by Amity Cross
MI6 were never going to let me go. Not now that they thought they had their long lost Agent Cassel back… Mercy was still out there, and I didn’t know these people. Who even knew if I would ever remember everything.
Keep your head right, X. You have to keep it together. A crazy man can’t save the woman he loves…
If I was ever getting out of here…I had to make them believe that I was on their side. I had to trust them a little in order for them to trust me a lot. I had everything they were after. Greggor, The Watchman… I had the intel they needed to move forward. There was no other reason they would treat me with such restraint. I hadn’t been questioned once about my string of assassinations or threatened with incarceration. Just like everyone else, MI6 wanted something from me.
I peered at Mei knowing she was the key. She had a soft spot for my brother, and maybe that extended to me.
I let a smile tug at my lips, and her expression softened, confirming my suspicion.
The game began immediately.
Chapter 19
Mercy
I’d lost all sense of time.
All I knew was darkness. There was never any light, only the light of the room where they took me to inflict pain, and even then, it was only a small pool—the only thing it illuminated was horror.
I could’ve been here for weeks, or it could only have been a handful of days. My face throbbed, the hole in my gum where The Watchman had ripped out my tooth was inflamed, and my cheek burned. Rolling to the side, I pressed it to the cold floor, allowing the chill to soothe the fever.
He asked questions. A lot of them were about X, but some of them were about me. Who was I? Where had I come from? But mostly, they wanted to know what X remembered. He didn’t remember, so there was no point in opening my mouth. Not that I would anyway. I was defiant in my silence, steadfast to the last breath.
Strength was punished. Pain was the only thing I felt, and after each course, I was handed dessert. Not chocolate ice cream but the knowledge that this wasn’t my training…not yet. This was them being lenient. This was what they dished out when they wanted information.
Was this what X was really like? Had he been going soft on me all this time? Had he been lenient with Allaire? Weiss? I hadn’t experienced this kind of pain before, not even the image of my dead family could erase what was now replacing it.
My cell was my home, the darkness my only friend. I saw X in my dreams, and still he didn’t come. The only thing I had was my promise. I had to hold on to myself for as long as I could. Then before they could take every part of me and remake my shell into a monster, I had to die.
Simple really.
A loud grating sound screeched through my prison, and I clapped my hands over my ears. They were coming for me. They were coming to take me back. I curled up into a tight ball, squeezing my eyes shut.
There was a cry and a thump…then a boom as the door was closed and locked again. Prying my eyes open, I squinted into the murky darkness. I wasn’t alone.
Holding myself as still as possible, I heard soft sobbing coming from the middle of the room. What was this? I squinted into the darkness and made out the shape of something in the middle of the room. It was someone like me.
The woman was curled into a ball, shivering violently. Her sobs filled the small room, the blood on her threadbare shirt was stark against the cream fabric.
I dragged myself across the floor. Watching her closely, I reached out.
“Hey,” I whispered. When she didn’t respond, I tried a little louder. “Hey.”
Her eyes flashed, and she jerked away like a frightened rabbit.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I’m like you.”
She said nothing, watching me closely.
“What’s your name?” I paused, realizing that they had already begun using that against me. Maybe she was the same. I was quickly learning that names had power. “I’m Mercy,” I said to the woman.
She swallowed hard, and I could see it in her gaze that she wanted somebody to trust. “Laura,” she replied.
Her voice was soft, almost child-like, and I wondered how old she was. From the look of her, she couldn’t be any more than thirty. Her long, brown hair fell lankly around her face, and dirt and blood stained her skin and shirt. She had a cut over her eyebrow and a black eye, which led me to believe she was undergoing her own round of questioning. She was like me.
There was a sound from outside, and Laura scrambled across the floor and pressed her back against the far wall. The door didn’t open, and darkness still reigned.
“I won’t let them touch you,” I whispered, my gaze darting to the door, afraid they’d hear me.
She stared at me, her brown eyes wide with fear.
“It’s oaky,” I said. “We’re going to get out of here. I’m going to get you out.”
“No one gets out,” she whispered.
I drew in a sharp breath, the pain in my broken rib throbbing through my side. It wasn't healing and had been broken again and again so many times, I’d lost count.
“Well, Laura,” I said, determined to be strong. “They haven’t met Mercy Reid before.”
The routine was…there was no routine.
They came for us whenever it pleased them, and the unsettlement and fear was what they wanted from us. Well, they got it in droves. Just as I was about to fall asleep, they would come and drag me to the chair, or dunk me in a tank of water, or shock me with electricity. I had hardly eaten anything, the most water I’d received was during the moments they tried to drown me, and sleep was nonexistent.
I was in a living hell with no way out but death or obedience.
I was barely holding on, but Laura? She was shredded. Her control and her strength were ripped away from her brutally. I wound my arms around my knees, wanting to hide my face from the darkness and from her desperation. She wouldn’t be around for much longer, but I still felt that solidarity that had overcome me the day they’d paired us up. That was the only thing that kept me from snapping her neck myself.
