This is what I love about her. She reads people so well, and she doesn’t wait for them to ask, Whitney just does what’s right.
“Will they give him a foster as a single man?”
Oh this is going to be fun. “That’s where things get a little tricky, too. He’s been seeing Kelsea.”
“As in cute-as-a-button Kelsea Harrison?”
“The one and only. The social worker who was in on this said they need to live together. He’s already got an attorney who will help and they’re moving in together tomorrow.”
“Wow.” She breathes a long breath. “I’m proud of him.”
Leaning over, I cup her face in the palm of my hand. “Then you should call him and tell him, cause I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s in way over his head. It would do him good to hear his mom tell him he’s doing a good thing.”
“Be right back, you go ahead and eat.” She waves me over to the stove. “I have plans to make with my son.”
I’m chuckling as I watch her grab a notebook, pen, and her cell phone. I know one thing is for sure, when she gets done with him, Nick won’t know what the hell hit him.
Fifteen
Kelsea
“What are you going to do with your apartment?” Dad demands as I sit in the living room telling him about the decision Nick and I have made.
It feels a little like I’m being interrogated by Officer Harrison right now. While I can understand why he’s suspicious, it’s still uncomfortable for me. I’ve never been the type of person to make waves.
“We’re still in preliminary stages right now, but the plan is for Cutter to take over the lease, and he’ll keep the furniture. We’ll see what the future holds as far as all of that goes.”
I look between my mom and dad as they share a conversation between their eyes. I’m proud to say I’ve never been the type of kid who did something to embarrass or disappoint them. For the most part I’ve been a good kid most of my life. I’m beginning to think I’m about to get yelled at.
“Kels.” Mom crosses her legs, leaning forward with her elbow on her knee. “Do you think this is a good idea? We all know how you feel about Nick, have known it for years. Do you think you can handle it if the two of you don’t work out?”
Hearing my mom voice one of my worst fears is like a punch to the gut. Not because I’m embarrassed about everyone knowing how I feel, but because I have the same fears. Instead of admitting to her she might be right, I have to make a compelling argument she’ll believe. “This is about way more than if I think Nick and I can handle a relationship.”
“Exactly. There’s a child involved. What about his mother?”
My frustration level is at a nineteen. Running my fingers through my hair, I tersely respond. “I don’t have all the answers, and you wouldn’t either. All we’re trying to do is what’s best for Darren. A lot of the answers will come in the long run.”
My eyes go between them, looking for just a little bit of understanding. When I’m not seeing enough, I decide to delve back into teenage-Kels. “Please, for me? Nick never asks anyone for anything. He’s asking for this, and I’d like to give it to him. If it hadn’t been for Whitney and Ryan, we wouldn’t even know Nick now. He just wants to give back to the system that helped him.”
Dad is the first to relent, as I knew he would be. “Okay, if this is truly what you want to know, you know we support you. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I don’t want to see myself get hurt either, but something tells me that I’m not in charge of this journey. Fate, happenstance – whatever this is – has taken hold of our lives and is gonna put us where we’re supposed to end up. It’s going to spin us around in a circle and let us fall where we may. All we can do is hang on for the ride and hope it doesn’t make us so dizzy we won’t be able to see straight when it’s all over.
“Do you need help getting your clothes over to Nick’s?” Dad asks. “I’d like to have a conversation with him.”
“Promise me you won’t make this awkward.”
He chuckles. “Oh Kels, I can’t make that promise.”
“Well can you promise me when you do have that conversation with him, I’ll be out of earshot. Honestly, my soul can’t take it.”
“Hey.” He grabs for my hand, pulling me into a hug.
Right then I’m transported back to all the times my Dad gave me a hug and told me it’d be alright. He’s worn the same cologne as far as I can remember, and I fit right under his chin like I always have. Wrapping my arms around him, I squeeze tight.
“What you’re doing is the right thing,” he encourages me. “I know it may seem like you’re heading into the headlights of an oncoming car on a rainy night, when you aren’t sure if they’re in your lane or not. Raising a child is scary, Kels. One whose obviously been in the situation Darren’s been in? Doubly scary. But I’ll tell you this, he needs you, and if you’re willing to help then you’ve done more for him in the past couple of days than his parents have done for him his whole life. Of course your mom and I are scared for you. That’s our job. You advocate for Darren. We advocate for you.”
Pulling away I wipe my eyes and cheeks. There’s something about hearing my dad give me a speech that tugs on my heartstrings like nothing else does. To know he’s proud of me is the best thing in the world.
“Mom, I do need help packing my car up, but I can take everything over to Nick’s, if the offer still stands.”
“Of course.” She gets up. “Let me go get my purse and call Ruby, you know she’s more than willing to help too.”
When she leaves, I look at my dad. “Promise me. If you talk to him, it’s not while I’m around.”
He makes a motion of crossing his heart. “I promise.”
Mom comes into the living room. “Ruby’s meeting us over there, so we should get going.”
Within five minutes, I’m back in my car, heading toward my apartment for possibly the last time, my mom in my rearview. I take a deep breath, feeling the tension release from my shoulders. While part of me is terrified, the other part of me knows I’m doing this for the right reasons.
