“Welcome home, son,” he whispered.
“You still got my old room upstairs?” I murmured.
“Always, Simon. That room will always be there for you.”
“We’re going to get you through this. I swear it. Okay?”
He cupped the back of my head and kissed both of my cheeks, before staring directly in my eyes.
“Let’s get you some food, yes?”
It bothered me that he didn’t respond to my statement, though.
5
Arianna
The gossip mill in this town was vicious. But the second I heard Simon’s name, my entire body perked up. I clocked in and walked over to the counter, keeping an ear out for the whispers between people as they came through the line.
“Yeah, doctor confirmed it.”
“Is Simon really back in town?”
“I think it’s great. He’s really been missed. You think he’ll stick around?”
“I think it’s nice that he’s come back to take care of Tommy.”
Hearing it all morning nearly made my knees buckle, and not in a good way. The gleeful way they talked about Simon coming back into town and taking care of Tommy, whatever the fuck that meant. Heralding the hero that had apparently come back home. It made my blood boil. If they all really knew what he’d done, they’d hate him, just like I did.
Leaving me and never coming back.
I pushed it out of my mind as much as I could. Everyone kept shooting me looks every time someone said Simon’s name. I couldn’t stand this place. I wanted out more than I could stand, but I knew I’d never be able to move away. Dad wouldn’t help me with something like that, and my art would never take off to a point where I could. Plus, Macy’s life was here. Her friends. Her school. They were the only things carrying her right now since she apparently couldn’t stand my presence in her life.
If Simon was truly back though, I’d have to swallow my feelings and talk to him.
Before he found out about Macy from someone else.
While I’d never outright told anyone who the father was, it was clear as day on Macy’s face. Her eyes. The dark freckles peppered over her nose and cheeks. That headstrong demeanor of hers I still thought she got from my father. She might have had my dark skin and dark hair. She might have had my pouty lips and my long legs. But the rest of her looked like Simon. There was no denying it.
I kept up the pace as much as I could, but my mind was clouded with all sorts of other things. Specifically, getting to Simon first. I kept my eye on the clock, hoping that if I worked through my lunch shift, Petra might let me off an hour early. I needed to tackle this now. It couldn’t wait a second longer.
“Have you taken your lunch yet?”
Petra’s voice wafted behind me, and I whipped around.
“Actually, I was hoping you’d let me off an hour early,” I said.
She grinned. “Trying to cash in on the friendship, huh?”
“You know I’d never do that.”
“I’m just messing with you, Ari. Chill out. Yeah. Of course you can go an hour early. You feeling okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I just—”
I stared at her as everyone whirled around us, dealing with the afternoon coffee rush. I sighed heavily, and a look came over Petra’s face before she nodded her head curtly.
“You leave whenever you need to, okay? Get us through this rush, and I’ll cover the rest of your shift,” she said.
I hugged her tightly. “Thank you so much.”
“Keep that girl safe, all right?”
I hugged my best friend closely before relinquishing her. I worked another thirty minutes straight, and after the second the rush died down, I clocked out. I hung up my apron and gathered my things. My heart leapt into my throat as I cranked up the engine to my car. I rolled down the windows and sped straight to the Redman residence, hoping and praying that Simon was there.
There was no time to worry about guilt here, or anger, or to dwell on the past. If Simon was staying for any amount of time, I had to get ahead of it before someone else decided to spill the beans.
I pulled up behind Tommy’s truck and looked at the truck sitting next to his. Much shinier than Tommy’s, but same size, same color, same make and model. It almost made me laugh as I got out of the car. I drew in a deep breath as I gazed upon the house I hadn’t seen in almost nine years. Hell, since that summer, really. The last time I’d been anywhere near this residence, Tommy had invited me to dinner to meet me, days after Simon had told his father about us. He’d wanted to have me over for burgers and get to know me. He’d been so kind. So inviting. So warm. So completely opposite of my own father.
I felt terrible that I hadn’t spoken to him since that summer.
I walked onto the porch and opened up the screen door. I knocked hard, hoping one of them would hear me. I heard the slow shuffling of feet before a latch flipped. And as the door eased open, Tommy’s tired eyes came into view, before a heavy sigh left his lips.
“I suppose it’s about time. Secrets like this aren’t good for anyone,” he said.
I nodded as my gut turned over. It felt as if my entire body was ripping itself to shreds. Tommy was the only other person I’d personally told about the pregnancy. But I’d made him promise to keep it from Simon. I didn’t want Simon coming back, especially after not reaching out to me once he left. Things were complicated, to say the least. And getting nothing but a picture of his granddaughter for the past eight years must’ve been murder on Tommy.
But my father was nothing if not hard to deal with, and I guess I did what I could at the time.
As I walked down the hallway behind Tommy, the past nine years came barreling back. How convoluted everything had become. The secrets. The lies. The manipulations. I didn’t know whether to scream or cry. I didn’t know whether to break down or stand strong. I didn’t know who to blame, or if I was to blame, or if anything could be fixed. But Simon still deserved to know if he was sticking around town.
