by Jewel, Bella
“We are taking him to Memorial. I would suggest making your way as soon as you can,” the paramedic that I hit said.
“Is he going to be okay?” I whispered, afraid of the question, but desperate for the answer. “He needs to be okay.”
“We are trying our best, miss.”
“Let’s go and get you cleaned up,” Ky said softly beside me after we watched the ambulance scream off down the road. Tate, Savannah, Tanzi, and Jack had all huddled together, waiting for our next move. Eden was standing next to Ky quietly crying.
“Take me to the hospital,” I whispered, my voice hoarse and void of emotion.
“Ash, let me take you home so you can get out of your dress and get into some clean clothes that don’t have . . . ” Ky couldn’t say the word blood.
“I don’t want to go home. I want to go to Josh. He needs me, Ky. Take me. Please,” I begged, my words getting louder and more desperate.
“We can go and get some clothes, then bring them to the hospital,” Savannah said softly and squeezed my hand. “Take her to the hospital, Ky.”
“I need to be with him.”
Ky grabbed my hand and hailed a cab, and soon we were heading to the hospital. I couldn’t recall the trip even if I tried. The image of Josh’s lifeless body had ingrained itself in my memory, and that was all I saw and all I could think about.
“Ash, we are here,” Ky said softly beside me, pain evident in his words.
I looked out with the window to find Memorial Hospital illuminated in front of me. There was no time to talk. I opened the door and ran for the entrance. The thought of the unknown was dangerous. I had no clue what I would find. Was he okay? What had happened since they took him? What would I find?
“Let’s go.” Ky grabbed my hand and we headed to the desk. The lady looked up at us, and she must have been hired for her calming smile alone. The effect she had on me was instant.
“We are Josh Crawford’s family,” Ky said through a thick voice.
“I will call the doctor right away.”
What did that mean? Did they always call the doctor right away? I squeezed Ky’s hand and his gaze fell to me. He offered me a smile, but his eyes told another story. He had seen the blood, he had seen Josh not moving, and he had seen the car. It hit me like a freight train. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to be sick. This was premeditated, this was with intent, this was . . .
“Lachlan,” I whispered. How could someone who once said he cared about me do something so severe? “It was Lachlan.”
“What did you say?” Ky pulled me toward the waiting room and I moved in a daze. “Ashlyn, what the fuck did you just say?”
I pulled my phone from my bag and went to my text messages. Lachlan’s message was still taunting me on the screen, and I handed it to Ky. He cursed under his breath, and I watched his knuckles turn white with the grip he had on my phone.
“That motherfucking asshole,” Ky spat, then quickly stood from the seat and began to pace. Eden rushed to her fiancé’s side and began speaking quietly with him, soothingly calming him down. Ky pulled his own phone from his back pocket, and I knew he’d be calling the police.
“I am looking for the family of Joshua Crawford.”
My head snapped around. I shot up from my seat and moved toward a man dressed in scrubs.
“Is he okay?” I asked
“He is in surgery for a serious abdominal wound. He has lost a lot of blood, and there is some internal bleeding we are trying to get under control. He took a hard fall, and there is some swelling on the brain. Our concerns are the head trauma and internal bleeding. We are trying our best, miss, and I will ensure that you are kept informed.”
Hours turned into days, tiredness turned into mind-altering exhaustion, and food became non-existent. I was surviving on the hope that I would see his eyes soon. A constant stream of people came to visit, but all I saw was him. I was head over heels, entirely, and unconditionally in love with Josh Crawford, but there was a possibility that he would never know. He had become my beginning, my end, and everything in between, and I refused to believe that he would never know that.
He looked like he was sleeping, and if it wasn’t for the machines and constant stream of nurses I would think he was. The chair in the corner became my resting place. I looked and felt disgusting, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t risk not being here when he woke up. He would wake up, and if I began to believe otherwise, I would be destroyed. I needed to be strong for him.
“Ash, you need to get some sleep and have a shower,” Ky begged for what was probably the hundredth time.
