by Lucy Adams
“I have considered it for some time,” Dinah continued quietly. “I have not informed another soul of the money, for fear that I would be talked out of doing such a thing.”
“I would not try to convince you to do anything other than follow the path your heart guides you towards,” Lord Whitehaven interrupted, his head suddenly lifting, his eyes sharpening towards her and his jaw set. “I would not want you to think that I have any ill will towards you, Dinah. The reason I urged you to step away from Lord Irving was simply because I could tell it was not within your own desires to accept his courtship.” He was speaking more quickly now, her hand falling from his arm as he turned to face her. “I am glad you have this fortune, Dinah, truly.” Pausing, he swallowed hard for a moment, his eyes darting away. “I will not say that I would be glad to have you in a small cottage away from my estate, for that would not be the truth. But if that is what you desire, Dinah, then I would be glad to aid you in whatever way I can. I will not try to talk you out of doing as you wish. That would be entirely wrong of me and is not something that I have any intention of doing.”
Dinah’s breath was gone from her chest, her eyes filled with none but him. The fervor with which he spoke, the tenderness in his eyes and yet the sorrow that flew from him as he considered her absence from his house all wound their way into her heart, leaving her breathless with anticipation. All she had to do was tell him what she had just discovered, what she had just understood about herself, and thereafter the path she had set foot upon would reveal itself. Either it would turn her further towards Lord Whitehaven or it would set her away from him. If it were to set her from him, then she would simply consider her cottage and her quiet life as she had done before, but if it set her towards him – then what possibilities might come from that!
“As I said, Whitehaven, I have considered it for some time,” Dinah answered, her heart beating so loudly she was certain he could hear it. “But my mind has turned itself from that idea, for I have only recently discovered something about my heart.” She saw his gaze slide back towards her, her whole body tingling with both anticipation and a small, desperate fear that he would reject her. “My heart does not incline itself towards Lord Irving, Whitehaven.”
He nodded. “I am aware of that. I am truly glad that you found the strength within you to tell him the truth.”
She swallowed again. “As I must now tell you the truth,” she said softly, reaching out in the darkness and managing to capture one of his hands in hers. “My path may not turn me towards Lord Irving, Whitehaven, but I believe it has turned me towards someone else.” Pausing, she closed her eyes, feeling the swirl of anxiety within her as she forced the final word. “You.”
Dinah did not open her eyes but heard the way Lord Whitehaven caught his breath. His hand slackened in hers for a moment, and she feared that he would drop it altogether and step back from her, shattering her heart entirely as he did so. The air grew thick as she struggled to keep her tension from overflowing, stopping herself from demanding to know what reply he would give her.
And then, his arms were about her, she was drawn close to him and his breath was warm on her cheek. Opening her eyes, she saw his head lowering and felt herself burn with a heady anticipation, realizing what was about to happen and welcoming it with every part of her. Wrapping her arms about his neck, Dinah felt his lips press lightly against her own and let herself melt into Lord Whitehaven’s embrace. Once more, his lips sought hers and, this time, Dinah returned his kiss, feeling his arms tighten about her waist all the more and wanting to laugh and cry in equal measure. When he tilted his head to deepen their embrace, she clung to him, her happiness and her desire burning through her and sending waves of heat down her spine.
“Dinah.” Lord Whitehaven’s breathing was ragged, his forehead resting against hers as he spoke. “Dinah, you do not know how long I have tried to hide my feelings from you.”
“Hide them?” she asked softly, her eyes still closed as sheer joy lingered in her heart. “Why would you do so?”
“Because,” he breathed, reaching up to trail one hand down her cheek. “Because I have so much darkness compared to your beautiful light, Dinah. I have vices, sins, and wrongs blackening my soul. And you – you are purer than any other creature I have ever met.”
