by Vicky Jones
"It's not alright! Don't you see?"
"What are you talking 'bout?" His face creased with concern as he strode over to her.
"You ain't the only one on the run here. You ain't the only one who has to look over your shoulder all the time! You ain't the only one being hunted down, having to hide who you are every GODDAMN day!"
"Please…talk to me." He moved closer into her space.
"If I tell you, I'm scared I'm gon' lose you too–" Shona shook her head and slumped against the barn wall.
"You kiddin'? That would never happen! You ain't getting rid of me that easy. You're my friend for life, you understand? No matter what."
Shona wiped her tears on her sleeve. "I don't even know where to start–"
"Start at the beginning. I'm listening," he said, putting his arm around her and encouraging her to sit on his bunk.
She took a deep breath.
"Back in Louisiana when I was thirteen, I worked with my daddy on a farm for a few years. It was owned by a rich guy called Donald Chamberlain. He was a hard bastard, always shoutin' at people. My daddy was a drunk and often I’d have to cover for him when he fell asleep in the barn on his break. I did some of his work too–"
Cuban sat silently next to her.
"Donald…he had a daughter called Connie. She was seventeen. I found that I kept tryin' to think of something to ask her all the time, kept tryin' to see if she needed anythin'. Every minute in her company felt like precious seconds. My God, she was beautiful. Long wavy brown hair. She had a boyfriend, Nate, but she cried a lot over him so I used to go see her after work and we’d talk. She said that nobody listened to her like I did."
Shona breathed deeply, then continued.
"My father liked it. He felt I was makin' a good impression with a rich family, which might lead him to a better job, so he encouraged it. I sometimes think me bein' friends with the boss's daughter was the only time in my life he'd ever been proud o'me! But I couldn't help my heart beatin' faster when I was with her, especially when she talked one day about breakin' up with Nate."
She paused again. Cuban sensed she was getting to the crux.
"Anyway, one afternoon she seemed real upset, so I offered to take her out ridin' to take her mind off whatever was eatin' her up. She asked me to wait in her room while she got changed in the bathroom. I couldn't help but look around. Then, I saw her mirror had lot of photographs tucked in all around the edge. There was this one picture I couldn't take my eyes off. She looked so damn gorgeous and I was totally in love with her at this point…but I couldn't tell a soul. My daddy told me many times about what happens to people who like their own kind! He said they…they deserve to be punished. I was holdin' the picture just as Connie came outta the bathroom and I didn't have a chance to put it back, I just kinda slipped it in my jacket pocket. I didn't mean to take it." Shona sniffed and wiped her nose with her fingers.
"Those few hours spent ridin' with Connie flew by way too fast. Every minute of them I was itchin' to tell her how I felt about her. She seemed to open up to me about how Nate had been foolin' around behind her back. It broke my heart to hear her so sad. We got back just as it was gettin' dark and sat on the porch for a while. But then I saw her shivering…so I took off my jacket and put it around her shoulders. She smiled at me in such a way that I really thought she was gon' tell me she felt the same as I did. But instead, she said her hands were cold…and when she put them in the pockets—"
His heart sank. He knew what was coming next.
"I'll never forget the look on her face. She was so angry I'd taken the picture from her room. I tried to explain, but I ended up tellin' her everythin'! I couldn't stop the words, I was only young…but the disgust on her face when she told me she never wanted to see me again. That she wasn't–never could be–one of my dirty kind."
Shona winced and held her side.
"She was yellin' so much at me that her father came out of the front door, wonderin' what was goin' on. He was so angry when Connie told him I'd stolen from his home and he wanted to know what else I'd been stealin' too! But when he found out from her why I'd taken the picture, he struck me so hard 'round the face I swear it lifted me off the damn ground!"
Shona exhaled.
"The worst bit was the names they were callin' me afterwards! The last time I saw Connie's face she looked at me like I'd killed somebody. That broke m'heart. Donald told m'father that he'd already been on his last warnin' and now, because of my evil perversion, he was fired. All I wanted to do was explain, but he beat me and told me that I'd brought disgrace on the family, not so much for the stealin' but because of what I was."
