by Jewel, Bella
When I was finally done, I could see myself in the drawing so clearly that tears streamed from my eyes.
“Wow, Emerson,” Ki marvelled, crouching down in front of me. “That’s incredible.”
“Thank you.”
“Can I see it the right way?” he asked.
I handed him the sketchpad. He stood up, alternating glances between the pebbles and the drawing in his hand. From the look on his face, you’d think I’d invented the wheel. Eventually, he said, “This is perfection.” His eyes never left mine, and my heart skipped a beat, maybe two. When he handed it back to me, he said, “It’s you.”
“It’s you, too,” I said in a whisper. I stood up and moved to his side. “When I started pushing pebbles into the ground, I was lost and lonely. It gave me purpose, and then it gave me you.”
He put his arm around my shoulders, and I leaned into him. “If you ever feel lost and lonely again, always remember that you’re made of the strong stuff.” He pointed to my drawing. “And this will always be your road map back to the light.”
I nodded, allowing more happy tears to escape. He was my compass and, with him by my side, I would never be lost again.
Chapter 5
For weeks after that, we spent a great deal of time lip locked. I really loved kissing him, and the way he groaned into my mouth, I was confident he liked kissing me, too.
“Here comes the rain,” Ki said, holding his palm out. “We’d better make a run for it.”
I’d known the chances of it raining were high that day, so I’d left my sketch pad at home. Just as Ki helped me to my feet, the heavens opened.
“Too late,” he said, smiling at me, both of us soaking wet.
Placing my hands above my head, I stared up at the dark clouds and smiled as the rain splashed down on my face.
“You’re so beautiful,” Ki said, raising his voice to be heard over the pouring rain.
I dropped my gaze to meet his, and my hands cupped his face. “So are you.”
We stumbled away from the clearing to seek protection under one of the trees. The rain continued to pour down, but the only thing I was aware of was his soft lips on mine and his strong arms encircling my body, claiming me. I never wanted this moment to end. So caught up in the moment, I tugged at his shorts. He did the same to mine, and we became a frenzy of fumbling hands and legs. After what felt like an eternity, Ki lifted me up, pushed me against the trunk of the tree and started thrusting into me.
I gave my virginity to the only person I’d ever wanted to take it.
The tree was rough against my back, and I was uncomfortable. It hurt. I always knew my first time wasn’t likely to be the incredible experience I’d read about in romance novels, but this was so bad that I couldn’t help laughing.
Ki stilled, shifting himself a little. The rain had made everything slippery. “Are you laughing?”
Nodding, I laughed harder as he slid out of me and helped me down. My whole body shivered violently from being in soaking-wet clothes, which just made the whole situation even funnier. Without saying a word, he removed the condom.
“Did that just happen?” I asked, still chuckling.
“You mean did I just ruin our first time?” he asked. He turned away from me with a solemn expression, and I was swamped with guilt. I thought it had been absolutely perfect.
I pulled my shorts up and pushed my slick hair out of my face. “Ki,” I said, tapping him on the shoulder. He turned, still looking desolate. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I am happy, I promise.”
He looked incredibly confused. “You’re happy I ruined your first time?”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” I said, stepping closer to him and kissing him lightly on the lips. “I wanted you to be my first, and it had to be here. It was perfect, just like us.” Then I kissed him hard so he knew I meant it. When we parted, I looked him in the eye. “You had a condom.”
He nodded. “I’ve wanted that for so damn long, Emerson.”
A pang of jealousy hit me and I winced. “Was I your first, too?”
“Hey,” he said, grabbing my chin and forcing my eyes up to his. “Only you, Kalimna. It will only ever be you.”
His words meant everything. Knowing we were on the same page, I smiled up at him, loving the goofy grin on his face. Despite feeling warm on the inside, the wet clothes that clung to my body were making me shiver.
“Come on,” he said, grabbing my hand. “Let’s go.”
