by Ciara Knight
Chapter Nine
For two weeks, I woke with a smile and eagerness to visit with Fredrick, Agatha, and Helga. Each day, I learned to cook more food. Although I’d never be the best cook, I had improved. Then I’d find myself in the barn watching Fredrick work.
Today, I watched with anticipation. I wanted to invite them to Christmas at my house. I’d be cooking all day tomorrow, but it would be worth it. It was my last chance before Jeb arrived home that I could have them in our house without a lot of drama.
Fredrick hovered over a long spindle, his arms bent and then extended, flexing and stretching muscles against his shirt. Even though the barn was cool, he worked hard enough to abandon his coat while he worked.
I inhaled a deep breath and blew out a foggy exhale. “It is only two days until Christmas,” I began, but the idea of inviting Fredrick over seemed like a big step. A nonverbal acceptance to his courting. But after the last few weeks, I couldn’t imagine a day without being with him and Agatha and Helga.
“Yes,” he said and then set down his tool and stood. “I was going to wait until tonight, but since we are alone, I wish to give you present now.”
“Present?” I sighed and wrung my hands. “But I have no present for you. Not really. I mean, I wanted to invite you…and Agatha and Helga to Christmas dinner.”
His eyebrows rose and did a jig above his eyes before resting back in their natural position. “That is best Christmas present.”
He held out his hand to me. “Come. I show you gift.”
I took his hand and laced my fingers between his. It wasn’t a hand to help me down from a wagon or up into one; it was a romantic gesture, and I didn’t pull away. We rounded the horse stalls, and in the back of the barn there was something covered by a blanket. “I make this for you, because you are young, pretty, and did not have good first marriage. Time to start again. Be young and enjoy the years ahead.”
His voice boomed in the small space, echoing up to the rafters. I settled my gaze on the quilt, but I couldn’t image what was under it. “Hope you like.” He grabbed ahold of the cloth and unveiled a breathtaking, hand-carved and painted chest.
I dropped to my knees in front of it and traced leaves, stems, and bulb flowers painted on the front of the large box. “I have never seen something so beautiful.”
“In Germany, we call it…um…translation in English is Bottom Drawer. Daughter says you call it hope chest.”
My fingers froze. Did he give this to me as a wedding present? Had I led him to believe that I would marry him? “These are for young women to store things in for their marriage. I am not young, and I am not getting married.” Disappointment at my own words filled my chest with heavy sorrow.
His bottom lip overtook the top and his eyes narrowed, but he recovered and opened the chest. “It is a symbol. You put things in for your future. Whatever future you choose.”
I knew he was being gracious. No man I’d ever met had ever been so gracious. Deep down I knew he wanted a new wife and he wanted a new family, but could I give him either?
I didn’t know the answer to that question, but I understood his words. Perhaps it was time for me to believe that happiness did exist, even for someone like me. Perhaps if I showed Jeb that I’d found happiness, he might open his heart someday. I rose and faced Fredrick. With a hand to each of his cheeks, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his warm skin to the side of his lips and then whispered in his ear, “Thank you. It is amazing. Even more than that, thank you for showing me there is still life ahead and hope of a better future.”
He slid his arms around me and pulled me close. The coldness of the day drained from my bones, and all I felt was warmth and happiness.
When he slipped away and returned to his work, I thought about what the next few weeks would bring with Jeb’s return. Fredrick was right. It was time to move forward, and I wanted to show Jeb that he could too. But if he wouldn’t, how could I leave him? I’d already failed him too many times. I wouldn’t fail him again. Not even for a chance at my own happiness. Not even for a man who had become my friend, whom I admired, who was showing me that not all men were monsters. Who made me feel like my heart was full and life had possibilities.
How could I abandon Jeb? All we have ever had was each other. There was only one choice. I’d have to show him that love was possible, that he could be part of a bigger family, that he could trust people again. That he could fall in love and marry a woman instead of ordering a bride for an arrangement. If only I completely believed that myself.
Chapter Ten
All of Christmas Eve I remained at home so that I could give Fredrick and Agatha time to share a family holiday without my intrusion. I spent the day and long into the night cooking and baking and decorating. When Jeb had left me in this house alone, I thought it would be a dark Christmas, but to my surprise I was elated and full of joy.
My stomach felt like reindeer pounced around inside. I eyed the clock and knew at any moment they would arrive. I only wished that I had more to offer to them than a meal. I had so much around me. If only I could share it with others. I didn’t need much. I’d lived my life for so long with scraps of food and rags for clothes, this place made me uncomfortable at times. I preferred the Krause’s cozy, inviting, loving home.
The horses clopped in the distance, telling of their arrival. I straightened the rosemary tree at the center of the table. I wanted Fredrick to know how much it had meant to me when he gave it to me on St. Nick Day. They had strange yet heartwarming traditions that I’d grown to love.
“Whooa,” I heard Fredrick command the horses, and the clopping ceased.
I raced to the door but forced myself to take a breath and sneaked a quick view of myself in a silver spoon before I opened the door.
“Welcome,” I said with as much Christmas spirit as I’d ever heard in my own voice before.
