had me pinned against the wall.
With a growl he flipped me around to face the wall. I just heard the faint sound of a condom wrapper being torn open then he gripped my hips. The broad hot head of his cock teased over my slick, swollen folds and he thrust in. He thrust right in, sinking deep as he pierced me to the hilt.
Fuck. I couldn’t catch my breath. Again it was too much. Like emotion overload.
My hair fell forwards over my face and I grasped on to the wall coming away with nothing as he started pounding into me.
The furious thrusts of his hips splintered the pleasure that shot through me, feeding the wild hunger that made me crave him.
I met his driving rhythm, beat for beat, moaning as he sped up. Soon he was rutting into me like an animal, fucking me hard.
Heat flooded my insides and the sizzling sensation of him sent me over the edge, falling into pleasure’s arms.
It was just like the other night. Like each time and different for the way we came. That heat would get hotter, almost unbearable, and then it would scorch him too.
It made him go faster. The signal was the tightening of his grip on my hips and the tension in my core pulsing around the length of his cock. Another greedy orgasm came and took us with it, leaving us crying out from the sensation.
Crying out and forgetting where we were.
It was only after his pumps stilled and he rested his arm just above my head that I remembered we were in his office with the door closed, but not locked. But never mind that part.
We had bigger problems. The walls were thin and definitely not designed for wild sex that left you crying out with the pleasure.
The thin walls with the chance of someone hearing us was one problem. The door unlocked and someone coming in was another problem we could still have.
All that aside, reality crept in again, rearing its ugly head and asking me what I was doing.
What did I just do? What the fuck did I just do? Didn’t I come down here to tell him I didn’t care and I wanted to transfer to another mentor group?
So, how did I end up naked, pressed against the wall having wild sex with him?
And, at work?
He pulled out and in true the universe was screwing with me style the phone on his desk rang, cutting off anything he planned to say to me.
It was fine. The universe could screw with me all it wanted and make me wait to hear him say he didn’t want to be with me.
I wouldn’t be waiting for it. While he dragged on his boxers and answered the phone I practically threw on my clothes and left.
He called for me but I didn’t stop.
I just kept going, pretty sure now that something more than panic attacks was wrong with me.
The accident took my sense of reasoning along with it too.
Chapter 15
Ryan
Holy fucking hell.
I’d lost my damn mind. I was in this state of flux that saw me doing what I wanted to do and not what I should do.
Yesterday when I woke up in Paige’s bed I wanted nothing more than to watch her wake up in the sunlight. Watch her wake and be with her one last time before leaving properly.
I could have done it that way. But I didn’t know what I was doing. I left because I knew me being with her was trouble. It was big trouble I wasn’t sure I could handle.
It was fucking trouble because I knew the one night wouldn’t be enough. In the seconds before I decided to leave her bed I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the woman had made a lasting impression on me in the short space of time that I’d known her, and I wanted more. I wanted her and I wanted more.
Much more.
Just now was a result of my deep, internal desire for her. It was my body calling for her, needing and wanting her.
I wouldn’t have answered the phone but knew it was Dad. He was the only one who called the office phone. Everyone else either paged me or called me on my cell.
Dad called the office phone when at work and he wouldn’t normally call for any old thing. He called asking to see me, asking if I could come by his office.
I met Cole at the door to Dad’s office. It looked like he was waiting for me and he didn’t have that smug expression he usually had when he saw me.
“Hey come here,” he said and caught my arm before I could give an answer.
He hustled me over to the corner. It was like back when we were kids and I was much shorter and weaker than him.
He used to either grab my arm like that or my ear.
“What is it?” I asked him.
“Ryan, tell me you’re not seeing that blonde girl from your group.” He spoke low for my ears only.
Should I say no? I should because technically I wasn’t seeing Paige. We’d just slept together. Several times.
“Why are you asking me that?” I shot back choosing to neither confirm nor deny it.
“Look bro, consider this a damn heads up. Dad wants to see you because he suspects something.”
“I haven’t given him any reason to suspect anything.”
“Barry’s been watching you with her. Then I just saw her running from your office not even five minutes ago looking flustered.”
Fuck. This was too much. “You assume that from…” My voice trailed off. I couldn’t lie. I couldn’t even cover my ass.
“Ryan what the hell are you doing? What the fuck are you doing man? You know what’s at stake here if Dad catches you screwing around, and God with one of your mentees?”
I sighed in frustrated. “I’m not doing anything wrong.”
“Jesus, Ryan…you might not be but last year took its toll on all of us, especially Dad, because he went through hell with the board to keep you working here. All because you can’t keep your dick in your pants. Always chasing pussy. It’s the same with this one.”
I didn’t know what the hell came over me but I shoved him hard in his chest and almost made him fall over.
“She’s not the same,” I snapped. “She’s not the fucking same.” She wasn’t and I didn’t know what that meant for me but it was the truth. Paige wasn’t the same as anyone, and I wished that having a taste of her once could have satisfied me.
He looked at me shocked and balled his fists like he was going to punch me. Only, he didn’t. Instead he gritted his teeth and got in my face.
“Ryan, you fucking prick. I hope you know what you’re doing. Look…whatever it is, don’t do it at work. You’re being watched and not in a good way. That is my warning, and as your brother I’m telling you to watch your damn back.” He moved away eyeing me dangerously.
I watched him go back out to the reception area and disappear around the corridor.