Through tired eyes, I looked at him and saw a similar level of exhaustion plastered on his face. He had been staying with me during the day and into the night, but he went back to his old apartment to sleep, whereas I refused to leave. “I’ll come and stay with you. You won’t be alone,” he said, pushing further.
I shook my head. “I can’t leave him. I need to be here when he wakes up.”
His eyes landed on the bed where Josh lay, and I witnessed defeat wash over his face. “Ash, we don—”
“No, Ky. I am not giving up on him. He will wake up, and I will be with him when he does.”
The door slowly crept open, and I assumed it would be yet another nurse coming to check whatever the hell they checked. My eyes shot wide and my legs turned to jelly as my gaze fell on my brother and his best friend, who both held worry on their faces. Ever since the accident, Austin would call me and talk to me through the night. I had no clue how long we spoke, but he never said anything about it. Other nights Ben would do the same thing. My bottom lip started to tremble, and I knew I was moments away from emotional collapse.
“Come here, Ducky,” Austin said in the softest of tones, and his eyes showed me every ounce of love I needed. I crossed the room and fell into his embrace, and fresh tears spilled down my cheeks. I didn’t know how long I stood in my brother’s arms, but it was exactly what I needed. When I finally pulled away, Ky and Ben were in quiet conversation, and I knew they would be talking about my reluctance to leave.
Just as I felt myself shaking my head in dismissal, Ben crossed the room to me, and his large hands cupped my face. I looked up into his shockingly-blue eyes, and knew that I was about to get the Ben Hunt treatment.
“I’m not leaving,” I whispered. “I can’t.”
He wiped away my tears with his thumbs. “Sweetheart, you need to come with me and Dash,” he said, using the horrendous nickname my brother had got from his love of fucking and dashing. “We are going to get some food in you. You need to shower and sleep, and we will bring you back first thing tomorrow.”
“But what if he . . . ”
“It’s going to take a while for him to wake, sweetheart. He’s had serious trauma. His body is repairing itself. Even when he shows signs of waking, you will have at least an hour to get here. The nurse’s station has all of our numbers. You aren’t going to miss it, and he won’t wake without you here.”
I turned to look at Ky, and I knew I had to do this. He looked on the brink of collapse, and he needed this as much as me. His eyes begged and pleaded with me to listen to what Ben was saying. Then I turned my attention to Josh. He hadn’t moved once. He hadn’t opened his eyes, and when I held his hand I never received one squeeze. It was like he was just a body, but everything I needed had floated away. I needed to be strong for him, though. It was my time to fight and comfort him.
“Someone needs to stay here. I will not leave Josh alone,” I stated firmly.
A flash of hope flickered through Ky’s eyes, and a knowing grin covered Ben’s face.
“Ducky, I’ll stay. I can spend the night telling him embarrassing stories of you when you were younger. He also needs to receive the big brother talk, so this will be the perfect time to inform him that I’ll rip his balls off if he hurts my little sister.”
For the first time in days, I laughed softly.
“Don’t be too hard on him. And remember, th
ere will come a day when I get to share your stories with your great love,” I said with a smirk.
“Seriously . . . my great love? Those books you read have turned you into mush,” he said and rolled his eyes. “I didn’t get my nickname for no reason.”
“Your nickname is disgusting.”
“Just because a man likes to fuck doesn’t make him disgusting.”
“No, it doesn’t, but being called Dash because of it disturbs me.”
“Will you two stop fuckin’ arguing? I am starving, and I need to take Ashlyn home,” Ben stated, instantly ceasing my conversation with Austin. “So, come on sweetheart, get your shit, because we are heading out.”
“Just give me a minute with Josh, okay?” I asked, and looked to the bed.
“I’ll meet you outside. Ky, do you need a lift?”
Ben and Ky left the room, and Austin took a seat in the visitor's chair that had been my bed for the past five or six days. God, I was losing track of time.
