by Jewel, Bella
“I think about it a lot,” he continued, and leaned over the table toward me. With his thumb and forefinger, he moved my face back so I had no choice but to look at him. “I think about why this beautiful girl gave me the one piece of her no one else would own. I think about whether I was good enough to you. My constant thought is whether it was what you expected and deserved?”
“It was perfect,” I whispered in a truth I never knew existed. “I’m glad it’s you that owns that piece of me.”
“Believe me when I say it’s cherished.”
Josh released my face and shifted back into his seat, then lifted the beer to his mouth. I chanced a look around the bar. It hadn’t changed a bit in the past five years. Young professionals, couples who looked to be out on dates, and groups of people watching the game filled the space. I still couldn’t believe that he actually did this.
“So we are here to celebrate Ashlyn’s Closet and our five-year anniversary. You better watch out, Ashy, five years is a long time. I might be giving you a ring next time.”
My laughter filled the table, and I snorted at his words. His ridiculous statement calmed me down, and immediately settled the tension in the pits of my stomach. I lifted my beer to my lips and took a sip, while my gaze remained locked on him. He stared back at me with a wave of possession flicking through his chocolate brown eyes. It was unnerving, but in the best possible way.
“It better be a damn big one,” I stated, after lowering my bottle and placing it on the table.
“Noted,” he said with a wink.
We dug into the pizza, and my taste buds shot into overdrive with garlic and cheesy goodness. It was just as good as I remembered, or maybe even better, just like kissing Josh seemed to be better than last time. No. No. No. I could not think of that. I focused on my third slice and couldn’t contain my low moans of satisfaction. It sounded a little too sensual to be about a piece of pizza. Amusement hit my gaze as Josh shot me a warning look, which only encouraged me further.
“Stop with the sex noises!” He sighed, and I moaned with more vigor in response.
I wiped my hands and picked up my beer. The music continued around us, and I felt my body relax as beer flowed through my veins. Not having to sit on the knowledge that Ky and Eden didn’t know about Lachlan and me felt amazing. The weight on my shoulders had lifted, and now it might be possible for me to completely shut the door on that huge mistake.
We laughed, chatted, and reminisced about college for an hour. Everything we spoke of revolved around the past, and Josh hadn’t mentioned anything about kissing me within an inch of my life or finger fucking me at his parents’ house once. Just the thought of it made me blush.
“Shit, I’m vibrating.” Josh stood from his chair and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “It’s Ky. I’ll be two minutes.”
I pulled my own phone from my clutch as Josh disappeared through the crowd and away from the noise. My smile at seeing Eden’s name on the screen died when I saw Lachlan’s name taunting me. Without hesitating, I deleted his message before opening Eden’s.
Hi lovely, just checking in to see how you are. Let’s catch up for a girl’s night in when you move back to your place. What are you doing for your last night with Josh?
My fingers danced over the screen as I tapped in a reply.
Hey sweets, I’m actually feeling really great. Girls night in MUST happen. Josh surprised me and brought me to Rubie’s, so we are having beers and pizza, and supposedly celebrating our five year anniversary.
Her response was immediate.
Five years?
Eden was going to love this. Ever since her and Ky got together, she had been full force on the romance front, and everything made her swoon. This would be like shooting excitement through her body at a million miles per second and just waiting for the high to hit her.
Five years since he took my V card. He blindfolded me in the back of a cab and brought me here, then ordered the same pizza and beer we had the first night we met. I was shocked he remembered.
The blue bubble appeared almost immediately, and I could imagine the shriek of excitement that came out of her. Oh fuck, Ky would ask her what made her so excited. I couldn’t help but smirk, because I knew Josh would receive a text from Ky, or better yet he’d mention it during their current conversation. I looked over to where Josh was standing and met his gaze. He held up a finger, signaling that he was almost done.
My phone vibrated in my hand.
