She licked her lips, like she was trying to decide whether to confess the truth now or not. Her nostrils flared too, and her cheeks became redder.
“No. I didn’t plan on telling you.”
I released my grip on her arm and stepped away. Suddenly, Vivian looked devastated. Her face was filled with guilt.
“I didn’t think you would want to know. You didn’t seem to be the kind of man who wanted that kind of responsibility. I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me. That you’d shove me away anyway. I wasn’t ready for another rejection from you. I was vulnerable and scared and I wanted to keep my baby safe and healthy. I just wanted…I just wanted some peace…”
I could see Vivian breaking down before my eyes. I should have continued to remain angry with her, but instead, I could see her point of view. I’d done nothing to make her feel like I would welcome this baby in my life.
Vivian was wringing her hands together as she stood there on the other side of the fence.
“I’m sorry, Cash. I guess you had a right to know. I just didn’t think you wanted to,” she murmured.
Slowly, I breathed in deeply and nodded my head. I looked up at the sunny bright sky briefly and then down at her again. Vivian was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something.
“I would never have let you go if I knew you were pregnant. That you were carrying my baby,” I said, and she looked away from me.
“But you were prepared to let me go quite easily under any other circumstance.” She shot a threatening look at me now with her eyes narrowed and full of accusations. “In fact, you couldn’t wait to let me go. You woke up the next morning…the morning after we…and you left. The first thing you said to me when you came back to the bar was that you wanted me gone!”
Her voice was a little raised right now and I was aware she had every right to be mad.
“I was trying to look out for you. Staying in LA would have kept you on the Sons of Satan mind. They didn’t need a constant reminder that they’d lost the battle over you.”
Vivian closed her eyes and nodded.
“Sure, yeah, everything you do is to keep me safe. Of course. How can I forget.” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.
“You don’t believe me?”
Vivian waited a beat before she answered.
“Sometimes, what you think is logically the safest option may not be the best one,” she replied, but this time she wasn’t snapping. She was speaking in a cool and calm way.
I nodded.
“I see that now. I shouldn’t have asked you to leave. Being in LA, close to me, where I could keep a watch on you; would have been the best option…” I looked down at her belly. “For everyone.”
Vivian stroked her stomach again and waited for me to continue.
“Please, Vivian, will you pack your bags so I can take you back?”
She was staring at me and I couldn’t be sure what her answer was going to be. She was considering it; I could see that. She gulped.
“I don’t know if I should do that. I’m settled here now. I’m seven months pregnant…”
I cut her off.
“I swear to you that I’m going to make sure nothing happens on the way. If it does, I will be there. I don’t want you to worry about anything. Please, just pack your bags and come with me. Can you do that?”
She was wringing her hands still, trying to decide.
I stepped closer to her, I reached out my hand to her and she took a moment before she placed her hand on my open palm.
“Give me half an hour to get ready and then we can go,” she said, and they were the sweetest words I ever heard.
42
Vivian
Once again, Cash had saved the day. He had rescued me from my family. The parents who didn’t support me and who had been looking down on me all these days because I’d gotten pregnant out of wedlock. How was it that he always found a way to reach me when I most needed him? Even though I could never directly tell him. It was like we were telepathically connected somehow.
Mom and dad were surprised and in shock when I rushed back into the house and started packing my bags. Dad had been sleeping and mom was watching TV just like I expected them too. I’d told Cash to come around to the front of the house and wait on the porch for me.
I didn’t care if they saw him there, in fact, I hoped they saw him.
“You’re leaving?” Mom came rushing to my room when she saw me haul my suitcase upstairs. I was throwing all my stuff in there. I didn’t care about folding anything or packing anything neatly. That feeling of relief of being able to get out of here was overwhelming.
“Yes, mom, isn’t that what you wanted from the start? To save face and money and all the trouble?” I stopped to glare at her. Dad had woken up and now he came to the room too.
“She’s leaving. She’s packing up and going. There’s some bearded man out there in the porch and she’s leaving with him!” Mom sounded exasperated, and I knew it wasn’t because she was actually concerned for me. She just felt like this would be an inconvenience. Who would they boss around the house now? Who would do all the chores?
“Is he the father?” dad asked with venom in his voice as he peeked out of my window to look down at Cash in the porch.
I slammed the suitcase shut and then faced them again.
“Yes. He is the father. We’re returning to LA together if you’re interested to know. I’ll send you photos of your granddaughter if you want, but I don’t think you’ll be seeing us in person any time soon,” I said and started to carry the suitcase down the stairs.
Mom and dad were fast at my heels, quick to remind me what a huge mistake I was making again, just like last time.
“You’re going to be back here, begging us to take you in!” dad threatened as I pulled the front door open.
Cash was standing out there and he smiled when he saw me. He grabbed the suitcase from my hand, and I looked over my shoulder at my parents.
