Love is a promise delivered, already broken. That’s what I learned from the first half of my life. Love hurts, it breaks up families, it brings unhappiness and pain, disappointment and sorrow. Love doesn’t save, it steals. Anything and everything worth having.
But watching Ransom and Stella as they dance around their reception, seeing how happy they are. Watching the smile covering both of their faces, the way my best friend holds my sister in his arms? It makes me wonder if I’m the broken one, and everyone else knows the answer to the secret. There’s a part of me that thinks I’m wrong, because I see successful couples all around me. The difference in those couples and what I’ve been a part of? Me. I’m always the common denominator, and after a while – you come to realize how bad you are loving anyone else, including yourself.
Sighing, I bring my bottle of beer up to my lips, taking a drink. It’s nasty, because I’ve been nursing the same one all night. I’m not much of a drinker, given the way I grew up. Loud words and hard fists were the only things that came from drinking. But those thoughts have no business being in such a happy place tonight.
“Nick.” I hear a giggle. “Niiiiccckkk.”
A slight smile spreads across my face as I look to my left. I’d know that voice anywhere, and honestly nine times out of ten, no matter what she says, she makes me smile. “What’s up, Kels?”
She leans back against the wall next to me. “I’m so drunk,” she laughs. “I’ve been drinking all of Stella’s alcohol so no one knows she’s pregnant,” she sighs, tilting her head back, closing her eyes. “Damn I’m dizzy.”
I watch her sway, even though the wall does its best to hold her up. Turning to face her, I set my drink on a nearby table and proceed to block her in. One hand at the wall above her head, another near her waist. Locking her gaze with mine, I ask a very important question. “Who’s driving you home?”
“You?” She gives me a silly grin, before her tongue sneaks out, wiping at her lip. Fuck if I don’t feel things I shouldn’t right now. “Or Tucker.” She points to the K-9 trainer for the Laurel Springs Police Department. “He’s been talking to me all night. He’s super nice.” She wrinkles her nose.
My stomach cramps as I think of her going home with someone who isn’t me tonight. Even though I know Tucker and Karsyn are in some kind of friends with benefits thing, it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. There’s no way I want to look closer into that thought and figure out why, and before I know it, I’m offering. “I’ll take you home,” I assure her.
“Do you care if we go now?” She tilts her head to the side before bringing them back to mine. Her dark eyes shine brightly with the effects of the alcohol she’s had tonight, her cheeks are a bright pink.
“You don’t want to stay to see them off?” It kind of catches me off-guard, especially when a sadness washes across her face. I figured she’d be here until the very end.
“Nope.” She holds up the bouquet she caught earlier. It’s beautiful, handmade by one of my mom’s best friends. It looks almost as beautiful as her in this muted light. “Already got what I came for. A tradition that’ll stop with me.”
I should stop myself, but I’m a glutton for punishment. “Why do you think the tradition will stop with you?”
Those bleary eyes look up at me, the side of her mouth tilting up in a sad smile. “Because I know you, and you’re never gonna wanna get married. Especially to someone like me.”
Love. It breaks your heart, right? Every fucking time. The worst part? I can’t even deny it, can’t even give her just a little bit of damn hope, because I know myself. All I’ll do is disappoint her and push her away until she wants absolutely nothing to do with me.
“C’mon Kels, let’s get out of here.”
Grabbing her hand in mine, I help her walk out, focusing on making sure she doesn’t fall in the high heels she’s wearing. I wave at a couple of people we know and signal to Caleb I’m making sure his sister gets home okay, but I feel like a bastard right now.
What she said was true, and even though I’d give anything to change it, I know I can’t.
Kelsea
Didn’t even respond when I made the comment about how he wouldn’t wanna get married to anyone, including me. I may be drunk, but I’m not stupid. Those words were said to gauge the reaction in Nick. Sadly, there wasn’t a reaction. At least not an outwardly one. I have this feeling Nick keeps everything he feels inside. If people don’t know what he cares about, they can’t hurt him. I’ve known him for years, have watched as he’s tried to keep things from me, women, bad habits, details from his past, but nothing has ever driven me away. Whether Nick knows it or not, he needs me, we need each other.
