As soon as the words had left my lips, I regretted them. I pushed my hair off my face and strolled past him to sit on the sofa. He didn’t move, staying in the same spot in the middle of the room.
“I know things between us are weird,” I said after a long silence. “And I know that you don’t want to go through with this… But there’s more between us than you want to admit. And maybe you won’t admit it because you’re scared of getting hurt again.”
I really didn’t want to tell him how he felt, but I was sure about this. Even if there was more to it than that, this was a huge part of the problem. He didn’t reply.
“I know I come with a lot of baggage,” I said, my voice faltering a little. “I get it. You don’t want this. But don’t pretend that you don’t feel something for me, even if it is complicated.”
“Maybe you’re right,” he said quietly. “Maybe she did fuck me up.”
I pulled my legs up and tucked them beneath me, not looking at him.
“I’m sorry I said something to her. It wasn’t my place.”
“I’m not mad.”
“You seem it.”
“I’m just… confused.”
“Why?”
“You,” he said, turning to face me. I lifted my gaze enough to meet his. “Why do you care what she did to me?”
“Because I care about you. And honestly, she’s lucky I only used words.”
A smirk played across his lips. He sat down on the sofa beside me, leaving a small gap between us.
“I don’t know what this is,” he said, gesturing to the space between us. “I don’t know what’s going to happen when our deal ends.” He sighed. “You see this arrangement as a marriage. But it’s not. It’s a business deal.”
I stiffened.
“A business deal?”
“Yes. My father wants to be part of the royal family. Yours wants loyalty from the Avarian Army. The Council wants you to have an heir. That’s why arranged marriages exist. So people can get what they want.”
I didn’t respond. Everything he said was true, even though I’d never seen it that way before.
“That’s what I thought when my father told me he was arranging me a marriage. If it had been anyone else… I probably wouldn’t have been such a dick on our first meeting.”
I nibbled on my lip.
“What if none of this mattered?” I asked. “What if I wasn’t the heir to the throne and we were just two people with no strings attached? Would you want this?”
“I don’t know. I can’t think of it that way.”
“I think you just gave me your answer.”
“Ashley, it’s not that simple.”
“It is. I know that this is a business deal, but I’m not some object. I’m a fucking girl. I’m a person. And if you can’t see me as anything more than part of this deal then that’s the only answer I need.”
I stood up, furious at myself for getting so emotional so quickly. But his words had hurt me more than I’d expected.
“Ash…”
He stood up and grabbed my arm, pulling me back to face him.
“I’m sorry,” he said weakly.
“Don’t,” I warned him, staring over his shoulder pointedly. “I’m just sorry you don’t see me as a person.”
“That’s not what I said and you know it.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes. You’re twisting my words because you didn’t like what I said.”
“No, I didn’t. Because now I know what I’ll be to whoever the Council chooses for me after you walk away. A business deal.”
“You’re not!” He grabbed my shoulders. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You’re not. You’re more than that but I don’t know how to separate what this really is from what I feel.”
I finally met his gaze.
“That’s because you can’t. No matter what you feel, I will only ever be a business deal to you.”
I tried to pull away but he pulled me closer, bringing his face close to mine. I froze against him, a tear sliding down my cheek.
“You’re more than that.”
“Don’t, Blaine. Don’t make me fall for you when you’re only going to break my heart.”
My words made his eyes narrow.
“You think this isn’t hard for me too? We’re both pawns in this, Princess.”
“Maybe. But I’m not looking for a way out. I’m just looking to be loved.”
“I thought I was loved before. It was just a lie.”
I heard weakness in his voice. Despite my brain telling me to move away from him, I pressed my fingers against his shirt.
“Well, I’m here,” I told him boldly, holding his gaze. “And I’m not lying about how I feel.”
His eyes didn’t leave mine. My fingers slowly gripped onto his shirt, daring him to move away. He didn’t.
“You only want this because it’s easy,” he said. Even though his assumption irked me, I didn’t back down.
“It would be easier if I didn’t want this,” I shot back. “And you can keep lying to yourself but you want it too. Maybe not all of it, but you have feelings for me. I’m just not afraid to admit mine.”
I made to move away but he stopped me, pulling me against him. His mouth stopped an inch from mine, his breath ticking my lips. For a few seconds, he just held me there.
He was hesitating. I looked up at him through my lashes and saw doubt in his eyes.
“You have a thousand reasons to walk out right now,” I whispered, my lips brushing his, “but the one reason you have to stay is that you want this as badly as I do.”
Finally, he closed the distance between our lips. And he didn’t hold back.
He pushed my lips apart with his tongue as his hands slid down my body to my hips, holding me against him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, savouring the feel of his body against mine. I had no idea what would happen when we sobered from this moment but I didn’t care.
I just wanted him.
When he lifted me up, I let out a gasp against his lips. He moved across the room with my legs wrapped around his hips. When he released me, I fell back onto the bed.