I gently sat on the edge of the bed beside Josh’s hip and linked my fingers with his. After kissing each of his knuckles, I rested our joined hands on my lap and allowed my eyes to roam over his angelic face.
“Joshy, I’m going to your apartment to have a little sleep because I have Ky, Austin, and Ben ganging up on me, but I will be back as soon as I can. I love you so much, and I need you to wake up soon. We have a future to start living. I need you here.” I leaned over and kissed his lips lightly. Every touch was now so delicate, like he would shatter if I pressed too hard. My strong, determined, cocky man was now like fragile glass.
“Come back to me, Josh.”
* * *
For the past two nights, I stayed at Josh’s place. The need to feel close to him resulted in me sleeping in his bed and wearing his T-shirts whenever I could. I was literally surrounding myself with the comfort of his scent. With Austin and Ben by my side, I had reluctantly been leaving the hospital at midnight, only to return by seven in the morning, and I would resume my vigil by his bedside, waiting for him to wake up.
Three a.m. rolled around, and I pushed back the covers and climbed out of his bed. Sleep would yet again evade me, and there was no point waiting for it to arrive. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants, opened his bedroom, and headed to the kitchen.
I knew I was exhausted, because watching the coffee percolate was holding my attention. Mind numbing distraction was all that I wanted these days, because it saved me focusing on the reality I was living. A reality I chose not to believe.
“Can't sleep, sweetheart?”
I jumped at the low rumblings of Ben's voice, and turned to face him. Ben Hunt was Austin’s partner and best friend, and he had been in my life since I was ten years old. I wasn't afraid to admit that I had the biggest crush on him growing up. He was like one of those guys that I would read about in my favorite books. He was all man. He had the voice, the hair, the body, and the charisma—the alphaness, as I liked to call it. He had a sense of danger about him and an I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude, and I knew that was what got the ladies in his bed. Now that I had the high school and . . . okay, I’ll admit it, the college crush out of the way, he was like a second big brother, and he treated me like his little sister. Now as he looked at me, I saw that he had the big brother cap on and concern flashed in front of me.
“I need to be with him.”
Ben walked into the kitchen and hurled himself up on the counter. His eyes burned into me, and suddenly I felt nervous under his watchful gaze. I didn’t know what else to do, so I quickly made him a coffee, handed it to him, and received a smirk.
“He is going to wake up soon, and he is going to need his woman rested and healthy. He is going to count on you for so much, sweetheart. Do you understand that? You need to take care of you as well as taking care of him.” His deep voice rumbled in the stillness of the apartment.
“Do you really think he'll wake up soon?” I whispered in broken words as a deep sob rose from my chest.
Within seconds, he jumped from the counter, and I was pulled into his wall of a chest.
“Why wouldn't he wake up? He has one of the best girls I know waiting for him. He is a lucky son of a bitch. He wouldn't choose to leave that.”
Romance novels had definitely ruined me, because I started feeling myself tear up, and it was because I was swooning at his words.
“Why are you single?” I asked through a sob.
“Fuck, here we go,” he murmured, and his grip on me loosened.
I stepped away and looked at him. “It's a serious question. I haven't seen you with anyone since—” I stopped myself from saying her name because his face darkened, and I knew I'd hit a raw nerve. “All I'm saying is that I want you to be happy too, and you and your alphaness will make someone super happy.”
“My alphaness?” He laughed with a shake of his head.
“Ladies dig it.”
“I think a lack of sleep and not eating, has finally fucked with your head. Me and my alphaness are quite happy with what we are doing.”
“I am looking forward to the day when I get a call from you asking me for girl advice. I’ll try my hardest not to remind you of this particular time.”
We both knew exactly what I was doing. I was distracting us from the reason we were standing in the kitchen at 3 a.m. drinking coffee. As silence fell between us, my thoughts immediately went back to Josh lying in a hospital bed on his own.
“Sweetheart, look at me.”
My eyes lifted from the floor to meet Ben’s.