I’m quiet as he drives to my apartment. The early March weather is cooler than normal, a slight drizzle falls, kissing the windshield. It’s just enough so that the lights of other cars look like a kaleidoscope in the darkness. It makes me dizzy again, so I lean my head against the cool passenger window and close my eyes, sighing as I snuggle down in his leather seats, thankful for the relief.
“Are you okay, Kels?”
He actually sounds like he cares, actually sounds as if he’s worried about me. I take that tone and wrap it around my body like a blanket. It’s not very often he lets his guard down enough to even give me this much. One of the perks of loving a man who doesn’t believe in it.
“I’m tired, Nick. It’s been a long day.”
And now I’m lying. The day has been long, but I’m also tired of being no one to him. Of being the person he contacts when he’s lonely and doesn’t want to be by himself, but then him not responding when I tell him my feelings. I’m so tired of it all. I just want one night, with his arms around me. To know what it feels like for him to lose control with me. God, I want it so bad I can taste it. The worst part about it is, I feel like I deserve it. I’ve seen him at his worst, why can’t I get him at his best, too?
“It has been a long day.” He reaches over, squeezing my thigh with his hand. Slightly, I part my knees, hoping he gets the idea of where I want his hand to go. “Who knew we’d have so much to do, and we’re not even the ones who got married.”
“Yeah.” I smile, thinking back to how happy my friends were. “But it was totally worth it because it was so beautiful. They’re going to have an amazing life together.”
“Yeah,” he answers as he pulls into the parking lot of my complex. “They will.” He puts his car in park. We’re both silent. I wish I knew what he was thinking, wish I could tell him exactly what I’m thinking. But this is us, this is our relationship, and it’s how it’s always been. “Let me walk you up, make sure everything’s okay.”
This is the part that bothers me. When he acts like I matter. I know better than to argue with him, so I wait for him to come around to my side of the car, opening my door for me. He helps me out, and as he walks me up the steps to where my apartment is, his hand is on the small of my back. There’s a heat that I always feel when he touches me, but tonight, it feels hotter. It’s a brand on my skin.
“Give me your keys, Kels.”
Fumbling in my bag, I do my best to locate them, but I can’t see inside. Even if I could, I have a feeling everything would be blurry. I really drank more than I meant to. “I’m looking for them.”
Carefully he takes my bag out of my hand, fishing the keys out. He’s quick and efficient as he unlocks the door, slightly pushing me inside.
“You should leave a light on,” he says quietly as he goes over to where my lamp is, turning it on.
“I forgot with all the running around today. Taking care of me was the last thing on my mind.”
We’re quiet again, staring at one another. His dark eyes smolder as he looks at me, an intensity I’m not prepared for, but one I would take as long as it’s pointed toward me.
“You want me to stay while you change and stuff? You’ve had a lot to drink tonight.”
Truth is I don’t want him to leave. I never want him to leave. “If y
ou don’t mind.”
“Whatever you need.”
He’s as comfortable here as he is in his own apartment. When Stella lived here, he was here all the time, and he’s here at least a few times a week with me. It’s almost as if he can’t stand to be with me, but he can’t stand to not be with me either. Which confuses the hell out of me all the time. A thought crosses my mind, one that wouldn’t normally cross it, but tonight I’m tired.
Tired of being the person who doesn’t get what she wants. Instead I want to be the person who takes what she needs. Turning so that my back is presented to him, I move my curls out of the way. “Do you mind unzipping me? It’s going to be a pain in the ass for me to do it on my own, and I don’t want to rip the dress. I’d like to return it and get my deposit back.”
I can hear his intake of breath. “How did you get it on?”
“Stella helped me.” I look over my shoulder, back at him, lowering my eyes in what I hope is a flirtatious stare. When I can hear him inhale a deep breath, I think maybe I succeeded.
