Liam

by Candice Blake

  My brother closed his eyes and looked like he was about to take a nap.

  I put my hand on my cock, touching my thick shaft.

  I stroked myself gently as I thought about how tight Liam’s hole was when he was eighteen. How his sweet, quiet moans sounded like music to my ears. Because of what we did in the shower that Thanksgiving, I was rarely able to take a shower without thinking about Liam now. Every time I was in the shower, the memories flooded back into my mind.

  I gripped onto my shaft harder, stroking myself faster and faster, without making it too obvious that I was jerking off. I felt myself close to the edge, and my toes curled, the muscles throughout my body contracted, and I released into the hot tub.

  I took a deep breath, feeling ashamed that I did that in front of my brother. Ashamed I had such little self-control with my sexual urges. But, Westley’s eyes remained closed, and it was like it never happened.

  With Liam on my mind, I wondered when I was going to see him again. I knew it had to be soon. I knew I had to kiss him again just so I could know what we did twenty-seven years ago was real and not just in my head.

  17

  Liam

  Present Day

  Damon, Jesse, and I were walking to our Single Dads Club meeting. Damon was holding Jesse’s hand and I could see how in love they were just from the smiles on their faces.

  I’d rarely ever seen Damon, who was usually a very serious person, smile like that. Jesse seemed to bring out a playful side in him—a flirtier side that I didn’t even see when he was with his ex-wife.

  It got me thinking of Shawn. I hated how much I’d been thinking about Shawn recently. I hated it because I’d been trying to block him out of my mind for so many years. Yet, I kept getting thoughts in my head of his smile, his presence, even his scent. It was like a virus plaguing my brain and no matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to get him out of my head.

  When I saw Damon and Jesse happy together, I wondered if I could ever be happy again with another person. Since having Hayden, I’d learned to be more independent. I wanted to be an example to Hayden when he was older, to show him that he could stand alone in this world if he wanted to.

  But sometimes, I didn’t know if I even believed that about myself. I wished I wasn’t so dependent on people all the time. Even as a partner in my business, I felt like an imposter. I felt like Damon pulled all the reins, making all the important decisions.

  We arrived at the school and walked up the steps to go inside. We went to the classroom on the second floor, room one eleven, and most of the guys had already arrived.

  Clay, the club coordinator smiled and approached us. “It’s always nice to see you, gentlemen.”

  Clay’s eyes widened when he noticed Damon and Jesse holding hands.

  “It’s always nice to see you too,” Jesse said, holding his head up high.

  “I’ve been wanting to thank you for a while,” Damon said. “Not just because of how wonderful this club is, but because I’ve met such a wonderful man here.”

  Clay smiled. “Are you telling me you guys found love in this club?”

  Damon and Jesse looked at each other and the expression on their faces needed no explanation.

  “We’ve been wanting to be open about our relationship for a few weeks now. But we didn’t really know how to tell everyone, or if we even needed to. But I think being open about it will make this club better; not just for us, but for everyone else too.”

  Clay combed his silver hair back with his fingers. “This is definitely a first for the club to have two men fall in love with each other, but for some reason, I’m not all that surprised.”

  “You’re not?” Jesse asked, raising a brow.

  “No, I’m not. We form such strong bonds here that there have been members in the past who’ve moved in together. While I don’t think it was a relationship, it was definitely a really deep friendship where two men realized how suited they were for each other. Maybe not romantically, but almost like a brotherly love kind of way. That’s only ever happened once before, though. I’ve always been curious about all the bonds that develop in the club. I guess it’s because I’m so invested in it that I want everyone to do well. I want everyone to find that foundation that they may have been looking for. And it looks like you two have found that.”

  “Are the two men who moved in together still here in the club?” I asked.

  “They still stop by sometimes. They were more active a couple years ago. I should contact them soon so they can come share their story.”

  When Clay mentioned brotherly love, I couldn’t help but think about Shawn again. I kept going back to when I really did feel like we were brothers living together in the dorm room.

  But after we hooked up that night on Thanksgiving years ago, I tried to stop thinking about it like that. Because brothers didn’t kiss and suck each other off.

  Clay went to the front of the classroom to make an announcement.

  He grabbed a piece of chalk and wrote RELATIONSHIPS in capital letters on the chalkboard.

  “I want to talk about relationships at our meeting today,” Clay said to everyone. “Specifically dating while being a single dad. I want you guys to share your experiences with each other on how your dating and sex lives have been affected now that you’re a dad. How and when you disclose you’re a single father and the type of people who you date when you have a kid. I know relationships are a touchy subject for a lot of you so I won’t put anyone on the spot. So, we’ll spend the first half of the meeting just having a casual discussion with each other about it. As always, help yourself to coffee and donuts in the front of the classroom.”

  All the men shuffled around the room. I went to get a cup of coffee, trying to procrastinate from having to talk to anyone just yet. I didn’t know what to say about relationships because what my heart wanted, and what I told people I wanted, were completely different. I didn’t know if I could open up to anyone about Shawn who’d only recently appeared back in my life.

