"Dani."
"I'm joking. This is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about, in a way. I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. Seeing Kyle and Sam fight reminded me of the importance of sharing your feelings, and... I was going to talk to you about this at dinner, but maybe it's best to get it over with."
"That doesn't sound good."
"Tucker..." She brushed the hair out of my eyes, and my stomach dropped. Something bad was coming. "I thought I could do this with you, but..."
"Dani, what are you talking about?"
She looked away, then started again. "When I lost Darren, I almost lost myself, too. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep... and then I started throwing up all the time, and my dad and Darren's folks became worried. Dad took me to the doctor, and I found out I was pregnant. The mourning started all over again. This time I wept for the loss of Darren's dream. He wanted children so badly. And to find out, after I lost him, that—" She stopped, brushing angrily at a tear or two that popped out and tracked down her face. "Oh, man. I didn't want to cry again."
I put my arm around her. "No, honey. It's okay. You said you didn't want to hide your feelings from me, so let them show."
"Okay," she said, but she tried to calm herself anyway, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I didn't want Darren's baby without Darren, but there she was. Stubborn little thing. Eventually I came to understand what a gift she was to me. She ended up pulling me out of despair. And she was the only thing that could. Now, I've spent the last five years of my life raising Tabby on my own, with a lot of help from Darren's parents, but I hadn't even begun to think about other men until a few weeks ago. And only then because Sam and the girls hounded me relentlessly." She took my hands in hers. "Tucker, you are... fantastic. You really are. And if you only knew how difficult this was for me—" She sniffed once, then put a hand over her mouth and closed her eyes.
"So, let me get this straight," I said slowly. "You don't want to see me anymore, because you're afraid if you did, and you came to love me, you couldn't bear to lose me. So... in order to avoid that, you're willing to let me go."
"I'm not all that willing, it's just... I have to. Can't you see?"
I rubbed a hand over my eyes. "No. No, I can't see." I rose and took a couple of steps before turning around. "This is bullshit, Dani. Bullshit!" You couldn't tell me I was going to lose this beautiful woman, because she was afraid she might fall in love with me? It was ludicrous.
She lowered her head. "It is bullshit. You're right. It is." She looked back up. Her eyes had lost their luster, her shoulders drooped.
"So that's it? You're going to throw away any chance you might have at happiness, with me or anybody else, to save yourself from being hurt again?"
"You don't understand what it was like!" Her eyes became wild, and her voice rang with the agony that tore at her heart.
"No, but I know what it's like to live without love, Dani. And it's not pretty either. Believe me." But I could see her path was determined. "Is this what you think Darren would have wanted for you?" I asked. The taste of bitterness stung my tongue. "To live your life, with all the love stored in that heart of yours, and not give it to someone?"
"No. Darren wouldn't have wanted that," she said quietly. "But Darren never had to live through what I did, either. To have someone ripped right out of your hands..." She shook her head, the tears pouring unchecked.
I swallowed. "So, it's over then. Over before it even really had a chance to start."
She nodded, but no longer looked me in the eye.
Obviously, nothing was left I could say to make her change her mind. "Okay." I stood and walked out of the room, letting the door close behind me with a soft click.
Chapter 34
Alexis
We drove to the lawyer's office in silence, Sam and Dani sitting in the back seat. Big sunglasses hid Dani's eyes, and Sam appeared only slightly more animated than the road-kill raccoon I spotted on the side of the street.
"Maxi, could you close the top?" Sam hollered over the wind. "The sun's hurting my eyes."
I turned to stare at her. "Then why don't you take those shades you're wearing on your head and put them over your eyes?"
"What? These?" She slid the stylish Gucci sunglasses out of her hair. "Oh, I don't use these for that. I look stupid in sunglasses. These are a hair accessory."
"Gucci friggin' sunglasses? How much did those puppies cost?"
"Not today, Al. Not today." She waved me off and stared out the window. With the mood she was in, I didn't want to question her. For the life of me, I couldn't understand why they pushed away the two men they so obviously adored. What I would give to have someone I loved that much.
