CHAPTER XVIII
THE TEST
I awoke, I knew not how much later, into a world which at first had acertain warm comfort and languid luxury about it. Then I felt a sharpwrenching and a great pain in my neck, to which it seemed my departedhead had, after all, returned. Stimulated by this pain, I turned andlooked up into the face of Auberry. He stood frowning, holding in hishand a feathered arrow shaft of willow, grooved along its sides to letthe blood run free, sinew-wrapped to hold its feathers tight--a typicalarrow of the buffalo tribes. But, as I joined Auberry's gaze, I saw thearrow was headless! Dully I argued that, therefore, this head must besomewhere in my neck. I also saw that the sun was bright. I realizedthat there must have been a fight of some sort, but did not trouble toknow whence the arrow had come to me, for my mind could grasp nothingmore than simple things.
Thus I felt that my head was not uncomfortable, after all. I lookedagain, and saw that it rested on Ellen Meriwether's knees. She sat onthe sand, gently stroking my forehead, pushing back the hair. She hadturned my head so that the wound would not be pressed. It seemed to methat her voice sounded very far away and quiet.
"We are thinking," said she to me. I nodded as best I could. "Hasanything happened?" I asked.
"They have gone," said she. "We whipped them." Her hand again lightlypressed my forehead.
I heard some one else say, behind me, "But we have nothing in theworld--not even opium."
"True," said another voice, which I recognized as that of Orme; "butthat's his one chance."
"What do you know about surgery?" asked the first voice, which I knewnow was Belknap's.
"More than most doctors," was the answer, with a laugh. Their voicesgrew less distinguishable, but presently I heard Orme say, "Yes, I'mgame to do it, if the man says so." Then he came and stooped down besideme.
"Mr. Cowles," said he, "you're rather badly off. That arrow head oughtto come out, but the risk of going after it is very great. I am willingto do what you say. If you decide that you would like me to operate forit, I will do so. It's only right for me to tell you that it lies veryclose to the carotid artery, and that it will be an extraordinarily niceoperation to get it out without--well, you know--"
I looked up into his face, that strange face which I was now beginningso well to know--the face of my enemy. I knew it was the face of amurderer, a man who would have no compunction at taking a human life.
My mind then was strangely clear. I saw his glance at the girl. I saw,as clearly as though he had told me, that this man was as deeply in lovewith Ellen Meriwether as I myself; that he would win her if he could;that his chance was as good as mine, even if we were both at our best. Iknew there was nothing at which he would hesitate, unless some strangefreak in his nature might influence him, such freaks as come to thelightning, to the wild beast slaying, changes for no reason ever known.Remorse, mercy, pity, I knew did not exist for him. But with a flash itcame to my mind that this was all the better, if he must now serve as mysurgeon.
He looked into my eye, and I returned his gaze, scorning to ask him notto take advantage of me, now that I was fallen. His own eye changed. Itasked of me, as though he spoke: "Are you, then, game to the core? ShallI admire you and give you another chance, or shall I kill you now?" Isay that I saw, felt, read all this in his mind. I looked up into hisface, and said:
"You cannot kill me. I am not going to die. Go on. Soon, then."
A sort of sigh broke from his lips, as though he felt content. I do notthink it was because he found his foe a worthy one. I do not think heconsidered me either as his foe or his friend or his patient. He wassimply about to do something which would test his own nerve, his ownresources, something which, if successful, would allow him to approvehis own belief in himself. I say that this was merely sport for him. Iknew he would not turn his hand to save my life; but also I knew that hewould not cost it if that could be avoided, for that would meandisappointment to himself. What he did he did well. I said then tomyself that I would pay him if he brought me through--pay him in someway.
Presently I heard them on the sand again, and I saw him come again andbend over me. All the instruments they could find had been a razor and akeen penknife; and all they could secure to staunch the blood was somewater, nearly boiling. For forceps Orme had a pair of bullet molds, andthese he cleansed as best he could by dipping them into the hot water.
