by Cole Lepley
“What?” I ask innocently.
Her brows furrow. “Why was that funny?”
I shake my head and wrap my arm around her, bringing her to my side. “It wasn’t funny, darlin’.” I kiss the side of her head. “I swear, okay?” I wrap my other arm around her and hug her tighter. “I’m just glad you’re okay. I should have been there. I’m so sorry.”
She buries her face into my chest and doesn’t say anything for a moment. I continue to hold her, my heart no doubt thumping so hard she can feel it. This is when I need say it. I have to say something.
I run my hand down the back of her hair and pull away to see her face. My mouth opens to speak, but she beats me to it.
“Ollie, he had every right to be mad, and I lied to him when I said it wasn’t about you,” she says, looking up at me. She takes a shaky breath. “It’s always about you.”
Her words crush me from the inside out, and I lean back. I release a heavy sigh before leveling her a helpless look.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
My words are a strangled whisper against the music still pulsing in the background. The house is filled to the brim with people, and I never imagined we’d be having this conversation here.
Charlie appears frustrated and that makes my stomach dip lower. I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I want to tell her to be with me. But the words keep getting caught in my throat, no matter how hard I try to force them out.
If we get together and break up, that would be the end. We could have one stupid, meaningless fight and everything we ever had would be over. How could I ever accept that?
Fear starts to overpower my emotions as she steps closer to me. Her hands land on my waist and she tilts her head up to look me in the eye.
“All I want is for you to only be with me, and I’ll only be with you. We don’t have to define it any further than that. But I don’t want to pretend anymore.” Her hands grip me tighter and my dick suddenly remembers what its purpose is. “I want my first time to be with you.” She leans up on her tiptoes and presses her lips to my neck and my entire body shivers.
It doesn’t take a genius to decipher the meaning behind her words, and I don’t question her. I thread my hands through her hair and draw her face to mine, kissing her shamelessly in the middle of the hallway.
People stumble past, snickering or murmuring words of encouragement. They could throw things at us and I wouldn’t stop.
All I want is to kiss Charlie anytime I want, and to be the only one who gets to do that. If she gives me more, then it’s bonus. Getting her all to myself is all I ever wanted.
And now I have everything.
Chapter 22
Friend Zone
Oliver - Now
Charlie’s still in my arms the next morning when I open my eyes.
Sometime during the night, she curled up closer and pulled a blanket over us. Her leg is hooked around mine, our bodies half facing each other. I turn my head on the pillow and watch her. I watch the way her lips are slightly parted and the gentle breaths she takes. The concern she had on her face last night is noticeably gone.
I’m sure it doesn’t make sense to her, but I worry about what she thinks of me. I didn’t go off to school and become some football legend, get drafted into the NFL, or any attain any other glory I thought I was destined to achieve. She didn’t expect me to still be here. I feel like I’m a disappointment, in more ways than one.
That’s why I’m determined to make my father’s adventure park project work. However, my current outlook isn’t optimistic. He has the exact same attitude as I do, so maybe we’re too similar. But I know that’s not the real problem. He doesn’t think I can be serious. I’ve shown him time and time again that I’m more than capable of fucking shit up and not giving a single fuck. That could be the problem.
I don’t get to stay lost in my thoughts for long because the next time I look over at her, she’s staring back at me. I tuck her hair behind her ear. “Good morning.”
She smiles, but there’s something shy about it. “Good morning.”
A light blush illuminates her cheeks and my heart starts to beat faster. There was always something more intimate about lying in bed with her, fully clothed, wrapped in each other’s arms. My lips ache from wanting to kiss her so badly. It’s been so long that my willpower is rapidly fading.
She’s waiting for me to say something. I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
“I’m sorry I stayed.”
Charlie laughs, and it vibrates along the parts of us that are still pressed together. “No you’re not.”
“Yeah, I’m not.” I wink at her and she pulls her leg from between mine.
She turns onto her back and sighs. I’m anticipating some kind of speech about how we shouldn’t have done this, and what a mistake it was for her to let me be here. But she doesn’t say anything.
After another beat, she turns her head to look at me. “Don’t you have school?”
I chuckle softly and rest one arm behind my head. “Yep, I do. It’s Fall Festival week so we keep having these stupid meetings about teen drinking and being safe.” I use air quotes to emphasize my disgust, and she laughs. “It’s so fucking stupid. You know they’re gonna drink and do all kinds of other illegal shit no matter what we do. Everyone does dumb shit when they’re young.”
I half expect her to argue with me, but she doesn’t. She just shrugs one shoulder. “I had a lot of fun at Fall Festival. I got to be queen.”
My stomach drops. The memory I’m having isn’t the same as hers. She’s picturing how good it felt to be crowned. What I remember is how bad it sucked when the crown got passed to the runner up. I remember the smug smile on Carson’s face when they gave it to her after winter break. When Charlie transferred out for the last half of our senior year.
“I knew you would be,” I say instead.
She gets quiet again, and it makes me nervous. That night changed so many things for us. It wasn’t just some high school dance. It was the beginning of the end.
