by Brian Olsen
What the hell was that? The Logos still sings inside me. No problem there.
I lower myself gently down, until I’m sitting on a step, right next to the goblin boy.
“I don’t know…” Tears on my cheeks. Why am I crying? “I don’t know why…”
“Chris?”
Alisa looks tense. Scared. All of them do. They’re motionless, watching.
“I was going to…” I hug myself. Gotta pull it together. “But I can fix everything. I can make the world better, for all of us.”
“When you say, ‘all of us,’ Chris,” Alisa asks, “who do you mean, exactly?”
“Us,” I repeat. “Me. You. Everyone here. Our friends and families. I can make the perfect world for us. I was about to. But then this goblin…”
Fulmis catches the hint of disgust in my voice and flinches. His trusting smile disappears.
Alisa slowly, gently, takes the goblin boy by the shoulders and pulls him towards her. Away from me.
“And what about everybody else, Chris?” she asks.
I don’t understand why she’s asking me that. What I want to do isn’t selfish, not like before. All my friends would benefit.
The people I love most wanted me to stop. I didn’t listen to them. So why is this unimportant little goblin making me pause?
Zane sits next to me. “The Common King was right about something. He did care about other people. Not just himself.” He puts his hand on my leg, and kisses my cheek.
“Yes. Yes. Of course I do. I love my friends.”
Nate sits on my other side. “But only your friends. And that’s not enough.” He holds his hand out to Fulmis. Tentatively, the goblin breaks away from Alisa and comes to him. To me. “Chris loved…you love…everybody. Friends or strangers. Human or otherwise. Everybody. Unconditionally.”
He’s right.
I did.
Do I still?
“Nate, I’m sorry.” I drop my head. “I know you don’t need fixing. That was horrible for me to say. It’s unforgivable.”
“Yeah, it is.” He puts his free hand on the back of my neck and kisses my forehead. “I forgive you anyway.”
Forgive me? I’m the king! Shouldn’t he be asking my forgiveness?
No! No, god damn it! Nate’s right! I’m lucky he’s in my life. I don’t deserve his friendship.
That’s pathetic. He should be grateful I allow—
Stop it! I slam my hands to my ears but nothing drowns out the Logos. It was so beautiful before but now I just want it to shut up for one second so I can think.
I’m on the verge of a panic attack. Only Nate’s and Zane’s touches keep me grounded.
I take a deep breath. “Chris and Kirt aren’t as balanced inside me as I thought.”
“No kidding.” Nate runs his hand down to my back and rubs it. “Hang on, buddy. Stay with us, and don’t go fixing things that aren’t broken.”
“But things are broken!” I press my neck back against his hand. “If I have the power to make the world perfect, isn’t it wrong of me not to?”
Nate smirks, a look that tells me I’m being a complete dope. “It’d be your idea of perfect, dude. That might be great for you, and maybe a whole lot of other people, too. But not for everybody. What kind of world would you be making for them?” He puts his arm around Fulmis. “For this guy?”
“Then what do I do?” I put my hand over Zane’s, interlocking our fingers. “How do I make right all the horrible things I did?”
Zane brushes back my hair. “You can’t. Neither can I. We can’t change the past.”
I rest my forehead against his. “But I can change the past.” I laugh, without much humor. “That is literally what we’re talking about.”
“No. You can make people believe it was something different than it was, sure. But that wouldn’t change it. And it wouldn’t absolve us of our responsibilities.”
“Then how?”
“I don’t know.” He kisses me. “Not alone. That’s all I know.”
Not alone.
I stand, and Nate, Zane and Fulmis stand with me. With one hand keeping hold of Zane’s, I extend the other to Alisa.
“I can’t trust myself,” I say. “But I trust all of you.”
Alisa looks at my open hand. “What are you suggesting?”
“We’ll put right whatever needs to be put right together. All of us.”
“A new Moment?”
I shake my head. “No more playing with minds. That was their way, and it was wrong. We’ll do better this time. Together.”
