“Aye,” Mairi admitted in a clear, concise tone.
He nodded, as if digesting the single word. “Then, why did he let you go?”
“I told him of Patrick,” she stated in a flat tone.
“Ah, well.” Calum snorted. “I hardly see why MacEwan should matter.”
Surprised, Mairi straightened in her seat. “What do you mean?”
“Anyone with eyes in their head can see you and Patrick are not suited. In truth, I could not fathom why you agreed to marry him to begin with. Not when you clearly love another.”
For a moment, the words stunned her until her indignation rose. “What good would that have done? You forbade Aaron and me from seeing one another. Why do you think I could not bring myself to tell you when I’d left with Connor? Saints, Calum. Of course, I never truly wished to marry Patrick. I merely agreed so that I would no longer be a burden to you.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but she lifted a hand to silence him.
The words streamed from her mouth, “I see you, Liam, Aunt Elena—all of you have found the loves of your lives. At every turn, ’tis there in my face, reminding me that I shall never find the same happiness. That I am destined to wind up old and alone, without a husband who loves me and children of my own. Do you have any notion how that makes me feel? As more and more time slips away, this strangling pressure weighs on me. ’Tis why I accepted Patrick’s offer. He harbors no illusion of love any more than I do. Truth be told, we were a means to an end for each other.”
“Forgive me for failing to understand your plight sooner, Mairi,” Calum quietly spoke. “’Tis true, I did not grasp the load you’ve carried for so long. I wish you’d spoken sooner. I vow you’ve never been a burden, nor shall you ever be to me. Regardless of what happens in the future, you should know that. This shall always be your home as much as it is mine.” With a heavy sigh, he leaned forward. “I’m sorry, Mairi, but I cannot apologize for MacRae. I had just reason for my actions the year prior. Though, had you spoken to me and explained your feelings, I would’ve never denied you. Since you were a girl, when have I ever? You’re my sister and I love you. I’d do anything you asked of me just to see you happy. If wedding Aaron shall bring you happiness, then you have my blessing.”
Not surprisingly, tears sprang to her eyes. If a single day passed without her shedding a tear, then she would count it as a success. Alas, she could not get a handle on her emotions to save her soul as of late.
With an elbow on the chair arm, she lowered her forehead in her palm. “I’m sorry but I cannot wed MacEwan, Calum. He deserves far better than I could ever give him.”
“He should be so lucky to have you,” Calum grumbled. “Who you decide to take as a husband is your choice, Mairi. I shall explain the matter to Patrick when he arrives.”
She huffed a sigh. “Nay, ’tis my mess to sort out.”
“Are you certain?” Her brother offered, “’Tis no trouble for me to handle the matter.”
“I shall speak to him myself once he arrives. I owe him that much.”
Calum glanced down at his son sleeping peacefully in his cradle. “What of MacRae?”
Mairi shook her head. “You have no cause to worry. ’Tis over.”
Her brother stretched the short distance between them to grasp her hand with a tight squeeze. “Does he love you?”
The query gave her pause. Before, she’d never questioned Aaron’s love for her. And in truth, after everything that occurred between the two of them, she did not doubt the earnestness of his words. There was no mistaking the validity of his admission. The truth had shone bright in his intense gaze.
“I believe so, aye. But, there are other matters.”
“Such as?” He quirked a brow.
Rubbing her temple, she admitted, “For too many years, his father neglected their clan and left the MacRaes struggling to survive. Aaron worries he has naught to offer even though I’ve assured him that I care not about such things.” She bit her lip. “And then there’s the matter of Patrick. I did not reveal the arrangement I’d struck until much later. When he learned the truth…I hurt him, Calum.”
“If you remember, Arabella and I went through our share of troubles. I understand the whole affair might seem impossible, but naught is insurmountable.” With one last squeeze, he released her hand and leaned back in his chair. “I assure you, Mairi, if the man truly loves you, naught will stand in his way.”
Though she appreciated her brother’s encouraging words, she disagreed. Her time with Aaron would soon sift into naught but lasting memories which might carry her through the lonely years in her future.
