by John Gordon
was floating down and landed on Tiny’s neck.
Tiny was sleeping in the evening, dreaming of the nice bone that would be his tonight. This was Thursday night. Mrs. Juldippy would be out to feed him soon.
Something soft bounced on top of him. He awoke and lifted his head with a smile, and dogs do smile a lot. He expected to find Mrs. Juldippy’s hand softly stroking his immense neck. Instead, a startled meeoww and several sharp hissess shocked him to his feet.
At that very moment all the numbers remaining on Marshall’s body flew off of him. They gathered around the bottom part of Tiny until his hips and legs were a maze of alien arithmetic. Tiny growled. Now Marshall would pay for his teasing. He would get a good chasing around the yard.
“Arp. Yelp!” Tiny barked as he jumped toward Marshall and his bottom suddenly floated up into the air carrying him just inches from the cat. Marshall licked a paw as he watched Tiny drift higher and higher until he frantically clawed a hold at the very top of Mrs. Juldippy’s chimney. Tiny howled pitifully. Marshall scratched himself, gave a last lick to his back, jumped the fence and headed for home and dinner with Pellomie and Brandon.
As Marshall crossed the alley a voice came out of the sky above him. “You, you, Marshall you stay right there. When I get down I’ll have the police arrest you. I’ll have you brought to trial. I’ll call my lawyer!” shouted the Baroness. She floated above her house, shaking her skinny fist at Marshall. He disdained to look up at her. She was crawling with the strange numbers. With every burst of anger they seemed to come more alive and carry her a little bit higher and higher into the air.
At the next yard he passed Mrs. Krumkle’s. Her voice could be heard for blocks. “Juble! Juble Krumkle, you come down this instant or I’ll sell tickets to all the neighbors for a public spanking. Come down here right now.!”
“I can’t Ma. Marshall the cat did something to me. I can’t get down.”
“Then you’ll just have to go without your dinner. Wait till your father gets home. We’ll see what he has to say about his lazy son floating around in the sky. He’ll have some serious words with you young man.”
When Marshall reached his own yard Mr. and Mrs. Miffin, Pellomie and Brandon were all coming out the back door to see what caused the commotion. Marshall headed straight for Brandon and rubbed happily against his legs, purring contentedly.
“Why Baroness, why are you flying around up there,” Mrs. Maple shouted. She had to shout for the Baroness was now well above the roofs.
“The cat. I’ll have it put in prison for life!” was all they could hear the Baroness say as a breeze of wind blew her over their neighborhood of houses.
“Look dear, there’s Juble. He’s Flying too,” Annabell Miffin said. “I wonder if there’s some strange disease going around.”
“Arp! Aarroo.” Tiny the bulldog was moaning as he floated above their heads heading very slowly the same way that the Baroness had gone. The mild wind was almost stopped now.
Pellomie clapped her hands with delight as she watched Juble caught by the wind. He often teased her in school and she thought it was funny to see him floating upside down.
“Well come inside dears. It’s time we ate before the food gets cold. There’s no accounting what people will spend their time doing these days. To each their own,” Mrs. Miffin said as she led them all indoors.
They were all sitting at the table, ready for the food when the front door chimed.
Mrs. Miffin answered it.
“Why Mrs. Juldippy, what a pleasant surprise. I think we may have enough for you if you’d like to join us. We’re having perch tonight.”
“I don’t eat scaly things Mrs. Miffin.” The woman had her hat on at an odd angle and there was a mad look about her. “I’ve come for an explanation.” She moved inside and looked around the room until she spied Marshall sitting on a small stool beside Brandon’s chair.
“It isn’t enough that your cat teases poor Tiny every chance he gets. Now he has to hex my dog and send him off flying into the sky.”
She looked defiantly at their startled faces as she continued, “I think Marshall’s some kind of witch.”
“Please sit down Martha,” Mrs. Miffin said. “I’ll get some tea for you. We’ll get to the bottom of this.”
Mrs. Juldippy calmed a bit as she sipped some of Mrs. Maple’s famous Wallasnugsuch tea. Then she explained as everyone listened to her. Brandon listened with a peculiar interest. He felt Marshall jump into his lap and press close to him for protection. What had Brandon’s old buddy done this time?