She bunches some braids in her hands as she thinks. “No more playing God. We make things right for people who’ve suffered because of the Moment, or because of what you did as the Common King. That’s all.”
“Whatever you say. I want to do what Chris would do. I need you to help me figure out what that is.”
She takes my hand. “I believe you.”
Lily and Kenny join our small circle. They’re already holding hands.
“We’re in,” Lily says, taking Alisa’s hand.
“Yeah.” Kenny addresses Alisa, not me. “I’m ready to do something positive with my magic, for a change.”
Shonda and Dante approach, somewhat timidly. “We’d like to help, too.”
Kenny shakes his head. “Forget it!”
“No,” I say. “Let them in. They did the right thing, in the end.”
“When their own lives were threatened!” Kenny protests. “They didn’t lift a finger to help me, all that time! To save my parents!”
“I’m sorry, Kenny.” Shonda bites her lip. “I can’t excuse what I did. As Theen, I believed in him. As Shonda, I was afraid of him. Neither part of me was strong enough to step in when he went too far.”
“Yeah.” Dante nods. “What she said.”
Alisa squeezes Kenny’s hand. “She’s telling the truth. You don’t have to forgive them. But this spell is about making bad choices right. Maybe their regret should be a part of that.”
“It’s up to you, Kenny,” I say. “You suffered the most of us.”
Kenny looks me in the eye.
“You’re Chris,” he says, “and you’re the king, too.”
“Yes.”
“You killed my parents.”
“Yes.”
“Andy and Mr. Liefer.”
“Yes.”
“And more.”
“Many more.”
He holds my gaze. I want to look away, but I don’t.
“Fine.” He takes a breath. “If I can do this with you, Chris, then I guess I can do this with them. But I don’t forgive any of you.” He lifts Lily’s hand to his mouth and kisses it. “And I won’t hold your hands.”
Shonda and Dante join up with Zane. Dante has to step around Mr. Ambrose and Ihsan, both still unconscious, to join us.
“What about them, Chris?” he asks.
“I could wake them. Alisa?”
She shakes her head. “No. No architects of the Moment in this. They had their chance. Time for us to take the lead.” She looks around the circle. “Jasmine?”
Jasmine starts at the sound of her name. She’d been standing by herself, half watching us, half keeping a wary eye on Yasu. “Huh? You can’t seriously want me in on this. I mean, I wasn’t some minion.” She waves to Shonda and Dante. “No offense. I was in on it all from the start.”
“You helped us.”
“Because Kirt was gonna destroy the world!” She puts her hands on her hips and laughs. “I’m the Nightmare Queen, Alisa! Trust me, you don’t want to live in a world that I’ve helped shape.”
“Jasmine!” Nate grabs her by the forearms. “Knock it off!”
She looks startled for a moment, then curls her lip and purrs at him, “Oh, Natey. Getting rough? I like it.”
“Stop it!” He slides his hands down to her wrists. “Stop it, Jasmine. No more games. Just answer me. Is any of the Jasmine O’Kane I loved still in you?”
“Yes!” She puts her hands on his
heart. “I’ve told you and told you, Nate. I’m Tes but I’m Jasmine, too!”
“If you’re Jasmine, too, then you must feel bad about the pain you’ve caused and the people you’ve hurt. Do you?”
“It’s complicated—”
“It’s not. I’m not asking if you thought it would be for the best or if you had no choice or if you were too afraid to stand up to him sooner. You hurt me. You hurt your friends. There are people who are dead because of choices you made. Do you feel sorry for any of that?”
She bites her lip. She looks at all of us, then back at Nate, meeting his gaze for a long time before bowing her head and saying softly, “Yes.”
He pulls away from her, roughly. “Then start making it right.”
Without another word, Jasmine steps in between Shonda and Dante.
Alisa nods at her, then looks past her. “Emmet? You’re the last logomancer. Will you join us?”
“Me?” Emmet had returned to sitting vigil over his father’s body. “You said you don’t want to mess with people’s minds again. That’s all I’m good for.”
