by Em Petrova
A second later, Nash held up a hand for them to stop. Ben edged up to Shaw. “Keep your balls tucked.”
Shaw nodded.
The ground under his boots felt crunchy with sticks and leaves, and he shifted ever so slightly to keep anything from cracking and giving away their positions.
“Shaw Woodward?” Ben asked.
“Yeah.”
“Heard what happened to ya in Mexico with that kid.” Ben’s statement had Shaw’s gut clenching. That was the last thing he wanted to hear right now. His first instinct was to call Ben an asshole for bringing it up, but he bit back his words out of respect.
“It’s tough shit to deal with,” Ben went on.
Why the hell was he dredging this shit up? Shaw felt his fingers begin to ache from gripping his rifle so tight.
A heartbeat passed where Shaw waged an internal war on any residual effects of that fucking mission, beating them back where he could function.
“Had somethin’ similar in Afghanistan,” Ben said.
Now Shaw was listening. “What did you do to get rid of it?” He was aware that every Knight Ops and Ranger Ops man could hear their conversation and didn’t even care, if it meant he received some helpful advice—and they might too.
“Lock it in a mental box.” Ben never glanced Shaw’s way, involved in watching their position. Shaw’s gaze was riveted on the forest too, estimating how far they stood from the front line of enemies on the border. The bastards wouldn’t have a beef with them for long, because they’d all be dust.
Shaw thought on his words, and Ben continued. “Shit like that can’t be dwelled on, because fact is, I’d do it again if I had to.”
Nash gave the signal for them to move on, and Shaw crept around trees, careful of roots. He couldn’t help but think this was a bit like hunting deer or hogs in Texas.
Thinking on Ben’s words, Shaw didn’t know if he could say he’d do it again. Maybe that kid didn’t have to be taken out along with the others—he could have been spared. The flip side was that the teen would have shot him, or if Shaw had stopped him first, the boy would have grown up to be a criminal anyway. There was no rehab for people like him. Often, it was gang-related or a family business.
Shaw shoved the thoughts down, thankful when his hard-ass take-no-prisoners mentality shifted into place right when he needed it.
Nash got the others on their feet and moved up swiftly next to them. The first bright flash of light preceded the blast of sound as an explosion went off a short distance from Shaw’s right. He and Nash dived out of range, but the repercussion knocked his feet out from under him, and he pitched up next to a tree.
Shaw began to right himself, digging his knees into the ground and pushing upward even as he evaluated his own body for injuries.
A hand got under him, and he scrambled upward. “Okay, man?” Ben asked.
“I’m good.”
Then Nash gave the word, and they were in the fight of their lives, rushing down a dirt hill between trees in a line, the green glow of their night vision lighting their way. The first shots came from the Knight Ops.
Shaw fired on movement beyond some underbrush. “Don’t let those Louisiana boys show us up now!”
“Guts and glory!” someone called out, and since it was a motto to all, morale spiked. They opened fire.
For ten solid minutes, it rained bullets. One sheared off a branch over Jess’s head, and he was knocked to the ground. Lennon checked him out before they rejoined the fray. Shaw’s mind was laser-focused on keeping his life and those of the men around him.
Maybe he’d exorcised his ghosts once and for all. Whether it was Atalee’s doing or Ben’s advice, there wasn’t a damn one in sight.
An arm came around his neck. His feet went out from under him a second time, and he kicked even as he jammed the heel of his hand into the nose of the man holding him. He didn’t release Shaw, only dragged him backward. Jerking his rifle around, he jammed it into the man’s side and pulled the trigger.
Air flowed back into his lungs as the man crumpled in a pool of blood. Shaw looked up in time to see Linc’s body vanish over a rise.
A battle cry sounded, and it took Shaw a moment to realize it was coming from him. His body shook with rage. He waved to Ben, and together they launched after Linc.
He wasn’t fucking there.
Not even a body on the ground.
