by Katy Kaylee
“Did you?” I snapped.
He put his hands on his hips. “No. But I figured it out when I was with her.”
“Kade, please,” Beth stepped forward. “I know this is bad, but please, give her a chance. This just got away from her and she couldn’t figure out what to do.”
“‘Kade, I’m pregnant with your baby’ was too hard?”
“Yes.”
“She’s not keeping it from me,” I said.
“She doesn’t want to. Really, Kade. She wants things to work out,” Beth said.
I scoffed. “I can’t believe that.” I brushed past them, and without a word headed out the door into the night. I had a driver there, but decided to walk a bit, needing to get my bearings on what had just happened. I’d fallen for a woman who was a liar. Not just a liar, but one that had kept my child a secret. Who did that?
I pulled out my phone and called the restaurant.
“She’s taken a well-deserved evening off,” Pat told me when I asked for Morgan. “Everything is fine here, and I’ve been working with Manny on learning general manager duties. He’d make a good assistant. He’s expediting tonight. Doing pretty well, too.”
“Good. Great.” I hung up the phone, not able to deal with business talk.
I texted my driver and when he arrived, I had him take me to Morgan’s apartment. The ride gave me time to reflect on all the times she could have told me but hadn’t. The first time I asked about the baby. During lunch. The many times we’d made love. She not only hadn’t told me, but she let me believe someone else was the father. Did she think someone else could be the father?
I scraped a hand over my face, hating the hurt and confusion I was feeling.
When I got to her apartment, I rapped on the door. No answer. I rapped louder.
“Morgan!”
No answer.
“Jeez, man, they’re out,” the person across the hall said through the door.
Fuck. Where was she? I called her on my phone. “Where are you?” I asked when she picked up. There was no hiding the anger in my voice.
“I’m mystery dining at one of your restaurants. Scoping out my competition. Are you home?”
I had no time for banter. “I’m at your place. We need to talk.”
“Okay. I’m having dinner with my mother. Her treatment is going well, Kade. Thank you so much.”
I clenched my teeth. So thankful for my help, she’d kept my child from me.
“I need to see you now, Morgan.”
There was a pause that had me thinking maybe she was catching on that I wasn’t in a good mood.
“Maybe I’ll pencil you in if you check your attitude. What’s wrong with you, Kade?”
I let out a growl. “You have no right to lecture me on my attitude. I’m at your place. Meet me here now.” I hung up, not wanting to get into it over the phone. I walked out front, paced a bit, and then sat on the front stoop to wait for her.
I had to admire my brothers’ ability to give their hearts so freely to a good woman. Me? When I’d finally taken the risk, I’d gotten my heart squashed like a bug. There was no way I’d let that happen again.
30
Morgan — Sunday
Was he angry that I’d taken a day off? That was what I was trying to tell myself as I sat petrified in my chair at the little diner where Mom and I were having dinner. Since Mom had started treatment, she seemed to have more energy, so we’d spent the afternoon shopping for baby items at secondhand stores.
“You know, I imagine Mr. Raven will help with all this,” my mother said as I looked at a baby swing and wondered how it would fit into our little apartment. She was right, but it was important to me that I would be able to take care of me and my baby, just in case he tossed us both aside when I finally told him the truth. The baby had just been made all the more real at my doctors’ appointment on Friday, where I heard the heartbeat and saw its form on the sonogram. It brought home how important it was that I tell him the truth sooner rather than later.
But now, I suspected he knew the truth. It was the only explanation for how low and dark his voice had sounded. How abrupt and demanding he’d been.
“Are you alright, honey?” My mother reached over and patted my hand.
“That was Kade.” I lifted my gaze to her. “I think he knows.”
Her brows lifted. “Oh? What did he say?”
“He said he was at our apartment and he had to see me now.”
Her expression softened. “He probably just misses you.”
I shook my head. “No. He said it angrily.”
“I guess it’s time then, isn’t it? I’ll be there to support you.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted her to hear what was going to be said. At the same time, I wasn’t sure I could face him alone. I didn’t feel unsafe. No, all I felt was shame and regret.
I paid for our meal and then hailed a cab so mom wouldn’t need to navigate the subway. We got off at our stop, and started on the few blocks walk to our apartment. The closer we got, the more my stomach churned.
“You can do this, Morgan. You’re a strong woman. You face your fears, and right now, you have to face your mistake.” My mother slipped her arm through mine as we came around the corner to our apartment building.
Kade sat on the front stoop, and my heart ached at the sight of him. His head was down, and he looked a bit broken. I’d done that to him. My mom was right. I needed to face him. To take whatever anger he needed to throw at me.
His head lifted, and his eyes darkened when he saw me. He stood and appeared to check his expression when he saw my mom.
“Mr. Raven.” My mother reached out and took his hands. “I have to thank you so much for what you’ve done for me. I’m a proud woman, so accepting your help is difficult, but I feel like you’ve given me my life back. There’s so much to look forward to, and I can’t wait to be a part of it all.”
My mom was sweet and smart. Kade might not know it, but she was trying to remind him that the future held a baby. This moment, as hard as it was, would pass. In the future, joy awaited us.