“I don’t think I will. I think this is it. It’s over,” I said and without waiting for a response, I was following Cash down the porch to his car parked outside the house.
I saw my parents huddled angrily at the door as I got into the front seat. Nobody waved. It wasn’t an emotional parting.
“I’m never coming back here,” I murmured to myself under my breath and this time, I knew I was going to stick to that promise because this time I had Cash.
* * *
Neither of us were very talkative on the way back to LA. It was going to be a seven-hour drive and Cash had instructed me to let him know if at any point I felt even a little bit sick or uncomfortable.
But I didn’t. This was an amazing feeling! To be able to get out of that town, away from that house and my parents. I knew he could sense it too. Just from his brief encounter with my parents, he would have been able to easily figure out the kind of people they were.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t invite you in or introduce you to my family,” I said, after we’d been quiet in the car for some time.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s not like I’ll ever be able to introduce you to mine either,” he said, focusing on the road with his dark eyes narrowed.
I didn’t want to look into what he said too deeply, but did that mean anything? We hadn’t made things clear between us. Technically, we were still just strangers to each other. We had never been in a relationship. I accidentally got pregnant by him.
The only thing for me to do right now was to ask him something I should have asked him a long time ago.
“Cash, were you watching me after I stopped working at the bar?”
I said it in a meek and quiet voice, expecting him to snap at me. If Patch was to be believed, Cash was never going to admit the truth to me.
He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and then glanced at me.
“Yes.”
Was that all he was going to offer?
“Because you thought my life was in danger?”
> “Because I knew you were being watched by the Sons of Satan. I couldn’t just let you go on with your life. I had to keep you safe.”
He wasn’t looking at me. Patch had warned me this would be a difficult conversation for Cash to have. I licked my lips.
“Thank you,” I said, and he glanced at me again.
“It’s not like I could actually protect you when it came to it. I couldn’t stop you from being nabbed by them.”
“You were doing it by yourself. Please don’t blame yourself for what happened. You saved me, that’s what matters, and the baby is safe too.”
Cash’s eyes softened when I mentioned that. I could see it was weird for him to talk about the baby. He wasn’t expecting it, but he was handling it well.
“It’s going to be a girl, and I’ve decided I want to call her Lily,” I told him and this time I was smiling. Cash looked over at me, with that same softness in his eyes still.
“Lily is a beautiful name. I can’t wait to meet her.”
* * *
Cash took me to his apartment when we got to LA.
He ushered me in, offered me food and something to drink. I told him all I really wanted to do was rest my feet in a comfortable position for some time and we sat down together on the couch.
I was looking around his living room. It was definitely a ‘man’s apartment’, but it was neat and clean, nonetheless.
“I hope you will be comfortable here,” he said, and I didn’t dare to look at him.
“Just for some time. I’m sure Nora will let me stay in her room until I can start paying rent again,” I responded and before I knew what was happening, Cash had placed a hand on my knee. I felt a wave of warmth passed through me again.
“Maybe I didn’t make this clear enough for you before, Vivian. I want you to stay here with me. I want our daughter to grow up with me around.”
I still didn’t want to jump the gun. I’d already made several presumptions in our relationship—all of which had been too soon or wrong. I didn’t want to go through those emotions again.
“That’s a very kind offer,” I told him and his grasp on my knee tightened.
“What I’m trying to say Vivian, is that I want us to give this a shot. I don’t know if that’s what you want too, maybe it isn’t, but there’s been nobody else since I first met you. No other woman.”
Cash was looking at me with his darkened strong stare. He didn’t even blink as he spoke. He was holding my gaze confidently.
“Do you hear me?” he growled this time when I didn’t respond, and I slowly nodded.
“That is what I want too. I want this baby to grow up in a loving home, with both her parents.”
“And I want to give her that.”
“And regarding you and me…there’s been nobody else for me either. It’s just that I wasn’t sure it was what you wanted.”
Cash clenched his jaws and he stood up from the couch, running a hand through his hair like he was exhausted already. He paced around the room for a few moments, and then he stopped and glared at me.
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way, Vivian. I just trained myself not to trust women, and I didn’t want to trust myself with you.”
“Trust women? Why?” I could sense there were undercurrents of something else here.
Cash breathed in, squaring his shoulders and he fixed his eyes on me once more.
“It happened a long time ago. Realistically, I shouldn’t have held a grudge for so long. I should have let it go.”
“When did it happen? What are you talking about?”
Cash reached around to rub the back of his neck.
“Ten years ago. I was just an idiot twenty-year old who didn’t know any better. I met this girl and I thought she was the one.”
I wasn't sure I wanted to hear about this. Another woman and Cash? It made me jealous as he talked but I wanted to listen too, I wanted to know what happened.