Shona paused to look at Cuban, trying to gauge his reaction. He remained silent and gestured for her to carry on.
"When we got home, I was sent straight to bed. Father told my momma and I heard them arguing over me. Later, she came into my room. I was so scared that she would hate me that I almost didn't want her to speak. But she held me tight and said she loved me, and that she was my momma no matter what. I just cried m'heart out in her arms. Then my father must have heard me cryin' and burst into the room. He saw my mother huggin' me and dragged her out of my room, slammin' the door behind him. He'd been drinkin' and was slurrin' his words as usual and crashin’ around, sayin’ how he didn't want to have a damaged kid, that I would be the talk of the town. My momma…the last words I heard from her were…'You don't deserve to have her as your daughter; I will love her no matter what.' Then…silence."
Cuban looked horrified.
"I was so scared. I didn't dare come out my room. I just lay there, covers up to my face, heart poundin' out my chest. Eventually, I crept out, careful not to make a sound on the floorboards. I opened the bedroom door to see out…and my father was right there. He said, 'If you come out, something bad will happen to your momma,' so I went back in. I didn't know what to do. He was drunk…He looked possessed! I didn't sleep much but early in the mornin' I heard voices downstairs. I opened my door and listened. It was the local doctor. I heard him ask what happened and my father said, 'She just fell down the stairs.' He was talkin' 'bout my momma! She'd fallen, but I knew he'd pushed her alright! That's what the noises were the night before. The bastard got away with it!"
Shona clenched her teeth, blinking the tears away.
"He spoke to that doctor about me. Made me admit to them both what I was and that I couldn't help being attracted to girls, then said I was crazy and needed puttin' right. Later that day I was taken away by a nurse, to live with her at the house she'd converted secretly into treatment rooms for damaged people. She made a livin' that way. I stayed there for six months, locked up. She told me I could only leave when I was cured of my 'disgusting proclivities'."
"What happened at her house, Shona?" he asked patiently.
"She and a couple of doctors would, at different times of the day and night, come find me in the dark, damp basement they used as my treatment room. They kept me locked up, doin' horrible experiments on me. They would show me pictures of naked women then, when I looked at them, they would cut me, stick wires on me…make me drink the most god-awful things. They were designed to make me sick anytime I got those feelings again!"
She shuddered at the memory, the effects of which still haunted her deeply. Her violent stomach lurches were a constant reminder, especially since Chloe had appeared and opened up all her old wounds.
"My God, Shona. I'm so sorry. That's why you have those nightmares? Especially the one in the basement the other night. Memories, right?"
She nodded weakly.
"Then what happened?"
"One day I escaped. The nurse took a delivery and put it down in the basement. I pretended I was asleep, then made a run for it up the stairs and out the door. Afterwards, I moved around a lot. I'd learned about fixin' trucks and stuff on the Chamberlain farm so did that for a while, movin' from farm to farm. I kept hearin' my father was after me because I'd brought shame on his family and cost him a good job. He
had nothin' to live for and nothing to lose. So, I just kept movin' on, spending three to four weeks in each little town I came across. Then, a couple of years ago, I settled in a small town in Mississippi. I broke my own rule and stayed longer than usual. I figured my father would’ve given up the chase by then. I found a great job at a place called Wreckers. The boss loved what I could do, said I knew more about fixin' trucks than any guy he knew!"
"What happened in Mississippi?"
"History repeatin' itself. A girl, around twenty-two years old, hung around the local bar every single night. It was right opposite Wreckers so she would often come in and talk to the guys. She looked a bit wild, excitin'…free. Her name was Lucy. Now, I wasn't exactly wise to the ways of the world, let's just put it that way. I didn't know at the time, but Lucy was a prostitute. That's why all the guys buzzed around her; they knew she was a sure thing. Later, I found out she was called Loose Lucy for obvious reasons. When I was at the bar, she would come up to me, even in front of the guys there when I was playin' pool. I couldn’t understand why, the most beautiful woman in the room–coming up to me?"