“Without their permission. And I’ve got an idea about that. Will you help us?”
He takes one last look at his father, then stands. He takes Dante’s hand, then Kenny’s, completing the circle. “Yes. Thank you. We got everything so wrong the first time. I appreciate the chance to make that right.”
Our small group stands together, spaced irregularly up and down a couple of steps, hand in hand. The rest, the non-logomancers, stand near, watching and waiting.
I shake my head. “Wait. We’re not done.”
Zane frowns. “This is all the logomancers, if we’re not waking the grown-ups.”
“Exactly. It’s logomancers who broke the world. Regular people should be a part of the fix.” I drop Alisa’s hand and hold it out to Nate. “Come on, dude.”
His jaw drops. “Me? Do magic? Really?”
“Really.”
He grins. “About damn time.” He takes our hands. “And we’re sure about not doing anything selfish? Because I have some thoughts about a new car…”
Alisa smacks his chest with their joined hands. “Absolutely not.”
He laughs. “Just asking.”
Kenny drops Emmet’s hand. “Bobby, too, if we’re bringing in non-logomancers. Everyone in this circle is awful quick to forgive you, Chris. I wanna balance that out.” Without waiting for permission, he beckons to his brother. “Bobby! Get in here!”
While Bobby Pillman takes his brother’s hand, Mrs. Kumar pushes away from the barrier on the side of the stairs and tries to break in between Emmet and Dante.
“No.” Alisa narrows her eyes. “No. Not you. That’s a step too far.”
Kumar points to Dante and Shonda. “You’ve accepted them.”
Zane lifts Shonda’s hand. “Because they’re sorry and want to make things right. Do you?”
Mrs. Kumar smiles tightly at him. “Of course.”
But Alisa has already muttered her word, “Truth,” under her breath. She shakes her head. “Shonda and Dante bring us regret. You don’t feel any.”
Mrs. Kumar lifts her chin in defiance and looks to me. “Your Majesty?”
To me, even now, she’s my loyal Baroness Chand. My favorite general, brave and brilliant. I owe her so much.
Kenny’s eyes burn into me. Bobby looks at me with a mix of fear and hatred.
“I think you should stop calling me that, Mrs. Kumar,” I say. “You’d better go.”
She exhales sharply, then draws herself up. She bows to me, walks down the steps, and heads off into the city.
Tannyl steps forward. “She may have no part in this, but I do.”
Alisa drops Lily’s hand and reaches for him. “Yes, you do. The logomancers who cast the Moment decided what was best for the magical species without their consent. They should have a representative in this spell and I can’t think of anyone better.”
The elf takes hers and Lily’s hands. “Indeed. I have had enough of humans deciding my fate. Well.” He kisses Alisa’s cheek. “Enough of most humans.”
She winks at him. “Damn right.”
Almost there. One more to go.
I drop Nate’s hand and reach for Fulmis. “Come on.”
The little goblin gasps. “Me?”
“Especially you. You said you came to help. So will you help us?”
He flicks his long tongue and smiles. “Yes! Yes, of course!”
He takes my hand, then Nate’s. Finally, the circle is complete.
It’s right. It feels right. If I’m honest with myself, it’s the first thing that’s felt right in a long time.
“Everybody,” I say. “Close your eyes. And listen.”
The words of the Logos fill my head. It’s music again. Beautiful. Powerful. Awe inspiring.
Every word ever spoken, in every language ever known, in every voice ever sounded.
It waits. Ready for me, through its power, to communicate my will unto the world.
But true communication goes both ways. I’ve told the world what I want long enough. Time to find out what the world wants of me.
I share my power with everyone in the circle.
“Oh.” Alisa gasps. “Oh, Chris.”
Zane rubs his thumb across my hand, saying nothing.
“I hear it.” Nate laughs. “Oh, man. Is this what you hear all the time? Oh. Oh, wow.”
And we speak to the world.
And we listen for the answer.
And we cast our spell.
Forty-one
We didn’t fix the world, exactly. But I think we left it a little better than we found it.
