by Vicky Jones
“I’m not going anywhere until you hear me out,” Lucy continued, walking over.
Shona spun around to face Lucy, her eyes glassy.
“Why? Why are you here? In the one place I’m finally in. And happy. Goddamn it, I’ve finally got everything I could ever want after all those years of fighting, hurting, being attacked for who I was.” She wiped her face with the back of her oily hand and pointed her wrench in Lucy’s face. “All those months we spent together back in Mississippi, me trying to be your friend and save you from that asshole boyfriend of yours. You doing all those disgusting things for money and still, there I was, believing in you. Then, when I finally think I’ve made a friend, one I could trust, you think it’d be sport to lead me on, didn’t you? Thought it’d be a real big tickle to try and catch me out so you could tell the rest of the town what a dirty pervert I was. Is that about right?”
“No, of course not. That’s not how it was, Shona. All those months we were friends, how could you not see how I felt about you? I was falling for you.” Lucy’s own tears were rolling down her cheeks now, but her voice was dripping with frustration at how Shona had remembered that night.
“What? Are you crazy? You liked me? You had a boyfriend! You were a fucking prostitute, Lucy. All those men that you were with every night, and now you tell me it was me you were wanting? And I’m supposed to buy that crap?”
“Yes,” Lucy whispered. “I came over that night to Dorothy’s house to tell you how I felt about you. I hadn’t told a soul I was going over there. I didn’t want Frank to know, let alone anyone else. When we sat on the couch together, oh my, the feeling in my stomach, it was like I had a million fireflies in there. All I wanted to do was tell you I was in love with you, Shona.” Lucy shrugged. “I’d fallen for you. And all I wanted to do in that moment was kiss you. I was praying you’d kiss me back and tell me you felt the same. Oh Shona, there were so many times we spent together when I was sure you would if I ever made the first move. So that’s what I did.” She walked up to Shona and grasped her wrists. “I swear on everything I hold dear, I never arranged for Chuck and his friends to be there. Chuck was a creep who followed me everywhere. I would never want you hurt, not in a million years.”
Shona ripped her wrists away. “Then why did you say what you said?” Her eyes blazed raw anguish.
“What?” Lucy replied.
“You said, ‘I knew you was one of those screw-ups,’ when Chuck burst into the house. If you didn’t set it all up, then why did you say that if you weren’t expecting him?”
Lucy covered her mouth with both hands. “Oh my God, Shona, I saw him there and I thought he’d tell Frank and then the whole town would know if I had kissed you. I wimped out.” Her eyes filled with shame. “I had to make it look like you were forcing yourself on me.”
“You just left me there. They could have killed me, and you just saved your own skin. And you say you were in love with me?”
“Shona, I’m so sorry. I was so scared. He was obsessed with me. He said so to the judge at his trial. I read it in the paper afterwards. He was so angry that I wanted you, and not him, so he took it out on you. Afterwards he never got the chance to get to me because that next morning I called home and my parents came to pick me up. That car ride back here was the longest of my life, Shona. How could I ever explain to them what had happened to me? To you? I hated myself for what I did, Shona. I still do.”
“And so you should,” Shona spat back. “You called me a ‘screw-up.’ That’s the one thing I can’t forget hearing. I don’t remember a lot that happened, he hit me so hard, but I remember what you said so clearly.” Shona paced the floor rubbing her head. “Then his friends began kicking me. Next thing I know, I’m waking up in the hospital with Dorothy telling me what she’d found when she got down the stairs.” Shona paused and sat down on a stool by her workbench. “Dorothy said she saw Chuck and his friends running out of the house leaving me on the floor in a bad way. Then minutes later a doctor came round.”
Lucy’s face brightened. “That was me who told him to come over. I had to do something.”
“You got the doctor?” Shona’s face turned deathly pale.