Cuban shut his eyes.
"I started to like it, you know? I started to have those feelings again, the ones I dared not have for such a long, long time. I didn't so much as even look at a woman for years! Every time a pretty lady would talk to me, I made my excuses and left. I couldn't handle the sickness I got from the treatment I'd had. They probably all thought I was rude. But Lucy…she was different. She kept coming up to me whether I was in the bar, Wreckers or at the grocery store. I started to think about her more and more. I'd found a way to cope with the sickness, to suppress it by breathing deep and counting in m'head. Then one day, I asked her if she’d like to come for dinner and she accepted. I thought that meant I had found somebody, at last, somebody like me, who liked me the way I wanted to be liked, you know?"
She looked at Cuban, who nodded.
"The next evening, she came around. My God, she looked stunning. We had dinner and she then asked me to sit next to her on the couch, so I did. She put her hand on my knee. So, I put mine on hers. She leaned in to me…and just as we were about to kiss she pulled back and said, 'I knew it. I knew you were one of those screw-ups.' Then, from nowhere, four of her friends jumped on me. Lucy hadn't locked the front door. It was all a setup. She'd got paid by some of the people at the bar to see if I was one of them! Then I got the biggest beatin' of my life. I couldn't see properly for a couple of days. I didn't go into work, couldn't say what the reason was, and left town."
"Oh, Shona."
"So, you see? You see why I'm terrified to get close to anybody, women that I find attractive, I mean. When Chloe was introduced to us all that day, all I heard was the guys around me say how cute she was, how they would like the chance to date her and all. But I had to stay quiet."
"Do you have strong feelings for Miss Chloe?"
"Yes, yes I do." Shona hung her head in shame.
"What do you think she feels?"
"No idea. There are times I just think she's being kind, like she just wants a friend, you know, someone to talk to? Then sometimes, I catch her lookin' at me and it's like I can read her mind…because I'm thinking the same. But Cuban, I'm petrified of gettin' found out or my past catchin' up with me. I just have to keep my head down, save some goddamn money and get out of here. I can't go through it all again!"
He leaned his head forward. "But you can't stop thinking 'bout her, right?"
"Every single minute of every goddamn day!" she replied.
Chapter 54
It was first thing on Monday morning and the workers had all been summoned to the canteen for a quick briefing.
"You OK?" Cuban said in a low voice to Shona, knowing Chloe was about to emerge onto the balcony.
"Yeah," she replied, looking everywhere else but up.
First onto the balcony was Ron Black, followed by Jeffrey Ellis, who laid a supportive hand on the younger man's shoulder. Seconds later, Kyle and Bruce appeared looking bored as they waited for Ellis and Black to address the crowd.
Then out came Chloe.
Her simple peach-colored blouse floated over her curves, her matching pencil skirt resting just below the knee and finished off by a thin white leather belt. Her hair was pinned back to the side by her glistening butterfly clip. Around Chloe’s neck was her precious pink pebble necklace. She hadn't taken it off since Shona had given it to her. Her entrance drew admiring gasps from the men in the crowd, but Shona just took a deep breath and clamped her eyes shut.
Glancing down, Chloe deliberately looked to the back of the crowd, but the sight of Shona’s strange expression caused her initial smile to evaporate.
"Good morning, everybody," Ellis began. "I know I don't come down here half as much as I should…apparently, according to some, I'm always at the Copperpot." He turned and glared at Kyle. "But I really felt for my town after such a devastating storm. Of course, we can prepare, but Mother Nature soon lets us know how insignificant we really are. But we have big hearts in this town! So, Ron came to me with an idea and I liked it. We're going to have a fete this coming Sunday to bring the community together—hold it here at the site! Tell your wives to make or do something to help bring in people to donate money to those who were most affected. Ron’ll be around to give you more details, but if you have any ideas, come and see me anytime."
Bruce and Kyle looked at each other and rolled their eyes. For a split second, Shona opened her eyes and met with Chloe’s anxious gaze, but looked away first. Cuban sighed to himself, noticing Chloe's downcast reaction.
