The Diary: A Pride and Prejudice Variation

by Kate Speck

  They heard the dance end and people beginning to move to the dining room. He let her go quickly and reached into his pocket to pull out something small and placed it into her palm and wrapped her fingers around it. “Send your letter and continue to write to Darcy House in Mayfair with this stamp and your letters will be delivered to us with the utmost priority. If you are ever in need of anything and come to London, show this to my butler and you will be granted entrance to my home no matter the hour. You are... you are very dear to me, Elizabeth, and I will be able to explain all someday, but I only beg for your patience. I cannot say more at this time and I am sorry.” He kissed her cheek with the lightest of touch and disappeared into the crowd of people.

  Elizabeth opened her hand to see a small pouch and opened it curiously. It contained a heavy stamp made of solid gold, with a beautifully bejewelled handle and a large ruby on the top, and she turned it to see that the emblem was the same as the seal on Mr. Darcy’s letter to ‘Anne’, which was identical to the emblem on his pocket watch. She knew this to be of extremely high value and an heirloom, based on the history of the design and what appeared to be rows of emeralds and sapphires on the handle, and wondered how it was that the Darcy Family had attained such an exquisite item and that Mr. Darcy was using it for his correspondences instead of it belonging in a museum.

  She now understood that Mr. Darcy cared for her and she was at least confirmed in their friendship, if this could be called so, but she could not forget the wrongs he had committed against Mrs. Younge, and even if a villain, Mr. Wickham’s past about Mr. Darcy’s father’s wishes being disregarded could not be readily forgiven. As much as she found him enthralling, Mr. Darcy was still the proud, dictatorial master who believed himself to be superior over everyone he knew.

  Elizabeth sighed deeply, feeling despondent for the loss of the gentleman’s company even if she had attempted to dislike him. After placing the stamp and the letter into her reticule, she returned indoors to join her family for supper, with Mr. Darcy nowhere to be found but thankful that Mr. Collins was sitting with Charlotte and Sir William in the far distance.

  She turned her attention to her sisters and proudly beamed to see Mary performing two light pieces on the pianoforte that she had helped her choose, and to see Jane’s countenance shine with Mr. Bingley’s full attention during the meal, noting that the gentleman was holding her sister’s hand under the table and Elizabeth knew they were madly in love.

  She danced the rest of the sets with many gentlemen and officers to attempt to enjoy the remainder of the evening without a certain gentleman in sight, of which she failed continuously, as she could not get his intense eyes from her memory and wondered what in the world was happening in his life.

  ~*~

  The day after the Netherfield Ball was filled with exasperation for Elizabeth. After writing in her journal late last night, or rather early that morning, and her diary finally responding to communicate with her after such a lengthy silence, only to write, ‘Refuse him’ and then disappearing again, Elizabeth groaned as Mr. Collins asked for a private audience, to which the family begrudgingly obliged.

  The senseless man asked for her hand in marriage after exuding all of his proper qualifications of becoming her husband and how pleased his patroness would be with his choice. He continued on for another quarter hour, that she was severely lacking in her future aspects without a large dowry or connections, even if Mr. Darcy had danced with her out of sympathy due to his infinite generosity for Mr. Bingley’s friendship with Jane, and that any reproach of her poverty would never pass his lips again once they were married. After declining him for the third time and her mother pressing her once more to make certain she understood what she was giving up, Mr. Bennet was able to convince his distant cousin to call on Miss Charlotte Lucas, who would be far better matched to be a wife of a parson, since that pair appeared very well together during their dances the evening prior.

  The day was made worse when Jane received a letter from Miss Bingley that Mr. Darcy had promptly departed that morning to see to his businesses as expected and that Mr. Bingley had cause to travel to London with him and did not know when he would return. She had written that since the ladies had wished to be in dear Miss Darcy’s company once again and that they could see themselves calling the amicable lady ‘sister’ in the future with Mr. Bingley’s natural affections for Georgiana Darcy, Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst had decided to close up Netherfield to join their brother in town, likely to spend Christmas with the Darcys and uncertain when they would return to the small town in Hertfordshire.