*
Mairi grinned at her white mare as she stroked the beast’s muzzle. The stable doors opened, announcing someone’s approach—a particular someone she’d awaited the past half-hour since his arrival late that afternoon. With one last scratch behind the horse’s ear, she shifted to face the entrance and the fair-haired man who stood watching her.
“’Tis good to see you home, safe and sound, Mairi.” Wearing an enticing smile, Patrick ambled toward her. “Your brother said you wished to speak with me.”
Lanterns strung from the stables gleamed off his striking, golden features. ’Twas no denying MacEwan was a handsome man. Alas, she would always favor the dark, brooding looks of another.
She clasped her hands in front of her, twining her fingers in a tight wring. “Aye, there’s a matter I must discuss with you.”
He strolled closer until pausing before her. His smile turned playful while his green eyes sparkled with humor. His assessing gaze swept over her features. “I wager I know what you wish to discuss.”
“You do?” she blurted in surprise. Surely, her brother had not spoken to the man before giving her an opportunity to handle the matter.
Patrick’s grin stretched wider. He lifted a hand to caress her cheek. At once, the air seized in her lungs. A bolt of alarm shot through her stiffened spine.
What the devil was the man doing? Aside from a brush of his hand, he’d never reacted with such familiarity toward her. Frankly, his actions caught her off guard.
Searching her gaze, he tilted his head a fraction. “You wish to break our arrangement.”
Mairi could not help but gape at Patrick. “How? How did you know?”
He tossed his head back, emitting a rich, lilting laughter that accentuated the sinews of his corded neck. He tapped her nose before letting his hand fall at his side. “I’m a man, Mairi. I recognize the look of a woman in love when I see it.” He smiled fondly. “It suits you. ’Tis unfortunate that I could not be the recipient of such a look from you. But, ’tis my own fault for not properly wooing you as you deserved.”
For a moment, she stood rooted to the ground at her feet in stunned disbelief. She’d anticipated many things from Patrick when she expressed her wishes to not wed him. Namely, anger and a sliver of hurt. Though, she was unprepared for the glimmer of regret in his warm gaze.
She frowned in confusion. “But, I thought you might be wroth with me.”
“Nay, of course not,” he assured her. “Mayhap, a bit disappointed that our arrangement did not work out. In truth, I had my share of doubts. ’Twas not as if I presented you the most appealing of offers when I approached you. That is a failing of mine that I must live with. In time, I hope you may forgive my offense.”
His kind words warmed her heart. “I am as much to blame. I should’ve spoken of my concerns before blindly agreeing. I fear I could never be the type woman you truly deserve.”
Pacing a step closer, a solemn glint entered his shining eyes. “Do not discount your appeal, Mairi. You are everything a man like me desires. Beauty, intelligence, a bold, fiery character. I sincerely hope MacRae realizes the prize he’s captured in you.”
Staring at his attractive features, she might’ve easily fallen under Patrick’s spell. For the first time in days, a laugh slipped from her throat.
“You know, had you plied your charms earlier,
mayhap, we would not find ourselves in this situation,” she teased. “Remember your pretty speech before you approach the next lass.”
He laughed at her jest, though the humor did not quite extend to his eyes. “I’m afraid there might not be another.”
The statement bothered her. She nudged his arm. “Do not speak such drivel. You’re a decent man, Patrick. With a pleasing countenance, if I say so myself. You shall have no trouble snaring a fine woman to match.” A notion struck her. “You should host a banquet and invite a few hand-picked clan chieftains with their eligible daughters.”
“’Tis not a terrible idea. Mayhap, I shall follow your suggestion.”
Gripping his wrist, she squeezed. “Thank you for understanding.”
Humor fled from his features as he leaned closer. He tipped his head, brushing his lips over hers in a chaste but lingering kiss. When he drew away from her, he licked his lips as his playful smile slid in place once more.