And then I thought about when I first met Chris. Man, was I in love with that boy. And he with me. We met at a pool party. He was funny and cute. He'd said he didn't like crowds and asked me if I wanted a ride on his motorcycle. I'd hopped on board, thrilled with the idea of taking the road with my arms wrapped around a perfect stranger. He could have taken me anywhere, done anything to me. It was foolhardy, but I trusted him right from the start. Something about his quiet demeanor inspired trust. We rode to a lake and sat on a picnic bench for hours just talking. There never was that awkwardness between us; we talked and talked and talked. And then he kissed me. He has always been a phenomenal kisser. And it started to rain.
"I don't want to take you home yet," he'd yelled as the rain pelted the leaves of the giant oak tree we sat under, nearly drowning him out. "Do you mind if I take you somewhere to talk some more?"
At that point, I would have promised him anything. He drove to a hotel room. "I promise, I'm not going to take advantage of you. I only want to talk, and I really don't like crowds. And besides, I want to be alone with you."
I still can't believe I did it. I was young. He was my first boyfriend. We sat on the bed and talked until the sun rose, and he drove me home. I snuck in, ready to take any punishment I got if I got caught. I was in love.
What happened to us?
Three kids, two stressful jobs, and too little time spent together building what started under an old oak tree in the rain, I guess.
Dani's lawyer's office was in a beautiful old renovated Victorian house, complete with a rainbow-shaped, stained-glass window at the top, and gables galore. It was so quaint, it was hard to believe it was inside that Dani would hear about her father's final wishes.
As we waited for Dani in the car, I called Chris.
"Heya, handsome."
"Heya, yourself."
"What's going on?"
He sighed. I could almost hear him kicking his feet up on the coffee table, something he would never do if I was at home. "I just finished watering the plants in the back, and I'm having a glass of water."
"Ahh. Are your feet on the coffee table?"
Max laughed.
I heard a shuffling noise I knew to be Chris taking his feet off the table. "No."
"Uh-huh."
"How was the game last night?" he asked, trying to change the subject.
"It was fun. Max bought me a jersey for my birthday."
"That was nice."
"Yeah."
"I can't wait to see you in it," he added. Was I imagining things, or did he make that sound a tad suggestive?
I decided to get out of the car and walk away for more privacy.
"Ooh," Max and Sam started. I swatted Sam as I strolled past, making them burst into giggles. I went and stood under an old oak tree that reminded me of our tree at the lake.
"How's Dani doing?"
"Better, now that she has the eulogy out of the way."
"She did the eulogy for her father?"
"Yeah. And she was great."
"So, I'm taking it things have been pretty low-key around there then?"
"As much as they can be when Dani and Sam are together." An image of Tucker dripping in mud flashed through my mind, and I started laughing.
"What?" he prompted, and I could
tell he was already smiling.
"Well, there was this one incident when Dani's new boyfriend was helping—"
"Wait. Wait. Wait. What new boyfriend?"
"Tucker. She met him at that Chase Hatton concert she and Sam went to in Chicago. He was the roadie who caught them backstage and kicked them out."
"Dani with a roadie? I can't picture that. Sam, sure. But Dani?"
"I'm telling you, Dani is not as innocent as she appears. Besides, Tucker's not your typical roadie. He's a lawyer." And unbelievably hot. I didn't share that tidbit with my husband.
"Okay, yeah. That's not typical. A man who can clear your D.U.I. for you and lug a seventy-five-pound amp up a flight of stairs. Gotta love that kind of versatility."
"Yeah," I said dreamily, knowing he'd be clueless to the kind of versatility I was talking about. "Anyway, Sam's new Coach purse gets knocked off our hotel balcony and happened to become caught on this tree branch that leans out over this muddy creek thing that's by the tennis courts at our resort. Tucker climbed the tree to retrieve it—"
"You mean the four-hundred-dollar one?" he interrupted, having heard the story before.
"The very same."
"Go on," he said.