“Please call me Kade, and it’s my pleasure, Mrs. Andrews.” He managed a smile, but I could see it was difficult for him.
“Please call me Lola. We’re like family now.”
He flinched, and looked at me. I could only imagine that he was upset that she’d know and not him.
Kade followed us into the building and our apartment.
“I’ll put on tea. Or would you rather have coffee, Mr. Rav — ah, Kade.”
“I don’t need anything, thank you Lola.”
My mother made her way to the kitchen. Kade waited until she disappeared, but it wouldn’t matter. She’d hear everything. The neighbors would too, probably.
“Is it true?” He stood close to me, keeping his voice low. I think he was trying to avoid being overheard, but it made him sound even more ominous. “The baby. Is it mine?”
I nodded. I couldn’t get the word, “yes” out of my mouth. “How did you find out?”
“Not from you. I trusted you. I was ready to give my life to you and some other man’s baby.”
Each word felt like a stab to my heart. It was my own fault. It was only right that I felt his pain as keenly as he seemed to be feeling it.
“Was there even another man? John?”
“No. Only you.”
“Why, Morgan?” The pain in his voice threatened to undo me. “What’s wrong with me that you couldn’t accept me in your life?”
“Nothing, Kade. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect, and — ” I struggled to know what to say. “We weren’t serious. It was a casual thing.”
“Only to you, Morgan. You’re the one that has kept your distance.”
“I was afraid you’d think I was trying to trap you. That I was a gold digger.”
He laughed derisively. “You really think I’d believe that, after how hard it was to get you let me help your mother? Fuck, Morgan, were we even liv
ing in the same reality?” He turned away, took a few steps as he inhaled a breath.
“I heard you tell your brother that you never wanted to settle down, because you couldn’t know if a woman wanted you for you or your money.”
“Turns out, you didn’t want either.”
“That’s not true. I did want you, do want you. But I was afraid that you’d be angry about the baby.”
“Which suggests that you think I’m the type of man to abandon a woman and child.”
God. This was going so badly. Why had my reasoning made so much sense at the time? His rebuttals were making me seem so ridiculous and callous.
“Never in a million years would I have thought you’d do something like this. Why you’d take a page from Beth handbook, I can’t fathom. Ash missed five years of Hannah’s life. How many was I going to miss, Morgan? Or were you going to let me help you raise this baby never knowing I was its true father?”
“I was going to tell you. I started to — ”
“I don’t believe you. Jesus, did you even want to be with me?”
“Yes. Yes, Kade. I still do.”
He scoffed. “Well, that’s not going to happen now, is it? If I can’t trust you, what do we have? We can’t build something on lies.”
“We never said we were — ”
“Where were you when I told you I wanted more than casual? Did you forget? You were the one always pushing me away. I should have listened to that. I should have let Ash do the project instead of me.”
My brain was scrambled, and I couldn’t think straight. “I made a little mistake.”
“Little mistake?” His voice rose up a full decibel. “This wasn’t a little white lie. This was not telling me I was the father of your baby. Did you think I wouldn’t care? Did you think I was going to lose interest in you and move on? Would I have forfeited my rights to knowing if I did?”
“I don’t know why you’re with me.” That sounded lame, but it was all I could come up with.
He leaned in close. “Because I loved you, that’s why. I loved you and you broke my heart.”
I gasped as the full magnitude of what I’d lost hit me hard. “Kade, I — ”
“What was your plan, Morgan? Were you really going to pretend this child was someone else’s?”
“No, I told you. I was going to tell you — I just hadn’t found the right time.”
“Bullshit. You had plenty of time.” He shook his head. “You weren’t going to say a word.”
“That’s not true.” I felt desperate, and reached out to grab him. If I could hold him near, I could convince him that I did plan to tell him.
He stepped out of my reach. “I know it’s true because you haven’t apologized. Not once. Not even close.”
He stalked to the door and opened it. “Just so we’re clear. I will be a part of this baby’s life. Whatever legal steps I have to take to make it happen, I will. Don’t you ever try to keep me from my child again.” Then he was gone, and I was a crumbled heap on the floor.
31
Kade — Sunday
I stormed from Morgan’s apartment feeling more anger and pain than I could remember ever feeling. The closest was when my mother had died. She’d always been my closest ally in the family, and without her, I’d felt like I’d lost a part of me. Now, with this revelation about Morgan and the baby, it wasn’t so much that I had lost something, but that something between us had died. Been murdered. I’d been an idiot to think that maybe I could have the same love my brothers had found.
While I talked to Morgan, I looked at her, really looked at her, to try to find out what I’d missed. She’d seemed so sweet and innocent. It never occurred to me that her wanting to keep her distance from me was to hide my child. What sort of dumbass was I that it hadn’t even occurred to me the child was mine? For once, I’d allowed myself to trust a woman, and it had backfired magnificently. I was reminded why I’d made my commitment to bachelorhood. Morgan’s deceit would always remain as a reminder to why I needed to give up on the idea of love. I wouldn’t ever forget that lesson.