YOU ARE KIDDING ME! Oh My God. That is adorable. I always knew he was a romantic that hid behind that playboy exterior. Shit! Does that mean you two are going to have SEX!? Ashlyn, this is HUGE.
Her use of capital letters told me she was deliriously excited, and her idea that we were going to have sex was clearly brought on by the lack of oxygen her excitement was causing.
Eden, you need to breathe. It is just two friends having pizza and beers. No sex. Well, for me anyway. I have sworn off sex. No cock is getting in my panties. I need to buy myself a chastity belt ASAP. Gotta go, Josh is coming back. Love ya.
Josh pulled out his seat and placed his phone on the table, and I put mine back in my clutch. He leaned back, crossed his arms over his chest, and raised a questioning brow.
“Really?” He smirked and shook his head slightly.
“What?” I asked innocently, knowing full well what he meant.
“You had to tell Eden that we were here?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Of course. She is my sister from another mister. We tell each other everything.”
“Really?”
“Well, not everything,” I mused, my eyes darting away from his.
“Does she know about us?”
With wide eyes, I asked, “Us?”
“Yes, us.”
I shook my head because I didn’t know how to respond to that. The fact that he could render me speechless frustrated me. “Us” had so much meaning behind it. I needed to find me before I could even consider becoming an us. And an us with Josh? Not likely. The fun we had was what I needed. It had given me a fleeting glimpse of passion that I knew I still wanted, but it was a pleasure that I knew I couldn’t keep feeding. Especially not with the one guy who could destroy me.
“You play dirty,” I said softly.
“How do I play dirty?” His brow quirked.
“You walk around without a shirt, you have crazy awesome stubble, and you say sweet things to a damsel in distress. I had no hope. Combine those things, and I am officially back to being a college student crushing on the campus manwhore,” I said, while trying to hide a smirk. Everything I was saying was complete truth.
“Fuck, you’re hilarious.” He laughed.
“Joshua, I’m not trying to be funny,” I said, trying my hardest not to smile. “No more kissing or talk of kissing, and definitely no more fingers in my panties. You and I are friends, besties, buddies. I’m putting my black stiletto foot down. It’s not going to happen again.”
“It will happen again.” His brow lifted as he emphasized every word.
“No, it will not.”
“It will.”
“Why are you so damn stubborn and annoying?” I pouted, and knew that neither of us would back down.
“You know I’m right." He leaned in and dropped his voice dangerously low. "If I was to grab your hand right now, take you to a secluded corner, and press you against the wall and kiss you, would you stop me?”
“Uh, y—, yes I would.” No, I wouldn’t. Shut up libido.
A shit-eating grin spread across his face, and he knew he had me. “Hesitation looks stunning on you, Ashy.”
That was it. I was done. I needed to get away before he got his bossy voice on and his hooded eyes that made him look irresistible. Fuck my life! “I’m going to order another drink.”
“See if they have a cocktail called Living in Denial. You should definitely buy one if they do.”
I pushed away from the table and flipped him the bird, while trying des
perately to stop the playful smile that was begging to be unleashed. His deep laughter followed me as I darted through the crowd and made my way toward the main bar.
I couldn’t deny that my days and nights had been spent trying to refuse my basic needs in order to resist him, but the more I was around him, the more I failed. I should have never moved in with him. Distance was the only cure for this. I had been resisting his temptation for exactly five years, and at times I failed miserably—hence the two kisses and numerous orgasms I’d had in a matter of days.
His pull was making me frantic. It was like fighting against a rip in the ocean; once it had you in its grasp, you had little to no chance of getting away. I knew the day would come when it would pull me under, and I would let it take me wherever it wanted. The fear was now becoming a reality, because I was on a one-way course to giving him whatever he wanted, no matter how much I tried to fight it. Maybe I could do the friends-with-benefits thing with him—no strings attached, but copious amounts of sex. Just the thought alone sent my body into overdrive. Temptation was a dangerous thing. It made me see in bright, beautiful colors, beaming in fantasy, instead of the stark reality of black and white.