And from the gossiping I’d heard, it sounded as if he was.
The guilt swallowed me whole. The impact of my actions and what they’d done to everyone’s lives swirled around my head. It grew hard to breathe, hard to see straight. It felt as if the walls were caving in on me, and I reached out for something, anything, to catch myself against.
“Arianna, are you all right?” Tommy asked.
I bent over at the waist and heaved.
“It’s okay. Shh, now. You’re safe under this roof. You always have been.”
I swallowed hard. “How can you say that, after I…”
“You were eighteen, Arianna. Scared, and lost. You did what you could. And I respected that about you. I still do.”
“I kept her from you,” I breathed.
“You kept Macy as safe as you could from the wrath of your father. I knew what you were doing.”
I slowly rose up. “Is he here? Simon?”
He nodded. “Come on. You need to sit down and drink something.”
He led me through the kitchen and into a sitting room. And when Simon’s back came into view, I paused and held my breath. I tried to make myself as silent as possible. His auburn hair wasn’t disheveled any longer. It almost tickled me, how he parted it the same way as his father, off to the side and swept over, with his hair faded to a buzz cut near the nape of his neck. He looked like he was hunched over something.
Tommy took my hand and walked me around the couch. I caught the words “diagnosis” and “prognosis” before Simon looked up.
And my gaze fell against his.
“Ari,” he whispered.
The stack of papers fell from his hands and fluttered to the floor. I went to reach for them, to help him pick them up. But Simon held out his hand. He stared at me with his brows stitched together tight. Then, he quickly picked up the papers.
Papers that had “Southern New Hampshire Medical Center” emblazoned on them.
“I’ll let the two of you tal
k. Arianna, you still want that water?” Tommy asked.
I nodded, but I didn’t pull my eyes away from Simon. Tommy eased me down onto a couch in front of his son, and my eyes refused to pull away. Simon, with those icy eyes. Simon, with his kempt auburn hair. His skin, much tanner than I remembered. His lanky limbs filled out with muscles that bulged underneath his clothes. He looked so different. And yet, exactly the same. Especially with those freckles splashed across his face.
He’d acquired more of them over the years.
We sat there, staring at one another as Tommy walked back into the kitchen. He emerged with two water glasses, both of which he sat on the table beside us. He patted both of our shoulders before walking out, closing a sliding door behind him.
And when the latch of the door buckled, I found my voice.
“Ari, I—”
“Why did you leave?” I asked quickly.
He blinked. “What?”
“Leave, Simon. Why did you leave without saying goodbye?”
He blinked again. “I was told your father would tell you I was headed back to campus early, and that if you wanted to reach out, you would.”
I shook my head. “And you believed that?”
“I wasn’t really given a choice. Your father was talking about pressing charges against me.”
“What?” This news shocked me.
Simon drew in a deep breath. “I’m sorry I never reached out. I still regret it, to this day. I should have. Even with your father’s anger against me, I should have.”
“So, you didn’t meet a girl on campus.”
“Wait, what?”
“And you didn’t leave me a note telling me you were sorry for leading me on?”
He furrowed his brow. “A note?”
I sighed. “I knew it.”
“What are you talking about, Ari?”
I felt nine years’ worth of questions weighing me down against the couch.
“The day after everything happened, Dad and I had lunch. He apologized, in his own way, for reacting the way he did. Then, he handed me a note that was supposedly from you,” I said.
“What did the note say?” he asked.
I shrugged. “That you were sorry. That you had to leave to go back to campus early for an internship or something. That you felt guilty for not telling me you already had a girlfriend, and that you didn’t expect me to come into your life, but that you cared about me enough to let me know before you had to go back. Or something like that.”
“Ari, all of that is a bald-faced lie.”
“Yeah, I know that now. I mean, in some respects, I think I always knew that. But if that wasn’t really the case, why didn’t you ever reach out? Or contact me? Or something?”
He sighed. “That morning, when I woke up, your father was at our house. He was yelling and angry. Eventually, he swung at my father, but that’s beside the point.”
“He swung at Tommy?”
“The point is, he wanted to press charges. At least, he made it seem that way. My father had to justify up and down that we were consenting adults and he couldn’t press statutory rape or assault charges.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “Are you serious?”
He nodded. “My father told me to go upstairs, and when he came and found me, he told me he pulled some strings to get me an internship on campus. That I had to pack my bags and get out of here before things got worse. Apparently, my father and your father agreed that if I left without saying goodbye, you would contact me to say goodbye once he told you I was heading out. If you wanted. Only then was I allowed to have contact with you.”
“And if you reached out anyway?”
He sighed. “That’s my regret. I don’t really know what would’ve happened had I reached out anyway. I guess my fear was that your father would find charges to press against me and I’d have no way of defending myself.”
Holy shit. The answer I’d wanted for all these years, and there it was. My father, the manipulative rat bastard he was, had ripped my only shred of happiness away from me.
I felt my strength waning, and it had to be now. Otherwise, I wasn’t sure I’d ever do it.