Dinah shook her head gently, looking up at him as he lifted his head. “That is where you are wrong, Whitehaven,” she told him. “I am forgiven, not ‘pure’ as you say. I asked you to accept my apologies, and you did so. Titania also.” She smiled at him, capturing his hand in hers again. “God will forgive you, if you ask it of Him,” she continued. “His love is greater than you can even imagine, Whitehaven. That is the only difference between you and I. You have not failed in my eyes, Whitehaven, truly. I have come to care for you with an affection that has startled me, that has taken my breath from me when I have allowed myself to consider it.” Taking in a long breath, she settled her shoulders and silently prayed that Lord Whitehaven would not allow his guilt to break apart what had only just begun to grow between them. “You have promised to turn your back on gambling, and I have trusted your word. What else can show you that I do not consider you to be a failure, to be less than I?”
Lord Whitehaven swallowed hard, his head lowering again. “Nothing,” he replied truthfully. “You have shown me with your gentle consideration, your refusal to reject me even when I showed you the very worst of my heart. And now, you offer me your heart, when I am the least worthy gentleman to accept it.” His hands wrapped about her waist again, the tenderness in his eyes making the love in her heart burn anew. “But I accept it with all gratitude, Dinah, promising you that I will be true. I will be devoted to you. I will reform myself out of the love I have for you, in the hope that one day, I might truly be worthy of your heart and your love.” Leaning forward, he kissed her forehead gently. “Your love makes me a better gentleman than I have ever been before,” he finished quietly. “And I swear to you I shall never break your heart with sorrow, my dear lady. You mean too much to me for that to ever occur.”
“I believe you,” she told him, before reaching up to accept his kiss once more.
Chapter Eleven
“You have a visitor, Lord Whitehaven.”
The smile faded from Grayson’s face as the butler came into the room. He had, for once, not been checking his vowels and the copies of the documents sent to him, but rather had merely been thinking about the happiness that had been his ever since Dinah had stepped into his arms. Even now, that moment seemed almost unbelievable. In one astonishing moment, she had revealed the truth to him, showing him that she did not see him as he saw himself. That she wanted to be close with him as he wanted to be close to her.
The time he had spent pushing his affections away, begging for them to leave him – all that had been wasted. If he had, perhaps, been honest with her from the start, then how different might his life be at the present? Shaking his head to himself, Grayson told himself not to think about what might have been but rather, instead to focus on the present. The wonderful, joyous present that meant that Dinah could be his and only his. There would be no convent. There might, now, be a future for them both together and that was truly wonderful.
“His card, my lord.”
Grayson frowned, accepting the card from the butler and looking at it carefully. It was none other than Lord Irving, who had arrived without invitation nor request. How unusual.
“I do not think I have a good deal of time for any visitors at present,” he told the butler, who nodded at once. “I can only spare him a few minutes.” Most likely, Lord Irving wanted to try and attempt to change Dinah’s mind as regarded their suit, but the gentleman was, unfortunately, about to discover that Grayson was not at all willing to aid him in his desire – especially not when he and Dinah had only just discovered such a wonderous intimacy that he still could not quite accept! Not that he was about to inform Lord Irving of such a thing!
Sighing to himself, Grayson wait
ed until the butler had departed before opening one of his study table drawers and ensuring that all the vowels were carefully set inside. He had studied each and every one, making certain that the debt had not yet been fulfilled, but had come to the sorrowful conclusion that he still owed each payment still. The gentleman who now held claim to each and every debt was still unknown to Grayson, although he had not, as yet, made any sort of contact as regarded the payment that was due. This surprised Grayson somewhat, for it had been at least a fortnight since he had last had the opportunity to attempt to pay the fellow – although that had gone rather badly indeed. He had thought that, in the interim, he would have received another note or at least another demand for payment. After all, he had not yet paid the money back and the debt was still outstanding. He rubbed his forehead and closed the drawer tightly. None of it made much sense.
“Lord Irving, my lord.”
Grayson, distracted from his thoughts by the arrival of Lord Irving, rose quickly and greeted the gentleman, who gave Grayson a languorous bow that took much too long. A little impatient for the fellow to depart, this only irked Grayson more, who then arched one eyebrow as though silently demanding to know what Lord Irving wanted.