Lucy walked back over and kneeled in front of her. Clasping her hands around her face, she wiped Shona’s tears away with her thumbs. “I loved you. From the first moment I saw you,” she laughed, “in a garage pretty similar to here. Heck, I even look the same now as I did that day.” Lucy tugged at her lemon yellow summer dress tied at the waist by a thin white belt. “Talk about déjà vu.” She wiped her cheek with the cuff of her white cotton cardigan. Shona looked down to her boots and sniffed. Lucy lowered her hands and sat back on her heels. “I think about you often, you know.”
“I think about you too,” Shona replied. Lucy’s eyes brightened. “Every time the cold hurts my ribs, I remember you.”
Lucy fought back the tears. “I am truly sorry, Shona. I would do anything to take that night back. Well, just the way it ended, I mean.”
Their eyes locked for a second before Lucy moved her face closer to Shona’s. At the last second, Shona pulled away and stood up, her hands on her hips. “No. You can’t just walk in here and start doing things like that, Lucy. It’s not fair.”
Lucy stood up. “Because you’re with that Chloe now?”
“Yes. I am. You got that? I just want to live quietly with no drama. This town has finally backed off and left us alone after so many years of trying to catch us out. I don’t need this in my life now, Lucy. I don’t want this.” She leaned back against the inside of the garage doors, the cool breeze from outside bristling over her hot face.
“Oh yeah?” Lucy replied, stung by the rejection. “And what do you think people in this town will say when they find out that you two aren’t actually sisters or whatever it is you say you are? Things may have moved on since back then in Mississippi, Shona, but if there’s one thing this town hates more than homosexuals, it’s liars.”
Shona let out a mirthless laugh. “And what do you think those same people will say when they find out you’ve slept with half of Mississippi? For money.” She fixed Lucy with a stare as hard as the one Lucy was aiming back over to her. “What would your boss Miller think, huh? So don’t talk to me about being judged.”
Lucy stared at the ground. “I’m sorry, Shona. You’re right.” Looking up, she walked over to the garage doors and reached down for Shona’s hand and squeezed it gently before leaving.
“I’m going out tonight, Mother, don’t wait up,” Lucy called up to the bedroom from the hallway downstairs.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m gonna try that new bar over in Sunnybrook. Bertie’s, it’s called.”
“Bar?” Lillian Adamson’s head shot around the top banister, her eyebrows arched.
“Yes, Mother. We’ve had this conversation, remember?”
“Yes, but why there? I’ve heard about that place. It attracts a certain kind, so I’m told.”
“For God’s sake, mother, there’s nothing wrong with that place. It’s just Marjory from the country club filling your head with rumors.”
“They had a riot in that town, trashed the place. Most of the reprobates involved came from that bar. ‘All those queers causing trouble for law-abiding folk,’ that’s what Marjory’s husband said. And he should know.”
“Mother, it was women from San Francisco who did most of the damage. Didn’t you read it in the paper? They were celebrating. And you know what? I’m on their side. You can hardly blame people for fighting back. It’s how they’re treated, mother. People like Marjory and her husband are nothing but gossip mongers and bullies,” Lucy replied with a tired sigh.
“They should think themselves lucky we allow them to live among us. In my day they would have been run out of town without even a right of reply. Or worse still, strung up.”
Lucy looked up at her mother. “Can I go now?”
Lillian paused, then nodded her permission. “Put a card
igan on over that dress, at least. It’s way too low-cut for a lady. What if someone from school sees you?”
“Mother, it’s fine,” Lucy replied, rolling her eyes. She smoothed down the straps on her best red and black cocktail dress but, feeling the weight of her mother’s disapproving stare, took a red silk scarf from the coat stand and wrapped it around her neck. Pausing to model it to her mother, she reached down to pick up her purse and slammed the door behind her.
“What’s the matter, sweetie? You’ve been quiet since you came home from work.” Chloe put her fork down on her plate and lay a hand on Shona’s dropped shoulder.
“Huh?” Shona replied, looking up from her plate. Her chin was still resting on her palm. “Oh, nothing. I just had a long day. Say, do you mind if I go out for a little bit? I just need to clear my head of a few things.”
Chloe, tired from her own long day and not really wanting to spend the evening alone as well, nodded. “Sure. I know you need that sometimes.”