We ambled along the dirt road, dodging potholes and puddles. The rain had completely cleared, and the sun was peeking through the clouds. “I wish I didn’t have to go home,” I said, snuggling into his side.
He kissed the top of my head. “Do we need to talk about what happened earlier?”
“I think so,” I replied honestly. “Do you regret it?”
“Emerson.” He pushed a stray strand of my long hair behind my ear. “The only thing I regret is that it wasn’t a better experience for you.”
“And I already told you it was perfect.”
Our slow wander came to an abrupt end when Ki nudged my shoulder. “Race you back,” he teased.
Laughing, I ran after him. When I finally caught up, I was lifted into his arms, my legs automatically wrapping around his body as our lips crashed together in a searing kiss. After only a few moments, Ki stilled, and I felt his whole body tense up. When I turned my head to see why, I dropped my feet to the ground. Trent, Jacob, Isaac and Troy stood in our path.
“Well look at what we have here,” Trent sneered.
“Get behind me,” Ki whispered, his arm moving across me protectively.
“She’s out of your league, mate.” Jacob pointed at me without breaking Ki’s gaze. “Take a look at her.”
“We’re not mates,” Ki said, taking a step closer to Jacob, and I held my breath. “We haven’t been mates for a long time. Remember?” He loomed over Jacob. “Emerson and I are none of your business.”
“Emerson is my stepsister and that makes her my business.”
The vein in his forehead pulsed, and his fists were clenching and unclenching. I grabbed Ki’s arm, knowing he was going to lose his mind at any moment. There were four of them and only two of us. I didn’t like our odds, and I didn’t want Ki getting hurt.
“Just keep your paws off her, you dirty dog. She’s mine.” Jacob looked Ki up and down. “Stick to your own kind.”
I was taken aback by the look of utter disgust on Jacob’s face. How dare he speak to anyone like that, let alone my best friend and the greatest person I knew? Enraged, I stormed forward and around Ki and got up in Trent’s face first. “I am none of your business, so don’t bother with the stepbrother bullshit. My mother might’ve married your father, but we’re not a family.” Then I turned to Jacob. “And what is your problem?” I pushed him hard in the chest with both my hands before Ki grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. “We’re not even friends, so you have no business caring who I’m with.”
Jacob took a step forward. Trent, Isaac and Troy flanked him like bodyguards. “I thought you were just being a little cock-tease, but it seems you were saving yourself for him.” He raised his eyebrows. “This lowlife you’ve been playing with since you were a kid.”
“Don’t ever speak about him like that again,” I said, seething. “You’ll never be half the man he is, and I wouldn’t touch you if you were the last person on earth. I would never be with someone who treats people the way you do.”
Jacob’s eyes flared with rage. “You think you’re better than everyone, Emerson, but you’re not. Just because you’re hot doesn’t mean you can talk to me like that. Ever.”
“Everything alright here?”
Snapping my gaze towards the stern voice, I stiffened. We were all so caught up in the heated exchange, we hadn’t heard a car pull up next to us.
“Yes, Officer,” Jacob said.
Trent piped up. “We were just messing around.”
The pol
ice officer pointed at Trent, Jacob, Isaac and Troy. “You’ve already had warnings. We’ve got our eyes on you.”
They all nodded like naughty school boys.
“Move along then,” the Officer said, shooing them away like flies.
Before they left, Jacob turned to Ki and whispered, “You’ve crossed too many lines, Mereki, and one day it’ll catch up with you.”
With that malevolent threat lingering in the air, they stalked away, shaking their heads.
“You two okay?” the police officer asked when they’d gone.
“Thank you. We’re fine,” Ki said, irritation still evident in his voice.
When we were alone, I grabbed Ki’s hand, relieved that the situation had been defused without a fight.
“I’m sorry, Ki,” I said as we walked slowly the rest of the way back to town. “They’re such arseholes, and I’m really worried they’re going to hurt you.”
“Don’t worry about me,” he replied. “They’re just words.” His fists clenched by his side. “I will kill either one of them if they touch you.”