She kept trying to talk to me, to get to know her cellmate, but I didn’t want to talk. I never wanted to talk again.
“What do they want from you?” she asked, her eyes wider than a doe’s.
I shrugged.
“They think my husband is an informant,” Laura sobbed. “He’s not a criminal… He’s… He’s a good man.” Her breathing became shakier as her desperation grew. “We have a boy. He’s only three years old. They took him…”
I glanced at her, watching the tears stream down her face. I couldn’t imagine… I wasn’t even sure if I wanted kids. If X wanted them… I couldn’t relate.
“Do you have a family?” she asked, crawling across the filthy floor. “Are they looking for you?”
I shook my head, thinking about my mother and father. How pissed they were with me because I wanted to study Art History in Oxford. I wondered what they would think of me now.
“No one?” Laura breathed. Her hands grasped at my legs, and she pulled herself against me, leaning her back against the wall. “I’m sorry…”
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I’m sure someone is looking for you.”
“What if they aren't? What if no one comes?” Her voice was beginning to rise to dangerous levels. “What if I die here?”
“Shh,” I hissed. “They’ll hear you.” I gestured for her to come closer. “Don’t give them anything, you hear?”
“But—”
“But nothing,” I snapped. “If you love your husband and child, you’ll keep your mouth shut.”
Laura shook her head. “But they’ll kill them!”
I clamped my hand over her mouth, and her eyes widened. “They’ll kill them the moment you give them what they want. Hold on. Be strong, and never let them win.”
Her shivering stilled some, and she nodded.
I let my hand slip away from her mouth. “Now, be quiet. No more talking, or they will punish us.”
Laura huddled into th
e corner, hugging her arms around her knees. Casting her tear stained face away from mine her shoulders rose and fell with silent sobs.
I felt for her, I really did, but if she didn’t get it together, she would bring us both down. I didn’t want to admit it or even let the thought cross my mind, but it did.
If her actions threatened my life directly…I’d take care of Laura myself.
Stars prickled through the darkness above, illuminating my prison with silver light.
I’d been so starved for a glimpse of my tiny world, that I raised my head eagerly, shielding my eyes from the glare. Blinking furiously, I made out a form beside me. A man sat against the wall, his long legs stretched out in front of him. I gasped, jerking backward, my body instantly responding with fear.
He glanced down at me, his green eyes meeting mine.
“X?” I whispered, my throat burning. I’d screamed myself hoarse, my voice disappearing long ago. I should’ve known it was him the moment the stars appeared above me. Like some kind of messed up fallen angel, they always heralded his appearance.
“I should’ve talked to you more,” he said, glancing down at me. “Then maybe you wouldn’t be here at all.”
“Ditto.”
He smiled, which was always something rare for X.
“Is this going to be the last time?” I asked, knowing that he wasn’t really there.
“Perhaps. It’s hard to say.”
I closed my eyes, trying to stave off the tears that threatened to overcome me.
When I opened them, it was to darkness.
Things didn’t change much after Laura’s arrival.
Sometimes they’d come and take her and she’d come back beaten and bleeding, but mostly they came for me.
Every night I repeated my mantra. I am Mercy Reid. I am in love with Xavier Blood. I am Mercy Reid. I am in love with Xavier Blood. It was the only thing that kept my mind intact as they attempted to beat and burn information out of me. They tried their best, but they never got anywhere.
Laura and I, we found a kind of solidarity in our ordeal. She was like me, though she didn’t have conditioning to look forward to. I assumed that after they had their way with her body, her fate was death. It was horrible to even say it, but maybe she was getting off easy.
“Mercy?”
I rolled over on the hard floor at the sound of her voice.
“I can’t sleep,” she whispered.
“Don’t be afraid of the dreams,” I replied. “They can’t hurt you.”
“I know… I try…”
Trying was for the weak. The strong just did. Laura was weak, and I wouldn’t let her drag me down.
“I keep thinking that I’ll wake up and see John’s face,” she said after a while. “That this has been a dream.”
I stilled, too tired and sore to make her shut up.
“Every Sunday, he’d wake up early and make me breakfast in bed. Pancakes, waffles, bacon and eggs. Every week was something different.” She sniffed, dragging the back of her hand across her nose. “I want to go home.”
I wanted to go back to the cottage. I wanted to wake up next to X and run away like he’d wanted. I wish we’d gone to Morocco.
“What about you?” Laura asked. “Did your husband—”
“He isn't my husband.”
“But you love him?”
I glanced at her and nodded. “Of course.”
“Did he ever cook breakfast for you?”
Her gaze was so hopeful that I didn’t have it in me to push her away anymore. “No, he didn’t.”
Her eyes lit up like a child at story time. “What's he like?”
“He’s a hard man to know,” I replied, staring up into the darkness, imagining I could see the stars X spent so much time looking at. “He never liked to talk much.”
“How did you meet?”
I allowed a small smile to tug at my lips. “At a pub. He was a total asshole.” I remembered one of his opening lines, and my smile widened. Weiss hire bitches now?
