by Lucy Adams
“You are not to be afraid any longer,” Lady Whitehaven murmured, her eyes searching Dinah’s face. “There is nothing to harm you here, Dinah. You are loved, you are safe, and you are protected.”
Dinah let out another shuddering breath and closed her eyes tightly. She had been sent to this family, to her aunt and cousins, in order that she might continue her life in whatever way she could, but there seemed to be no easy way forward. Her mind told her that all she had to do was to step forward and walk into the drawing room, where her cousins would be waiting, but she simply could not bring herself to do it. It was as though she was setting her back on the memories of her family, making the conscious decision to forget her parents and all that they had been to her, and instead looking to her future, to whatever her life was to be without them.
Always look to God. He will show you the path your life is to take.
Dinah started visibly as the voice of her mother seemed to fill the room. Lady Whitehaven was now staring at her with wide eyes, evidently all the more concerned that Dinah was now reacting to something she herself could not see. Dinah’s breathing became quick and heavy as the words went all the way around her, securing her in what felt like a compassionate embrace. The sorrow and the pain that had gone previously, Dinah believed, had been brought about by the sinfulness of men and the greed of their hearts, and now, because of that, she had been brought here, to the Whitehaven estate with the expectation that she would now become a part of their family.
He will show you the path your life is to take.
Her mother had so often said those words to her and had told her repeatedly that all she had to do was continue to pray and fix her mind upon God and that He would show her the path she was to follow. And now the path was directly before her. Somehow, she would have to find her way to continue towards it, no matter how much pain she had to endure. Perhaps, somehow, there would be some goodness to come out of her agony.
“Thank you.”
Her voice was hoarse, her words weak and filled with a misery that she could not fully express, but at the very least, she did manage to say something. Lady Whitehaven let out a long slow breath, looking a little less concerned now as her hand once more pressed Dinah’s.
“You don’t have to thank me,” she murmured, a small smile on her face as her eyes warmed. “We are truly glad to have you here, Dinah. We wish to give you as much comfort as we can, truly.”
Dinah nodded and swallowed hard, feeling a lump continue to form in her throat.
“I think,” Lady Whitehaven continued shrewdly, “you should greet your cousins briefly, and then I shall show you to your bedchamber. Your new maid shall take care of you thereafter. You look as though you need to rest.”
“I would be very grateful for such a kindness,” Dinah replied honestly, feeling a little less overwhelmed now. “Thank you, Lady Whitehaven.”
Lady Whitehaven squeezed her hand again. “And you are to refer to me as ‘Aunt,’” she answered, gesturing for them to move forward once more. “I am aware that I married into the Whitehaven line, but I still consider us to be family.”
“And I shall be glad of you all, I am certain,” Dinah replied, feeling a trifle stronger now as they walked along the softly lit hallway. “I have no other. Not in all the world.” A sob caught in her throat, but she suppressed it with an effort. She had already cried a great deal over the loss of her parents, and yet the tears still pressed at her eyes. She could not say more but simply walked alongside her aunt until she was led into a softly lit drawing room, where a fire blazed in the hearth and candles decorated every surface. The room was ornate in its furnishings, almost resplendent, but it was not the décor that drew Dinah’s attention. Instead, it was the presence of four young ladies, who rose to their feet at once, turning towards her as one.
Her cousins. Cousins whom she had never met before in her life.
“My dear girls, this is Dinah Shepherd,” Lady Whitehaven said gently, staying close to Dinah as she spoke. “Your cousin and now a part of our family.”
Dinah swallowed hard and dipped a curtsy, which was not particularly graceful given that she was shaking all over. Her eyes lifted again to her cousins, who were curtsying also. She knew nothing of their characters, knew nothing of them at all, and could only pray that she would be accepted by them, as their mother so obviously wished.
“We are glad you are here,” said one young lady, stepping forward. “I am Eliza, and the others here are Catherine, Merry, and Titania. Our brother is not, as yet, with us, but he will be present soon.”