He stands, towering over me now that I’ve kicked off my high heels. His hands are warm as he situates me so he can find the zipper. It feels like this moment takes forever, the only sound in the room is the tines of the zipper releasing as he pulls it downward. The coolness of the air in the apartment tells me exactly how much of my bare back he’s exposed, and slight bumps dot my skin.
I shiver when his hands push my dress apart, can hear his groan when my bare back is exposed to him. “Son of a bitch, Kels. You’ve gone through this whole day with no bra on?”
“The dress is tight, so the adhesive one worked just fine.” My voice is soft, afraid I’m going to break whatever spell this is. He’s never talked to me with this roughness around the edges of his tone, never sounded like he was in pain from not touching me.
“Adhesive?” he questions.
Gathering all my courage, I reach up, pull the dress down in front of me, and then turn around to face him. His gaze is locked to the nude colored adhesive cups that hold my skin from his gaze. Reaching forward I grab his hand, bringing it to the edge of the material.
“All you have to do is pull it off, Nick. It’s completely up to you.”
As I watch him, his face giving away nothing, I pray that this won’t be another embarrassment I’ll have to endure. I hope with everything I have, I finally get to taste the forbidden fruit of the man standing in front of me.
Three
Nick
The devil on my right shoulder is completely at odds with the angel on the left. He’s telling me to take what I want, she’s telling me to do what I know is right. Me? I’m at odds. For once to not be the guy who doesn’t think he deserves shit. I’ve been denying myself for so long, but at the same time, I’ve also been denying Kelsea what she wants and what she deserves.
“Take it, Nick,” she whispers, holding her palm against mine. Her eyes are closed as she continues whispering the words almost like a prayer. “Please, just take it.”
In the end, it’s not because of my needs and wants, it’s the desperation in her voice, the way it catches on the last word that rocks me out of my stupor. It’s the fact she still wants me, no matter how many times I’ve hurt her, no matter how much I’ve pushed her away. It’s the fact she’s never given up on me. Even when I’ve given up on myself.
A groan is ripped from the back of my throat, coming out on just this side of a growl as my fingers curl against the material at her breast. Her hand drops, letting me pull what looks to be a big sticker off. And when I do, I can’t stand not seeing the other one bared to my gaze, too. Reaching over, I dispose of it, leaving her naked for my eyes only from the waist up. My hand shakes as I use my thumb and index finger to cup the underside, plumping it up so that her nipple stands out in relief from the rest of her body. I can’t help it, I lick my lips like I’m about to have my favorite ice cream on a mother fuckin’ hot day. Her hooded eyes watch me behind black as night, fuck-me-until-I-can’t-scream-anymore lashes. She must have done something for the wedding because I’ve never seen them so alluring, never seen her green eyes pop so beautifully against the backdrop of her face.
“I can stop.” My promise is a broken whisper, leaning forward so that my lips are a breath away. “Any time, I can stop. Just say the word.”
She grabs hold of my hair, threading her fingers through it, tugging me to her puckered skin. I fight against her hold slightly, blowing a breath through my lips, enjoying the tightening of her flesh in response. Risking one more glance up at her, I capture her nub in between my lips, using my tongue to apply pressure as I lick against the hardness. Swirling, coaxing, daring to unleash the vixen hiding behind the Kelsea she’s supposed to be for everyone else. Bastard I may be, but I want something for myself. These moments between us? They don’t belong to anyone else.
“Nick,” she gasps, her knees going weak as she pulls my hair tighter. Her nails scrape across my scalp, the slight pain making my cock jump in reaction. “Oh my mmmm, shit…” She thrusts herself at me, feeding me those magnificent tits I’ve always admired but never dreamed would be mine, but she’s falling and I’m having a hard time keeping up.
Bending at the waist, I push my hands down her sides, slide along her hips, and grip her ass tightly. I grunt as I lift her, pushing her thighs around my waist. I have a one-track mind as I walk us into her bedroom, tossing her on the cover. Abandoning her chest, I realize if this may be the only time I get her, I’m going to take everything I want.