"The branch he's on breaks, and he falls into the creek, and he comes up covered in mud. I mean covered." I was laughing now. "And Sam... Sam says—I kid you not—'oh, good, you still have it.'"
Chris roared. "No way! Princess Tact."
"Yeah. No doubt."
"Was the guy trying to impress Dani or something?"
"No, Dani wasn't even around at the time. She was busy talking Sam's new beau off the ledge."
"What? Another roadie?"
"Oh, no. Get this... he's a hockey ref. One of the Canadian guys they ran into after that same concert."
"They all just happened to be in Denver at the same time?"
"Yeah. Isn't that weird?"
"Did this Tucker guy and the ref come together?"
"No. Tucker was here for Chase's concert, Thursday night. And Kyle was in town to ref the Avalanche game we went to. Hooked us up with box seats and everything."
"Boy, I can't wait to meet these guys."
"Umm... I don't know if that will be happening. Sam, the little idiot, flat out dumped Kyle. And Dani and Tucker got into some sort of loud discussion this morning, too. Dani's staying tightlipped about it—a first for her—but Tucker left and she seems miserable."
"That's too bad. She doesn't need that on top of everything else."
"Yeah. But I'd put money on this having something to do with losing Darren. I don't know if she'll ever be able to put that behind her."
"Yeah, I know. I still can't really believe it happened myself." Chris went to high school with Darren and knew him before Dani did. Losing Darren came as a shock to all of us; he was the best-loved principal in town.
"How's the ol' job search going?" I asked him to change the subject.
"Well, I had a phone interview for a job in Fond du Lac today. And I think I may get an offer."
"Fonduelac where?"
"Wisconsin." I could hear his voice cringing, if voices could cringe.
My ire rose. "Chris, I thought you understood I am not going to move our son away his senior year of high school, especially since he's been named captain of the football team."
"I know. I know. But I thought I could move that first year and come home on weekends."
"Do you think you could handle that?"
"Well... worst case, I hate it and quit, and we're no worse off than we are now."
"True," I admitted reluctantly. I decided to mull it over on the drive home. "How are the kids?"
He went on to tell me about Jay's game the night before and how Jackie did with cheerleading. I caught some motion from the direction of the Caddie and peeked up to spot Sam strolling my way. She mimed drinking something, pointed to the Caddie, and acted like she was steering a car.
"I think I need to go, hon. Sam's making some goofy gestures, and I think she either wants to go get a coffee, or she's telling me Max is driving her to drink. Either way, I guess I should check it out. I'll call back later, and we can talk some more."
"Wait. I miss you, babe."
I smiled. "I miss you, too."
Chapter 35
Danielle
"Please, have a seat," Archibald Kelly told us, sweeping his hand to indicate the big armchairs in front of his desk. Becca, Don, Amber, and I all grabbed seats in front. Steve and Rob, Becca's husband, took seats along the wall. "Now, as you all know, I played golf with your father every Thursday, so I was well aware of his impending surgery when I persuaded him to update his will. So, the will I read today is less than a month old and, I must say, is quite unusual."
On his desk sat large manila envelopes. Each had one of our names on it. He handed them out and smiled expectantly. "Included are the standard items, which we'll go over later, but your father had individual gifts he wanted to give you. It required some work on my part, but there they are. Exactly as he wanted them." We glanced at each other nervously. "Well, go on then. Open them," Archibald insisted.
"Should we do it at the same time?" Amber asked.
Mr. Kelly thought about it. "No. I think it would be better if we had it one at a time. You start, Don."
"Okay." Don sighed, and we all watched as he opened his envelope and dropped the contents onto his lap. A large gold key fell out, along with a letter, and a picture, which fluttered to the carpet. Don bent to pick it up, and we all recognized the chalet where we vacationed when we were young.
"You can read the letter later if you wish," Archibald said excitedly. "The key, Don, is as you might have guessed, to the chalet in Aspen."
"That's where Dad taught me to fish," Don said nostalgically, staring at the picture. "But what...?"
"He had me ask the owners, and they entrusted an extra key to us. They spend most of their time in Denver so the house is vacant a good part of the year. They gave me a list of dates you can use it, and your father paid them for a full week. So, check your schedule and let me know, and I'll iron out the details."