“Wow.” Alisa entwines her fingers in Tannyl’s. “It’s as beautiful as you said.”
“Yeah, dude.” Nate slaps Tannyl’s back. “You gonna show us around or what?”
“Another time, I think. Today we have business to attend to.” Tannyl smiles, his eyes misting over a little. “I did not think I would see this again. My heart sings as strong as the Logos.”
We’re on a road made of large, smooth rocks, winding its way through a lush green forest. Just a short ways ahead, the road opens up into a small cluster of wooden buildings, mostly one- and two-story homes. The buildings grow taller and denser farther down the road, with shops and taverns and stables and businesses, and more roads converging on ours from other directions. Beyond that still, two or three miles away, are even grander buildings, of wood and polished stone. In the center of this cluster is a tower of silver, with an ornate spire on top reaching high into the sky. This is Sagemoss, the home city of the elven Sagemoss tribe.
The city is too far away for us to see any of its population, but the homes near us are full of life. Elves come and go, greeting one another, sharing food, setting out to explore the forest or to make their way into the city proper.
Several start to greet Tannyl as an old friend, but the welcomes choke off in their throats when they see me.
I shrink back. “Maybe this was a mistake.”
Zane squeezes my hand. “You deserve to see this.”
I smile sadly at him. “I don’t.” To Tannyl, I add, “But thank you all the same.”
“You have many crimes to answer for, Chris,” the elf responds. “And much elven blood on your hands.” He touches his chest, where the silver tree medallion that belonged to Alisa and once imprisoned his people now hangs. “But our banishment was not your doing, and the restoration of our home was. So for that, at least, you have my thanks in return.”
“Your people are kind. And merciful.”
Nate scowls. “Not that merciful.”
“They could have executed me, Nate. They didn’t. That’s mercy.”
“Many elven tribes, including Sagemoss, believe redemption is always possible, if it is sought.” Tannyl turns and begins walking back down the road, away from the city. We all follow. “Even for the most monstrous of acts. But this decision did not belong to the elves alone. Ulti
mately, it was all the intelligent magical peoples who spared your life.”
“But you spoke on my behalf. I can’t repay you for that.”
“You are my friend,” he says simply. “In the end, despite all, you are my friend.” He chuckles. “And I was not alone. There was a certain goblin family who spoke quite passionately for your cause as well.”
I grin. “I’ve already thanked them. I got an email from Fulmis. His parents are giving up farming. They’re going into business with Abdullah and Malik. Gonna help them run their gift shop.”
“They must have been happy,” Nate says, “to have their store magically un-burned.”
Zane nudges him. “Everyone was happy. Why wouldn’t they be? We undid all the structural damage caused when the magical species were released. It’s almost like it never happened.”
“Almost.” I stop walking. “But we couldn’t undo everything.”
Everyone else stops with me, and we stand in silence for a moment.
We fixed buildings, and healed injuries. But we couldn’t help the dead.
The original Moment created new people, but restoring the lives of those lost proved beyond us, even with all my power. We tried, starting with the bodies closest to us – Andy and Mr. Liefer. We healed their wounds, but couldn’t make them breath again, couldn’t get their neurons firing.
“Was it even right for us to try?” I ask. “To bring them back? Wasn’t that playing God, Alisa?”
“Maybe. Maybe it was.” She touches my arm. “But of course it was right to try, Chris. Of course it was.”
When we couldn’t bring them back, I almost suggested we try something else. Why not make copies? Implant memories in them and make them believe they’re the originals? We were casting the spell, in synch with one another, the power of the Logos flowing through and around us. Infinite possibilities were open to us. So why not? It was Liefer’s idea originally, after all. He suggested, way back, that if he was forced to kill my mother, he could give her back to me in exactly that way. So why not try it on him?
I started to suggest it. And then I looked over at Nate. And I remembered how I felt, as Chris, when Liefer suggested that. How horrified I was at the idea of replacing my dead mother with a copy. And then I thought how wrong it would be, to create new life and immediately implant it with false memories. Burden it with a life it never lived.