“They captured him,” Shaw bit off. Fury welled in massive waves inside him, cresting and breaking. He and Ben zigzagged around the area, following tracks in the dark, but it was damn near impossible when the bastards had walked all over the ground here.
Nash took up the search along with another Knight, scouring all the underbrush for a body.
Linc wasn’t fucking here.
“Spread out. Linc’s off the map. Linc, can you hear us?” Nash’s voice held a roughened edge that wasn’t exactly the calm Shaw and the Ranger Ops team were used to from their captain.
The hair on Shaw’s neck prickled and he swung to the right just as a man jumped up. Shaw sprayed him with bullets. Men leaped out from behind trees and crawled over the rise like ants at a picnic. Even after Ranger Ops and Knight Ops had taken out that terrorist platoon, a second wave hit the forest.
Shaw whipped right and left, picking people off as fast as they came at them. He had to fucking end this, because he was going to find Linc.
* * * * *
Atalee walked her patient to the door. “Have a good week, Rob. Try to use some of the coping mechanisms we talked about.”
“I will. See you next week, Dr. Franklin.” He nodded in farewell and disappeared down the hall.
She watched him go for a moment, but her mind was already moving away from the session and on to other matters.
Like the fact that it had been nine days since she’d heard from Shaw. How did military wives do this on a daily basis? As a Doctor of Psychology, she was cool and collected enough to realize her imagination was getting ahead of her. But as a woman who cared about Shaw, the worry and stress were eating her up. In some ironic twist she was looking at her own emotions from a therapist’s point of view, analyzing her reactions to things and thinking of way she could cope better just like she’d told Rob half an hour ago.
Here she was on the other end of the rope, and she didn’t feel strong enough to win this tug of war.
Maybe it was best to forget about a relationship with Shaw. Sure, she’d imagined how it would be, but that was before she realized he was in much deeper than she’d believed. It was time to do some research on what spouses of military men and women did to pass the time when they had no idea when they’d next see their loved one.
Atalee lifted a hand to her brow and massaged her forehead. The light ache behind it was stress, she knew.
The other issue plaguing her was whether or not she and Shaw were really a thing. They’d only had a few stolen moments in life together. But at one time, he had believed professing his love so important that he’d been driven to say it before she walked down the aisle. She could only guess that his feelings hadn’t changed since.
After a minute, she went out to the receptionist’s desk. Danielle looked up with a smile. “What can I do for you, Dr. Franklin?”
“Has there been any word from Sh—” she quickly corrected herself “—from Joe Beck?”
She leafed through some pages and then looked up at Atalee. “I’m afraid not.”
Atalee chewed on her lip.
“I’ve seen it before. These are tough guys, and they believe getting mental help makes them lesser men. They are often pushed to seek help, but after a session or two vanish.”
Atalee felt herself nodding. Of course, she knew all this. But she had so much more invested in Shaw.
“Thank you.” She turned for her office again. She fiddled with some paperwork littering her desk while waiting for her last patient of the day, who finally cancelled.
You can’t help them all.
With a heav
y sigh, she pushed away from her desk. The only thing to do was find some ease for herself in hope that her scattered thoughts started to make sense. She’d start with a run, catch up on laundry, maybe stop in to see how her momma was doing on that room. She had a sneaking suspicion that her mother was ignoring it and no progress had been made without Atalee cracking the whip.
On her way out, the head of the department, Dr. Norman, stopped her, waving her into his office.
She pressed a smile onto her face. “How are you doing today, Doctor?”
“Fine, fine. Please have a seat. Wait, do you have a moment to talk? I should have asked you that first.” The man had a pleasant face with thick white hair waving back from a face surprisingly unlined for a man in his mid-sixties.
She gave a small chuckle and took a chair across his desk. “Yes, I have time.”
Dr. Norman sank to his desk chair and folded his hands over his middle as he contemplated her. “How do you find things here at the hospital?”
