You (I) ask for help when you (I) need it. You (I) are (am) generous with your (my) giving and receiving. Sometimes you (I) can ask anyone and sometimes you (I) choose a specific helper to call on.
They always come.
You (I) know who people are.
You (I) never have to apologize, and you (I) do to be sure that I (you) am (are) calm, at ease, safe and sound.
I’m (you’re) not the nicest to you (me) a lot of the time. It makes sense, you’re (I’m) not going anywhere. You (I) will always patiently get through with me (you). I (you) still shouldn’t treat you (me) like that.
I (You) never have to worry you’ll (I’ll) leave.
We will always be together.
You (I) will never be alone.
I (you) will protect you (me) and always let you (me) be you (me). I (you) promise to honor and respect whomever that is and whatever she needs.
Goodnight my beautiful fairy.
Love, me (you)
OUR FAIRY TALE
She’s not out there waiting, hoping, wishing he’ll come.
Wishing he’ll save her.
Wishing he’ll be the one,
the one she’s been waiting for.
He’s not going to rescue her from her dismal life.
He’s not going to rush to her side, shower her with gifts and the keys to his kingdom.
That isn’t our fairy tale
Love is when you make me eggs or you give me the good pillow.
Love is when you wipe snot from my nose and tell me I’m prettiest when I cry, even though I’m pretty disgusting.
Love is when, even though you pretend you hate every bit of my effort, you end up teary and grateful for your botched up birthday.
Love is me liking how you snore.
It’s learning what you need, even though that might shake us.
Love is watching you get dressed to look sharp and go out to be seen, even though I know you’d rather be in your sweats listening to music on the couch,
by yourself.
It’s how you know I pretend I’m annoyed at always having to be somewhere or make something happen because my secret is I just want to be acknowledged
and I can’t hide that from you.
We can’t hide anything from each other.
Love is me liking how much you worry.
I do too.
Love is me getting how scared you are.
That’s also mine to confess.
Love is propping you up when you’re down, or letting me talk when I’m vulnerable.
Love is you.
And me.
And Netflix.
It’s the day to day.
It’s wanting to be with you when you’re being a jerk.
It’s wanting to be with me when I’m way too serious.
It’s laughing with you when we say we’re sorry.
It’s being able to say “I don’t like this” and working to make us work.
It’s making mistakes and forgiving.
It’s doing nothing but lying next to you and being unable not to say
“I love US.”
That’s love. That’s our fairy tale.
I wish we knew that then.
I FELL IN LOVE TODAY
I fell in love today
I hadn’t realized that I didn’t know what it really was to fall in to love until that moment.
The moment I looked in the mirror and said I’m afraid.
I’m afraid to fail.
I’m afraid to commit myself.
I’m afraid to let go of controlling how it all will go.
I’m afraid to ask of someone else to let me see myself in him.
And I let myself be afraid.
And I saw what it looks like to be alone.
And what I had done thus far to make sure that the me I truly am was kept alone.
To be safe.
And it was dark.
And it was frightening.
And there was no one.
But me.
And I was beautiful.
I was untouched and unscathed and as calm and peaceful and free as a fairy.
And then I invited myself to come out in to the world.
And breathe in the life around me.
And to stop hiding in that dark, frightening, alone place.
And I took my hand and guided myself into the light. Into the warm, open and energetic place.
And a flood of hope and peace and care surrounded me and embraced me.
And I looked at myself.
She smiled and said ‘I love you.’
Then she melted into me and I no longer saw where who I am ended and all of this fear and aloneness began. And then I noticed that I wasn’t afraid and I wasn’t alone.
I’d accepted love as company.
And she and I, now one, opened our eyes and saw that everything around us and every one was love. Like a mirror, reflecting an untouched, unscathed, peaceful, calm and free being.
Because love doesn’t get harmed.
It is always at peace.
It is always calm.
It is always free.
And it is always there waiting patiently to be unlocked from the dark, frightening place we keep it hidden.
Fearing we might lose the one thing we can never lose.
Because we are love.
And love is free.
Free is love.
We can give it and give it and we never lose.
Because It’s all there is.
It is the source of everything.
It is the place where we begin, where we grow and we thrive and when we are gone we let it go to be in the world where we found it when we arrived.
Love is a gift we never lose. We are free to be and use that gift whenever we choose.
It never fades.
It never dies.
So I fell into love today, right into it. In the most remarkable of places. Right there inside me and everywhere…
Wanting, asking, needing to be loved.
The most beautiful thing that we are entitled to as human beings.
No need to fear.
Just open your eyes.
HE SAID, “TODAY I’M A YES TO EVERYTHING.”
He said, “Today I’m a yes to everything.”
She said, “Everything?”
He: “Yes, everything…
I am a yes and I’ll answer all the questions you have.”
She: “Will you?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Do I have great hair?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Am I funny?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Do you trust me?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Do you trust yourself?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Don’t I mesmerize you?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Will you let me be what I want to be and do what I want to do?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Will you promise to be and do the same?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Will you stop stealing the covers?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Will you get angry?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Can we steal some candy from the bodega?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Is it ok if I want to take a break?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “You know I’d come back?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Are you going to stay this hot?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Do you know how sorry I am when I say it?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Can I be removed of all duty to ever have to make breakfast again?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Are you scared of this?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Do you know I’m still hurt?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Y
ou might run away too?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Do you really think I make jokes so I don’t cry?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Do you know I watch your eyes well up sometimes and secretly will them to just spill over and let go?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “You’re cool with me getting a motorcycle?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Will you tell me what you’re thinking?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Can we get a dog?”
He: “Yes.”