  Elizabeth was furious on Jane’s behalf, blaming Mr. Darcy’s arrogance in pulling his friend from her sister’s side and confident that the proud man must have considered her family to be too low for Mr. Bingley to connect himself with such a lady. Jane seemed unmoved though, commenting only in return that it must all be a misunderstanding and that as she was planning on going to London after Christmas to stay with the Gardiners as previously arranged, that she would call on Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley to continue their friendship. She appeared undaunted and remained calm, repeating several times that all would be well.

  Elizabeth’s only reprieve was that three days after Mr. Collins proposed to her, he announced his undying love for Charlotte Lucas and became engaged to her dear friend that very day. She was disappointed with Charlotte’s choice of husband but since she had only wished to find a respectable man to marry and was sincerely happy with her engagement, and Elizabeth could do naught but celebrate and promise to visit Hunsford in the spring to see her friend’s new home.

  Jane and Elizabeth were both invited to Gracechurch Street after Christmas and Elizabeth hoped to catch a glimpse of Georgiana or at least her brother, so that she could hug the former and give a good slap to the latter.

  ~*~

  The stamp that Mr. Darcy gave her indeed seemed to have magical powers, as after Georgiana’s letter was delivered to Longbourn by a private courier two days after the ball, and whatever Elizabeth sent to Darcy House by regular post with the stamp, a reply from her young friend was hand-delivered by a well-dressed messenger within a few days of sending it. Georgiana was an excellent correspondent and wrote regularly, and although describing that she was not in London and could not reveal her location, that Elizabeth’s letters were forwarded to her with haste and filled her reply with what books she was reading and lessons she learned from her new companion named Mrs. Annesley. She wrote nothing of her brother or his whereabouts and Elizabeth awoke every morning, after dreaming that Mr. Darcy had nearly kissed her lips, finally admitting to herself that she had fallen in love with the horrid gentleman and could not forgive herself for desiring such a man, not comprehending how her own heart could betray her mind.

  Chapter 14

  It was now January and Jane and Elizabeth were packing to travel to London the next morning with the Gardiners who had been visiting Longbourn for Christmastime.

  “Lizzy,” Jane carefully approached her sister before bedtime, “I have something to confess to you and I hope you will not become angry with me. I was permitted to share with you at last and I had been sworn to secrecy all this time. Papa knows already, as he had given his blessing... I am... I am engaged to Mr. Bingley.”

  Elizabeth’s stood with her mouth agape and Jane continued with a soft smile. “Mr. Bingley secretly proposed to me at the Netherfield Ball and I had accepted him then but could not tell you, because he said that it was vital that it remained unknown until after the new year when certain events were to have taken place. Since we will be departing for London tomorrow with Uncle and Aunt, I will be able to see him again and papa will be letting mama know as soon as we leave so that Aunt Madeline can see to my trousseau.” She rubbed her sister’s arms, “I hope you are not angry with me for keeping such a secret. I had begged Charles but he said no one but papa could know.”

  “But Miss Bingley’s letter!” Elizabeth exclaimed, “I knew she was lying when she said sh
e wanted Mr. Bingley to marry Georgie because I knew that the Darcys were not in town, but he did not return to Netherfield for a full month and I thought he abandoned you. He left with Mr. Darcy and I thought... I thought Mr. Darcy responsible for Mr. Bingley’s departure!”

  “I knew Miss Bingley was telling an untruth but I could not say a word, and Charles has been writing to me weekly through papa that business kept him from returning to my side. I was told that it had to do with a great secret to protect someone important and that it was imperative that no one knew of his ties to Hertfordshire yet.” Jane explained. “Charles was appalled that his sisters had vacated Netherfield without his approval to arrive at his townhouse the next day and was furious that Caroline had written me a letter to include Miss Darcy, and he described to me of Mr. Darcy’s wrath against her for using his sister’s name to lie to me and that Caroline was left in tears after the set down Mr. Darcy had given her. Since meeting him two years ago, she had been pursuing him relentlessly but Mr. Darcy seemed to only tolerate her for her brother’s sake.” She smiled. “I do not think the gentleman so terrible like you do, and he must care for Georgiana very much to be protective of her. You told me that Mr. Wickham was still searching for her and how important it was for her to remain hidden from that rogue. She is a wonderful girl and I am glad you are corresponding with her often. Perhaps we might call on her in town and you can see her in person, Lizzy.”