“Lord Whitehaven,” Lord Irving began, his eyes glinting with a hint of steel as he approached the study table. “Thank you for seeing me when I did not request a meeting. It is a matter of great urgency, I assure you.”
“If you come to seek my permission to court Dinah, then I fear that I shall only disappoint you,” Grayson replied, steadily. “She has made her mind up, and I am not inclined to change it.”
Lord Irving sighed heavily, and shook his head. “I had expected as much,” he replied, with a hint of warning in his tone. “Nonetheless, I must inform you, Lord Whitehaven, that she is required.”
Grayson’s eyes narrowed, bristling at Lord Irving’s tone. “Required?” he repeated angrily. “I think you forget yourself, Lord Irving. Miss Shepherd has made up her own mind, and I am not about to change it. You have no right to expect or demand anything from her.”
Lord Irving, however, did not seem to listen. Instead, he folded himself into a nearby chair, crossed his legs at the ankle and stretched himself out as though he were quite at his leisure. Grayson watched him with a sharp gaze, all too aware of the anger that was burning in his heart.
“As I have said, she is required,” Lord Irving continued firmly. “She is pretty enough and pious enough to be an excellent little wife, and I have set my sights firmly upon her.” He shrugged, as though this were a mere expectation rather than a brazen demand. “Besides which, she is the only one whose guardian seems willing to give her to me.”
Disturbed by this comment, Grayson narrowed his eyes all the more, rising to his feet and approaching Lord Irving. “I should have you thrown out on your ear for demanding such a thing,” he hissed, thumping the top of the empty chair that faced Lord Irving. “Remove yourself from my house at once.”
Lord Irving stretched his long, thin frame in a cat-like manner, tilting his head and half smiling at Grayson. “Your mother did not look much into my character now, did she?” he commented, not moving an inch. “And nor did you.”
“That is because Miss Shepherd is not interested in you,” Grayson returned fiercely. “And as I have said, nothing will induce me to permit you to court her.”
Lord Irving sighed as though this comment pained him. “Had either of you done so, you would have learned rather quickly that I am not the sort of gentleman that any respectable young lady should approach. I am a cheat. I am a scoundrel, and I quite enjoy gaining the upper hand in the most nefarious of ways.” A dark chuckle escaped him, sending a shudder down Grayson’s spine. “And it is in this manner that I intend to gain Miss Shepherd’s hand in marriage.”
Rage burst in Grayson’s soul. Almost toppling the chair in his anger, he reached for Lord Irving, only for the gentleman to put one hand up and tut in a most irritating manner.
“I would not lay a hand upon the man to whom you owe so much,” he said softly, looking directly up into Grayson’s face and sending a shudder through Grayson’s frame. “You see, I am entirely devious, Lord Whitehaven, and was quite certain that you would not permit me to chase after Miss Shepherd, especially when she was not inclined towards me. And when you are not inclined towards me also.” He laughed again as Grayson stepped back, feeling a sheet of ice come down from the skies, shattering over his head and rendering him entirely speechless with both fright and pain.
“Yes, Lord Whitehaven, I did see the delight on your face as you stood by Miss Shepherd as she had refused me,” he continued, as Grayson began to shake with restrained fury. “It seems that I am to shatter your happiness, for unless you give Miss Shepherd to me, I shall not only demand every single penny that you owe but interest thereafter. Interest for all the days you have kept me waiting. And,” he continued, waggling a finger in Grayson’s direction. “And do not think that I shall keep such a debt quiet. No, indeed not! I shall have the ton know of it, should you refuse me. I will give them every single detail.”
“No,” Grayson whispered, his throat constricting. “No, I shall not give you what you ask. I would rather pay with my life than give Miss Shepherd to you.”
Lord Irving tipped his head. “Then consider your debt doubled,” he answered, with a small shrug. “Tripled, in fact. And it is due this very evening.”
Grayson shook his head, his heart tightening in his chest. “You know very well that I cannot pay you what you ask, not when you have given me such little time.”
