The Joy of Hex

by Sarina Dorie

  I was pretty sure that had always been his dream, not mine.

  I poked him. “We can be ordinary people with ordinary problems if you want. Kings and queens probably have first world problems like everyone else.”

  He nuzzled his face into my hair. “Indeed. We won’t have to worry about the Raven Queen ever again. Or the Princess of Lies and Truth. We have formidable allies. It is even possible the King of the Silver Court will welcome Elric back now that he has fulfilled his contract and brought forth another heir into the world.”

  I placed a hand on my belly. I wasn’t ready to think about that yet. I wanted to pretend to be an ordinary Morty for another day or two.

  “What else do Morty married couples do?” Thatch asked.

  “Besides sex?” I asked.

  He grinned. He leaned in to kiss me.

  Ben burst out onto the terrace, stumbling into us. I prayed he hadn’t overheard that last bit. He wasn’t a minor or a student anymore, but it was still embarrassing.

  It took him a moment to catch his breath. “It’s an emergency! I don’t know what to do!” Ben shook my shoulder. “Hailey, Maddy, and Darla all left. I can’t find Princess Odette anywhere. The sasquatches walked out because they’re on strike or something. I’m in way over my head.”

  “What is the nature of this emergency?” Thatch asked, his voice monotone.

  Ben tugged me back inside. The castle was still gloomy and gray, even with sunlight spilling in the windows. I followed him through the suite.

  “It’s the baby. Something is wrong with the little monster.” His eyes were wild with fear.

  I quickened my pace.

  “Define ‘something’ wrong. Did you drop the baby?” Thatch asked sharply. “Did you try to entertain her with magic spells and then accidentally hex her?”

  “No! She started screaming for no reason.” Ben looked to me.

  Thatch spoke each word with crisp precision. “No reason at all?”

  “Is she hungry?” I asked. “Does she need to be changed?”

  We followed Ben out of the room and down a hallway.

  “Changed into what?” Ben asked. “Okay, Balthasar said he thinks she changed into a demon ever since she woke up from naptime, but I don’t know anything about babies—or Witchkin babies. We found some bottles, and Balthasar tried feeding her, but the baby flung the bottle away with inhuman strength.”

  He led us to a nursery. Balthasar held the baby out away from himself as she kicked her legs and waved her arms and screamed. He shoved her at me, making a face.

  A definite odor wafted from the diaper. I hugged Aubrey to my chest, bouncing her, as I tried not to choke from the toxic fumes.

  Thatch stepped back. “Merlin’s balls! What is that foul stench?”

  I was pretty sure those were the exact words he had said to me after I’d set my classroom on fire. The expression on his face was priceless.

  “Have you ever changed a diaper?” I asked.

  “No.” He cleared his throat. “Have you?”

  “Um,” I tried to think back to the times I’d babysat. “I’ve watched Three Men and a Baby. And other movies that might be helpful.”

  He inched back. “I will defer to your judgment in this matter.”

  I snagged him by the shirt. “Not so fast. You wanted normal. Now you get a poopload of normal.”

  I marched over to the changing station, or what I hoped was a changing station. The nursery looked pretty normal for being in a castle of evil.

  “Oh, I see. Ordinary problems,” Thatch said glumly as he followed me. “This is what it would be like to be a Morty.”

  “That’s right.” I laid the wiggling baby down on the padded table. “We can do this. We took over the world last night and defeated an evil Fae. Anything after that should be a piece of cake, right?”

  “I love you. I would do anything for you.” He kissed me on my forehead. “Even learn to change a baby’s diapers for you.”

  I was fairly certain, ordinary-ever-after was about to begin. He would love every minute of it. So would I. Diapers and all.

  THE END

  Hedgewitchin’ in the Kitchen

  BOOK EIGHTEEN PREVIEW

  CHAPTER ONE

  Hedge Witches with Cat-titude

  The trouble began when Abigail MacQuillan Lawrence wrestled her suitcases off the human-crafted bus in the middle of the Olympic rainforest, and her familiar leapt out of her oversized purse. Abigail smelled the enchantment in the air before she saw the glitter of it in the Douglas firs. Her black cat, Lucifer, stalked toward the shimmer, yowling in warning.