“I wish you every happiness, Mairi.” His fingers grazed her cheek. “If MacRae does not appreciate you as you deserve, seek me out. I assure you, I shall not let such a prize slip through my hands again.”
With a parting wink, he turned away from her and ambled toward the stable entrance in the same unaffected manner as he’d entered.
The breath Mairi held hissed out of her in a gush of air. Saints, were her heart not firmly planted in Aaron’s hands, mayhap, she might’ve reconsidered the decision to end her arrangement with Patrick.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Go away, Connor,” Aaron ground out.
“I cannot believe you’re still not speaking to me.” Shielding his eyes from the midday sun with his hand, his brother peered up at him. “A fortnight has passed, for Christ’s sake.”
He grasped hold of his nearly tapped patience. Otherwise, he might’ve hurled the hammer in his hands at the lad. Instead, he beat the tacking into the timber planks of the cottage roof he’d spent the morning repairing.
“Nay, now go away, damn it!”
Disregarding his brother altogether, Aaron focused solely on the task at hand. With such strong winds along the coast throughout the year, he’d decided to replace most of the straw thatching with sturdier wattle and daub roofing. ’Twas a time-consuming chore that was long overdue. But, his father had given no thought to the clan’s welfare, much less if the MacRaes had a dry place to lay their heads each night.
Truth be told, Aaron was grateful for the work. ’Twas the only thing keeping his troubling thoughts at bay as of late. In the past fortnight since Mairi’s departure, he’d thrown himself into work around the holding, hoping to toil himself into a state of exhausted oblivion. At least, for a short while, until nightfall, when he fell into a restless slumber each eve and Mairi invaded his dreams. Though his anger had since dissipated, the pain in his chest remained. No matter how he tried, he could not banish the woman from his thoughts. Mayhap, he never would.
Alas, life dragged on, with or without him. Despite how he missed her or his heartache, he refused to return to the same selfish behavior he’d affected the entire year. However, ’twas a mercy his clan had given him a wide berth the last fortnight. His mood sorely lacked any measure of politeness.
“Come on, Aaron. How much longer are you going to ignore me?” Connor beckoned from below where Ash darted back and forth around his legs, chasing bits of loose straw the wind scattered over the ground.
For the love of God, would the lad never cease his damned badgering? Between his brother and Niall, the two never spared Aaron a moment’s peace. Hell, if he truly wished to forget Mairi, ’twas impossible with the pair’s constant reminders.
Regardless of his cooling temper where his brother was concerned, he’d refrained from speaking to Connor aside from a handful of words. Of course, that had not deterred the young man in the least. His brother was relentless in his pursuits to draw him from his piss-poor mood.
“I’ll speak to you when I’m damned well ready to,” Aaron growled.
Dropping his arm at his side, Connor huffed an exasperated sigh. “Christ, why the devil are you such a stubborn arse?”
Aaron scoffed, “You mean, like you?”
“Who do you suppose I learned from?” Connor shot back. Shaking his head, he reached inside his mantle and retrieved a folded slip of parchment. “Here, I have something for you.”
His curiosity grudgingly piqued, Aaron leaned back from the roof covering he tacked to the timber planks, balancing himself on the rafters. “What is it?”
With a solemn countenance, Connor peered at the missive in his hand. “’Tis from Mairi.”
At once, Aaron’s heart leaped in his chest, the stuttered pace tripping over several beats. Were his feet not firmly lodged against the timbers, he might’ve toppled from the roof, head first.
“She asked me to deliver this when I thought the time was right.” Connor frowned up at Aaron. “In truth, I question if the time shall ever be right, so I’m honoring her wish.”
Aaron merely sat in stunned disbelief as he digested his brother’s words. She’d left him a letter?
Shaking off his stupor, he itched to read the contents. With shaky hands, he grabbed hold of the eaves on the side of the cottage and moved his legs to dangle down the wall. With a firm grip, he twisted his body and managed to lower himself enough to drop to his feet on the ground near Connor. He reached for the missive but paused long enough to wipe his filthy hands on his braies, unwilling to soil the parchment.