Hitting my knees on the carpet, I grasp her lace panties in my fingers, yanking, feeling satisfaction when I hear the material give. Throwing them behind me, I grab hold of her hips, hauling her down to me, bringing my face in between her thighs.
“Nick, nobody,” she stops, as I glance up, our eyes meeting.
“Are you a virgin?” I croak, my throat dry as I think about being her initiation, but truth is, if I am, I am. As much as it scares me, it would be my honor.
“No.” She reaches up, twisting her nipple in between her forefinger and thumb. Tilting her head back as she enjoys the passion for a moment, before looking back down at me. “I’ve only been with two other guys, but no one…” She gets shy, trying to close her thighs to my gaze.
“Never went downtown, huh?” I can’t help but feel my chest puff out. I’m great at this, and I know I am. In high school, it was how I got so many girls to give me a shot. Of course I’m not going to tell her that.
“No.” She shakes her head, looking embarrassed. “Never.”
“Relax, Kels,” I put my hand on her hipbone, holding her down. “I got this.”
Kelsea
Nick wasn’t lying. As I lay ten minutes later panting against my bed, aftershocks of the best orgasm I’ve ever had rocking my body. I don’t even know what to say as I watch him stand up, wipe his mouth off with the back of his hand, and untuck the button-down he’s wearing. His movements are agitated and jerky. When he turns to the side, and I see what he’s rocking in his dress pants, I know exactly why he’s agitated.
We watch each other, neither of us saying anything, but I’m still breathing hard as I take in the way he undresses himself. It’s like a strip show, only for me. His hands go to his waistband, yanking his leather belt apart, pulling it from his belt loops. His fingers are impossibly long and shaking as he fights with the button and zipper, pushing them down with an impatience I’m feeling too.
“Are you sure?” he asks, his voice hoarse, his eyes impossibly dark as he stares at me in the dimness of the nightlight in the room. His big body is on alert as he stares down at me, his forearms tense and relax as he waits for me to give him the affirmative.
“Yeah.” I open my arms to him, licking my suddenly dry lips. “I want you, Nick.”
He lets out a slow breath, pushing his hand down his flat stomach, before he reaches into the waistband of his boxer briefs. Given the motion, I can tell he’s giving himself a few strokes. His head falls backward, a
nd I’m greeted with the sight of his strong neck, prominent Adam’s apple as he gives himself a few moments of pleasure. When he speaks, his voice is all gravel and deep tones. “Are you on birth control, Kels?”
“No.” I shake my head. “No reason to be.”
His head gives a terse nod as he bends, fishing his wallet out of his pants pocket. I watch as he finally pushes the boxer briefs down, grips his cock with a strong hand, and then opens the condom with his teeth. I almost come again as I watch him spread the latex down his length. The way it jumps at his touch, the way his forearm tightens, his abs tighten as he stops for a minute, closing his eyes and moaning. He’s a man who enjoys physical pleasure, and for me there’s nothing sexier. “It’s been a while, Kels, but I’ll make it good for you.”
The fact it’s been a while for him makes me crazily happy. In my mind I think about him waiting for me. Maybe he was celibate because he was waiting on the moment he and I could be together. Even though I know it isn’t true, I cling to the thought with both hands, hoping it doesn’t disappear.
He crawls onto the bed, over my body, licking my stomach, paying attention to the nipples he abandoned earlier, nipping at my neck and jawline until he’s even with my lips.
“Wanna kiss you, more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
It sounds like those words are ripped from his throat, and maybe they are, because they show emotion and anyone who knows him knows emotion isn’t his strong suit. We stare at one another for long minutes. I can see something there, a glimmer of hope, of what could be if he’d just let himself feel. If he’d let me in. It’s too much, I’m feeling way too much right now.
“Kiss me.” I wrap my arms around his neck, bringing my mouth up to his. When he opens, his tongue tangling with mine, and I taste myself there. It’s not as unpleasant as I always thought it would be. I dig my fingers into his back, wanting to be closer to him, wanting him to own me.
Suppression: Laurel Springs Emergency Response Team #2 Page 2