  Abigail was already worried enough about her daughter’s critical condition in the infirmary after being attacked at the school where she worked. She didn’t need one more thing to delay her from seeing Clarissa. Especially not with something related to magic.

  A brawny man stepped out from between two firs. A car sped past Abigail. The driver wouldn’t have noticed the man concealed in the shadows. Even if mortals had, they might have taken him to be shirtless hiker, with a pair of shaggy pants. With his tawny complexion and dark hair he could have been Greek or Italian. His unruly hair made his horns hardly noticeable. It took Abigail a moment to notice the way his furry legs bent like the hindquarters of a goat.

  He was a satyr, and from the way he squinted at her, he knew what she was too.

  Abigail halted in her tracks. She’d been expecting some kind of treachery from the moment she’d gotten the phone call informing her of her daughter’s condition. And yet, she couldn’t not come, even if it might be some kind of Fae trap.

  “Looks like you’ve got quite a few bags to carry. Need any help with that?” The satyr’s accent was Eastern European, Abigail suspected Transylvanian. He rubbed at his hairy chest, an impishness to his grin.

  Abigail knew to be wary of handsome men with easy smiles. Fae men weren’t always what they seemed. Nor the Witchkin half-breeds they sired with humans. Most likely he was sent to snatch her so that one of the Fae courts could use her to lure her daughter into their keeping.

  “Lucy, come back here.” Abigail called her cat quietly, not wanting this man to grab her familiar and make a meal out of him. When that didn’t work, she used his given name. “Lucifer, come.”

  Her cat ignored her. He prowled closer to the satyr.

  The man looked her up and down, his grin growing wider. “You’re Clarissa Lawrence’s adopted mother?”

  “It depends.” She studied his face, trying to read whether there was guile in his eyes.

  “It depends on what? What kind of mess Clarissa has gotten into this time?” He laughed.

  This man knew her daughter’s name. That implied he was from the school where her daughter worked as an arts and crafts teacher, but he might be from the Raven Court, intending to trick Abigail into going with him. One could never be too safe when dealing with those who used magic.

  Abigail snapped her fingers at her cat and pointed to her side. Lucifer ignored her. She focused her attention on the satyr. “Who are you?”

  “My name is Sam. I work as the groundskeeper at Womby’s School for Wayward Witches.” He strode forward, ignoring Lucifer.

  She stepped back. “I was told the dean would be meeting me to show me the way.” Over the phone she’d been told to look for a man with a pink shirt.

  Sam nodded. “Mr. Khaba was busy disciplining a student. He caught some kid setting the toilet paper on fire again. You’ll have to put up with me instead.”

  Sam knew the correct names of the staff at the school. He probably was telling the truth. Some of her apprehension melted away, but not completely. Abigail knew never to let her guard down.

  Sam strode closer, though he didn’t come out to the road. He held out his hand. “Let me help you with your luggage. It looks like you brought everything but the kitchen sink.”

  If she stepped forward, she would leave the safety of the r
oad where humans might be passing by. Abigail knew she was being overcautious. Reluctantly, she heaved her bags closer.

  “It’s kind of you to come in the dean’s stead.” She was careful not to thank him. She didn’t want to owe him a favor. In this realm, one could easily lose their soul by thanking the wrong person.

  Lucifer circled around them, eyes narrowed.

  Sam lifted one suitcase. He took her free hand with the other, shaking it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Lawrence.” His gaze flickered to the wedding band on her hand.

  “It’s nice to meet you. Call me Abby.”

  He held her hand, a beat too long. “They told me I would be meeting Ms. Lawrence’s mother. They didn’t tell me to look for someone so . . . young.” He winked. “So beautiful.”

  That was the moment Lucifer launched himself at the man’s face.