“Forget the drink.”
Warmth flittered through me, and I froze when the unique scent of sandalwood and vanilla filled the air as Josh pressed up against my back.
“I want to enjoy my last night of having you in my apartment,” he continued, so close to my ear that his words vibrated against my sensitive skin.
“What do you want to do?” I asked, not turning toward him, but leaning back into him.
Everything about tonight was going full circle, and my memories shot to life. Suddenly, I was transported back to being the girl standing in the bar with a nervous excitement buzzing around her, while Josh, the guy that had every girl on campus’ attention, had all of his firmly locked on me. For as long as I could remember, the only attention I’d received was from my big brother, so having Josh’s caused nerves to shoot through me. Now, five years later, standing in our bar, with every girl in the room’s attention on him, he still made me feel like I was the only one he saw. But now we had history. We had words that had been spoken, and sensations that had been felt. We had memories, we had confusion, and for me, there were unrequited emotions that continued to taunt.
“I want to show you, several times and several ways, why it should happen again. I want to make you remember how it felt to lose yourself entirely with me. But mainly, I want your body to become mine, so I can worship you, taste you, own you, and devour you.”
I turned to face him, and as soon as our eyes met, I knew I’d throw caution to the wind. My whole conversation about it never happening again was futile. All I knew was that right here, right now, I wanted to forget my fears and step into the unknown with him. I wanted him to show me what it was like to be wanted again, just like he did when we were nineteen. For one night, I wanted to get caught in the riptide, I wanted to lose the fight, and I wanted to feel.
“Take me home, Josh,” I whispered, as my heart and mind commenced a fierce battle, with both fighting for ultimate victory. It was only after I recognized the sweet smile he was presenting me with that I realized what I had said.
I just repeated the exact same words to him that I said five years ago.
19
Josh
The cab ride back to the apartment had me seething with heat and need. Ashlyn sat beside me, her hands clamped together in her lap, and she had been continually crossing and uncrossing her legs since we left the bar. My gaze was drawn to her legs, and it trailed over her skin and up to her thighs. Choosing that dress was the best fucking decision I’d ever made. It fit her like a glove, and it emphasized her curves like a perfect second skin. I was a desperate man, I needed to touch her.
I angled my body in a way that allowed me to face her. My movement gained her attention, and she watched with earnest as I leaned in toward her ear.
“Trust me,” I whispered, lightly sweeping a piece of loose hair over her shoulder.
She turned her head until there was barely two inches between us. Her breathing increased, bouncing off my lips as we remained close. I wish I could step into her head and sort through her thoughts. I needed to know what she was thinking. Her anxiety was palpable, and it slammed into me full force. I never wanted her to be nervous around me, and I’d work my ass off to prevent it.
“I do trust you,” she whispered, her gaze dropping momentarily to my lips.
Her gasp rang through the cab as my hand fell to the bare skin just above her knee. My eyes darted from hers to the driver, but he was focused entirely on the road, as if Ashlyn and I didn’t exist. My hand swept lightly up her leg, caressing her skin like it was delicate silk, and I wanted to treasure it like it was priceless. Her eyes trained on mine, locking me in with fierce need flashing within them. With a zealous sigh, her head fell back against the leather headrest, but she never broke my gaze. Slowly, and with a featherlike touch, I ran my fingertips over her thighs until I hit the edge of her dress. Her eyes fluttered shut, and her lips parted as she took an unsteady breath. It was the best fucking sight in the world. Her body was electric, needy, and alight. My fingertips edged under the red satin, and I glided it up her thighs.
“Do you want me to stop?” I asked in a voice laced with desire. I was so fucking close to her panties, to her pussy, and the throbbing in my pants indicated that my cock knew it too.