Shona got up from her seat and kissed Chloe on the forehead. “I won’t be late, I just… You know?”
“I know,” Chloe whispered back as Shona headed into the bedroom to change her shirt.
A few minutes later she reappeared, hair combed and wearing a green and black checked button-down shirt and turn-up blue jeans.
“You look real nice there,” Chloe said with a tinge of sadness. “I thought you were just going out for a drive or something?”
“I thought I’d go see some of the girls down at Bertie’s. I ain’t been for a while so…”
“Should I be worried?” Chloe replied after an awkward few seconds.
“Ain’t nothing you gotta worry about. I won’t be late.”
“Who is that?” Dee whispered in Bertie’s ear as she cast her glance across the bar to Lucy who’d been sitting in a booth in the corner for the last half an hour. “I’ve seen her before. She’s kinda nice, don’t you think?”
Bertie looked up and grunted. “Yeah, good luck with that one.”
“What do you mean?”
“I get the feeling she’s waiting for someone.”
“Well, I’m sure my apple butter can take her mind off that,” Dee winked and stole two whiskey sours from Bertie’s drink order, then made her way over to Lucy. “Hi, I’m Dee. Anybody sitting here?” Dee placed the drinks down on the table and sat down.
Lucy dragged her gaze away from the entrance to the bar. “Umm…no, I guess not. You work here?”
“Sometimes. You, umm…with anyone?” Dee said, looking around.
“No, but I’m kinda wanting a little space tonight.” Lucy winced as she smiled. “Sorry. Is that OK?”
Dee tried to be as nonchalant as possible as she rose to her feet. “Sure, don’t sweat it, girl. Just being friendly.” She took one of the drinks and sidled back over to the bar where Bertie was attempting, unsuccessfully, to stifle a grin. “Yeah, well, at least I had the balls to try, Bert.”
“Plenny more fish in the sea, girl.”
“Yeah, but she’s a hot one alright. Clearly there’s someone else on her mind, though,” Dee added, noticing that every time the door opened, Lucy craned her neck to see who it was. Male or female, Lucy’s hopeful expression saddened more each time.
The next person who walked in, however, caused a smile as bright as a sunrise on mountains to spread across Lucy’s beautiful face. Both Dee and Bertie looked at each other and rolled their eyes in mock surprise as they followed the trail of Lucy’s gaze.
“Hey girl, the usual?” Dee asked before uncapping a bottle of Coke and placing it in front of Shona after she’d nodded. “How are things?”
“Not so bad. The boy’s doing good at school. Brought his report card home last week. Got his momma’s brains for sure,” Shona said, laughing as she took a swig.
“Say, Shona, your boy’s at Fairview, ain’t he? The preschool class?” Bertie hollered over from the end of the bar.
Shona swallowed her mouthful of Coke and wiped her mouth. “Yeah, why?”
Bertie grinned and nodded towards the booth in the corner. “That’ll be his teacher then, won’t it?”
Shona turned around to see Lucy’s bright eyes staring at her. Dee and Bertie, as if they were watching a tennis match, flicked their heads between Shona and Lucy and back again, weighing each person’s reactions. Shona tapped her foot on the ground, fully aware that there were now three pairs of eyes on her.
“What?” she grunted at Bertie, who held her palms up in surrender, then disappeared into the back room.
“Can I get some service down here?” a salty-voiced customer called out.
“Coming,” Dee called back, then walked over to them.
Shona took another swig of her Coke trying to remain as low key as she could, but Lucy was already making her way over.
“Hi Shona. I’ve got a booth. You wanna come sit with me for a bit?” Painfully aware of how good Lucy looked, and smelled, Shona shook her head and returned to her drink. “It’d be nice to catch up properly. I’d like to clear the air properly if it was possible? Please?”
Shona lifted her elbows off the bar top and sauntered over to the booth. She sank down into the leather seat, bottle in hand still.
“How ‘bout something stronger? Beer?” Lucy asked when Shona had drained her last drop of Coke.
“Why not? Of all days…I need it,” Shona shrugged.