“You are mistaken.”
Dinah jumped in surprise at the loud, masculine voice that filled the room. Turning her head, she saw a tall, broad-shouldered man walk into the room, although there was something about his gait that was a little unusual. He had a mound of thick, brown hair that fell across his forehead in a somewhat unruly fashion. His square jaw and sharp green eyes gave him a foreboding expression and sent a shudder through Dinah. He, perhaps, did not want her here. He would not welcome her as his sisters had.
“This is my son, Grayson,” Lady Whitehaven said, as the fellow continued to scrutinize Dinah, leaving her feeling entirely uncomfortable. “He will, of course, welcome you into our home and our family.” This was, Dinah thought, said more for Grayson’s benefit than for her own for she could hear the note of warning in Lady Whitehaven’s voice.
“Goodness, you are nothing more than a bird!” Grayson said, sounding quite astonished as he walked around Dinah, evidently now looking her up and down whilst Dinah did her very best to avoid his gaze. “Nothing but skin and bone.” He tutted loudly, as though this was her fault, her doing. As though she ought to have kept herself pristine and in the best of health as she lost herself in her grief. A flicker of anger began to burn within her heart, but Dinah pushed it aside with ease. The gentleman did not mean to be harsh, she was sure.
“You shall have to improve yourself almost at once, Miss Shepherd,” Grayson continued, walking towards the fire and standing in front of it, regarding her now with a slight lift to his brows. “After all, the Season will soon be upon us and you shall have your turn to find a husband!”
Dinah closed her eyes, swaying just a little. She could not even begin to think of doing such a thing as that, not when everything she had known, everything that had once been hers, was now lying in smithereens at her feet.
“That is quite enough,” Lady Whitehaven said firmly, taking Dinah’s arm and turning her towards the door. “Goodness, you are being quite ridiculous, Grayson, truly. Try and put yourself in Miss Shepherd’s situation and consider how she must think of you at this moment.”
Much to Dinah’s shock, the only response that came from the gentleman was a laugh. A harsh, burning laugh that ran right through her and made her heart turn over within her chest. He did not want her here. He wanted to have her married off just as soon as possible so that she would not be a burden to him. The fellow cared nothing for her torment, nor for her sorrow nor her grief. There was not a single modicum of kindness or compassion in his heart—and that tore at Dinah’s soul.
“I will take you to your rooms now,” Lady Whitehaven said quietly, as the door was held open for them by one of the footmen. “I will make certain that refreshments are brought up to you. Pray, do not concern yourself over my son’s demeanor nor his comments, Dinah.” She squeezed Dinah’s arm gently. “In his own way, he is trying to lift your spirits.”
“Then he is failing,” Dinah replied hoarsely, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. “Failing entirely.”
Lady Whitehaven said nothing but continued to lead Dinah up the long staircase and then along the hallway until she came to a large room with the door propped open. It was beautiful and bigger than anything Dinah was used to but, in her grief, Dinah noticed nothing.
“I do hope you will feel at home here with us—in time,” Lady Whitehaven murmured, helping Dinah to sit down carefully in a chair by the hearth. “I w
ill leave you to rest now, unless you wish for company?” Seeing Dinah shake her head, Lady Whitehaven gave an understanding nod and then pressed Dinah’s shoulder gently. “Your maid, Sarah, will remain with you until you retire. Do rest for as long as you wish, Dinah. You have a good deal to recover from.”
Dinah, who was feeling more and more exhausted, managed a small nod. “Thank you, Aunt, for everything you have done for me.”
“It was the very least I could do,” Lady Whitehaven replied, letting go of Dinah’s shoulder and making her way back towards the door. “You will be safe here, child. Rest now. Sleep. You have nothing to fear any longer.”
Chapter One
“Well, Dinah, now we come to you.”
Slowly, Dinah lifted her head to see her aunt standing framed in the doorway, a gleam in her eye and a small, expectant smile on her face.
Dinah’s heart sank.