“A bad boy?”
“Yeah…” I closed my eyes, trying to picture him. I feel the ghost of his lips against mine, the strength of his arms around me. “He dreamed a lot,” I murmured. “He seemed to remember things that he should’ve forgotten, but I don’t think he really understood how to fit the pieces together.”
“Do you think he’s looking for you?” she asked.
My heart ached, but it felt good to talk to someone who understood. “I don’t know. I hope he is.”
“I think he is,” Laura declared, and I glanced at her. “I mean, you have to believe… In a place like this… You have to believe in something, right?”
“We fought,” I whispered, tears prickling in my eyes. “The last time I saw him, we fought bitterly… I was going to hand him over to MI6. They probably have him and if they do…” I shook my head and swallowed my tears, tasting the remnants of blood in my mouth. “He’s not coming.”
“Don’t say that…”
“If he was, he would’ve come days ago.”
Laura didn’t see the darker side of things. “If the good guys have him, maybe they’ll come and get us.”
I snorted. She didn’t get it. She didn’t get anything. If MI6 had picked him up, then all bets were off. Everything I’d negotiated with Agent Akiyama was out the fucking window. They’d arrest him and lock him up for a very long time. X wasn’t coming, which meant I had to get out of this on my own or not at all.
“I don’t think so.”
Laura shifted and scrambled to her feet. “You’ve been a good friend, Mercy,” she said, and I stilled. The tone in her voice had changed, the demure mouse I’d come to know had dissolved into something else. “But I think it’s time to end our little charade. You’ve given me what I needed and then some.”
She smiled down at me, the malice in her expression not going unnoticed.
“I do have to thank you for taking care of me,” she purred. “It was so sweet of you.”
“Who are you?” I asked, trembling, realizing that they’d been playing mind games with me this whole time, preying on my weakness…my motherfucking emotions. I’d been fucking tricked.
She smiled again, opening the door to my prison. Light flooded inside, and I scrambled back against the wall, my wits scattered.
Turning, she glanced at me once more before giving me a name.
“Lorelei.”
The boom that echoed through the room as she slammed the door, splintered right through my heart.
Lorelei.
Chapter 20
X
I only saw three people inside my cell.
The two men who had stuck me with the sedative on the first day went into rotation supervising the mental case. The third person was Agent Mei Akiyama, and she always stayed for longer. Working me by being charming and friendly…trying to earn my trust.
They brought me food, they gave me an extra blanket, but they never let me out of the room.
I bided my time, staring at the wall, keeping my mind sharp and going over every detail of my predicament in my head. I needed to be awake and alert at all times. I knew that they would try to use my mental instability against me at some point. So far, they’d just told me what they believed to be the truth, and even that hadn’t won me over.
I pulled at the bandages around my wrists, peeling away the padding on the left. Underneath, my skin was red and broken, and I counted four stitches. There would be more hiding underneath.
“It won’t heal if you keep playing with it,” Mei declared as she opened the door to my cell. “You’re lucky you didn’t sever any major arteries, though it was close.”
I pressed the bandage back in place. All they had told me so far was a convoluted story about me and my past, which I still didn’t remember, and that they wanted my help. It was past time they got to the point.
“What do you want from me?” I asked, my voice sounding tight and very far away, like I hadn’t spoken in d
ays.
“Answers,” she replied with a smile.
Scowling, I said, “I don’t have time for answers.”
Mei grimaced.
“I came to you for help,” I began.
“Without knowing what you would find,” she cut me off. “This is what you found.” She gestured to the room.
“You need to let me go,” I pressed.
“You know I can’t do that.”
“You want information, but what assurances do I have that I will get her back?”
Mei shook her head, resistance written all over her face. “Mercy Reid? You still want to go after her knowing that she was going to betray you?”
If I was reading her correctly, Agent Akiyama was jealous, and if a woman felt threatened over another woman…
“We were together…before,” I stated. There was no other reason they’d pick her to reintroduce me to my old life. She’d meant something to me, so it was best coming from her. Psychobabble at its finest.
Her gaze met mine, and she didn’t have to say it. We’d known each other before…intimately.
“We were field partners,” she said carefully.
“It was more than that,” I shot back. “I can see it in your eyes, in your body.”
“We…had fun together, yes.”
She was saying just enough to keep any sane person satisfied they were getting the whole picture, but I wasn’t just any sane person. I was Xavier Blood.
My guess was the higher ups wanted movement on my case, and she was stalling. She was withholding information in order to separate me from my present life. Agent Akiyama wanted a dead man, and she was secretly hoping Mercy Reid would die before they let me go. Whatever we had in the past, she wanted it back more than life itself.
Maybe I had loved her, maybe she had loved me, by that reality was gone. It was a story, a fantasy, a fabrication. Oliver Cassel died and was reborn as Xavier Blood…and Xavier Blood loved Mercy Reid.
Standing, I took a step forward and she took one back, our gazes locked.