Within twenty minutes, and three beers downed, the mood began to lift.
“So, I got the job after my mother, bless her meddling, spoke to old sourpuss Miller and pulled a few strings. It’s only my first proper job. I’ve been doing the odd semester here and there, but since I got home to Monterey all those years back, I’ve struggled to settle. Then I met this guy, but he wasn’t what I wanted, you know?” Her light brown eyes locked onto Shona’s half-drunk blue ones.
“So, why this school?” Shona slurred.
“Well, Sunnybrook is only a few miles away from home, so it seemed perfect. And my mom used to be the principal before Miller got the gig. It made sense. It used to be my preschool too, so I felt right at home. Your boy is beautiful.”
“I know. Nothing like his no-good father,” Shona added under her breath.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Where did you go after Mississippi, Shona? I rang Dorothy every day for a month, but she wouldn’t say. I just wanted to explain.” Lucy placed her hand on top of Shona’s, but it was shaken off.
“Alabama. I had no choice but to keep moving. I thought Chuck would come after me and finish the job.” She fixed her stare on Lucy. “You’re the reason I had to leave the best place I’d ever lived and the best job I’ve ever had. I had to leave Dorothy all on her own again, just when I was starting to build a life.”
“How is Dorothy?” Lucy asked.
“She died. A few years ago now.”
The air fell silent between them. Lucy wiped away a strand of hair from her cheek. “I’m sorry, Shona. I know how much you loved her. Is she still in Mississippi? Can you visit her grave?”
“She came here to live with us when David was born. She’s buried here. I should never have had to leave her, Lucy. I was happy in Mississippi.” Shona’s eyes were damp as she finished her beer.
“What can I do to make this right, Shona? Please tell me.”
“You can’t change the past.”
“I know.” A smile began to form in the corner of Lucy’s mouth. “But I can get us some bourbon chasers. Come on, for old times’ sake. Have a proper drink with me?”
Within minutes Lucy was back at the table with two shot glasses and a bottle of bourbon.
“To old times,” Lucy said, pouring them both a shot and laughing as they both downed it in one huge gulp.
Feeling the alcohol fizz through her body, Shona looked at Lucy properly for the first time since they’d found each other again. Her beautiful face was expertly made up, and her gorgeous red and black shimmery cocktail dress hu
gged every perfect curve. She had hardly aged a day, even though eight years had passed, but there was something about Lucy that intrigued Shona. Regardless of all the hate and anger she’d felt until this night, she had always wondered about Lucy. What would it have been like if they had kissed that night?
What if Chuck hadn’t burst in?
Bertie had returned to the bar from the back room an hour later to see Shona and Lucy laughing and drinking shot after shot of bourbon, the bottle almost empty in front of them.
“I don’t think Chloe will be too happy about Lucy bird-dogging her girlfriend, do you?” Dee said as she came up behind her.
“No, I don’t think she would,” Bertie replied, her eyes narrowing as she watched Lucy’s hands wandering over Shona’s arm, then disappearing underneath the table to rest on her knee.
Dee sucked in her cheeks. “Is that woman not content with having that Chloe in her bed? She has to bag another hottie too? Save some for the rest of us, why don’t you?”
“Lucy and Chloe do look very similar, though, don’t they? Shona’s obviously got a type,” Bertie tutted.
“Maybe you should ring Chloe? Get her down here and stop Shona making a big mistake. They got a kid, remember?”
Bertie looked at Dee and shook her head. “I’m not getting involved. If she wants to throw it all away for a one-nighter then it’s up to her. I run a bar, not a counselling service.”
By the time Dee and Bertie looked back over to the booth, Lucy and Shona had disappeared.
Chloe was climbing the walls with worry. It was way past midnight and Shona still wasn’t home. Not wanting to leave David alone again, like last time, she picked up the telephone and called Bertie’s bar.
“Yeah?” answered a sharp voice.
“Oh, hi, is Shona there?”
“Who?”
“Shona? Blonde hair, green and black checked shirt? Probably got a crowd of women around her,” Chloe added.