“Ari, I’m so—”
“Smalls towns being what they are,” I interjected much too loudly, “I thought you should hear it from me.”
Simon nodded. “Okay. What is it?”
I sighed. “I have a daughter. Macy. She just turned eight. And she’s the angriest, sassiest, most beautiful girl on this entire planet.”
I waited for him to say something, but he just stared at me, so I continued.
“She’s full of life. And stubborn as a mule. And she’s very angry with the world that she doesn’t have a dad like everyone else. I mean, spitting fire kind of angry. Our mornings are filled with fights, and she comes home from school pissed off that the school’s having some daddy-daughter get together or ‘bring your father to school’ day or some other such sexist bullshit nonsense.”
I closed my eyes and pulled the strength from within me. But I felt my shoulders slumping.
“However, I figured since her father’s now back in town…”
And when I opened my eyes to spit the rest of the words out, my body failed me. I ran out of steam and collapsed under the weight of the last nine years. Because as I watched Simon’s face contort, I saw shock.
Shock, and something else I couldn’t read.
6
Simon
“Her father’s now back in town…”
The words ran through a loop in my head. I sat there, staring at this girl I’d loved so many years ago, listening to her as she told me about Macy. This little eight-year-old girl who had apparently become her world. Or, had become stubborn. Or, was angry. I don’t know. It was hard to pay attention.
“I have a kid?”
I blurted out the words, and Ari jumped. My eyes focused back on her as she drew in a shaking breath. What the hell was she scared for? She didn’t have a reason to be scared. What did she think I was going to do? Be angry at her?
Actually, she’d be right. I was angry.
I was very angry.
“I have an eight-year-old daughter and I’m just now fucking finding out about it?”
I shot up from my seat, and Ari rose with me. I stepped out from around the couch, pacing the length of the room. I felt steam coming out of my ears. A daughter. A girl. A sweet, innocent little girl who didn’t think she had a father.
“What were you thinking?” I asked.
I looked quickly over to Ari but didn’t give her a chance to speak.
“You probably weren’t, that’s the issue. What the hell—? How am I—? Does my dad—?”
I couldn’t even speak. The fury that flowed through my veins choked off my ability to make a sound. My eyes grew wider, and my heart slammed against my chest. The tears in Ari’s eyes should’ve weakened me. And maybe all those years ago, they would have. But not now. Not this time.
Not when she had kept something like this from me for so long.
My father has cancer and I have an eight-year-old daughter.
I wanted to punch a hole through the fucking universe.
“Simon, I know you’re angry. Just hear me out,” she said.
I whipped around to face her. “You have no fucking clue what I’m feeling right now. How could you do this? How the fuck could you keep this from me?”
I had so many things screaming around in my head. Did my father know? What the hell did she get out of hiding this from me? Why tell me now if the goal was to hide it? What did Macy look like?
But I blurted out the one screaming louder than the rest.
“I want to meet her. My daughter.”
I pinned Ari with my eyes, waiting for her words. Or an expression of guilt. Or anything, other than her standing there and staring at me with those watery eyes of hers. I waited for her to pipe up. To tell me something. Anything. For fuck’s sake, she needed to fucking talk! Isn’t that why she came ove
r here?
So, I tried again.
“I want to meet my fucking kid, Ari.”
And when she still didn’t respond, I faltered.
“Ari?”
She stepped out from behind the coffee table, but I backed away from her. I didn’t want to be anywhere near her. Being close to her had gotten me into this fucking situation in the first place. I drew in deep breaths, trying to calm my anger. I’d had it in check for so many years, and I refused to let it get the best of me just because Ari wasn’t answering me.
“You better start answering some questions before I start throwing down some ultimatums,” I said.
“You can see her if you know you’re staying,” she finally said.
I blinked. “What?”
“I’m not putting her through that. What you put me through. You’re not going to meet her and then be gone in a couple of weeks if you’re just here to visit. Or to stay temporarily. You can meet her if you’re sticking around. But only then. I mean it Simon. I know she’s your daughter too, but it’s my job to protect her.”
“You’re keeping my daughter from me after you’re the one who kept her a secret?”
“I’m protecting her now, just like I felt I was then. You have no idea what I went through with my pregnancy. With my father. The wars I fought all by myself because you didn’t have the balls to reach out to me after my father ran you out of town.”
“I was nineteen!”
“But you’re not anymore!”
I saw the anger mounting in her face, anger that matched what sizzled up and down my spine.
“I’m not letting my daughter be hurt by anyone or anything around her. She’s had a hard life. We both have. And the last thing she needs is to meet a father who isn’t going to stick around before he fucks off and goes back to his life. Do you hear me?” Ari asked.
“Loud and clear,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Good. Because that isn’t changing. You can be as angry as you want. I expect as much. But just as you were scared and in denial and confused all those years ago, so was I. And I made the best decisions I could, including dropping out of college to raise my daughter on my own. Me. With no money, no support from my father, and nowhere to turn. I did that, Simon. And even if I had wanted to contact you, I had no way of doing that.”
Daddy’s Secret Baby Page 4