“You know, do you not, that we have come to London for the Season?” Lady Whitehaven continued, coming into the drawing room and coming to stand directly in front of Dinah. “Your cousins – some of them, at least, are come back to support you.”
“Support me in my endeavors to find a husband,” Dinah replied dully, knowing full well that the last few years had been not only a chance for her to complete her education but also to ensure that she was entirely prepared for the life that was to come. The life that would make her a wife to some as yet unknown gentleman. It was a thought that did not bring any joy to her heart—for it was the very last thing that she wanted.
“That is it precisely!” Lady Whitehaven said loudly, practically beaming at Dinah. “I am certain that 1817 will be the year that you shall find yourself happily married and truly content, just as my daughters have been.” She threw a sharp glance towards Dinah. “And I would not have you complain nor state that you do not wish to marry. For Catherine did the very same, did she not?”
Catherine, Dinah’s cousin, had been quite determined never to marry but only last Season had found a very suitable gentleman who had been more than willing to accept her just as she was – even with her penchant for riding astride instead of side saddle! This, Dinah realized, was meant to reassure her that even though she believed she did not wish to marry, there was no reason for her not to attempt to seek out a husband, given that she might thereafter find herself in a similar situation to that of Catherine’s.
“And Lord Whitehaven–Grayson–is to join us also,” Lady Whitehaven continued, referring to her son, who had gained the title and was now the Marquess of Whitehaven. Unlike most, Lady Whitehaven still referred to her son by his Christian name, which Dinah found somewhat unusual but did not reject outright. She, of course, referred to him as Lord Whitehaven, as was expected, but that did not mean that she had a great deal of respect for her older cousin. He had proved himself to be as disagreeable, as rude, and as inconsiderate as he had appeared on the first day she had met him. His eagerness to attend the Season would have nothing to do with helping Dinah, of course. It would merely be to do with seeking his own pleasures and delights.
“I thought that Lord Whitehaven preferred to stay at home during the Season,” she commented, as a small twinge of curiosity ran through her. Lord Whitehaven had remained at his estate these last years and had certainly made no attempt to aid his sisters in their search for a husband – so why was he to come to London now?
Lady Whitehaven sighed and shrugged. “I believe that Grayson has taken some time to understand his role,” she suggested carefully. “Now that he has a good grasp of estate matters, and since the estate is doing well, I believe that he can finally allow himself a few weeks of respite. Besides which,” she added with a rueful smile, “he enjoyed the quiet that came with remaining at the estate whilst his sisters were in London. Now that they are all wed, I wonder if mayhap he feels the quiet becoming a little too great.”
“Perhaps,” Dinah murmured, wondering if this meant that she might see very little of her cousin. That, at least, would be something of a relief. “When does he arrive?”
“Later this afternoon,” Lady Whitehaven replied, looking rather pleased. “And we are all to attend a ball this evening. He will have to refresh himself and change rather quickly before we go, but I am certain he will be prepared on time.” Her eyebrow arched. “You have remembered, have you not, Dinah? You have a new gown for it.”
Dinah screwed up her face and closed her eyes. The dressmaker she had been forced to attend had insisted on a few new gowns, all of which Lady Whitehaven had approved of. Dinah, who thought that they revealed far too much of her décolletage, did not care for them in the least – but Lady Whitehaven had insisted. There would be the maid to do her hair, which would take a good deal of time, and then she would be dressed and prepared to depart. She would have to endure hours upon hours of inane conversation floating all about her – for she had no intention of continuing on with any such discussions – whilst attempting to make herself as inconspicuous as possible. Not that such a thing was likely. During previous Seasons, Dinah had been able to hide herself away, given that her cousins were being pressed forward by their mother, but now that she was the only one left, there was to be no escape.
“You should repair to your room soon,” Lady Whitehaven continued, clearly ignoring Dinah’s reaction. “There is to be a bath prepared and thereafter—”
“Very well, very well,” Dinah sighed, interrupting Lady Whitehaven by getting to her feet and making for the door. “I shall go at once.”