“Happy Christmas,” Agatha said. She opened her arms and wrapped them around me with a tight squeeze. I’d missed her hugs, and it had only been a day since I’d seen her. She was like the daughter I had lost all those years ago.
Helga walked up, patted me on both arms, and then walked into the house.
Fredrick approached with open arms. “I get Christmas hug, too. Yes?”
“Yes.” I welcomed him into my arms, loving the way his German accent made everything sound more exotic and romantic. I squeezed tight to hold on to him one second longer before we broke away. If I thought I had missed Agatha in only a day, I felt like it had been a month of Sundays since I’d seen Fredrick.
His eyes shone bright and his strong cheeks creased with a smile.
“Come inside, please.” I grabbed his hand and didn’t let him go, not that he tried to drift away from my touch.
“This is beautiful.” Agatha unbuttoned her coat and circled the long table full of goose with applesauce, potatoes, turnips, boiled ham, winter squash, mince pies, plum pudding, and more. “Look, Papa.” She pointed at the rosemary tree and holly surrounded by more greenery at the heart of the table.
“It is a new tradition in my house,” I said.
“I like new tradition.” He winked and helped Agatha off with her coat and then his own. Helga had dropped hers over a chair and already sat at the table.
“Please, sit. Enjoy.” I settled next to Fredrick, with Agatha and Helga across from us.
Agatha held out her hands. Fredrick took one, and I took the other. We all bowed our heads, and then Fredrick spoke in German and said Amen. I didn’t know what he had said, but the way he said it made me believe he was truly thankful for all his gifts in life. The man was a mountain of goodness and kindness.
“You wish son here?” Fredrick asked before passing the potatoes to me.
I sighed, not sure how to answer that. “Yes, but I’m afraid this would be a different sort of meal if he were since he doesn’t trust anyone. I’m afraid it will take a bit of time to introduce you and have him accept you into our lives.” I forced a smile and pas
sed the potatoes to Agatha.
“You are worried that he will react badly to us.” Agatha didn’t hold back. She was a lot like her papa.
“My son is not a bad man. He is actually a good one. A strong, independent person who would do anything to protect me. I’m afraid while I raised him to be a better man than his father, I forgot to teach him about love.”
Fredrick patted my hand and scooted a smidgen closer. “No blame yourself. You survived, which is better than most women.”
I hung my head. “The woman from Sherman has been in my thoughts and heavy on my heart. To watch and not help while I know what she is facing is…torture. I only wish I could do more. I have so much, more than I need or want.”
Fredrick squeezed my hand. “You are good woman but can only help those who want help.”
Agatha nodded. “This happened even at our village back home. I’m happy to say that the woman finally left her husband for safety, but it took a long time.”
“Where did she go?”
Helga pounded her fist onto the table, causing the dishes to raddle. She spouted something and narrowed her gaze. Agatha and Fredrick glanced her way but didn’t even acknowledge her outburst before she began eating again.
“Another woman who never married in our town took her in. They sewed and cooked and made enough to support themselves.”
Hope fluttered around like reindeer flying dust around my heart. “There is room here, and certainly I could invite the woman to live with us.”
“Do you think your son will agree?” Agatha asked, even though everyone at the table already knew the answer to that. I figured even Helga understood by now.
I picked up the turnips and plopped some onto my plate. “That will be a conversation I’ll have to have with him when he returns. For now, let us enjoy our meal.”
Fredrick let go of my hand so that he could pass the next bowl around the table, but he paused. “I think you find passion.”
“I would like to help. If I could house them, then perhaps some can sew and mend or help on the ranch. I feel passionate about helping women who are in a bad place. Yes, I think you’re right.”
The way he looked at me, as if he knew me better than I knew myself, made me want to tell him right this moment that I’d decided to allow him to court me. Of course, I knew we’d already been courting. I only wanted to make it official. What better day to tell him than Christmas Day? Something still held me back, though. In my head, I knew he was a good man, but my heart still wanted protection.
Agatha set the turnips down and gasped, holding her belly. “I…I felt something.”
Fredrick raced to one side, I to the other. Helga patted Agatha on the back as if she were choking.
“You hurt?” His face scrunched in panic. A man of his strength looked defeated, and that’s when I knew he could handle anything that came his way, except seeing a loved one suffer. That he had in common with my son.
“What do you feel?” I asked.
Agatha breathed and rubbed her belly with her thumb. “As if my insides rolled over and inside out.”
I covered her hand with my own. “You felt the baby move.”
“I did?” Agatha looked down with raised brows and a tilt to her head. “I thought I would feel baby kick.”
“You will, but it’s too soon. You can only feel a feather touch because your baby is so small yet.”
Fredrick stood with the widest grin a man could manage. “This is good day, yes? God is good. We have baby coming to our home this summer.”
I joined him at the other side of the table once again while Agatha continued to bond with her baby, rubbing her belly with tears filling her eyes. “And we have each other.”
“I am so grateful I have something of my husband. This is a true Christmas gift.”