  END OF EXCERPT

  For the rest of the novel, go to Sarina Dorie’s website for information about the next book in the series:

  https://sarinadorie.com/writing/novels/wombys-school-for-wayward-witches

  If you enjoyed this not-so-cozy witch mystery in the Womby’s School for Wayward Witches Series, please leave a review at the online retailer where you purchased this collection. You might also enjoy free short stories published by the author on her website: http://sarinadorie.com/writing/short-stories.

  Readers can hear updates about current writing projects and news about upcoming novels and free short stories as they become available by signing up for Sarina Dorie’s newsletter at:

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  Other novels written by the author can be found at:

  http://sarinadorie.com/writing/novels

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  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I want to thank my fans for their enthusiasm reading my novels. My street Team/ARC team has done a great job telling me when you find typos, pointing out formatting errors, leaving reviews, and purchasing books from Amazon so that you can help my ranking. Downloading books from Amazon also helps you become a verified reviewer and Amazon is more likely to show your review—and not delete it later. I also have many people on my team who review on Goodreads and Book Bub, post on social media, and tell their friends. I am thrilled to have so many fans!

  For those who have filled out my Google form, it has helped me become more organized so that I don’t have to search my emails to find all the wonderful things you have done to support the creation of my novels; I have them all stored in the same place. I wanted to send a shout-out to the people listed below who have filled out my Google form. I know there are more people out there who are fans who have contacted me in the past, but the people listed below are the readers who used the form. I also know there were times some of my readers have told me other books they’ve reviewed, but it wasn’t necessarily on the form, so I wanted to say one giant THANK YOU for everything I didn’t list below. For those who filled out the form after I included it in the back of this book, I also wanted to say thank you, even if you are not named.

  After hearing some people’s comments and thinking it over, I decided to only use first names and last initials to keep identities confidential in the list below.

  A BIG SHOUT OUT TO:

  Mom, thank you for being my number-one fan of all time. You encouraged me when I was six while I was writing and illustrating my own picture books, kept encouraging me in middle school, and read my stories and novels in high school. I have kept writing because of your nurturing, enthusiasm, and your brutal honesty, which has helped me improve my writing. I probably wanted to be a writer because of the respect you showed for literature. You read me bedtime stories, our house was always full of books, and you let me watch Romancing the Stone over and over as a kid.

  Janet S., thank you for posting a review for Cackles and Cauldrons on Goodreads and Bookbub. I think you have reviewed many other books, even if it wasn’t recorded on my form. I appreciate all you have done.

  Sherri C. L., thank you for posting a review for Cackles and Cauldrons on Goodreads and other social media. I appreciate that you downloaded copies of Reading, Writing and Necromancy and Spell It Out for Me from Amazon. Also, I still think back fondly on that interview you asked me to do. I am flattered you asked!

  Cathy S., you are a superstar! You posted reviews on Amazon, Goodreads, and Bookbub for the books 1-8 in the Womby’s Series. Thank you!

  Jennifer W., thank you for posting reviews on Amazon and Goodreads for Reading, Writing and Necromancy and Budget Cuts for the Dark Arts and Crafts. I appreciate that you downloaded one of my books from Amazon this month.

  Patricia G., thank you for downloading and posting reviews for the first eleven books in the series on Amazon. That’s a lot of reading and writing!

  Jeannie M., thank you for talking your friends’ ears off about my novels. I appreciate you reading, downloading, and reviewing Books 1-8. You had some great suggestions for Womby’s merchandise that I am going to look into for the future!

  Kris T., thank you for posting on social media and downloading Books 1-11. Purchasing and download books helps with author ranking and visibility.

  Donna F., thank you for downloading and reviewing Hex and the City from Amazon! By downloading, it helps you become a verified reviewer.

  Linda C., first, I have to mention the typos you found. That is useful so I don’t embarrass myself. Second, I want to thank you for downloading and posting on Amazon for Hex and the City and downloading Tardy Bells and Witches’ Spells and Cackles and Cauldrons.

  Norma A. S., thank you for purchasing and posting reviews of Cackles and Cauldrons on Amazon! By downloading, it helps you become a verified reviewer.

  Valerie L. L., thank you for purchasing and posting reviews on Books 1-12. You have done a lot of reading and writing! All of that helps the right readers find me.