This seemed to please Lady Whitehaven, who smiled and accompanied Dinah to the door, as though she wanted to ensure that Dinah did as she had said. Nothing more was said, for Dinah hurried quickly through the door and made her way to the staircase that would lead to her bedchamber here in Lady Whitehaven’s London townhouse. It was a good deal smaller than the one back at the Lord Whitehaven estate, but Dinah did not complain. She had been given a very great deal, and she did not want to ever appear ungrateful – even though, at this present moment, she was feeling both frustrated and irritated over Lady Whitehaven’s insistence that she be primped and preened in preparation for this evening’s ball.
“I am certain Grayson will be delighted to accompany you to this evening’s ball,” Lady Whitehaven called, as Dinah began to ascend the stairs. “And do try to look forward to this evening, my dear. It will be quite wonderful, I am sure.”
Dinah said nothing, her heart sinking to the floor with each and every step she took. She did not want to go to the ball, no matter how wonderful it might be. Nor did she want to converse or dance with eligible gentlemen. She would much prefer to stay at home, resting in her bedchamber, so that she might read her book, continue with her embroidery, and mayhap, pray for her cousins and her aunt. She did not want anything to change at the present moment, for Dinah enjoyed her life such as it was. She was a good companion to Lady Whitehaven and, now that Lady Whitehaven’s daughters were all wed and settled, they spent a good deal of time in each other’s company. There was a friendship there that had begun from the very first moment Dinah had stepped into the Whitehaven estate. Lady Whitehaven seemed to be quite contented to allow Dinah to forge a new life for herself with someone new, but Dinah did not feel that way at all. She had taken some years to become used to her life as part of the Whitehaven family and was not yet ready to set it all behind her. This was her stability, her anchor, her place of strength. She feared that to leave it would make her return to that weak, frightened little bird, as Grayson had called her at the first. She did not want to become that again.
“I suppose I must dance with you, Miss Shepherd, for I fear you will remain hiding in the shadows if I do not.”
Dinah grimaced as Lord Whitehaven came near to her, a broad grin on his handsome face. He was teasing her again, even though he had behaved impeccably during their greeting one another back at the townhouse. In fact, he had been quite the gentleman in the way he had assisted both herself and then Lady Whitehaven into the carriage, asking afte
r their health and commenting on how grand it was to be in London after such a long time away from it.
Now, however, out of earshot of Lady Whitehaven, Lord Whitehaven was to begin his teasing all over again.
“I do not wish to dance, Lord Whitehaven,” Dinah replied primly, turning her head away. “You need not trouble yourself.”
“Trouble myself?” Lord Whitehaven replied, putting one hand mockingly against his heart in feigned shock. “Dear lady, I am only doing my duty.”
Dinah closed her eyes momentarily and prayed for strength to endure his teasing without speaking sharply in response.
“As I have said, Lord Whitehaven,” she replied carefully. “I have no desire to dance with anyone this evening. I am only present because your dear mother has insisted upon it and I found myself quite unable to argue with her.” This was, of course, the truth, for Dinah could not have brought herself to be both insolent and argumentative, knowing that such an attitude would have brought a sorrow to Lady Whitehaven’s heart. She herself could not have behaved so, believing that it would have been wrong of her to show her such ungratefulness.
Unfortunately, Lord Whitehaven appeared quite determined to dance with Dinah, for he took a step closer and, before she could prevent it, grasped her dance card which dangled from her wrist. Lifting it upwards and bringing Dinah’s arm with it, he regarded it with interest, before laughing loudly.
“I am aware that there is no one as yet written on my dance card,” Dinah told him swiftly. “But I do not care for that. I am determined to–”
“The quadrille and then the waltz.” Lord Whitehaven’s voice was firm and hard, sending a shudder through her. “And of course, I must insist that you find other gentlemen to partner you for the other dances. I know I could take three, but…” He dropped her card and winked heavily. “We must allow other gentlemen the chance to become acquainted with you.”