There was one question that held so many other questions within it. If she said no, I’d respect her decision, and that would be it. My hand would come out from under her dress and leave only a memory on her skin. I’d move back to the other side of the cab, then we’d go back to my apartment, say goodnight, and disappear into our own rooms. No would mean that we’d continue what we’d been sharing for the past five years. A friendship filled with flirting, sideways glances, and my obsession with wanting to grab her by the shoulders, kiss the fuck out of her, and tell her exactly what I wanted. I’d remain her friend, the brother of her best friend, and the guy who took her virginity, and she’d remain my not-so-secret temptation, the girl who was my ultimate sacrifice, the girl who ruined me the moment she pleaded with me to take all of her. I wasn’t a praying man, but I was praying to every god there was that she wouldn’t say no.
Her gaze dashed from mine to the cab driver, and it hit me. She wasn’t nervous about me, she was nervous about him. She wasn’t hesitating because of my actions, her hesitation was from not wanting to be seen. Calm cascaded through me, and my intentions roared to life. I leaned in until my mouth hovered over her ear, and I devoured the gasp that shot from her like a starving man.
“It’s just me and you, Ashy. Trust me.”
Her hand dropped to my forearm as the cab stopped at a set of lights. “Touch me,” she whispered.
Our heated stares locked, and my heart hammered in my chest as she moved my hand devastatingly slow along her thigh. With one slight movement, she encouraged me to go where I wanted, and she pushed my hand under her dress until it rested on her upper thigh.
Her head fell back, and she turned to look at me, allowing me to keep hold of her gaze. My fingertips grazed the edge of her silk panties, then she shifted in the seat and licked her lips. The glaze that was moving across her eyes, combined with her broken breathing, was the greatest kind of encouragement. My skin stabbed to life as Ashlyn dug her nails into my arm when I ran my finger over her panties and pressed down on her clit. Neither of us broke our gaze, which only increased the sheer need to make her completely lose control. I pushed aside the edge of her panties, and hissed as my finger ran through her wetness. One thing about Ashlyn was that I knew she’d always be ready for me, and that made me want to beat my chest and claim victory.
Her broken breathing switched into soft pants, and her hips shifted, pushing closer to my hand and fingers. I was desperate to witness every emotion that swept over her face: the need, the want, the desire, the lust, and the rea
lization that this was exactly where she should be . . . with me. I needed to see it. The green eyes that held me captive from day one now begged me for relief, and the passing lights that washed through the cab allowed me to see the flush of heat that swept across her cheeks. She pulled her plump bottom lip between her teeth and slammed her eyes shut, as I slowly pushed a finger deep inside her.
All the inhibition and hesitation that consumed her body earlier, fled as she parted her legs, offering herself to me. I took her invitation without question. I added a second finger, and her gasp rang through the cab.
“Fuck,” she hissed, as I slowly moved my fingers in and out of her. Her grip on my arm intensified, and all sense of reason fled as I focused squarely on her face. Perfection certainly did exist, and it was in the form of a stunning blond, with eyes that destroyed me, a body that encouraged me, and a heart that owned me.
The slowing movements of the cab and the sound of the driver humming tugged me back to reality. It took every bit of strength I had as a man to remove my fingers when all I wanted was to see her lose control.
“You two are very quiet back there,” the cab driver announced.
His eyes hit the rearview mirror seconds after I ceased finger fucking Ashlyn in the back of his cab.
“Just relaxing, it’s been a big night,” I shot back, my gaze firmly locked on Ashlyn.
Her eyes widened as she realized what could have happened, but I saw a flicker of rebellion flash before me.
I pulled her against my chest and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. Her hand rested on my stomach, her head fell against my heart, and we were soon lost in a thick silence. Our driver continued his humming and swerving through the traffic as we made our way back to my apartment. With every minute that passed, the electricity between us strengthened. The soft movements of her hand over my stomach, the light kisses I lay on her forehead, and the barely heard sighs she’d make when she moved her legs, made me feel as alive as I did five years ago.