  I glanced over to see Jesse talking to Clay. He seemed so much more confident now that he was with Damon, and I knew it was because Damon was bringing out that side of him.

  I felt someone tap me on my shoulder and I turned to see Damon eating a donut.

  “We need to talk,” he said.

  I laughed to hide my nerves. “We talk all the time. What are you talking about?”

  “We talk about work things. We talk about our kids. But we never talk about relationships. What’s been going on in your dating life?”

  I sighed. “Should we sit down and talk about it?”

  Damon nodded, and we went to sit on the bean-bag chairs.

  I had a feeling Damon knew I wasn’t telling him something. We’d known each other for twenty-seven years, and neither of us could really hide anything from each other.

  “So, what’s it like living with Jesse?” I asked.

  Damon shook his head and smiled. “Don’t put the spotlight on me. I want to know about you. I feel like you’re always my sounding board. I want to know what’s going on in your head for once, Liam. You’re my best friend.”

  I stirred my coffee, trying to figure out how much I could tell Damon. As far as I knew, Shawn hadn’t ever mentioned anything to Damon, and I didn’t know how far back to go. I also didn’t want to out Shawn because of what he did for a living. Even though Damon was my best friend, I still wanted to respect Shawn’s decision to keep our connection a secret.

  “Alright,” I said. “I want to ask you what you would do in this situation.”

  “I’m all ears,” Damon said, leaning in closer to me.

  “Let’s say I’ve been thinking about someone... a lot, but it’s impossible for us to be together. What do you think I should do in this situation?”

  Damon furrowed his brows. “What? That’s all the information you’re going to give me? I need a name. I need to know what this person does. How long have you even known them?”

  “That’
s not important right now.” I sighed. “Well, it is. But, let’s just say this person wants to keep things private for now.”

  “Can you tell me what’s making it impossible for you to be together?” Damon asked.

  “Just the history we have together,” I said.

  “Are you talking about your ex, Casey?” Damon asked.

  “No, of course not,” I said.

  “Okay, just checking,” Damon said. “Because we both know how bad an idea that is to get back with her.”

  “Trust me, I know,” I said.

  “Alright, so this thing is impossible because of the history,” Damon said. “Is it because you had a falling out?”

  I nodded. It was sort of like playing a mystery board game. I couldn’t disclose everything to Damon just yet, even though I desperately wanted to so I could get his true opinion on the matter.

  “Look, Liam,” he said. “You really just need to spit this out. I’m your best friend, and I want to help you, but I can’t if I don’t even know if I’ve ever met this person before.”

  “You have,” I said. “This person has been in both of our lives for a very long time.”

  Damon stroked his chin. “The only person I can think of who fits the bill is Shawn.” Damon’s eyes widened as if he just realized something. “Are you telling me...”

  I nodded.

  “I knew it,” Damon said louder than I would’ve liked. “I fucking knew it.”

  I put my finger on my lips. “Don’t be so loud about it.”

  “Sorry,” he said. “Everything makes so much sense to me now. From the way you guys were always in bed together in our dorm, to how you guys stopped being friends so suddenly.”

  “Did you really know?” I asked.

  “Well, I always questioned it in my mind. But I always thought you guys were just really close. When we were in college, we used to smack each other’s ass and cuddle all the time, in a brotherly type of way. I didn’t know you actually liked him though. I mean, did he like you back?”

  “I think the feelings were mutual. We never really talked about it because we were so young and the sexual experiences we had together were so new.”

  “Damn, I feel so oblivious now. I had no idea you guys were exploring sexually.”

  “I hope you understand,” I said. “I wanted to tell you but I just didn’t know how.”

  Damon put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. “Don’t worry, Liam. I know how hard it must’ve been. It was a different time back then, and people were way less accepting if you were gay, but things have changed a lot since then.”

  “I know they have,” I said. “But I think it’s still the same in sports. I bet there’s still a lot of homophobia that goes on in locker-room talk.”

  Damon nodded. “So, you’ve been hanging out with Shawn again?”

  “Besides the night he invited us to the game then back to his place, we only hung out once more, but the last time I saw him, I felt something I hadn’t felt in decades. Every time we’re alone together, I get these butterflies in my stomach and my body feels so warm to the point where I start to sweat.”

  Damon smiled. “That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. Sounds like you’re in love.”

  “I’m not in love,” I said, crossing my arms.

  “The way you describe it makes me think of how I feel when I’m around Jesse,” Damon said, looking toward his boyfriend who was across the room.

  “Even if I am in love, there’s nothing I can do about it,” I said. “He can’t come out as such a famous basketball player. We can never go on any dates because cameras follow him around. You know how private a person I am too. I don’t want that in my life. Besides, I have Hayden. It’d be so dangerous if I had him with me while I hung out with Shawn when we’re downtown with so many people who stalk Shawn for photos.”