  Donna J., thank you for posting reviews on Books 1-10. Honest reviews help readers know what to expect. I am so happy that you are willing to talk about my books.

  Stephanie, thank you for posting on social media and downloading Books 1-12. I think it is great you mention which book you are reading in your Facebook feed!

  Heather P., thank you for posting reviews on social media, Goodreads, and Amazon on Books 1-5. I think it is great you mention which book you are reading in your Facebook feed.

  Vicki G., thank you for purchasing my books. I appreciate the reviews you have posted on social media, Goodreads, and Amazon for Books 1-12. You are amazing!

  Sandra Van D., thank you for sharing Tardy Bells and Witches’ Spells: Book 1 with your friends and letting them know you are enjoying my books. I appreciate that you have purchased Hexes and Exes: Book 5, Reading, Writing and Necromancy: Book 6, and Budget Cuts for the Dark Arts and Crafts: Book 7 so that your reviews will show up on Amazon.

  Dave M., thank you for sending me typos. You always find some good ones. I appreciate it you have posted honest reviews of Cackles and Cauldrons: Book 12, Hex and the City: Book 13 even though it is outside your comfort zone. The more ratings a book has, the easier it is for people to find it. Thank you for purchasing and downloading books 1-11 from Amazon.

  Jodi S., thank you for purchasing my books from Amazon and posting reviews of Books 1-13. I love it that you are sharing my books in your Facebook feed. You are a superstar!

  Sheree K., thank you for posting reviews for Tardy Bells and Witches’ Spells: Book 1, Hex-Ed: Book 2 and purchasing Books 1-10 from Amazon. I am glad you are enjoying my books.

  Lynn E., I am so fortunate to have you on my team! Thank you for purchasing and reviewing Books 1-13 on Amazon, leaving reviews on Goodreads, and copying reviews to Facebook so more people can see them. I have found the comments and the typos you have caught to be useful. Sometimes I can’t believe w
hat I don’t catch even after multiple proofreads.

  Michelle F., thank you for posting recent reviews of Tardy Bells and Witches’ Spells: Book 1. I appreciate you purchasing Books 1-9 from Amazon.

  Brenda P., thank you for recently posting a review of Hex Crimes: Book 10 on Amazon, Bookbub, and Goodreads. Although you get ARCs of the books, I appreciate you have purchased Tardy Bells and Witches’ Spells: Book 1, Witches Gone Wicked: Book 3, Hex Crimes: Book 10, and Of Curse You Will: Book 11. Did I understand that you are posting reviews on Reddit too? Thank you!

  Holly, thank you for recently posting a review of Hex Crimes: Book 10. I appreciate that you have purchased Tardy Bells and Witches’ Spells: Book 1, Hex-Ed: Book 2, Hexes and Exes: Book 5, and Reading, Writing and Necromancy: Book 6. I appreciate the corrections and typos you have sent me as well!

  Michelle R., thank you for posting reviews for Hex and the City: Book 13 recently. I appreciate you purchasing Tardy Bells and Witches’ Spells: Book 1, Reading, Writing and Necromancy: Book 6, My Crazy Hex-Boyfriend: Book 8, and Spell It Out for Me: Book 9 recently from Amazon. I’m also grateful for you having a review ready for release—and sending me those pesky typos when you find them. Your timing is always great!

  Christa E., thank you for recently posting a review of Cackles and Cauldrons: Book 12 on Amazon and purchasing Books 1-12. Honest reviews are always welcome! I am so glad you are willing to read and review.

  Diane K., thank you for recently posting a review and purchasing Books 1-12 from Amazon. I love that you are mentioning which book you are reading on Facebook. It is the enthusiasm of readers like you who help spread the word about my books.

  Tonya G., thank you for posting reviews on Goodreads and Amazon for Books 1-12 and recently purchasing Spell It Out for Me: Book 9 and My Crazy Hex-Boyfriend: Book 8 from Amazon. When I am having a tough day at work, it thrills me to go to Amazon and seeing what readers are saying.