After another moment, she throws the covers back and sits up. “I have a lot to do today.” She glances over at me. “You want breakfast?”
My lips turn up at the mention of food and my stomach growls as if on cue. She laughs and gets out of bed. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I nod as she pulls a long-sleeved shirt on over her tank top. A flurry of emotions surge through me all at once while I watch her get dressed. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude that she’s allowing me into her life again. I have to keep reminding myself that she may never let me become more than just her friend. It’s easy to get caught up in the familiarity that we have with each other. Now I have to make sure I don’t take it for granted this time.
My day drags on for what seems like an eternity. All of my thoughts are consumed with Charlie and how I’m going to convince her to give me another chance. It isn’t until practice is nearly over until I realize what needs to be done. I just have to work up the courage to do it.
After I get home, I take the longest shower ever—and a shot for good measure—and I walk outside to my truck. Elliot appears at the garage and calls my name before I can jump in.
“Hey, wait up a second,” she says jogging over.
“Make it quick, Elle. I have to pick up supplies.”
Her eyebrows rise. “Supplies for what?”
“My epic date with Charlie. I need to remind her why she fell in love with me in the first place.”
It’s obvious she wants to make a witty comment, but she just smiles at me instead. Sometimes, even Elliot can’t be a dick when she knows I’m excited about something.
She squeezes my arm. “Okay, I hope it works out for you.”
“Is there something you wanted?”
She nods. “Yes, I need a favor.”
My initial reaction is to cringe slightly. If Elliot wants my help, it’s probably because she already has, or is about to do, something stupid.
“It’s not that bad…"
Her voice trails off and I know that’s a lie. “Tell me.”
“I need you to take Hunter out next Saturday.”
I glance back to the house and then at her, leaning in as I speak. “Elliot, I swear, if you’re cheating on him—"
This time she punches me harder. It almost hurts as I rub my now throbbing arm. “This violence from you is troubling,” I say with a smirk.
“You’re being an ass, as usual.” She crosses her arms. “Of course I’m not cheating on him. I have a mixer next weekend that I have to attend for my sorority, and I need you to distract him. If he sits at home all night brooding, I’ll feel guilty the entire time.”
I grip her shoulders. “Take him with you.” I give her a small push backward. “Problem solved.”
“No. Not problem solved, Oliver,” she protests, taking a step toward me again. “He won’t come, I already asked him. And even if he did, he’ll put the first guy that looks at me with the slightest bit of interest in the hospital. Do I need to remind you what he did to Judah?”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, well, you were also dating Judah, so I think that situation was a bit different.”
Her fists ball at her sides and she grunts in frustration. “Dammit, Ollie. It wasn’t like that and you know it. Hunter’s been giving me shit about this since the beginning of the semester.” She takes a breath and continues after calming down. “This is important to me. It’s a tradition that I would like to carry on, and hopefully pass on to my daughter one day.”
For some reason, my breath hitches in my throat. Elliot is still so young, yet she already seems to have everything figured out. The idea of children and forever doesn’t terrify her like it does me. Hearing her speak so confidently about her future strikes me hard. I try to keep my features even, but obviously fail miserably.
Elliot grabs my arm gently. “Ollie? You okay?” She studies my face. “You look weird.”
I inhale deeply through my nose. “I’m fine. Things are kind of intense right now, that’s all.”
“I’m sorry for always putting my shit on you,” she says sadly. “You’re probably tired of it by now.”
She turns to walk away, but I pull her back. “No, Elle. I’m sorry. I’ve been letting this whole Charlie thing throw me off. I’m not being a good brother. Of course I’ll help you.”
She smiles and throws her arms around my neck. “You’re always a good brother. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
I hug her tight and can’t help but smile. Of all the people in my life that I’ve disappointed, Elliot’s never been one of them. I’ve had her back since day one, and that will never change. For some reason, she always sees the good in me, even if I don’t deserve it.
The second she heads toward the house, I start to second guess my plan. Orchestrating cute little dates and having sleepovers is fun and all, but it’s not going to get me what I want. She needs more from me, and I’m not sure I know how to give it to her.
There’s one person who I know can help me. Someone who lost the only girl he ever loved, and now knows a thing or two about what not to do. I pull out my phone and scroll to his number.
Judah answers on the second ring.
Chapter 23
All For Us
Charlotte - Now
Even though I promised myself that I wouldn’t, I went to the dance studio today. It’s hard to describe the feeling dancing gives me. I can’t stay away from it. Jen was beyond excited to have me on board after I offered to help. But I know it’ll make it harder to leave in a couple of months. That’s why I haven’t decided if I’m going to tell Ollie or not.
He’s making the boundaries I’ve set already seem muddy. I probably have a lot to do with that, too, but it’s because of the way he’s acting. It’s like he wants things to be the way they used to be. As if they weren’t completely unhealthy and toxic for both of us.
I know I shouldn’t have left the way I did, but I knew if I didn’t, I never would have. I’d have stayed here and held onto to someone who would never do the same for me. He would have remained selfish, and never had a reason to change. I still don’t know if he has. Everyone appears redeemed when they’re desperate.