“They won’t,” I said, taking his hand. “I promise I’ll stay as far away from them as I can.”
Ki didn’t appear even remotely reassured, and the tension only eased when we reached my bus stop and I pulled him in for a kiss. When we broke apart, he cupped my face with his hands and looked into my eyes with an intensity that made my knees buckle.
“I’m so happy we’re together,” he whispered, his mouth still close to mine.
“Me too.” I rested my forehead on his and wondered if it was possible to feel any happier than I did right then. “I want to be . . .” I hesitated briefly before finishing my sentence. “I want to be worthy of you.”
He took a step back. His eyebrows knitted together, and worry lines creased his forehead. “What do you mean by that?”
I looked down, digging a small hole as I ground my toe into the grass. “You know.” I swallowed hard. “I don’t want you to ever leave me.”
He grabbed my hands and jerked me forward. “I’ll never leave you.”
I nodded, fighting back tears and unable to form words.
“You’re the most beautiful girl to ever walk this earth. You’re kind, resilient, loving, and good, even though you don’t receive those things from enough people in your life.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “You’re my shining light whenever the world is dark.” He placed his hand over my heart. “Never let your light die because it’s going to brighten more than just my world.”
“But you’re my world. There is nothing and no one else.”
His lips touched mine, and I knew their tenderness would stay with me forever.
When the bus arrived, I climbed aboard and found a window seat so I could wave to Ki. I wanted to stay with him but didn’t want to push it with Mum, who’d become increasingly erratic.
“I love you, Emerson,” he called.
Before I had a chance to say the words back, the bus pulled away. I’d spent the last seven years caring for this boy, and there wasn’t the slightest shadow of doubt that I was now completely and utterly in love with him.
Chapter 6
Despite the pressures the final year of high school brings, I was walking on air. Mereki was my constant inspiration, and I knew my drawing skills were improving everyday. Down by the river, life was full of passion. We might’ve only been seventeen, but we were lovers, and we felt invincible because of it.
After spending the morning doing chores, the rest of the Saturday was mine.
Mereki was waiting when I got off the bus. “Hey, Kalimna,” he said.
I smiled broadly and handed him my bag. “Hey, handsome,” I replied.
When I reached for his hand, he shied away—and it crushed me. “Everyone knows we’re together, Ki,” I muttered, following his gaze to a group of guys up ahead. I recognised them from school, but they hadn’t noticed us. “I don’t understand why you’re always trying to pretend like we’re just friends in public.”
“I just think it’s better this way.”
“Why?” I asked, trying to hide my hurt.
He stopped and faced me. “Jacob and Trent are always looking for a fight, and as much as I’d love to ram my fist into their ugly mugs, I don’t want a record when we’re getting out of this town soon.”
I kicked my foot in the dirt like a petulant child. “There will always be people who enjoy causing trouble.”
“I guess you’re right,” he said but sounded so resigned, I wondered about the flack he received that I didn’t know about. “I’m so proud of you and want to scream our love from the rooftops, but I don’t want to be reckless either. I just want to finish school, then get us the hell out of here.”
“Come on,” I said, jogging ahead a few steps. “Let’s get down to the river.”
As we made our way to the clearing, I looked up at the dark sky. “I think it’s going to rain.”
“Probably,” he replied, glancing upward. “You wanna turn back?”
I shook my head. “It might hold out.”
“How are things at home?” he asked. “Did Trent give you any grief today?”
I shrugged. “No more than usual.”
He nodded. “I can’t wait until this year is over.”
I sighed. “I know. Me too, but there’ll be arseholes everywhere, so you need to stop worrying about it.”
“I’ll never stop trying to protect you from every single one,” he said in a tone I didn’t like.
“I don’t need your protection.” I picked up the pace, eager to get to our place by the river. “I can fight my own battles.”
Ki groaned but didn’t push me on this. We’d had the conversation so many times.
When we arrived, I sat down next to my pebble art and pulled out my sketchpad.