"Cowles," he said, in a matter-of-fact voice, "I'm going after it. Butnow I tell you one thing frankly, it's life or death, and if you moveyour head it may mean death at once. That iron's lying against the bigcarotid artery. If it hasn't broken the artery wall, there's a ghost ofa chance we can get it out safely, in which case you would probably pullthrough. I've got to open the neck and reach in. I'll do it as fast as Ican. Now, I'm not going to think of you, and, gad!--if you can helpit--please don't think of me."
Ellen Meriwether had not spoken. She still held my head in her lap.
"Are you game--can you do this, Miss Meriwether?" I heard Orme ask. Shemade no answer that I could hear, but must have nodded. I felt her handspress my head more tightly. I turned my face down and kissed her hand."I will not move," I said.
I saw Orme's slender, naked wrist pass to my face and gently turn meinto the position desired, with my face down and a little at one side,resting in her lap above her knees. Her skirt was already wet with theblood of the wound, and where my head lay it was damp with blood.Belknap took my hands and pulled them above my head, squatting beyondme. Between Orme's legs as he stooped I could see the dead body of amule, I remember, and back of that the blue sky I and the sand dunes.Unknown to her, I kissed the hem of her garment; and then I said a shortappeal to the Mystery.
I felt the entrance of the knife or razor blade, felt keenly the painwhen the edge lifted and stretched the skin tight before the tough hideof my neck parted smoothly in a long line. Then I felt something warmsettle under my cheek as I lay, and I felt a low shiver, whether of mybody or that of the girl who held me I could not tell; but her handswere steady. I felt about me an infinite kindness and carefulness andpitying--oh, then I learned that life, after all, is not whollywar--that there is such a thing as fellow-suffering and loving kindnessand a wish to aid others to survive in this hard fight of living; I knewthat very well. But I did not gain it from the touch of my surgeon'shands.
The immediate pain of this long cutting which laid open my neck for someinches through the side muscles was less after the point of the bladewent through and ceased to push forward. Deeper down I did not feel somuch, until finally a gentle searching movement produced a jar strangelylarge, something which grated, and nearly sent all the world blackagain. I knew then that the knife was on the base of the arrow head;then I could feel it move softly and gently along the side of the arrowhead--I could almost see it creep along in this delicate part of thework.
Then, all at once, I felt one hand removed from my neck. Orme, halfrising from his stooping posture, but with the fingers of his left handstill at the wound, said: "Belknap, let go one of his hands. Just putyour hand on this knife-blade, and feel that artery throb! Isn't itcurious?"
I heard some muttered answer, but the grasp at my wrists did not relax."Oh, it's all right now," calmly went on Orme, again stooping. "Ithought you might be interested. It's all over now but pulling out thehead."
I felt again a shiver run through the limbs of the girl. Perhaps sheturned away her head, I do not know. I felt Orme's fingers spreadingwidely the sides of the wound along the neck, and the boring of the bigheaded bullet molds as they went down after a grip, their impactsoftened by the finger extended along the blade knife.
The throbbing artery whose location this man knew so well was protected.Gently feeling down, the tips of the mold got their grip at last, and aninstant later I felt release from a certain stiff pressure which I hadexperienced in my neck. Relief came, then a dizziness and much pain. Ahand patted me twice on the back of the neck.
"All right, my man," said Orme. "All over; and jolly
well done, too, ifI do say it myself!"
Belknap put his arm about me and helped me to sit up. I saw Orme holdingout the stained arrow head, long and thin, in his fingers.
"Would you like it?" he said.
"Yes," said I, grinning. And I confess I have it now somewhere about myhouse. I doubt if few souvenirs exist to remind one of a scene exactlysimilar.
The girl now kept cloths wrung from the hot water on my neck. I thankedthem all as best I could. "I say, you men," remarked Mandy McGovern,coming up with a cob-stoppered flask in her hand, half filled with apale yellow-white fluid, "ain't it about time for some of that tharanarthestic I heerd you all talking about a while ago?"
"I shouldn't wonder," said Orme. "The stitching hurts about as much asanything. Auberry, can't you find me a bit of sinew somewhere, andperhaps a needle of some sort?"
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