  “Well, you did mention you guys hung out together. How did that day go?”

  I looked up to the ceiling to recall everything that happened that day. “Well, we went to an apple farm way outside the city. He did get recognized by a few people, and he did get asked to take some photos. But it was different because we were in a rural town, not in the city.”

  “Well, try to plan things like that. Do things that are further away from the city so you guys won’t get recognized.”

  “Like go on hikes and do things in nature?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” Damon said with a smile.

  I thought about it and realized that sounded really nice.

  “I had no idea you were into men,” Damon said. “Even when I came out to you that day, you didn’t mention anything about how you and Shawn had something.”

  “Well, the truth is, I’d never been with any man other than Shawn. I didn’t quite know how to tell you when you came out to me, because at the time, I hadn’t talked to Shawn in so long. I was trying to forget it ever happened. Then all of a sudden, he invited us to the game and came back into our lives again.”

  “This is going to be tough, but just know that I’m here to support you every step of the way. I want you to be happy, Liam. You deserve it. And if you find happiness with Shawn, I fully support it.”

  I felt a fullness in my heart to have Damon’s support. I was glad that he understood so well, and that I’d decided to open up to share with him.

  I got up to give Damon a hug, putting the side of my face on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms tightly around me.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “Thanks for sharing this with me. You don’t have to worry, I’m not going to tell anyone about you guys. I know how much this could affect Shawn’s career and I’d never want to jeopardize that, but at the same time, I want you to go for it. Take that leap of faith and see where things go.”

  I wished it wasn’t so complicated, and I wondered if it would be easier if Shawn wasn’t a famous basketball star. I knew how good Shawn was with Hayden when he met him for the first time. I could see so much potential in him being in Hayden’s life, but I was still unsure to what extent.

  Maybe Shawn and I were better off as friends where things would be simpler, where we wouldn’t have to have our feelings involved.

  18

  Shawn

  Present Day

  For some reason, I was feeling particularly nervous about going out to dinner with Liam that evening. It didn’t help that I’d chosen a restaurant in the city, so people were taking photos of me while I sat in the restaurant waiting for him. After reconnecting with Liam, he’d been constantly on my mind.

  Through the windows of the restaurant, I saw him walk down the sidewalk. He looked handsome in a crisp white shirt that draped over his muscles beautifully. He walked into the restaurant and looked around the room. I raised my hand in the air to get his attention, and he walked over to my table.

  I got up to give him a hug, taking in his natural, clean scent.

  “Thanks for coming,” I said.

  “It’s nice to see you tonight,” he said.

  We took a seat and I flagged the waitress down to order drinks. She had long blonde hair that was tied in a bun and she walked over to our table with a nice smile.

  “What can I get for you gentlemen?” she asked.

  I had a feeling she didn’t recognize who I was, which I was grateful for so Liam and I could enjoy our dinner peacefully.

  Liam got a craft beer on tap, and I got a glass of wine.

  “How’s Hayden been?” I asked Liam.

  “He’s been doing alright. He’s teething so he’s been biting me a lot.”

  I smiled. “That’s the most adorable thing ever.”

  Liam shook his head. “Except when he leaves bite marks all over my arms and neck.”

  Liam rolled up his sleeves and showed me the marks on his arm.

  I reached over and ran my hands over them, feeling the little scars his baby had left on him. His skin was warmer than I expected and I could feel a jolt of electricity as I smoothed my thumb gently ove
r this arm. I wondered if he felt something too from the touch.

  “Damn, you’re not kidding,” I said.

  “It’s partially my fault because I let him do it. Sometimes, I’ll be working, and I’ll just let him bite my arm so that he won’t bite other things.”

  “Does he bite you anywhere else?” I asked.

  Liam undid the top button on his shirt and pulled his collar back. “When I’m holding him, he teethes on my neck sometimes.”

  Seeing Liam reveal even just a bit of skin to me like that made my heart beat a little faster.

  The waitress came back with our drinks.

  “Thank you,” I said to her.

  “Do you need any more time to look over the menu?” she asked.

  “Yes, please,” I said, since Liam hadn’t even opened the menu yet.

  “I’ve actually been here quite a few times before,” Liam said. “Can I please get the crab cake appetizer and salmon entree?”

  “I’ll get the charcuterie board, and the steak entree then,” I said.

  She smiled and collected our menus.

  “So, why’d you invite me out to dinner tonight?” Liam asked.

  “No reason,” I said. “Just wanted to see you. Is there anything wrong with that?”

  Liam’s smile was hypnotizing. “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s been pretty nice seeing you again. I didn’t think we’d still get along so well after not seeing each other for so many years.”

  “I’m not that surprised. We were inseparable at college. The only reason why we stopped talking was because of our fight.”

  When I brought it up, Liam looked down and stopped smiling, and I realized I shouldn’t have brought it up.

  “There’s actually one thing I wanted to ask you about tonight,” I said.