Don smiled, but his eyes became glossy. "Thank you, Mr. Kelly."
"Oh, I think we're all old enough now you can call me Archie as your dad did," he said with a laugh. "And it was my pleasure helping him do these things. Open yours, Amber."
Amber did as she was told and found a note from Dad, along with a pamphlet of some sort.
"What does it say?" Becca asked.
Amber laughed. "It's for cooking school."
When Mom died, Amber had felt the need, as the eldest daughter, to cook dinner for us all every night. We suffered through Tater Tot Casserole and Gumdrop Cookies, seasoned rice made without the seasoning package, and a Spinach/Asparagus Quiche I threw up. After a number of burnt, over-spiced, and just plain unappetizing meals, she earned the affectionate title, "Keeper of the Garbage Disposal." Lord forbid you should make a mistake in our house; you could be teased for decades. Amber was actually an excellent cook and loved to try new things and get new ideas for her recipe box.
"That's right. Your dad got you a nine-week course at Mise En Place culinary school, the best here in Denver. It has quite a reputation around the globe. And the good thing is, you can take it one two-hour course at a time, whenever you want. You have an account there."
"That's awesome."
"Yeah," Steve agreed from behind her in a teasing tone.
"Shut up," she said with a pretend growl.
"Dani. You're next," Don cried. Everyone got into it. It was like Christmas, not at all the depressing affair I expected.
"Okay." My hands shook as I poured mine out... a note and two keys. "I got two keys," I said smugly.
"Dad always liked you best," Donny teased.
We all looked at Archibald Kelly. "They're for a condo at a resort called Chula Vista in the Wisconsin Dells, and for a cottage in Door County. Your dad wanted to find a place you could return to wit
h Tabitha time and again. A place close enough you wouldn't have to drive far, but you'd still have both a fun and a quiet time. I think you'll love it."
My fingers rubbed over the letters of my name, spelled out in Dad's handwriting. So familiar, like my own. I nodded, overcome, and Don put a hand on my leg.
"You okay?"
"Yeah," I said quietly, nodding but not taking my eyes from the paper my dad wrote on less than a month before. Where? In this very room?
Amber tried to recapture some of the earlier spirit of enthusiasm.
"Well, come on, Becs. Don't keep us in suspense."
Becca opened hers and gave a little scream. "Rob! Come here."
I was closest to her. "Oh, Becca!" In her hands were two tickets to Paris and a key. Becca was an art teacher, as was her husband, Rob. They had planned on a month in Paris right after graduation, but my grandma had passed, and they missed out on the opportunity. It was her lifelong dream to go there, and we all felt bad she missed out on it.
"The key is to a garret on the Rue Sophie Germain. You have the place for a month. The tickets are open-ended, so you can go whenever you want. And stay for as long as you want. That was the hardest part to arrange," he said as an aside. "Your father also left you a fairly sizable amount of money to travel with, and I have some other brochures of Italy and Tuscany around here somewhere." He frowned and started searching his desk.
"I can't believe it." Her voice was only a whisper. She gazed into Rob's eyes. "We're going to Paris!" He crouched beside her and held her hand, becoming misty-eyed too. She laid her head on his forehead. "We're going to Paris," she repeated softly.
Mr. Kelly cleared his throat. He seemed to want to rein things in a little before it turned into some kind of sobfest. "Now, I'm afraid the rest of this is going to be more mundane..."
As he continued to read the details of the will, I tuned him out, focusing instead on the letter in my lap. I fingered the paper. It was the same yellow legal pad paper Dad always used to create his infamous lists—lists of things to do, lists of market results when he tracked his stocks, grocery lists, lists of daily expenditures, notes from trips—anything that the man could list, he would list. We could have wallpapered the house we were raised in eight times over with yellow legal paper. What did my Dad want to tell me in this letter? Did he somehow have a sense he needed to do this? Or was it Archibald Kelly's urging?
To Hell in a Coach Bag Page 20