“I was opening the door to take my Tiny his evening bone, and that cat” she pointed a long finger at Marshall “came flying over the fence and landed on top of my poor little baby. Marshall hissed and a bunch of squiggly things jumped off your cat onto my Tiny. Then he began howling and floating off into the air.”
“What did the squiggly things look like, Mrs. Juldippy?” It was the first thing Brandon said and his quiet voice had a calming effect on their upset neighbor.
Mrs. Juldippy smiled at him weakly, “Why Brandon, maybe you could help. They looked like a bunch of mixed-up numbers. All different shapes, sizes , and with strange curliques and flourishes.”
Brandon picked Marshall up and turned the guilty looking cat so they looked into each others’ eyes. “Marshall were you in my apartment? Did you go into my garbage today?”
“Brandon, what could your garbage have to do with Tiny floating away?” Maple Miffin asked.
“It isn’t Marshall’s fault Mrs. Juldippy,” Brandon said. “He must have come looking for me and got attracted by the leftovers from my last theory. A bushel-full of strange numbers would attract any healthy cat.”
“What’s a theory?” Pellomie asked as she got off her chair and came over to pet Marshall where he sat quietly in Brandon’s lap.
“It’s a way of looking at things and why they happen or could happen, Pellomie. And the last numbers theory I developed was the longest and most difficult of all. Usually I remember to positivize and negativize the numbers left over. But I was so busy and excited about the theory that I forgot to. That’s what stuck to Marshall.”
He put Marshall down and came over to Mrs. Juldippy. “You see Tiny has a bunch of neutral numbers stuck to him. That’s what is keeping him floating around.” He held Marshall in his arms, petting his friend. “We know, Mrs. Juldippy, that cat’s don’t hold strong grudges about much. They don’t have intense feelings the same way you and me and our dog friends do. When something happens that is startling they respond and then just go on about the day as if nothing happened.
Mrs. Juldippy looked at Brandon’s strong face. “I just know you’ll find the answer, Brandon.” She stood up. “I’m so relieved to find out what it is.” Then she stopped before going out the door and turned around, “But how on earth will I get him his bone?” She said her goodbye and left while shaking her head and mumbling to herself.
“I’ll have to figure this out, Maple,” Brandon said. “Can I use your study to work on it?” Brandon had an idea on how to help the three victims of the negative numbers.
“You sure can Brandon. If I can be any help just ask me.”
While Brandon thought and worked and then thought some more - the Baroness was going higher and higher into the sky. Little fluffy clouds were only a few feet above her.
“Bread and water for that cat! He’s a menace. I’ll write my congressman.” She still fumed, hardly concerned that she was drifting above the city.
At a nearby air force base, Colonel Wufbabble looked over a radar man’s shoulder.
“Sir, that unidentified aircraft hasn’t answered our radio warning. It’s coming toward our airspace.”
“Let’s send two planes from Squadron Six up to check it out,” said the colonel.
The planes quickly took off and got the coordinates as they began climbing toward the Baroness place in the sky.
“We’ll just wait for a moment, airman. Our planes will take care
of that UFO.” The Colonel was a large man. He enjoyed smoking a cigar and looking impressive.
“Sir the object’s hardly moving at all. I don’t know what it could be.”
“Don’t worry, Culpappy. The planes will be calling in any moment now.” The other airmen came over to Culpappy’s screen to watch the bright dots converge on the stationary dot that was the UFO.
The chief squadron leader called in, “Squadron leader, Tango Alpha Six.”
“We read you Tango Alpha Six, what do you see?”
There was a long silence and the airman clicked his radio switch again, “Tango Alpha Six. Report please.”
“Just a minute,” said the pilot, for he didn’t understand what he saw. “We’re making another pass to verify. We must have been going by too fast. It just didn’t make sense.”
There was another pause.
“I don’t believe it!” The pilot’s voice came over the speaker, “It’s a lady! It’s a lady floating in the air and shaking her fist at us. I just don’t believe it!”
High above the Air Force base, the planes turned for another look at the Baroness.
“Get me down you oafs. Stop making waves in the air.” She yelled at them.
The pilots circled slow as they could around the Baroness Von Smulkin.
“Sir, she seems to be drifting with the winds at that level.”
Colonel Wufbabble called for a hot air balloon to carry him up to where the Baroness was reported to be. The slow travel of the balloon would allow him to match