He came down on top of me, holding his body an inch above mine. His lips moved away from mine, kissing a soft trail down my neck. I swallowed hard, his stubble grazing my skin as his lips travelled across my collarbone and shoulder.
“Tell me to stop,” he mumbled, bringing his face back to mine. He kissed me again, though his eyes were on mine.
Instead of answering him, I pushed him back. For a moment he was confused. Then I climbed onto his lap.
His hands gripped my hips as I kissed him, tightening to the point it almost hurt. I drew back slightly, my breaths coming out a little laboured. Though I was inexperienced, I knew exactly what I was doing to him, even without the feel of him beneath me. I just wasn’t prepared for what it was doing to me. And sitting on top of him like this was only making it worse. My fingers reached for the buttons of his shirt. After I’d undone the first three, he grabbed my hands.
“I thought you were waiting,” he said, his voice husky.
“I said it was traditional,” I replied, “not that I wanted to wait.”
He didn’t look convinced. I pulled my hands free and climbed off him, standing up. His eyes were glued to me as I reached behind me to the zip of my dress. I pulled it down slowly, enjoying the way his eyes followed my hands. My heart pounded in my chest, nervous as my dress loosened. Part of me was scared he would change his mind, leaving me humiliated after putting everything out there. I lowered the straps from my shoulders and let the dress drop to the floor.
I was still in my underwear, but it felt like I was completely naked in front of him. His eyes raked over me for a few seconds before he sat up and reached his hands out to me. When he pulled me closer and kissed my belly, I took a sharp breath.
“You are going to be the death of me, Princess.”
He pulled me down onto the bed again and tucked me
beneath him.
Chapter 27
The sun woke me as it made its appearance from behind the mountains. For a moment, I forgot about everything that had happened the previous night.
Then I felt a pair of eyes watching me. I turned my head and saw Blaine lying beside me, eyes open.
“Morning, Princess.”
I blinked a few times as my memories caught up with me. Heat filled my cheeks as I recalled the way the night had ended.
“Hi,” I said weakly. “You weren’t watching me sleep, were you?”
“Only for a few minutes.”
“That’s so cheesy.”
“You make funny noises. It’s almost like a cat purring.”
I turned my face into my pillow to hide my blush. He chuckled.
“Hey,” he said, pulling the pillow away from me. “How are you feeling?”
I met his gaze.
“I’m good.”
His eyes did a quick sweep of my face, probably searching for a lie. When he found none, he leaned his head to mine and kissed me gently on the lips. I shifted closer to him, wanting to feel his body against mine again. His hand ran down my back, reminding me that neither of us were wearing any clothes. He groaned into the kiss.
“I know what you’re doing,” he muttered, moving his lips to my ear.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Uh-huh.”
He rolled me onto my back and pressed his lips to my shoulder.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he mumbled as his lips trailed across my skin.
“I’m thinking… that I don’t want to leave this bed for the whole day.”
He chuckled, bringing his lips back to mine.
“That’s a long time to stay in bed.”
“I guess we’ll have to find a way to keep us entertained,” I replied before his lips devoured mine.
We didn’t stay in bed all day, eventually crawling out from under the sheets. As I pulled my clothes on, I couldn’t help but wonder what last night really meant. I was determined not to regret it, no matter what happened next. Even if things didn’t work out between us, last night had been amazing. Blaine had finally let his walls down and nobody could take away what we’d shared.
“What are your plans for today?” Blaine asked as he pulled his trousers on.
“I have no idea,” I admitted as I crossed to the mirror above the fireplace. The embers were still glowing, though the heat from it had become almost nothing. I ran my fingers through my hair, attempting to untangle the birds nest on my head.
“We could work on your magic,” Blaine suggested.
“That’s true.”
I grabbed a comb off the dresser and attacked the knots with it. As I eyed my reflection, I couldn’t help but look for any differences. Was I meant to feel different now I was no longer a virgin? I was definitely sore and my legs felt a little wobbly, but did I feel different? When Blaine appeared behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, I realised that I wasn’t different. Our relationship was.
“Can we talk about what happened?” he asked, resting his head on top of mine and meeting my gaze in the mirror. I lowered the comb.
“What about it?”
I already had a sinking feeling in my stomach.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future,” he said slowly. “But I know I want to be with you now.”
It was an improvement, but there was no commitment there. Our deal still stood. Was it enough?
I turned to face him properly.
“Fine,” I told him. “But if you think I’m not going to spend the next however many months trying to convince you that what we have is real, then you’re wrong.”
“I know this is real,” he said, taking my hands in his. “I’m just…”
“Don’t say it,” I said before he could finish the sentence. “This is enough.”
He lifted one of my hands up to his lips and kissed my fingers.
“Your hair is a mess.”
I snorted.
“That’s your fault.”
“I didn’t hear you complaining.”