Turning back down the path leading to Dad’s office, I frowned. I couldn’t believe that prick Barry. I knew he had it in for me. It just made it worse that I knew it now. It was confirmation. I hadn’t treated Paige in any obvious way that showed my interest in her so this was all bullshit. Definitely unfair bullshit.
When I went into Dad’s office and saw his face I knew Dr. Barry must have embellished all manner of things to make me look bad.
“Morning Dad.” I thought I’d be cordial and act nonchalant despite what Cole said.
“Morning, take a seat,” he answered. The warmth he showed the last time I was in this office was absent today.
“Is everything okay?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing.” He sat forward, rested his elbows on the table, and steepled his fingers. The expression on his face was pensive, the look in his eyes was worry mingled with a flash of anger. I knew this man so well that I knew when he was actually furious and when he was holding back.
What the hell had Dr. Barry told him?
“Everything is fine. Everything is going fine.”
“Ryan, Dr. Barry came to speak with me last week and again this morning. I understand you weren’t in yesterday. He expressed some concerns over a young woman in your mentor group. Dr. Paige Taylor. He said you two seemed close, very close. Of course I wanted to ask you about this to get your take on what’s happening.”
As I looked at him I couldn’t help but recall Ben’s words only weeks ago. I remembered now because this was an example of how right he was. My best friend was completely correct in his analysis of the potential problems I’d face with Dad’s ultimatum. Here I was experiencing it. Didn’t matter if it was Paige or another woman at the hospital, I basically wasn’t allowed to have any form of relationship with any woman here.
The relationship at work policy did not apply to me. What I had was my own policy laid down by Dad.
“What do you want me to say Dad? I haven’t treated Dr. Taylor any different from my other mentees.”
“He seems to think you have, that you are. He thinks something’s going on between you two.”
I smirked. “Dad, this is ridiculous. This is an outrage. I get it that I got the ultimatum to shape up, and I have, but even you can’t agree that it’s reasonable for you to have such control over me. I’m a grown man and I have whipped myself in shape over the last year. I learned my lesson from something I was accused of doing and found innocent. That you think you can do this is complete bullshit.”
He gave me a long hard stare and sighed. “Ryan look…the situation last year was bigger than you think. The board wanted you gone. Dr. Barry is on that board. When it came to it, it was your research and what it’s helped us achieve that saved you. It was the only thing I could argue and make them see the value of having you here.”
I leaned back against the chair and gave him a full on stare. “So it’s better to control me?”
“Ryan my name is at stake here. I don’t want a repeat of last year.”
“This feels like you’re just looking for a reason to get rid of me.”
“I’m not. But if I’m pushed I’ll do it,” he threatened.
I stood up deciding I’d had enough of this. “Dad I really don’t know what the hell to say to you.”
I didn’t have a damn leg to stand on. Nothing. I had nothing.
“Ryan, all you need to do is watch yourself. Just watch how you interact with people, with her.”
I didn’t answer because he wouldn’t have liked the answer I would have given. He would have fired me on the spot if he knew that I’d slept with her already and did it again not even half an hour ago.
My eyes were open now and the way I saw it I could either run, scared of what would happen to me, or lose Paige. That was what could happen.
I didn’t want to lose my job and all that I worked for, but being without her was something I didn’t think I could do either.
She wanted to transfer to another mentor group. Maybe I should let her.
Would it fix it though? Would that be better if we didn’t see each other as much as we did?
I couldn’t see that happening.
I stood up and he looked at me like he wanted to say more but held back.
Without another word I left him gazing on at me with that worry I’d seen too many times in my life. Worry over what I would do.
I was sick of understanding why I was b
eing treated like a criminal who’d been given a second chance.
I left him and I looked for Paige everywhere but couldn’t find her. I even found her friend, Kelly, hoping she’d know where she was but she didn’t, and Paige apparently wasn’t answering her phone. I had her number but never used it. I was certain if I called her now I’d get the same as Kelly.
When I got desperate I went to her house but either she was there and not answering the door, or just not there.
It wasn’t until I’d given up and night had fallen that I found her. I found her in the least likely of places I’d expected and not all that far from me.
I only happened to venture down to the cadaver lab to book it out for tomorrow. I found Paige standing in the corridor, several paces away from the door.
It was where she’d stopped the other week, when she stopped and told me she couldn’t continue.
She stood there now by herself looking on at the open door. Inside I could see a few lab techs and two doctors. I couldn’t see any of the bodies though. Not from here.
Paige stood ahead of me, rigid and tense. I couldn’t see her face but I could sense the contemplation.
She took one step forward, then another, and stopped. I could see her hands shaking.
We hadn’t been here in weeks. It was brave of her to come back and face her fears.
Another step and another made her hands shake some more. She almost got to the door when she stopped and took some deep breaths.
I wanted to leave her to do it on her own, just to see what would happen.
Just to see if she could do it by herself.
My heart sank when she looked like she was going to turn back. When she backed away I moved to her and she backed right into me. The contact made her jump, startled. I steadied her and she looked at me with that same fear she exhibited the last time we were here.
“You can do it Paige. You can. Just think of why you want to,” I told her, loving the feel of her in my arms. Loving the twinkle in her eyes that sparkled even more as she looked at me.
“Why I want to?”
“Yes, why did you come here?”
Dr Dawson Page 10