by Vicky Jones
“Does that bother you?” Chloe asked.
Shona didn’t answer. Seconds later she stood up and dusted the sand off her denim work pants. “I gotta go. I promised I’d drop those parts off before lunch.”
“Go? But we’re about to blow the candles out,” Dorothy replied, looking up at her.
“I won’t be long, promise.” Shona bounded off, leaving Dorothy to fire a questioning look to Chloe, who seemed to be off in her own world entirely. David trotted up to Dorothy with a shell he’d found, Cooper bounding up a few steps behind him.
“Shell,” David babbled in his newly acquired voice. He held his chubby hand out to Dorothy. Inside she saw a pretty pink clam shell.
“For me? Why, thank you, kind sir,” Dorothy said. She plucked David up from the sand and sat him on her knee.
“Gam-ma,” David replied.
His response startled Chloe out of her daydream. “What did he say?”
“He called me Grandma,” Dorothy replied, equally stunned. Feeling the tears prick her eyes, she nuzzled her face into the back of David’s hair.
“Oh, my,” Chloe gushed, her own eyes moist. “He’s only ever said ‘mama’ before now.”
“I’m truly honored,” Dorothy replied. “I only wish Shona had been here to hear him say it.” She looked over to the beach house where Shona was leaning against her truck. “Something ain’t right with that girl at the moment.”
“I’ve noticed,” Chloe agreed.
They all sat out on the veranda, with Dorothy and Chloe on the porch swing and Shona in a deck chair sipping from a bottle of Coke.
“I heard a story today that more and more white schools are starting to desegregate. Finally got tired of all the black sit-ins, I guess. God, Cuban would have loved that.” Shona paused to reflect on her fond memories of Cuban. It was two years now since his death but it still felt raw, especially given the manner of his death.
“He’d love it even more if that new guy gets elected as president. Kennedy seems like a nice guy,” Chloe added, smiling. “You still miss Cuban, don’t you?”
Shona wiped her palm across her eyes. “Yeah. When I hear about change happening, the tide shifting, I think, why couldn’t he have just made it? Just a bit longer. Goddamn that Kyle Chambers. He’s got a lot to pay for,” Shona added, scrunching her hands into fists.
“Well, Cuban’ll be up there somewhere watching down over all of us,” Chloe said, looking over to the sunset.
“Yeah, I know. I think of him when we’re sitting on the beach around the fire. We’d be jamming together, him playing his guitar, me tapping out a beat. It’d be swell.”
Dorothy’s ears pricked up. “I’ll be back in a minute,” she said, lifting her aged body off the porch swing and setting off into the house. Minutes later, she returned with David in her arms. “I heard a cry,” she said, sitting back down with him wrapped in his blanket and snuggled in her arms.
“Gram-ma,” David murmured.
Shona sat bolt upright in her chair. “What did he say?”
“Grandma,” Dorothy repeated. “He’s said it before but never like that. Who’s a clever boy?” she whispered down to the now-sleeping face of David.
“Said it before? When?”
“A few weeks ago. On his birthday. You left early, remember?” Chloe said. “I would have told you but you didn’t get back until late. It must have slipped my mind by the morning when I found you on the couch. Again,” she added.
Shona sat in stunned silence. After a few moments, the look in her eyes suddenly changed. Without a word, she rose out of her deck chair and headed down onto the beach towards the water’s edge. Dorothy passed David to Chloe and set off after Shona.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on in that head o’ yours?” the old lady scolded after reaching Shona’s side. Shona’s stare into the distance didn’t break. “Hey, I asked you a question.” Dorothy swatted Shona’s arm, stunning her to attention.
“What? What do you expect me to think, huh?”
Dorothy looked at Shona and saw the tears in her eyes were one blink away from falling.
“Think about what? Shona, talk to me.”
“Chloe got ‘mama’. You got ‘gram-ma’.” Shona paused, but Dorothy knew now exactly why she was so upset. “What do I get, huh?” The tears were now rolling freely down her hot cheeks. “Who the fuck am I, Dorothy?”