In the end this will either work or it won’t, and I plan to give it my all.
“What about this?” Ruby asks, holding up a shirt I haven’t worn in two years.
“Donate, I haven’t been that skinny in a long time. Not since I quit coaching softball.”
Mom makes a noise. “Why did you quit coaching softball?”
“There was this guy coaching one of the other teams. He gave me the creeps, and he would somehow always be at the same ballfield I was at. One day he didn’t show up, I got curious and looked on the internet. He was arrested for assaulting a woman in the bathroom at one of the county parks.” I shiver as I tell them the story. “After that, it kind of lost some of its appeal.”
“I can see why.” Ruby makes a face. “Why are there such weirdos in this world? It makes me nervous with Molly. Like Caleb is already talking about when she starts dating, he’s going to follow the car.”
I laugh loudly. “He has plenty of practice. He did that to me, when I went on my first couple of dates.”
Mom laughs along with me. “You never told me that.”
I shrug, a warmth flowing through me as I think about my older brother. “It made me feel good to know he was there if I needed him. He never got out of line, never made his presence known, and didn’t cause an issue. I appreciated it.”
“He’s such a good brother,” Mom grins.
“He is, sometimes he’s annoying, but for the most part, I wouldn’t trade him for anything.”
We’re going through the last of my closet when my phone buzzes in my pocket. Taking it out, I see Nick’s sent me a text.
N: Get here soon, please. My mom just showed up with a fucking list. And make no mistake about it. Whitney Kepler expects to get this shit done tonight. This list is bigger than my grocery list.
K: LOL! What am I supposed to do? She’ll probably put me
to work as soon as I walk through the door.
N: No she won’t, I’ve already explained you’re moving your stuff in, and when you get here I need to help you. Get here so I can help you!
K: I’ll be about forty-five more minutes. We have just a few more things to go through.
N: Hurry, please!
This will probably be the only time in my life that Nick asks me to hurry for anything, but the truth is I’ll take it. Looking into what was my bedroom, I see we’re done with the closet and the small dresser I had. Now it’s time for the bathroom. Once this is done, it’ll be time to leave, time to move on to the next step in my life.
“We’ll take these downstairs to your car while you pack up the bathroom,” Ruby tells me as she hauls a box up.
“Great idea, I won’t be long.”
Fifteen minutes later they’ve taken the boxes downstairs and my bathroom doesn’t look like mine any longer. I walk through the place one more time, touching things here and there, memories crawling through my mind. This was the first apartment that was ever mine. I moved from my parent’s house right into here with Stella.
I was so proud for it to be ours; we decorated, budgeted to afford everything that would turn it from an apartment into a home, and sometimes ate ramen because we were both broke. Stella fell in love and married while she was here. I fell in love, and now I’m moving in with the man who holds my heart. While I’m sad to be leaving this place that’s meant so much to me over the past few years, I’m excited to be moving on.
As weird as it sounds, I’ve been hanging onto this apartment like a kite being pulled from my hands by a strong wind. It was the only thing that was mine. Now it’ll be Cutter’s.
Walking to the door for the last time, I take a look around before I turn off the light and close the door. Cutter’s coming over after he gets off his midnight shift, and this will be his.
“Bye,” I whisper, tears in my eyes.
It’s almost like I’m saying goodbye to a little piece of myself, and as I close the door, I know without a doubt I’ll never be able to get that Kelsea back. This one is ready to fight for everything that’s hers, damn anyone who stands in the way.
Sixteen
Whitney
I’m nervous as I stand outside the door of my son’s apartment. Anyone probably would be, especially if they were about to bulldoze their way into his life. My stomach churns as I knock on the door, not because I’m scared of him, but because I know he’s so private. He likes to live his life on his terms, has been like that since we adopted him.
The door opens, and a slight grin kicks up the side of his mouth. The smile I’ve only seen him smile at me. Sometimes I get the feeling he tolerates certain people, but I truly believe this kid loves his family. “Momma?”
“Hey.” I give him a smile back. “I hope you aren’t busy.”
His eyes are wide, and I can tell he wants to be busy, but knowing him, his apartment is immaculate.
“Can I come in?” He can never tell me no, and I’m fully aware of it.
“Sure.” He holds the door open for me.
I go in, immediately sitting on the couch. “Your dad told me what’s going on with this boy. I have to tell you, Nick, what you’re doing is amazing.” I reach into my purse. “But I wonder if you know exactly what you’ve gotten yourself into.”
“Let me guess, you have a list of things you think I may not know?”
Smirking at him, I put the paper down on the coffee table. “Busted, and I know you’re going to tell me you’re an adult.”
“I am.”
“And you don’t need my help.”
“That’s where you’re wrong Mom, I’m gonna need everyone’s help. I do know what I’m getting myself into because I’ve been Darren before. What I don’t know is the logistics. Like how am I going to provide him with all the things you and Dad provided to me?”