I smirked and ran my fingers up his stomach, stopping at the bandage.
“Does it still hurt?”
“Sometimes.”
“You know I’m going to be worried every time you go out on patrol now.”
He cupped my face.
“I’ll be fine.”
“I don’t want another call like the one from Fred.”
He kissed my forehead gently.
“It won’t happen again. I don’t repeat mistakes.”
I stared at the fire floating between my hands. Even though it was under my control, I felt the wildness of it as the flames danced. One wrong move and I’d lose all control.
“A little more,” Blaine said, watching the fire intently. I widened the space between my hands and the flames grew slightly. “And back down.”
I tried to shrink the flames but they wouldn’t obey so easily. My hands started to shake as I tried to force them to recede. When they disappeared altogether, I let out a sigh.
“It’s okay,” Blaine said as I frowned at my hands. “Fire is one of the hardest types of magic to control.”
I summoned the fire again, determined to control it properly.
“Don’t focus on the flames,” Blaine advised, watching the fire closely.
“What the hell am I supposed to focus on?”
“Your magic. Fire feeds off magic like it feeds off wood. The more wood you give it, the brighter it burns. The less you give it, the less it burns.”
I followed his advice, pulling my magic back slowly. His method worked and the fire slowly receded with my magic.
“That’s more like it,” Blaine grinned. “Now you need to practise moving the fire around, keeping complete control.”
“How do I move it around?”
“You send your magic away from you. Don’t release it though. We’ll get to that later.”
I pushed my palm out and guided my magic further away from me. The flames moved with the magic until they were floating in the middle of the room. Even though they were far from me, I could still feel them feeding off my magic.
“Good,” Blaine said. “How does it feel?”
“Draining,” I admitted.
“You’ll build up your magic’s strength over time,” he reassured me. “You’ve just got to keep at it daily.”
“I still don’t know what you meant about weaponizing fire.”
“I’ll show you.”
I let my flames drop as Blaine summoned his own. He flicked his hands lazily, twisting the flames into a shape. Even though the fire still flickered, it was clear that he’d made a sword out of fire.
“Does that actually work like a sword?” I asked doubtfully. “It’s not solid.”
“No. But if I throw it?”
He suddenly flung his hand out. The fiery sword flew across the room, slamming into one of the mannequins. The thing wobbled for a few moments as fire engulfed it. When Blaine drew his magic back, the flames dwindled until only scorch marks remained.
And a big hole in the middle.
I looked back at Blaine, my eyes wide. He gave me a smug smile.
“And you think I can do that?” I asked.
“You’ll have to work at it but I don’t see why not.”
“Does it work with other elements too?”
“It does but what do you think will do more damage? A sword of fire or water?”
“I suppose.”
I summoned fire again, determined to master that skill. I moved my magic away, watching as the fire spread into a shape.
“You need to concentrate the magic more. You’re spreading it too thin.”
With his guidance, I managed to create a similar sword-shape to what he made.
“Not bad,” he said, sounding mildly impressed. “Now throw it.”
I aimed my magic at the mannequin but the flame
s disappeared before it hit its target.
“It didn’t work,” I said, trying not to let my disappointment show in my voice. He chuckled.
“When did you release your magic.”
“Right after I threw it.”
“You need to keep hold of it until it’s hit or the fire will die out. Try it again.”
I made the fiery sword quicker this time. Once I was satisfied with the shape, I took aim at the mannequin. I threw my hand out and sent my magic across the room. When the fire hit the mannequin, I grinned.
When the fire disappeared, I frowned at the small, splintered dent I’d left.
“You did it.”
“I barely made a dent.”
“I didn’t think you’d even be able to shape the fire.”
I shot him a scathing look.
“My family isn’t the reigning family because we look good on a coin,” I pointed out. “Just because I don’t flaunt it doesn’t mean I don’t have powerful magic.”
“I can see that,” he said, tilting his head a little. “So, Princess, what else can you do?”
“A lot,” I hedged. “Though I’m a little out of practise.”
He considered me then stood up. He held his hands out to me.
“Come on,” he said, pulling me to my feet. “Let’s go get some breakfast.”
Chapter 28
“I was wondering if my son would bother to introduce his fiancé to me.”
I shot Blaine a nervous look as we sat down opposite his mother, Angela. When he’d told me she wanted to meet me before we left Avaria, I’d not expected him to actually go through with it.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I offered weakly. We were sat in a little café garden. Blaine and I had eaten here after we’d started my fire training and the food was good, not to mention the river ran right past the garden.
“Please, there’s no need for pleasantries.”
I glanced at Blaine again. He was tapping his finger on the table, looking a little uncomfortable. His mother had the same blonde hair and brown eyes as him, though her features were softer. She was tall and beautiful, though her blonde hair was tinged with grey and light wrinkles had started to form around her eyes.
The Avarian Chronicles: A Tear In The Veil Page 17