“I love it. The office is very pleasant and runs like a well-oiled machine.”
He opened his mouth to speak, when a rap on the door had them both turning in their seats. Danielle walked in, and from the expression she wore, something was concerning her.
Atalee jumped up, and Dr. Norman followed.
“There’s an emergency coming in.”
“Why weren’t we buzzed?” Dr. Norman asked.
“The man hasn’t hit the ER yet.” She sliced a look at Atalee. “A man named Nash Sullivan called ahead.”
Atalee’s stomach dropped to the toes of her pumps, and she gripped the chair arm to steady herself. If Nash was calling, the emergency must be Shaw. She pictured the worst, the man she loved in a comatose state after enduring some other trauma that had finally tipped him over the edge.
“I’m on my way down.” Atalee rushed out the door, skirting Danielle. She hit the elevator before Dr. Norman even came into sight, so she went ahead and descended to the ground floor without him.
Her mind scrambled over the mountains she was about to help Shaw climb. If he was truly—
The doors opened, and she surged out, heading down a corridor that led directly to the ER. With each step that carried her closer, her heart pounded harder.
Shaw, I’m coming.
She only prayed she could help him. Or that he wasn’t already lost to her.
* * * * *
“Call in the burn team and we need wound care. That gash on his leg has been festering for days from the looks of it.” The triage doctor called out orders to everyone around them, and Shaw took it all in, but he was really waiting for one person.
He looked to Nash. “You called Atalee’s office?”
Nash nodded, mouth set into a straight line.
A movement caught Shaw’s eye, and he jerked his head to the side as a familiar blonde sailed into the room. She came to a dead stop, staring at the bandaged man on the bed. Her face pinched, and then she gave an all over shudder.
Shaw made an involuntary noise in his throat, and she twisted sharply. Her gaze latched onto his, and she hurled herself forward into his arms. He caught her up, mouth finding hers without even thinking of where they were and who would see.
She clung to him for a long heartbeat, trembling. Then suddenly, she pushed away and turned to the gurney where Linc lay, drifting in and out of consciousness. In the wee hours, Shaw had discovered him half buried in the silt of a river. His heart had nearly given out at the sight, but following days of relentless searching, they’d finally found their teammate.
After turning Linc over, he’d shouted that he was still breathing, and they’d evacuated him and assessed his injuries while in flight. The burns from explosives to his legs were most worrisome, and that gash was festering, as the triage doctor had said. But the scariest thing, in Shaw’s opinion, was the way Linc seemed to stare through them, as if he wasn’t seeing the men who fought next to him and had spent sleepless nights searching for him. As if Linc was really seeing ghosts of his own.
A nurse poked her head in. “I’ve got a Colonel Downs on the phone, demanding that this man is stabilized and moved immediately to Washington DC.”
Nash stood. “Do as he instructs, then.” He looked to Shaw. “You got this, First Lieutenant?”
Shaw nodded.
“I’m going home to Nevaeh.”
Shaw stood and clapped him on the back in a hard embrace only men who’d seen true horror together could share. “I’ll stay by him till he’s transported.”
Atalee was watching their exchange. When Nash left, she pulled Shaw aside. Her touch on his arm shocked him. Following days of pain, despair and balls-out battle, he’d almost forgotten how gentleness could affect him.
“I’m not sure they can do much for your friend at this point.” She searched his eyes. “The most the critical care doctor can do is order something to calm him, but the painkillers he’s given will do that and they’re more crucial right now.”
Shaw gave a jerky nod, emotion cutting through him. “I can’t begin to guess what they did to him.”
“Was he captured?” She pitched her voice low.
He nodded. Unable to say more, he moved up to the bed and looked down at his friend. Linc’s breathing was labored. As he looked on, a nurse administered a drug into the IV they’d started the minute he hit the hospital doors.
Shaw gripped Linc’s hand. “I’m here for ya, brother. They’ll take good care of you here and then you’ll be shipped to DC.”