Reaching over, I grab his hand, squeezing strongly, hoping to give him some of the strength he so desperately needs. “You have it all inside you, Nick. You’re a good man.”
His voice is ragged when he speaks. “No, I’m a fucked-up kid who grew into a man that still has nightmares sometimes. When the walls close in, I still sleep on the goddamned balcony. I mean, what do I think I’m doing here?”
My heart breaks for him. Ever since the day he came to live with us, all I’ve wanted to do is make life easier on him. Make it to where he didn’t have to wonder day-to-day where his next meal or new clothes were coming from. Looking back, I wonder if I failed to make him feel safe.
“The walls close in on all of us from time to time, Nick. Sometimes we all feel suffocated. When your dad does, he goes to his shop. When I do, I make plans, because that’s what I’ve always done. You don’t have to have all the answers. None of us do – we just get by with what we can, but I promise you, you’re the best person to take care of this boy, because you’ve been there.”
He lifts his eyes up to mine, and I see the lost, vulnerable little boy he was back then. “And you have help from what I hear. Kelsea will be here with you, too.”
“Yeah,” he answers, but doesn’t look completely happy about it.
“What’s going on with you and Kelsea?”
“That shit got complicated as fuck too. I’ve known for years she’s liked me, I’ve liked her too, but I could never understand why she’d want to slum with me.”
My hand grasping his tightly squeezes in reflex to what he’s just said. “Slumming with you? Stop it now. You’re worthy, Nickolas.”
“Not of that girl.” His voice has a tell-all grin in it. “She would move mountains to be with me, when all I’ve given her is a small piece of myself.”
“That girl is the girl you need,” I argue. “She’s going to fight not only for you, but with you, in whatever you want.”
“She’s moving in tonight,” he admits. “Didn’t even think about it twice.”
“She’s strong,” I remind him. “Look who her family is. Nothing was easy for Mason, not even when he met Karina. They’ve made a good life together, and they’ve raised a daughter who knows her own mind. Kelsea might be willing to do a lot for you, Nick, but she’s not willing to risk herself for you. It’s important you remember that. If she’s coming here to help you, then she’s here to help you.”
“I know, I’m just not used to the help, ya know?”
I laugh, shaking my head. “If anyone knows, it’s me. I remember putting brand new clothes in your room the first night you were there, and you refused to wear them for months, because you didn’t want to ruin them.”
He laughs along with me. “I’d never had name brand. I was scared to death I’d get something on them and then get my ass beat because I’d ruined them.”
Putting my hand behind his neck, I force my son to look at me. “But we got over that. You learned you’d get yelled at for a missed curfew, or a class you didn’t take seriously, not because you stained a shirt. You’ll learn this. All these things Darren will need, you have inside you, and for the hard parts you have Kelsea here to back you up. If there’s one thing I’ve always wanted you to know, it’s that your beginnings didn’t define you. Nick Cooper might be who you started out as, but you ended up Nick Kepler, and with that you gained more than you ever lost.”
I’m crying now, and his eyes are misty. Maybe we’ve needed to say these words to each other for a long time, maybe I’ve just been assuming he knows how much he’s loved.
“One of the greatest joys of my life has been being your mother. After Stella, we tried to have another, but it just didn’t work out. The moment I heard about you, I knew it was because you were meant to be in our lives. I am just as proud of you as I am of Stella.”
“I know.” He grabs my hand in his, sniffling slightly. “The one thing you gave me that I’ve been thankful for as I grew up is that you never treated me differently than her. If she got in trouble for something, so did I when I did it. If she got praised for doing somethi
ng, then if I did it, I got praised, too. You taught me how to be fair.”
“What do you mean to be fair?” I have a sinking suspicion I know what he means, but I need for him to clarify it.
“With my birth mom, it was all about getting back at me. If I caused what she perceived to be a problem, she’d make a problem for me, even bigger than the one I supposedly caused. That’s what I learned. There was never fairness nor forgiveness, and there sure as fuck wasn’t any sportsmanship taught to me before I came to live with you. Not only did your family save my life, but they taught me how to be a good person. I have no doubt I’d end up in the back of a police car instead of driving one if it hadn’t been for you. All of that? That’s what I want to do for Darren, and I thank you for giving me the foundation to be able to.”
I’m crying now, ugly tears sliding down my face as I reach forward, gathering him in my arms. “You were the best gift we ever got, that we didn’t know we needed,” I whisper to him, because I want him to know it. We were okay being a one-child family, we’d adjusted to it and could have lived our entire lives like that, but as soon as we learned about Nick, it was like we were called to a higher power.
Pulling away, I wipe my face.
“So what’s all this?” He picks up my list.
“Numbers you may need, things you may have forgotten about, things I found helpful. I didn’t want you to have to search all of that out on your own. I put it all together. Obviously you don’t have to use it, if you don’t want to, but I thought it’d be helpful.”
He looks down, flipping through the pages. “There’s a lot here I didn’t think about, believe it or not. I really appreciate this.”
“Whatever you need, please let me know.”
“He’ll need clothes.” He winks at me.
I laugh loudly. “Clothes are damn expensive for kids.”
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