Lord Irving stretched out of his chair, pushing himself up in a leisurely fashion that suggested he did not care an iota for the difficulties he was placing on Grayson. “Then I suggest that you bring Miss Shepherd to Elder View this evening, Lord Whitehaven. For either you bring me the money or you bring me the girl. I shall only be satisfied if the debt is paid in full, and if it is not, then you shall find yourself entirely ruined in society’s eyes – and in the eyes of your own family. The debt shall remain, and whilst you may be able to pay it in time, your status in society will be gone forever. You will struggle to find a suitable match. You may never marry, in fact, and then what will become of the family line?” He shrugged and made to walk towards the door. “The name of ‘Whitehaven’ will be gone forever. You will be forgotten, your family annals come to naught. And it shall all be your fault.”
Grayson stared at the door for a long time, long after Lord Irving had left. He did not know what to do. He could not turn away and allow Dinah to marry Lord Irving, especially when it would be against her will. But neither did he have the money with which to pay Lord Irving! The debt in itself was a heavy amount, and whilst the money was now available to him, he could not simply go in and ask for more – for two times that amount! That would bring him close to ruin and put the estate in danger. Closing his eyes, Grayson let his head fall forward as he felt the old familiar sting of shame darken his eyes again. He had done this. He had been the one to put the estate in danger in the first place and had he not been so brazen, so foolish, and so utterly without sense, then mayhap none of this would have happened.
He did not see the door being pushed ajar, did not see the pair of blue eyes looking in at him. Nor did he see how her face was whiter than ever before, her hand at her mouth as her gaze remained fixed upon his bent form.
“I will not,” he muttered aloud, turning so that both hands were resting on the back of the chair, dropping his head and trying to find some sort of answer to what seemed to be an impossible situation. “I will not allow her to go with him.”
A shudder ran through him as he recalled the beating he had endured the last time he had appeared without full payment. Had Lord Irving had this plan in its entirety then? Or had it only come to him once it had become obvious just how foolish Grayson really was? Grayson had no doubt that there would be a good deal of punishment due to him should he refuse to hand Dinah over. Whether that would come in the b
reaking of his body as well as his reputation, he could not say, but he would endure it if he had to. He would endure it because he loved Dinah and would never subject her to such a torturous future. Lord Irving stated that he would struggle to find a bride, would struggle to produce an heir, and that might now very well be the case. He could not ask Dinah to marry him, not when he had an estate crumbling around his ears, having lost the money to Lord Irving. That would be no future for her.
Groaning aloud, he leaned forward and rested his head on the edge of the chair back, feeling his inner shame burst over him, rendering him weak and useless. Perhaps this was what he deserved. Perhaps this was the punishment that had always been coming towards him for his own foolish behavior and his lack of regard for others. Mayhap he should simply endure and beg his mother to forgive him. His head clouded with sorrow and distress, imagining him having to send Lady Whitehaven off to one of his sister’s houses so that she would not have to endure living alongside him. The mortification that would come upon the Whitehaven name would be more than shameful. He would not be able to lift his head up high in society again, and certainly no gentleman would even consider looking at him when it came to cards or the like. A gentleman did not hide his debts. A gentleman did not leave them unpaid, and a gentleman certainly did not refuse to pay when he was called upon to do so. The ton would not care about Lord Irving and what he had done. The focus would be solely upon himself.
“I shall never treat you as dispensable,” he said aloud, as though Dinah was in the room to hear him. “I shall never allow you to be treated with unkindness again. I am sorry, my dear. I have no other choice but to go to Elders View just as I am. I cannot be certain that I shall ever return again.”
The night was dark, and the evening somewhat chilled by the time Grayson had prepared himself. The thought of taking what money he had in order to pay some of the debt had crossed his mind on more than one occasion, but given what had occurred the last time, Grayson had chosen not to do so. Lord Irving would not accept it, no matter how much Grayson tried to protest that he had not been able to acquire the money required in such a short space of time. The man had done so deliberately, in order to try his utmost to get what he wanted – which was either Dinah or a great deal of money.