Linc only stared at him, giving Shaw no sign that he understood what he was saying.
“You’re gonna be all right, man. We’re all here for you.” His throat threatened to close up, and he felt Atalee’s hand on his spine, offering him the support he needed.
“We’re going to have to ask you to leave. We’re moving him to the burn unit to asses the damage to his legs.” The nurse looked to Shaw.
He nodded. “Don’t ship him out until I’ve said goodbye, you hear?”
At the hard command in his voice, she answered with a quick nod. Atalee took Shaw’s arm and led him out of the room. She didn’t take him into the public waiting room but to a space for employees only. When she closed the door and turned those big eyes of hers on him, he cracked.
Dipping his head, he dug his thumb and forefinger into each eye, stopping any emotion that would surface.
“Shaw.” She put her arms around him, and he bowed his face into her fragrant hair, inhaling her shampoo and pure womanly smell. “Thank God you got that man back. He will be given top-of-the-line medical care and the best chances to heal. You gave him that chance by rescuing him.”
He nodded. “I’ve been a whiny baby, dwelling on the shit I’ve done. Compared to what Linc dealt with, it seems like a summer vacation.”
“Don’t downplay what you’ve faced. But yes, many have their own crosses to bear. God, it’s good to hold you in my arms.” She tipped her face up, all sexy secretary in her glasses again, and he couldn’t resist those tempting lips. They were one of the things that had kept him going, especially the past few days when circumstances really looked the fucking worst.
As he lowered his mouth to hers, it was like he could finally breathe again.
He broke the kiss. “Baby doll. God, you’re beautiful.” He cupped her jaw and drank in her features. “When all hell broke loose, the thought of getting back to you was the only thing that kept me going. I know years ago I told you that I loved you, and you weren’t able to process it then. I hope now things are changed between us. Because Atalee, I love you so fucking much, and all I could think about on the way here was telling you, making you understand that you’re my world and always have been.”
Her lips parted on a sigh. “Oh Shaw…” Her throat worked, and her eyes brightened with tears. “You have no idea how long I’ve been thinking about this… How much I started to fall in love with you.”
Jesus. He didn’t deserve to hear those words—after all the shit he
’d put her through, she should be shoving him away and telling him to leave.
She reached up to cradle his jaw with her hands, rubbing the soft pads of her thumbs over his full beard that had grown in over the past days. He was dirty and probably smelled—all he’d managed to do was brush his teeth and strip off some layers of gear down to his cammies, and he’d been wearing those for too long.
Dipping his mouth to hers, he kissed her long and thoroughly, until he felt her sag in his hold. After a long moment, he withdrew and searched her eyes. “I’m going to take you home and keep you in my bed till you can’t walk. But right now…” The look they exchanged told him they both wanted that, but Linc came first.
She took him by the hand. “Let’s go see if there’s any new information on your friend. Then you can take me home.”
“And shower.”
She eyed him with a spark in her eyes. “But not shave.”
Damn, she knew how to make a man’s cock hard.
Chapter Nine
While Shaw saw Linc off, she gave him the space he needed to say things he might not wish to say in front of her. She waited patiently in the quiet employee room, thinking on everything that had happened.
A man came into the room and fed dollar bills into the vending machine. He gave her a smile and short greeting, which she returned. Then he took his drink and potato chips and left.
The minutes trundled by slowly, and she was beginning to wonder if something had happened with Linc, when he poked his head into the room. She stood at once and went to his side.
“He’s being air-lifted right now.”
She’d heard the chopper on the roof and wondered if the medi-vac was for Linc.
Sliding her arms around Shaw, she said, “He’s in good hands.”
He squeezed her for a moment before letting her go. Then he took her hand and led her out.
Something was different about Shaw. Despite the stress he must be under after what happened to his friend, Linc, he seemed strangely… at peace.
Atalee stole glance after glance at his profile as they navigated the hospital corridors to the exit. “Did you drive?”