As he accepted the missive, a slight tremor passed through his hand. “Have you read it?”
Connor shook his head. “’Tis meant for you, not me. Are you angry that I did not give it to you sooner?”
Aaron glanced at his brother. “Nay, of course not.”
In truth, his brother had made a sound decision to wait and present the letter. Otherwise, Aaron feared he might’ve done something entirely foolish had Connor given him the missive the day Mairi departed. Such as toss it in the hearth to burn to ash.
“Thank you.” He lifted the letter by way of explanation.
Connor nodded. “I’ll leave you to your privacy.”
Without another word, the lad tucked his mantle tighter around his shoulders and ambled toward the keep, leaving Aaron to his solitude for a change.
A desperate urge to know the contents overcame Aaron. Grasping the parchment in a steely grip, he strode with purpose to the front of the courtyard and through the front gates. Outside of the walls, he continued onward until he neared the bluff overlooking the beach and churning sea below. He found an adequate seat amongst one of the many outcroppings of stone that jutted up from the surrounding land.
For several long moments, he studied his name written in a flourishing script across the front. A faint smile lifted his lips. Even the woman’s hand was as bold as her character. With a steady blend of apprehension and eagerness alike, he exhaled a breath and unfolded the parchment to read the contents of her letter.
With slow precision, he took his time reading line for line, absorbing every gut-wrenching word. She’d written of her agreement with MacEwan, explaining the situation Aaron had profusely refused to listen to. She wrote of her fears of growing old and alone while remaining a burden to her kin, and of her true intent to never follow through with the match to MacEwan, solely because of undeniable love for him. She confessed to living with the hope each day of the last year that he would come for her.
Alas, Aaron never did. He hung his head as the truth of her written word crashed over him like the ceaseless waves below. As he read the rest of her touching letter, memorizing every bold stroke of ink, tears burned behind his eyes. Never once did she reprimand him for his insensitive treatment of her or his unreasonable, reprehensible behavior. Instead, she professed her love and how her heart would always remain his. Her words nearly slew him.
His sweet, passionate Mairi had, yet again, proven how truly undeserving he was of her. How, in the name of God, could he h
ave let his lass go?
Folding the parchment, he clutched the missive tight in his fist. He peered out at the agitated sea, watching the waves batter the jagged rocks in the shallows in angry discord. The same manner of dissonance pummeled his chest, reminding him of what an utter arse he’d been. He’d freely allowed her to walk away. Hell, he’d practically pushed her on her way.
There was no disputing the fact he loved the woman. The God’s honest truth was he’d love Mairi with his dying breath. ’Twas naught conceivable in existence that would change that fact. Though, one part of her letter resounded through him with a jarring ring. Never once had he come for her.
Before her reappearance in his life, ’twas doubtful if he would’ve. He’d never felt worthy enough to deserve her. For more than a year, he’d weltered in a misery of his own damned choosing while losing sight of everything that mattered most—his clan, his brother, Mairi. ’Twas cold comfort but one definitive truth remained—his love for her never wavered. Even after her revelation concerning MacEwan and the folly of his decision to send her away, his love held fast.
But, his poor Mairi…
In tireless efforts, she’d demonstrated her love for him at every turn, despite the turmoil he heaped upon her time and time again. She’d demanded naught of him, while he had never yielded anything unless forced or backed into a corner. How could the lass have such faith in the intensity of his ardor when he’d not shown her proof of his devotion?
Niall’s sage advice echoed in the forefront of his mind. He could not continue the same course. Otherwise, he risked losing the one and only love of his life. ’Twas an unacceptable fate Aaron could no longer bear.
In fact, he refused.
Far too long he’d sat idly by, wasting precious time that he and Mairi could’ve been together. He’d permitted his own selfish stubbornness to dictate his actions, causing his lass a wealth of hurt and doubt she should not have had to endure.
But, he was a selfish man. Far too selfish a man to ever let her go. He may never truly deserve Mairi but, God, he would spend the rest of his life trying.
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