During my talk with her, my phone buzzed several times in my pocket. Now out on the street, I pulled it out in case it was important business. A kitchen fire or brawl in one of the restaurants would be a good distraction. Unfortunately, it was Ash.
Hey bro, where are you?
Are you okay?
Nope.
A few minutes later, another one came through.
Wanna get drunk?
Yep. Yep I did. I texted back. On my way home.
See you there. Glenfiddich or Joven?
It seemed like a waste to fritter away a three-hundred-dollar bottle of tequila like Joven in a pity party. Then again, when was a better time to get the best booze possible than to nurse heartbreak?
Joven.
He responded almost immediately. On my way.
I climbed into my car and had my driver take me home. I’d already loosened my tie at the family dinner, but now I yanked it off and undressed. I climbed in the shower for a cold blast of water, not liking the feel of walking a fog. When I got out, I slipped on sweats and t-shirt. I might as well be comfortable if I was going to get shit faced.
A few minutes later, there was a knock on my door. “It’s open,” I called as I opened the doors to the terrace.
“You’re not planning to jump, are you?” Ash said, carrying a blue box that held a bottle of sipping tequila.
“No.” I turned to him. “Remember when you showed up at Dad’s ready to punch him?”
“Like it was yesterday. Sometimes I still want to punch him.” Ash went to my bar, pulling out glasses.
“Was that when you found out about Hannah?”
“Yep. Feels like shit, don’t it?” He poured us each two fingers of tequila in old fashioned glasses.
“It’s worse than shit.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to pour my heart out to my brother, and yet he was the only one who might understand enough to tell me what to do. Not about Morgan; That ship had sailed. But with this pain in my chest. And how to move forward, since I’d be a father who resented his child’s mother.
Ash handed me a glass. “It’s definitely not a feeling I’d ever want again.” We walked out onto the terrace. I felt like I needed the space to breath.
“How’d you do it? You lost five years, man. How did you forgive that?”
He sighed as he swirled his drink in his glass. “At first it was hard. I didn’t think I would, to be honest. I felt like I’d known Beth. I’d totally given my heart to her. So, when I found out, I felt like I’d been duped. Or that I couldn’t trust my heart.”
I nodded. That was it exactly.
I sat on one of the patio chairs and Ash took the other chair across from me. “The problem I had was that Hannah didn’t know me. I didn’t want to scare her by making her spend time with me. I had to get to know her in a way that was safe for her. That meant I needed Beth to be there. The more I was with her, the more I saw what we could be. I came to understand her reasoning, even if I didn’t agree with it. And I could see she was sorry and regretted it.”
I scoffed. “I didn’t get an apology.”
“What?” Ash’s expression showed surprise.
“I got the reasoning, but not a single apology.”
“That doesn’t sound like Morgan.”
I shrugged, taking a long swig of the tequila. “Turns out she’s not what we thought.”
His head seesawed side to side.
“You don’t believe me?”
“I believe you that she didn’t apologize, but I imagine she’s sorry. She’s probably also ashamed and upset, and wasn’t able to articulate her regret.”
I leaned my head back on the chair. “You have more faith in her than I do.”
“Did you love her?”
“Yes. Fuck.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “The first time I told her was when I was saying how she broke my heart.”
“So, she could have thought you
didn’t care before.”
My head snapped up. “No. I’d told her I wanted more. She was the one that was resistant to a relationship. Now I know it was to keep me from knowing my child. Christ, she even let me believe it belonged to someone else.”
Ash winced. We drank in silence for a few minutes.
“I don’t know your relationship, Kade, but I do know that I wasn’t completely blameless in my situation. That doesn’t get Beth off the hook, but sometimes the reasons people do things are based on false assumptions.”
“Maybe.” I had no clue what he was getting at, except that Morgan said she thought I was avoiding relationships because I couldn’t trust women. As it turned out, that was a correct assumption. “She said she heard me saying I wouldn’t ever marry and have kids like you guys because I couldn’t be sure if a woman wanted my money or me.”
“See? She thought you’d think she trapped you.”
“In the end, she proved my point.”
“Why? Did she ask for money?”
I shook my head. “She didn’t have to. I arranged for her mother to get necessary medical care. And she proved my point that I can’t trust women. Or trust myself to pick a good one.”
He watched me with pity. I hated that.
“You know what really tipped the decision for me to take Beth back?” he asked.
“What?”
“I had to decide if I could live without her. Yes, I’d see her because I’m Hannah’s dad, but she wouldn’t be with me. I didn’t think I could do that. I especially didn’t like thinking that eventually she might find another man. Beth is a good woman who made a bad decision.”
“Morgan tried to tell me it was a little mistake.”
He shook his head. “It wasn’t little, but is it unforgivable? You know, me and Beth had history. I’d loved her since I was twenty-one, so I can’t compare us to you and Morgan. And I had some conditions when I told her I wanted to try again. It wasn’t like I could let it all go. But I also knew that when it was good with her, it was the best. Perfection. It seemed like that was worth fighting for.”
I finished my drink as I let his words seep into my brain. They couldn’t get past the pain, though. “I don’t know, man.”