“Now you just listen to me. I don’t pretend to know what official title to put on it, maybe one day in the future they’ll think of something, but you are just as much that baby’s momma as Chloe is. You’ve been with him from day one. And I know for damn sure Chloe feels the same way too.” Dorothy paused. “If you two would just talk to each other about this, instead of you being out at all hours avoiding the issue, then we’d all be a lot happier around here.”
Shona stopped kicking out at the ocean. “I just don’t know what to do. When he was a baby it was different. I had a way with him, you know? I felt needed. But before long he’ll be going to school and more people will be asking more questions about that bastard of a father of his.” Shona slung her hands on her hips. “I just don’t know if I’m cut out for all this. Maybe Chloe’s better off finding a husband instead. Someone she doesn’t have to explain away every goddamn time somebody pokes their nose in.”
“Do you love her?”
“Of course.”
“Then talk to her about this. That’s your family over there. Some of us don’t get that chance in life to be a parent.” Dorothy’s voice quivered. “So when it comes along, you put your own fears on the back burner and face up to the hand God dealt you. Because it’s a good hand, Shona. The best you could ever wish for.”
Shona sniffed and wiped her face, and then wrapped Dorothy up in a tight embrace. “Promise me one thing,” she whispered into the old lady’s ear.
“What?”
“Please never leave us. I can’t do any of this without you.”
“I ain’t planning on going anywhere just yet, Shona,” Dorothy chuckled, slapping Shona on the back.
Chapter 21
David was growing fast, and so was Cooper. They both lolloped into the kitchen that Sunday morning in August, nearly knocking Chloe off her feet as she served up the breakfast. She and Shona had made a pact to try harder on their relationship and, over the last few months, they had never been happier. With all four of them sitting around the breakfast table, Cooper in his basket by the back door, the conversations flowed and the house was once again full of laughter.
“Why don’t we all go down to the beach this afternoon?” Dorothy said.
“That’s a great idea. Shona?”
Shona nodded back at Chloe. “I’ll get the football out of the shed. We can have a game.”
“Me too?” David piped up from his high chair.
“You too, sweetie,” Chloe said, ruffling his fluffy black hair.
Dorothy smiled and leaned back in her chair, taking in the harmony around her in that moment. It was the most perfect scene, her family full of joy once again.
Shona was at the water’s edge pitching a football over to Chloe, who caught it, albeit clumsily. Cooper was barking and trying to pick up the football but his jaws couldn’t quite fit around its girth. He then nudged it with his nose until David picked it up and mis-kicked it back to Shona who ran after him, grabbing him up underneath his armpits and whirling him around. Chloe waded through the ankle-deep water to join them and was greeted by a tender kiss from Shona. The three of them twirled and danced in the water as if there was no one else in the world in that moment. They were broken out of their solace by a soaking wet Cooper who bounded up to them and jumped up on his back legs to join the embrace.
Sitting in a deck chair watching from the beach, Dorothy took in the scene, completely content.
“My beautiful family,” she whispered to herself.
Then, with typical simplicity, she closed her eyes for the last time.
Chapter 22
“Are you ready?” Chloe asked Shona who was standing on the veranda staring out to the ocean. She walked over and laid a hand on Shona’s shoulder.
“Yeah, just give me a few minutes, OK? I just need to get this right.” Shona wiped her eyes with her palm, her heart broken at the loss of Dorothy.
Chloe looked down to the crumpled piece of paper that Shona was clutching. “You’ve been working on it for days, honey. I heard you recite it last night. It sounded perfect. Don’t worry, baby. You’ll do Dorothy proud, I know it.”
“I just wanna say it right.” Shona let out a strangled cry and bowed her head. “I don’t know if I can do this, Chloe. Dorothy was…was…”
“She was our family. The glue that held us together. I know. But I promise you, you can do this. You trust me?”
“Yes,” Shona whispered back.