“Her name was Laura. She was just a sexy older woman who caught my attention and gave me some attention in return. I came from a broken home; I had never known what it felt like to get that kind of approval from someone else. A beautiful wiser woman. I fell hard and strong.”
I gulped, sitting on the couch and staring up at him with my hands clenched on my lap. Cash glared at me, he looked angry.
“What did she do to you?” I asked him and he sighed and shrugged.
“She fucked somebody else. A guy I thought was my friend. He was another prospect in the club, just like I was. She didn’t even try and hide it. She was proud of it, she used it to teach me a lesson to not get too attached to her. Just when I was beginning to think we could have a future together. I was ready to take the plunge. A few more months and I would have bought a fucking ring!”
I didn’t think Cash was that kind of guy. I couldn’t have guessed that something like this would affect him. Surely, he was the type who went around sleeping with whomever he wanted…but maybe he was too naive back then.
While I was thinking these thoughts, he came towards me and crouched down on his knees. Taking my breath away.
“I thought she was going to be faithful to me, I thought it meant something and in turn I had my bloody heart ripped out of my fucking chest!” His fists were clenched, I could see just how mad it made him, even just talking about it now.
My hand trembled as I reached for his face, placing my fingers on his rough unkempt beard.
“You’re the only one for me, Cash. You’re the father of my child. Nobody else even comes close.”
He stared into my eyes for a moment and then placed his hand on mine and drew in deeply.
“I know that now. I should have trusted you from the start. Trusted my own gut instinct about you. You are perfect, you are not like anybody else…and definitely not like her. You are beautiful and special and unique, and I am going to spend the rest of my life protecting you and my princess.”
He glanced down at my bulging belly and it brought tears to my eyes, to know that my baby was going to have the love and protection of this big strong man, her father.
Cash leaned in towards me and we were kissing deeply. His tongue was in my mouth, my fingers were in his dark hair and he leaned me back on the couch while he explored my mouth. His hands were all over my body, feeling the new curves that I was sporting.
“Fuck! I didn’t think you could look any more beautiful, but here you are!” he grunted as he started to take his shirt off.
I was ready for him, wet and prepared to feel his big cock deep inside me again.
“You do this to me. I only feel beautiful when I’m with you,” I said, and he was kissing my neck.
43
Cash
I left my apartment when Vivian fell asleep. It made me anxious to leave her alone anywhere, but I knew I had to. Eventually, once I had spoken to the rest of the club, I was going to form some kind of plan of protection for her and the baby.
For now, it was time to go to Church and disclose everything to the rest of the guys.
By the time I got to the clubhouse, the others had already started to gather there under Grimm’s orders.
“Where’ve you been?” Patch asked when he saw me walking in through the front door of the bar. When I went to see Vivian, I’d technically just disappeared without letting anyone know.
I nodded at him but went straight to where Patch was standing. I had to get this done with.
“Hey man,” he said, smiling at me and I stood in front of him with my shoulders squared, well aware of the fact that I was within earshot of most other people. Grimm was there too, behind us somewhere, looking at me now. I wanted him to hear this. I wanted everyone to hear this.
“I’m going to be a dad. I went to bring Vivian back to LA so she can have the baby here. They’re moving in with me.”
Till this day, since the first time I met her—I had not admitted to Patch or the rest of the crew that something was going on between Vivian and me.
Of c
ourse, it must have been fairly easy for everyone to figure out something was happening. Heck, I’d spent the night with her in the room here after the final Sons of Satan shootout. But it was an open secret that none of us actually acknowledged.
And now it was out there.
I was going to be a father. This was obviously also the first time I was saying those words aloud in general. It was one of the scariest things I’d uttered. How was it that I could pull out my weapon, point and shoot and kill somebody without giving it a moment’s thought…but the idea of being someone’s dad was a scary thought!
There was silence all around me for several moments while the information seemed to seep into their brains first, and then a loud cheer broke out. Patch had lunged forward to encase me in a hug. I couldn’t remember the last time we had actually hugged!
“This is the best news! Congratulations! You’re going to be a father!”
It wasn’t just Patch congratulating me, Grimm, Bones, Rogue…all the prospects and other members of the club who were there were all surrounding me now. Bender was laughing joyously, snapping open beer bottle caps and passing them around because this was a moment of pure and happy celebration.
A baby was going to be born, going to become a part of our growing club family. This was definitely the best news I could have given them. Besides, everyone here adored Vivian.
Cheers were ringing, toasts were being made and Patch turned to me with a big gleeful smile on his face.
“I knew the two of you were going to find a way back to each other!” he declared.
* * *
“We have to destroy the Sons of Satan before they launch another attack on us. They’re just biding their time and waiting for the perfect moment.”
Patch was the one pacing around the bar now, worrying. I’d told them how it was the same ginger-bearded guy from the Sons of Satan who had clearly been keeping an eye on Vivian back in her hometown.
Cash: The Black Cobras MC #2 Page 17