We ate in celebration, and when it was done we tucked Agatha into a chair, Helga dozed nearby, and Fredrick and I took a walk. The crisp, clear night allowed the north star to shine bright. Shooting stars arched across the sky. When we reached the front steps, I snagged his coat sleeve to stop him from going any farther. I wanted to make Fredrick happy, to see him smile and know that I brought him joy. Perhaps it was time to open my heart to him a smidgen. “Fredrick. I don’t have anything to offer you this Christmas except my words. I want to tell you that you are a special man. One like no other. You are kind, generous, talented, special. I want to get to know you even better.”
My breath came in short bursts. “Possibly have a future with you.” After one more big breath, I said, “I guess what I am trying to say is that I’d be honored if you officially courted me.” Did I mean it? Truly, could I allow myself to fully love a man? I didn’t know, but courting wasn’t marriage. It was a step toward it, but I could still say no to marrying him.
Fredrick scooped me up in his arms and held me tight. “You give me amazing gift.” He held the back of my head with a tender touch and leaned down, brushing my lips with his. It was the briefest of kisses but the most powerful I’d ever felt. Jolts flashed through my body with excitement and happiness.
“I make Christmas promise to you. I will protect you from harm and never speak harshly to you. I will never abandon you, or hit you, or cause you physical pain. This promise, I make, to always try to make you happy. I be here always.”
“Excuse me.” Teddy’s voice broke not only the moment but our physical connection, as Fredrick retreated faster than a coyote from a shotgun fire.
“I thought you were going to be in Sherman tonight,” I said with a hint of anger to my tone.
“Yes, but I have news I thought you would want to know.” Teddy removed his hat and held it to his chest. “I hate to bring you such news on this day, but I didn’t want you to hear it from one of the men tomorrow on the ranch.”
“What is it?” I forced the stinging fear from my skin and lifted my chin.
“There was a murder in town.” Teddy cleared his throat.
I thought it was strange he’d make his way out here for information that was a daily occurrence in the wild town of Sherman, Texas, but then I saw there was more.
“It was the lady you asked me to inquire about. Her husband beat her. She didn’t survive.”
I gasped. Fredrick’s arms caught me before I could even stumble back from my weak knees.
“There is more,” Teddy added.
I shook my head. “What could possibly be more disturbing than this news?”
“Jeb’s on his way home. He’ll be here in a matter of minutes.”
Chapter Eleven
Winter attacked the ranch the day after Christmas, locking me inside the house with Jeb. My heart wanted to travel to our neighbors. Our Christmas dinner had been memorable, conversation touching, sharing the Agatha’s baby kicking, and new traditions. I’d even managed to make a decent meal that everyone ate.
By four days after Christmas, I thought I’d build a sled and find a flying reindeer to escape the clipped conversation of my son, the isolation of silence, and the aching of missing people I’d grown to care about.
I approached Jeb, who was buried in business papers, and settled in the chair next to him by a roaring fire. “Jeb, son, can we talk?”
He shuffled some papers. “Sure.”
I slid to the edge of the chair and leaned toward him, trying to earn his attention for a few minutes. “Son, I’m glad you were able to secure a deal with the military. It’s amazing how much you’ve built here.”
“Umhmm.” He continued flipping through papers, his gaze never drifting from the numbers and contract in his hands.
“You know, all this would be even better if you had someone to share it with.”
“That’s why I’ll have a wife arriving in a few months. You’ll have grandchildren soon to keep you company.”
The idea of little ones filled my chest with warmth, but I didn’t want him to marry a woman for convenience. “Why don’t you cancel that contract and consider meeting a girl in Sherman and courting h
er.”
“We’ve already talked about this. I don’t care about having love in my life. Love is only a distraction. I need a woman who can produce what I need—sons.”
I hunched over, hearing the determination in his voice. “I wish…” With a shake of my head, I slouched in the chair and eyed the fire. He’d never listen to me. I knew he loved me, and there was no one else in the world I wanted happiness for more than Jeb, but if Fredrick was right, only Jeb could choose for himself. Jeb had suffered his own kind of abuse, self-inflicted isolation.
He dropped the papers to his lap and shot me a sideways glance. “Besides grandchildren, you’ll have a woman around to talk to. I thought this would make you happy.”
“I want you to be happy, that’s all. I don’t need a daughter-in-law or grandchildren. I need you to live your life for more than money.” I sat straight and lifted my chin, preparing for his explosive retort at my next words. “What if I found happiness? Would you believe in real love and open your heart to someone?”
He chuckled. “Don’t you think you are past needing babies and a husband?”
My temper reared with a snap of resentment. “I’m not that old.”
“That’s not what I meant. It’s just that you don’t have to suffer marriage again. You can live with me the rest of your life and never have to trust yourself to a man in the future. You’d have no rights, and I’m old enough to fight back now. If a man ever touched you, I’d kill him.”
A sand storm of gritty fear blasted my skin. “You never have to worry about a man harming me again. I would never allow it.”
He quirked a brow. “You seem different. Did something happen while I was away?”
“No, nothing of interest.” I shifted in my chair, knowing now wasn’t the time to get into my relationship with Fredrick. I needed more time to feel confident in what we had before I was forced to defend it. “Funny you mentioned men’s power. Did you hear about the lady in Sherman who was beaten to death by her husband?”