“Then go out there and just speak from that enormous heart of yours.” Chloe took Shona’s face in her hands and kissed her on the forehead. Leaving her to compose herself, Chloe went back around the house to the garden where Dorothy’s simple wicker coffin was waiting to be laid to rest, beside the rose bushes and flower beds she so lovingly tended during her all too short stay with them.
“I remember the first day I laid eyes on Dorothy Clark,” Shona began to the row of people sitting in front of her.
In the center was Chloe, with David on her left and Minnie on her right. A few other grey haired ladies sat on either side of them. Dorothy’s coffin lay on two long pieces of wood, the rope to lower her threaded underneath. Two officials from the local church stood by ready to perform the ceremony.
“She was standing at the cash register of a grocery store chewing the ears off the owner about her broken gutters. I’d been travelling around for a long time and wasn’t doing so good. I think she only turned around and noticed me ‘cos I smelled so bad.” Shona paused as a little ripple of laughter worked its way across the row. Chloe’s encouraging eyes prompted Shona to continue. She cleared her throat.
“But I left in such a hurry that I dropped the few bits of food I could afford. Next, she’s standing there with my stuff all bagged up, saying she wasn’t ‘running no delivery service.’ Yet there she was. She could tell I was in trouble, she knew I needed help but I was too dumb to ask for it at the time. Stubborn, that’s me. But so was Dorothy. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and took me back to her little cottage, gave me a place to stay and helped me find a job. She gave me a purpose, somewhere safe to finally settle down. Until…” She stopped and looked over at Chloe who looked down at her feet for a second.
“Until I had to leave her. But as soon as I was safe…I mean, settled again, I wrote her to invite her to come stay. Do you remember, Chloe? When she was sitting on the porch swing up there? It was one of the happiest days of my life, seeing her again. And now, here we are, on one of the saddest.” Shona’s voice quivered but she cleared her throat again and licked her dry lips, determined to finish her speech without taking the folded up paper out of her top pocket.
“My momma died when I was real young so I didn’t really have anyone to help me to be who I wanted to be. Until I met Dorothy. She never had no family either, just her husband Walt. They’re together now, for always. And I know we’ll all meet again one day.” She swallowed hard to try and steady herself as she concluded her speech. “Dorothy was the mother I needed in my life when my own passed, and the grandma David was blessed with having, even if it wasn’t for very long. Not long enough. She gave me so much more than I could ever thank her for. She gave me her kindness, her wisdom, her patience and her heart. And you know what?” Shona pointed at Chloe and David, her hand trembling. “We gave her the one thing she always wanted. A family she could call her own. The family she deserved. I love you, Dorothy. I’ll always love you. And I will never, ever forget you. Thank you for being my best friend.”
Chapter 23
Shona returned from work and trudged up the porch steps as if her boots were made of lead.
“Hi, baby, work OK?” Chloe’s soothing voice was accompanied by a gentle rub of Shona’s shoulders as she embraced her.
“Same as always.”
“Oh, OK. Well, I’ve made your favorite dinner. And I’ve got a bowl of warm water ready with some salts in it to soak your feet.” Chloe took Shona by the hand. “Come, sit.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m not really that hungry. I think I just wanna get washed up and go to bed.”
Chloe nodded, feeling completely helpless as to how to mend Shona’s shattered heart.
The sound of soft weeping was the first thing Chloe heard when she came into the bedroom later that evening after bathing David and reading him his story.
“Oh, honey, come here,” she said rushing over to the bed to gather Shona up in her arms.
“I just can’t believe she’s gone. She promised she’d always be here. She said she’d always look after us.” Shona heaved between sobs.
“She was an old lady, Shona. She couldn’t have lived forever. She just knew it was her time. And that day she passed, she couldn’t have been happier, watching us all together. That was the last thing she saw. She’ll always be with us. Always telling us off for something,” Chloe added, her voice cracking as she reminisced. “We just have to honor her memory by being the best we can be. Be a family. That’s what she always wanted for us. She loved you more than anything, you know that.”
For the rest of the long night, Chloe held Shona as her sobs ebbed and flowed until, exhausted, they both fell fast asleep.