That’s why I’ve been trying to stay busy. For most of the afternoon I’ve rearranged the remaining furniture in my Gram’s living room so I could set up mirrors and clear a space to practice. There wasn’t much to begin with, but now I can do a full turn without knocking over a floor lamp.
My primary style of dance has always been contemporary ballet. It’s not exactly something you can slack on. I’ve always had to be very strict with my body and it hasn’t been easy. Especially with a best friend like Ollie. He’s like a professional snacker, and still maintains an absurd five percent body fat. He can’t be human.
I’m in middle of stretching when the doorbell rings. Immediately I glance down at my yoga pants and sheer tank top. It’s going to be hard to keep Ollie from touching me while I’m wearing this outfit. He used to love my dance costumes. There was a time when it was my favorite way to celebrate a successful recital.
With a deep breath, I walk toward the door. Confusion creases my brow when I open it to reveal a face I wasn’t expecting.
“Liam. What are you doing here?”
He gives me an uneasy smile, shoving his hands in his front pockets. “Uh, I heard you were still in town. I thought I’d stop by.”
“Yeah,” I say, my smile guilty. “I was meaning to get ahold of you. It was unexpected.”
“I guess so. You looked like you were expecting someone else just now.”
When I pause, the look on his face makes me feel guilty. But before I can speak, he laughs.
“I’m sorry. This is stupid, right?” He shakes his head and takes a step back. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“No, it’s not stupid.” I push the screen door open and step out onto the porch. “I was just surprised to see you. I’m sorry.”
He glances away for a moment. No doubt remembering the proximity of me and a certain someone who’s also trying to rewrite the past.
Liam blows out a breath. “Look, I’m not trying to start anything with you. I know you don’t live here anymore, but I would like a chance to talk with you. It’s been a long time, and I don’t like the last conversation we had.” His pauses, anguish flashing in his eyes. “It still doesn’t sit well with me.”
It’s horrible of me to admit, but I barely remember having a conversation with him. That night will never be about us. It was one hundred percent about me and Ollie.
“I get that,” I say after a moment. I take a step closer and cross my arms. “I wasn’t trying to blow you off. I honestly didn’t plan on being here.”
“Then why are you?”
His question snaps back at me instantly and I know what he’s thinking. I shake my head. “No, it’s not about Ollie.”
Liam rolls his eyes, which usually makes me mad, but he’s kind of right. It does have to do with Ollie, but not in the way he assumes. If I had a choice, I would have left the moment the For Sale sign hit the yard.
“It’s not, okay?” I reach out and place my hand on his arm and his eyes meet mine. “Things are complicated for me right now.”
I give his elbow a squeeze before dropping my arm. He still looks pensive, and the guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach returns. I’ve always been oddly protective of his feelings. It’s not like I didn’t love him. It just wasn’t in the way he wanted. I could never be in love with Liam, because I was madly in love with someone else. I still probably am.
“Yeah, it’s fine.” He smiles. “Seriously.”
“Liam, we can totally go out one night as friends. As long as you know that’s what it is.”
He nods once. “Of course. I didn’t have any
other intention, I swear.”
“Okay, good.” I say, and my shoulders start to relax a little. The last thing I need is added tension from Liam to complete the trifecta of fucked up situations I have to deal with.
“How about next weekend, I’ll take you to that bar downtown? They still have the best wings across three states.”
I laugh. “That’s what they say. No one’s ever disputed it.”
He shrugs. “I think they’re decent.”
The thought of being able to have a drink does sound tempting. I find it easier to navigate through awkwardness when armed with a slight buzz.
“Sure, sounds good.”
He smiles again, but this time I see the dimple in his cheek. Sometimes I forget how adorable his face is. In another life, I could have been very happy with him. He always made me feel special. Like I was the most important thing to him in the entire world.
I think that’s what made it the hardest. It’s one aspect Ollie never measured up to.
It’s almost ridiculous that I’m nervous to tell Ollie about having drinks with Liam—but I am. It’s making me act weird because he’s been staring at me more than usual.
We’re watching a movie, on the couch this time, and my feet are lying across his lap. His hand is resting on my leg, and every once in a while, it drifts along my thigh, making small circles with his fingertips. It’s distracting, and I can’t focus on what I want to say to him. All I can think about is his hand moving farther up my leg, and not wanting him to stop.
I take in a sharp breath when his fingers reach the edge of my shorts, and I sit up to grab his hand. He gives me an innocent smile. “What?”
“You know what.” I give him a stern look and shove his hand away.
He laughs. “Sorry.” His hand goes back to my knee with a gentle squeeze. “Better, darlin?”
I let my head rest back against the pillow and nod. He grins, but for some reason it makes me more anxious. I have to tell him. If he finds out—which he always somehow does—I know he’ll get the wrong idea. Not that I owe him anything. Friends don’t have to tell each other when they’re going out with another person. That’s probably why we were never really friends.