  Elizabeth shook her head, “Georgie has still not returned to London and I know not where she is at this time, but she invited me to Pemberley in the summer. I do hope to see her before then, though. All these secrets around me, Janey,” she sighed, “I am afraid that I am more confused than ever and I do wish I had known of your engagement earlier,” she hugged her dearest sister, “but I could not be happier for your future and wish you every joy with Mr. Bingley. He is such a good man and perfect for you! Do you know when you will marry? I cannot believe it; a secret engagement!”

  Jane energetically shared, “We are hoping for April. Charles believes his businesses will be completed by the end of this month and he will return to Netherfield to properly show off our engagement to our neighbours and have the Banns read. I am most eager to see him again. He is already acquainted with Uncle Edward and will call on me at Gracechurch Street tomorrow afternoon, since he wrote that he could not wait one more day to see me again.”

  Elizabeth embraced her sister again with a bright smile but closed her eyes in despondency, that her time with Jane would be short and with Charlotte married off to Mr. Collins last week, she already felt lonely and wondered where in the world Mr. Darcy could be.

  The ladies resumed their preparations and after Elizabeth wrote of the latest in her journal, she went to sleep, only to dream of the handsome gentleman once again.

  ~*~

  “Aunt Madeline,” Elizabeth quietly spoke to Mrs. Gardiner after arriving at her relative’s residence near Cheapside, “I know Uncle would not reveal anything of his acquaintance with Mr. Darcy and how that gentleman could be his business partner, but could you tell me if you have seen him recently? I am only curious if Georgie could possibly return to town soon so I might call on her while I am here.”

  Mrs. Gardiner shrugged her shoulders, “I do not know much about Mr. Darcy, unfortunately. I was surprised when your uncle told me that he had been requested to meet with Mr. Darcy after our return from Ramsgate and thought it might be due to the situation with Miss Darcy, but what Edward shared with me, was that they were working on some important contract together for supplies and then your uncle’s business has been extremely busy and he has not told me anything else. Mr. Darcy’s calls to your uncle has always been at the office and I have not met the gentleman myself but I do recall a mention that perhaps Mr. Darcy might be out of the country? There was a large order of supplies headed to Spain last month and I thought I heard something about Mr. Darcy possibly being on the ship.”

  Elizabeth’s mind filled with dread that Mr. Darcy could be on the continent during the war and could not fathom why he should be taking such an arduous journey in these dangerous times. “I pray he will be safe.” She whispered to herself.

  “Lizzy,” Mrs. Gardiner squeezed her niece’s hand, “is all well? You appeared sullen during our time at Longbourn and you have lost some weight. You appear happy for Jane’s engagement but I do not think you have been quite yourself lately.”

  “I am well, Aunt,” Elizabeth attempted to lighten her mood. “I am truly overjoyed with Jane’s engagement and she could not have accepted a better man for herself. What with Charlotte’s relocation to Kent earlier this month and Jane to be soon removing to Netherfield in April, even if it is only three miles away, I am already dreading the loss of my dearest confidantes and might have only my nerves to keep me company.” She laughed. “Mary has Maria Lucas, and Kitty and Lydia have each other, but I fear I shall be lonely without a friend in sight and it is so difficult to meet new people in Hertfordshire. You know all ever wanted was to see the world and have many adventures. I never desired to be a demure wife to sit at home, with a dull husband who did not inspire my mind and heart.” She sighed as she thought of Mr. Darcy once again.

  Mrs. Gardiner hugged Elizabeth, “It was to be a surprise but I will reveal it now; your uncle and I are planning to travel to the Lakes and to my childhood town of Lambton in July and we wish to take you with us. Would you like that? He will take a month's holiday and since Pemberley is only a short ride drop Lambton, perhaps you can visit Miss Darcy then and she might wish for you to stay with her even longer. She had invited you already, did she not?”