"Shona, you and Cuban could build a couple of benches, couldn't you? Sell 'em real cheap at the fete to raise some money?" Elbie suggested.
"Yeah, OK," she replied
"Miss Jackson!" It was Kyle calling from behind.
"You go on ahead," Shona said to Cuban and Elbie, smiling to reassure them as they both reluctantly left her standing in Kyle’s imposing shadow.
"Just to let you know, in case you’ve already put your mark on the money we raise, we won't be giving any to white nigger lovers like yourself," he whispered in her ear.
Shona stared emotionless at him, not in the least bit surprised that his consideration towards her in Chloe's office the other day had been a total sham.
That Sunday morning, the day of the fete, Shona felt like she’d actually been given a plum job for once, looking after the horses. She patted the placid mare Elbie had volunteered to bring along for the children to ride on.
"She's so pretty."
"That she is," Elbie replied, shooing Rosie into a horse box ready to take her to the fete, a makeshift stable waiting at the other end.
"I'll show her to Cuban later. I ain’t ever seen him ride!" Shona grinned as she held her arm out of the truck window, the cool morning breeze running through her fingers as they pulled onto the long road that led to work.
"Momma…I can see the horse!" A little girl ran excitedly over to where Rosie was tucking into her bale of hay.
"Evelyn, come back here at once!" The mother gave chase, but the lure of the placid mare proved too much temptation for her daughter.
Cuban, who was tasked with cleaning out horse muck from inside the stable all day, found himself face to face with the little girl, who couldn't have been more than six years old. She had long blonde curls tied up in a bunch on either side of her head, a silky pink ribbon holding them firmly in place. Her little body was held in check by a very tight-fitting pink and white spotted crinoline dress, her lace-trimmed bobby socks the crispest shade of white Cuban had ever seen. The little girl stood there for a moment or two staring at the tall, black man with a puzzled look on her face.
"Uh, hey there–" Cuban said, backing away and putting as much distance between them as he could–for his own safety, not hers. She edged closer, though, intrigued at this dark-skinned man and his cute animal friend.
"Is that your horse, mister?" she asked, still looking curiously
at him.
"She's ours today. You like horses, ma'am?" he asked, feeling the wooden planks of the stable wall press against his back. He looked side to side to see if anyone had seen her come in, sweat bubbling on his brow.
"Yes, I do. I'd like my own one day." The little girl continued to stare at Cuban, her inquisitive blue eyes picking up on something strange.
"Go ahead, ask. You wanna know why I'm black, right? If I ain't washed the dirt off my face for so long now that it won’t ever come off?" Cuban spoke softly so as not to alarm the girl. He threw every crass explanation for his black face he'd ever heard at the little blonde girl, who continued to stare at him, her eyes unblinking.
"No," she said matter-of-factly. "I was just wondering how you hurt your face, sir. You got a big ouchie there…It looks sore!" She pointed her tiny finger up towards his right eye. The swelling, from the bang on the head he had received during the storm, had gone down, but the cut hadn't yet healed.
Cuban closed his eyes, thoroughly ashamed of himself.
"I'm OK, but thank you for your concern, ma'am." He took off his imaginary hat and bowed to her. She giggled and curtseyed in return.
All of a sudden, a middle-aged woman appeared around the doorway to the stable. She had dark swept-back bouffant hair curling forward around her ears, which held her expensive pearl earrings within them. Her eyebrows were shaped into arches and darkened with eye pencil, her cheeks rouged, and her lips bright red. Clutching her Gucci purse, she looked from side to side until she finally caught sight of the little girl and sighed with relief.
"Evelyn! Will you–" The mother stopped dead in her tracks, a look of pure horror and revulsion crossing her perfectly made-up face. She grabbed her daughter's milky white arm with her kid-gloved hand and put her body between her and Cuban.
"Momma, no! I was talking to the nice man about his horse," Evelyn cried.
"You stay away from my daughter!" The mother spat on the ground in front of Cuban.