“It’s so amazing,” Ki said, squatting next to me and staring at the design. “How many pieces do you think there are?”
“Two,” I said, smiling. “Yours and mine.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “We just fit together, you and I.”
He shook his head, laughing. “That’s a bit cheesy, Emerson.”
I smacked him on the chest and tried to pull back, but his strong arms held me in place. “I’m kidding.” He kissed me so passionately my knees went weak.
After making out for what seemed like forever, Ki left me with my sketchpad while he baited his hooks.
Every chance I got, I worked on what I now considered to be my self-portrait. It had become a complex layering of light and shade that reflected every aspect of my life.
I deserved this. I’d never intentionally hurt anyone. I worked hard at school and at home. There was no reason I shouldn’t be given this amount of happiness because it was pure and good.
“Stay with me tonight,” Ki said, as we neared my bus stop a few hours later.
“I’ll have to go home to get some things,” I replied, already working out what clothes I’d pack in my head.
“Makes sense as we’re going to the art gallery tomorrow, and the less time you spend with Trent the better.”
“I can handle Trent,” I said, pushing my shoulders back and meeting his gaze. “I’ve taken care of myself all my life, and as much as I appreciate and love that you want to protect me, I don’t need you to treat me like some helpless little girl.”
He appeared pained. “I know you’re not helpless, Kalimna, but I’m worried—and I want you in my bed.”
I looked up at him through my lashes and knew I wanted that, too—so much. “I’ll go home and get my things, then I’ll be back.”
Mum was sitting on the benches in front of the small supermarket with a few of her friends, just as she always did in the early evenings. She looked straight at me but didn’t say a word. I could feel her eyes on me as I passed, but there was no acknowledgment. She acted as if I was a stranger and realistically, to her, I was. However, that day she followed me home, and I was aware of her close behind me as I unl
ocked the front door.
While I was packing a few things from my dresser into a bag, my whole body tensed. I glanced towards my bedroom door and my stomach fell. Mum and Trent were blocking my exit.
“Where are you going?” Trent asked, arms tightly folded.
“I’m staying in town tonight,” I replied, pushing a pair of jeans into my bag. “Not that it’s any business of yours,” I mumbled under my breath. These days, I stayed overnight at Mereki’s house often, but I’d never had to justify myself before. They were rarely home when I was, and I had no reason to think they cared about my whereabouts any more than I cared about theirs.
“Who with?” Mum asked, then shoved a cigarette in her mouth. Trent whipped a Zippo lighter from his pocket and lit it for her.
“Yeah,” Trent sneered. “Who with, Emerson?”
“Um . . . a friend.” I clenched my teeth and hoped for the best.
“You’re staying with Mereki, aren’t you, you little slut?” Trent laughed, but there was a malicious edge to his voice.
“I’m not a slut,” I defended. “He’s my boyfriend, and I’m seventeen years old.”
“You should be shacking up with Jacob Smith,” Mum suggested with her hand on her hip, the cigarette hanging from her red-stained lips. “He’s more your type.” Then she blew smoke directly into my face.
And follow in your footsteps? I don’t think so.
I slung my bag over my shoulder and took a few steps towards them. “This is none of your business,” I said, pinning them both with a harsh look. “And for the record, Jacob Smith has never been and will never be my type.”
Mum snickered. “You’ll learn soon enough that all men leave. Doesn’t matter how pretty you are or how often you spread your legs.” Pain flashed across her bloodshot eyes. “Cash in with the rich boy while you can.”
“You’re wrong,” I whispered, surprised by how calm I felt. I could’ve told her Mereki and I were in love and that we were planning the rest of our lives, away from her and this town. I could’ve told her that we were soulmates and nothing would come between us. I could’ve said so many things, but I bit my tongue. She was bitter and twisted and I’d be wasting my breath. Silently, I thanked the stars for aligning, the river goddess or whoever led me down to the river all those years ago because what Mereki and I had was forever.