Shona had spent most of the following afternoon banging drawers and slamming tools back into the chest. She’d trapped her finger in one of the hinges of the tool chest more than once that day and this time kicked it over in sheer frustration. Finally, the last customer of the day decided to find out what was going on with her.
“Shona?” Minnie Barker’s soft voice sounded. “Are you OK, dear?” She walked over to Shona, who was now sitting on an upturned bucket nursing her bloody finger.
“I cut my finger. That’s all,” Shona replied. She rose up off the bucket and leaned against the garage wall.
Minnie looked down at her hand and saw an oily rag acting as a makeshift bandage. “Here, let me see that.” She inspected the wound, then looked around the garage for a first aid box. Locating it, she took out a Band-Aid and patched Shona up. As she did so, Shona caught a whiff of Minnie’s scent, rosewater. It was unmistakable, the smell so familiar to her these last few weeks after holding Dorothy’s favorite cardigan to her nose night after night.
“How’s things at home?” Minnie asked.
“I don’t know what to do, Minnie. I know Chloe’s feeling Dorothy’s death too, but I kinda feel like I should be feeling it worse, you know? Like it should be mine. She didn’t know her as long as I did. Does that sound strange that I should feel that way?”
“No one really gets the monopoly on grief, Shona. It affects different people in different ways. Chloe cared a lot for Dorothy, but in a different way to you, that’s all. Dorothy was like a mother to you. It should hurt you more, but it doesn’t always work like that.” She clasped Shona’s face in her wrinkly hands. She was so like Dorothy it made Shona’s heart ache. “You all need to remember the good times and work together to grieve. Ain’t nothing so lonely as a time like this when you’re doing it in different rooms. Close up for a few days. Be with your family.”
Minnie stroked Shona’s cheek, then nodded her farewell. Thinking over what she’d said, Shona sat back on the upturned bucket, her thoughts a swirling mess in her head.
Chloe looked up at the little Mickey Mouse clock on David’s bedroom wall. It was past seven and she had just finished reading him his bedtime story, all the time wondering what time Shona would eventually find her way home. For the last few weeks now, it had been the same routine and Chloe couldn’t help but feel the pang of loneliness in her heart, especially since Dorothy had passed. Switching off the bedroom light, she lo
oked down at David’s angelic sleeping face. It broke her heart to see how like Kyle he was. Same black hair, same dark eyes, but his personality was completely different to his father’s. David was much more like Shona. He was kind, playful, cheeky but with such a spirit inside of him that he could have easily come from her as much as he’d come from Chloe. But lately, the one thing Chloe was missing the most was Shona being present in their lives like before. For the fourth time that evening, she broke down in pitiful sobs and buried her head in a couch cushion.
“I need you, Shona. I’m breaking apart,” she wailed over and over again, the cushion muffling her enough so as not to wake her son.
Shona had been lying back on the roof of the truck staring at the setting sun for over an hour. No matter how much she knew she loved Chloe and David, she couldn’t shake the feeling of being trapped in the same routine. Minnie’s words had struck a chord with her, but going home just seemed like an argument over something trivial would always be waiting for her. She understood that Chloe was feeling trapped herself, but Shona had to work. They’d discussed the way things were going to be before Chloe had given birth but now it felt like the rot was setting in. Knowing she needed to talk things over with Chloe, Shona climbed down and set off for home.
When she got there, she took a few moments to settle herself, then jumped out of the truck and hopped up the porch steps.
“I’m home. Sorry I’m late, I had a few drop-offs to make,” Shona shouted down the hallway into the empty atmosphere. “Chloe?”
Shona popped her head around the doorway into the living room but there was no sign of Chloe. What she did see was a complete mess. There were cushions out of place and a dirty dinner plate, complete with congealed gravy stains, left on the coffee table. Lots of David’s toys hadn’t been put away and a huge pile of creased clothes sat in a heap on one armchair next to three days’ worth of newspapers littered up the sideboard.