“Josh is going to be fine, and you two can start living your lives as you should. That motherfucker Lachlan has jail time to look forward to. Then he'll be sent back to Australia, and will never be allowed back in the United States. That part of your life is over forever.”
Barely four hours later, I walked back into the hospital with Austin close by my side. Ben had gone back to bed, and I ended up sitting on the couch watching early morning infomercials until Austin finally woke at six a.m. and I got ready for another day spent with Josh.
“Where is Josh Crawford?” I asked anxiously. Having just walked into Josh’s room to find an empty bed shot panic through me, and the worst case scenario hit. What had happened? Why wasn’t I called? “Lady, please. Where the fuck is Josh Crawford?” I started to hyperventilate, and I couldn’t grab a breath. I knew I shouldn't have left him. I left, and then something happened. What kind of girlfriend was I? Oh my god, had he woken when I wasn’t there? Had he stopped hearing my voice and given up. I was going to be sick. I needed to breathe.
She looked at me with wide eyes before looking at Austin who had stepped up beside me and grabbed my hand.
“Miss, where is the man that was in room 1A?” Austin asked in a calmer tone. “We were here last night, and we were not informed he was being moved? As you can see, his girlfriend is very upset with this treatment. If you could please find out, that would be greatly appreciated.”
“Um . . . yes sir, I’ll do that now,” she stammered and rushed out of her seat.
“Ducky, stay with me. There will be an answer as to what’s happening.”
I grabbed hold of Austin for dear life, then buried my face into his chest and waited. What was only a few minutes felt like hours.
“Here she comes.”
I pulled myself together and saw the lady that had been behind the desk walking our way with a doctor by her side. I linked my fingers with Austin’s and took off toward them, desperate to hear what they had to say sooner rather than later.
“Miss Hart, I apologize profusely. I informed the nurse that was on to call you, but it would seem she has not done that. Last night, Mr. Crawford was moved into a recovery room under doctor’s orders, and is in the process of being brought back from the induced coma. His vitals signs are improving rapidly. Now it’s just the waiting game until he wakes up. We are monitoring him closely, but all signs are great. Keep talking to him, keep showing him that you are there. Every little bit counts. He i
s in Room 5B, down the hall, first door on the right."
“Thank you,” I whispered, not quite believing what she had said. He was going to wake up? He was coming back to me? I rushed down the hall practically in a sprint, desperate to see it with my own eyes. I halted just inside the door and immediately burst into tears. Josh was lying in bed, and it looked like he was sleeping peacefully. The majority of the machines were gone, and there was only one faint continuous beeping noise.
“I’ll head into town and get some coffee, then pick up Hunt. The cafeteria coffee is fucking shit. Be back soon, Ducky. Text me if you need anything.” Austin kissed my cheek before disappearing, and it was just me and Josh in the room.
Suddenly, the enormity of what was happening hit me, and all I craved was Josh’s warmth. I placed my bag on the guest chair, then stood beside the bed. With the gentlest of touches, I traced his features, sweeping over his brow, his cheekbone, and finally his lips. Light stubble sprinkled over his jaw, and the craziness of his hair caused my throat to get thick with emotion.
Gently, I climbed up onto the bed beside him and curved my body against his side. I placed my hand over his heart, because the need to feel his heartbeat overcame me. Feeling it over the past week had been the only thing that provided me with comfort. If I could feel that, I knew he was still with me.
“I need you to wake up, Josh. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss your kiss, and most of all, I miss the look you only seem to give me. Everything reminds me of you. I've been sleeping at your apartment, and I've decided I’m moving in. I'm going to ask Austin and Ben to help me move some of my things over. Too much time has passed for us, and I don't want to lose another moment. I have so much to share with you, so I need you to wake up.”
Three hours later, I was still snuggled up with Josh and had fallen into a restless sleep. The lightest of movement caused me to stir, and the feeling of fingers playing with my hair drew me from my slumber. My first thoughts were Josh, though I didn't want to wake because if this wasn’t a dream I’d still be living in my nightmare.