She: “Do you know you’re perfect?”
He: “Yes, for you.”
She: “That was more than ‘yes”’
He: “Yes. I had more than ‘yes’ to say.”
She: “Do you wish I was some other way?”
He: “Yes, and then I realize that I probably wouldn’t love her.”
She: “Is there someone else you could love?”
He: “Yes. And it would never be as perfect as loving you.”
She: “Ok I’m through.”
He: “That’s it?”
She: “Yes…
You’re my best friend.”
He: “I know. You’re mine too.”
She: “Uh handsome, that’s just perfect…
Now, go make me breakfast.”
SATURDAY MORNINGS
Saturday mornings.
It is always Saturday mornings.
When we realize we have a day off and we could fill it with everything and everyone.
Knocking out a to do list.
Letting breakfast turn into one too many creative cocktails of muddled fruit and our choice of sauce, a trip to the flea market and, eventually a disco nap in the grass before we got out dancing.
Going to this festival, this exhibit, this art show, this friend’s performance, this yoga class, this day spa, this…stuff.
Or we could stay right here.
We can always stay right here, tangled limbs
muffled hair
dreams in zzz-ing
dreams in talking
creating from our little room in our humble apartment
From our quiet.
You, always wondering and listening.
Me, always thinking aloud.
We can always just lie here and breathe.
We don’t need other spaces and people and places.
There’s always another.
The laundry will always be a little dirty.
There will always be something that can have us be entertained outside of this.
And I choose this.
I choose to say nothing or everything. I choose to find new things I didn’t know I didn’t know
about you
about me
about us.
Every other part of my week is filled with restlessness, more wanting, needing, striving, hoping, worrying, stressing, running, committing, apologizing, time clocks, public transportation, city lights, honking horns, music, voices…
Noise.
Here, it’s quiet.
Here I can live with nothing to need, nothing to want, and nowhere to get.
It’s all here, love…
Right here.
BECAUSE I’M LETTING YOU GO
Because I’m letting you go
“I’ve never had a friend like you,” he says.
“Well, dear, it’s because we are in love.”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“But you’re getting married.”
“That’s true too.”
So it goes between us two. Misfits until we found each other. And then you went off and I stayed and played and asked you what it all meant.
You reassured me that it meant that I hadn’t found it yet.
But I had.
I was afraid of you.
You know my secrets. I’ve washed my wellies in your dishwasher and I’ve fed your shoes to your dog.
I’ve stolen your girlfriend with every intention of making her feel insecure, with hopes she’d give up the throne, next to you.
I wanted to sit there.
I’d never have to fix your collar or tell you you drank too much.
I’d never have to guess what you meant or what you were thinking, because you tell me.
You always have.
I don’t regret a minute of knowing you, but I do regret all those times I thought I wasn’t good enough for you.
You have horses in your backyard and a house in Morocco.
I have nothing.
You know how to give and receive and be present and loving.
I’m afraid of everyone.
You brought me flowers because I got my heart broken. You told me I was the one everyone waits for.
I didn’t believe you.
You stopped waiting.
You’re going to marry her.
I’m going to be there to celebrate.
It’ll be the first wedding where I don’t even see the bride.
There’s been 2. 2 men in the many who’ve made me realize that they do exist.
That love isn’t all movies and fairytales.
That I’m lovable.
I did this though. I pushed both of you away.
The first, I was young. I didn’t know what love meant. I told myself he wasn’t enough.
He wasn’t.
But you are.
Maybe the 3rd time is the charm. Maybe the next one who comes back to me after I tell him to leave will work.
Maybe then I’ll stop quizzing and judging and creating all the reasons why this is doomed and I prefer to sleep alone.
Maybe then I’ll find the strength to ask him to stay.
I missed you when you left.
Every thing I owned reminded me of you. Every man with a good suit and a smashingly kept hairdo. Every girl who looked happy made me imagine what we could have been.
Every one. Every last one.
I didn’t even realize I gave up then.
I did.
You are like light.
You are like french macaroons with a cafe ole.
You are the love I never got to have.
And we would have been perfect.
It’s time to move on. It’s time to believe again. It’s time to give up giving up.
You gave me that.
I realize all of this because of you.
I love you more today than ever,
because I’m letting you go.
DON’T YOU?
Nobody is trying to win here, you know.
Don’t you?
And I don’t accept all of you because I feel sorry.
In fact, it takes something to keep that up while you sit there moping about how much you don’t get anything you want from life.
And not hear I’m not enough for you.
I am here, you know.
Don’t you?
I do exist.
I do care.
I do want the same.
You’re not an island.
You’re not alone.
I’m right here in front of you.
You’re blind on purpose, you know. Don’t you?
I see you.
I see what you’re capable of.
I can not find words to tell you how much I love him and this version of him the same.
It’s not easy to speak to dead ears, you know.
Don’t you?
And I will.
Can’t help that.
Can’t help loving.
Can’t stop the flood.
Can’t stop the feeling in my gut when I watch you hurt.
Can’t fix it.
There’s nothing to fix.
I’m not leaving, you know.
Don’t you?
Where are your words?
Where do I fit?
Why do I have to be so strong?
Or maybe I’m stubborn.
But I love you, you know.
Don’t
you?
I’ll stay while you work this out.
This nothing.
This minutia of thoughts
and judgments
and saddened minutes,
hours, days, weeks…
There’s nothing to fix, you know. Don’t you?
I’ll be patient.
I’m not upset.
I’m not rustled or fussed.
I’m just in love.
And waiting.
You’re worth that, you know.
Don’t you?
One Page Love Story- Share the Love Page 12