  Elizabeth smiled and nodded, coming out of her melancholy, “That would be wonderful, aunt, thank you for your consideration. Georgie wished for me to stay with her for two full months as soon as she returns home and if papa agrees, I shall be able to explore that county to my heart’s content. With my stay here this month to help Jane with her trousseau, and then visiting Charlotte in Kent in March and then going to Derbyshire in July, it seems as if this year will be very busy, not to mention a wedding in April! I know you will take Jane to the best warehouses and I am certain mama will wish to ride on Nellie herself to come and see to the details herself if papa allowed it. Let us plan our excursions and focus on the bride-to-be.” She saw Jane enter the parlour after seeing to her unpacking. “Here she is now. You must tell us all about how Mr. Bingley proposed and if he has kissed you to seal the engagement.” She teased her blushing sister. “I am satisfied that he has earned your affections with his constancy and for standing up to his shrewish sisters to propose to you. I know not how you will handle having two such ladies as sisters but as long as Mr. Bingley takes your side, I promise to keep my nails to myself and not scratch out their eyes if they are rude to you!”

  The ladies merrily conversed together and planned their trips to warehouses and dressmakers during the next four weeks. Their time in London was to be full of activities and Elizabeth hoped she would be too busy to keep herself from thinking of a certain person who might be across the channel on the continent.

  ~*~

  About a week after her arrival in London, Elizabeth’s diary finally wrote to her again.

  You will go to Darcy House tomorrow morning and meet a Lady. Take the stamp with you and agree to her request.

  Elizabeth groaned and responded to Anne’s command.

  What is happening with Mr. Darcy, Anne? He is safe? Who is this lady that I must meet?

  A moment later, the book replied:

  He is safe for now but not for long. He will fall if his spirits do not rise.

  Elizabeth panicked,

  Is he in danger? How am I to help and what request? Please tell me more. Why is his spirit down? What has happened?

  Elizabeth was confused as to what Anne was stating and waited for an answer but nothing else was forthcoming. Tears rose to her eyes, believing that Mr. Darcy might be in mortal danger, and she wondered if she would ever see him again. She pu
lled out the stamp that she always kept near her and caressed it while she remembered the owner and her heart broke at the thought of losing the man that she loved, but as no further words would arise from Anne, she closed her journal and spent a restless night in anticipation for her visit to Darcy House the next day.

  ~*~

  After promising to keep safe and not stray from Mayfair, Elizabeth was able to convince Aunt Madeline and Jane to travel the half-hour distance from Cheapside to the Darcy residence. Declining her uncle’s carriage and a maid for companionship, she descended from the hackney at the address that she had been given by Georgiana for her letters.

  She froze in awe in front of the grand house, seeing that this townhouse was nearly the size of Longbourn, located in the wealthiest neighbourhood of London, and felt the vast difference in her station from the Darcys. Elizabeth noted several servants cleaning the outside and maids carrying baskets of produce and flowers in front of the home, and looked down at her own simple apparel to now comprehend how Mr. Darcy thought her a servant at first glance.

  She, herself, was dressed appropriately for a gentlewoman but had always preferred comfort over fashion and wore simple outfits with few adornments. The Darcy staff were dressed better than she had seen of the usual working class and it was obvious that they were treated well within the household, as laughter could be heard amongst the maids who were working hard while getting along with each other. She tapped on the door nervously, as the knocker was down but she wished to be seen.

  “May I help you, miss?” The stoic but well-dressed butler asked while studying her appearance.

  Elizabeth apprehensively answered, “I am Miss Elizabeth Bennet of Longbourn and a friend of Miss Darcy. I was given... I have...” she stuttered, not sure how to give her reason for arriving unannounced. She nervously reached into her reticule to pull out the seal stamp and showed it to the butler. “I was given this by Mr. Darcy and he said I would be allowed entrance here without an appointment.”