by Eliza Quancy
‘Stop,’ I say, and he turns to look at me. ‘There must be a way you can do them for K750.’
‘Well, yes,’ he says, ‘but you’d have to pay me in a different way.’
Instantly, I understand what he means but instead of dreading it, I find myself wanting him. My face gets hot. I blush and he laughs.
‘You might like it,’ he says and I am suddenly angry.
‘What arrogance,’ I say. ‘Goodbye, Kandin,’ and this time it’s my turn to start walking.
‘Let me know if you change your mind,’ he calls and I half turn and see him smiling. The golden smile.
22
‘What happened?’ Layla asks as soon as we manage to go and sit in our lawn spot. We know we’re attracting attention with our secrets, but it can’t be helped.
I tell her what has happened but don’t say that I stormed off. I’ve changed my mind since then. I’m going to go back.
‘No, Aulani,’ she says. ‘I’ll go and pay him.’
‘You can’t,’ I say. ‘It’s too dangerous.’ And then I pause and look at her directly. ‘I think he wants me, Layla.’
I see Layla’s hands twisting in her lap. She’s still my mama. She doesn’t want me to go. She wants to protect me like always and this is a step too far. Oh, I think to myself, if only she knew about Saul. If only she did. But she doesn’t. And then I realise where Layla has been getting the money for our food. The money for my present. The money for the passports.
‘It’s what you’ve been doing, isn’t it,’ I say. I’m not asking her, I’m telling her that I know. I look at her and she nods.
‘There was no other way,’ she says. ‘We had no money and we needed food. And now we need passports.’ I go to hug her. I understand what she’s done. I know it is love. And survival. But mainly, I think, it is love. Layla’s love for me.
‘Now, it’s my turn,’ I tell her and feel I have to come clean. ‘I like him, Layla. It won’t be hard.’
She looks at me and her eyes show pity.
‘Oh, Auli,’ she says. ‘It’s not as easy as you think.’
But it will be. I think of Kandin and the prospect of his body. And I think of Saul and how he ripped me and broke me. Layla doesn’t know. She will never know. I shudder. Nothing could be worse than that.
‘It will be fine,’ I say. ‘I’ll be all right, Layla, and we need the passports. There isn’t another way.’ Layla doesn’t argue further. She can see that I’ve made up my mind.
‘Wait here,’ she says and goes into the house. When she comes back, she takes something out of her bag and hands it to me.
‘Take these,’ she tells me. ‘One each night.’ I look at what she’s handing me and see that it’s a pack of tablets in silver paper with the days written on the back where you push them through. ‘They’re contraceptive pills,’ she tells me. ‘I was going to give them to you because you go with Joel. At least you won’t get pregnant.
‘Thank you, Layla,’ I say and we go back to the others. After we’ve eaten, I text Joel.
‘Can you set up another meeting for me with Kandin?’ I ask. ‘Tell him I’ve got the money.’
‘How was it?’ Joel asks. ’Will he do it?’
‘I think so,’ I reply. ‘Tell him I’m ready to do a deal and let me know what he says.’
Jenn is already asleep and as usual, we sit together with the girls after we’ve eaten. I’ve already had a text. It’s tomorrow at ten in the same place but there’s no chance to tell Layla. At last, I manage to sit next to her and show her the text. She nods and I put the phone away. She’s looking tired but that night when I go to bed, she’s gone again. Oh, Layla.
***
I wear my other laplap. I’ve only got two. I prefer the one I wore yesterday but don’t want to wear the same thing twice. I’ve showered as usual but I’ve spent time on my hair and last night I put coconut oil on my arms and legs. There was a bottle in the bathroom and Shantelle said I could use it. My skin has been getting dry lately. I look at the silver scars on my ankles and twist to see what they look like round the back of my legs. I don’t like to see them. Don’t even like to touch them. What will Kandin think of my scars? I see Layla at breakfast and every day she looks worse. This morning I see the worry in her eyes as well as the weariness. And she notices my skin. She knows what I’ve done. And why.
‘I’m going for a walk,’ I say. ‘Will you keep an eye on Jenn?’
‘I can’t get near her,’ Layla tries to smile. ‘The girls carry her about all day long.’
‘They try,’ I say ‘She’s always running these days. Doesn’t like to be carried anymore. Will you watch her for me, Layla?’
She nods and I set off. I’m still wearing Layla’s watch. I’ll have to give it back soon.
Like yesterday, there’s no-one there when I reach the place. Kandin must make a point of being late for his meetings, but no, his car arrives right on time and stops just past the tree. He gets out and comes towards me. He has a lazy, arrogant walk.
‘Good morning,’ he greets me, holding out his hand like yesterday. I put my hand in his and he holds it just a second longer than necessary. He walks towards the car and holds the door open. I get in.
I don’t know what to expect. I’m a little scared but pretend that I’m calm and confident. We leave the campus and he keeps on driving. I don’t know the city. I have no idea where we are or where we are heading.
‘Where are we going?’ I ask and he turns to look at me. Half smiles. Only one hand on the wheel (like they do in the movies).
‘You’ll see,’ he says and puts his foot on the accelerator. We leap forward and I pretend that I’m used to going in cars. Going fast. Pretend that this isn’t the first time ever.
He takes me to a huge house behind locked gates. Dogs bark but he shouts at them and they go to lie down. He looks at me once again with that funny half-smile.
‘There’s a swimming pool,’ he says. ‘Do you want to cool off?’
‘I don’t swim,’ I tell him and notice his surprise.
I expect him to take me to bed straight away to get it over with, but it’s not like that.
‘Come and talk to me,’ he says. ‘Tell me about yourself.’
He couldn’t have asked me anything worse. What on earth shall I say? Then I realise that I can tell him lies. Not easy to think up a whole life story on the spur of the moment. I’ll have to be careful. He notes my silence and offers me a drink?
‘Most people like to talk about themselves,’ he says. ‘Why have you gone quiet?’
‘There’s nothing much to tell,’ I say.’ Why don’t you tell me about you?’
‘Where shall I start?’ he asks.
‘At the beginning,’ I say. ‘That’s usually the best place.’
‘Would you like some orange juice?’ he asks instead of telling me anything about himself and I nod. I’ve eaten millions of oranges (well, thousands or hundreds). There are orange trees in the bush near our house. Lemon trees, too, although I can’t see much use for lemons. Oranges, on the other hand, are sweet and I love them, but I’ve never drunk just the juice. Would think it a waste to throw away the rest of the fruit.
‘Yes, please,’ I say.
Tastes good but not quite as good as the fruit of the orange.
‘Thank you,’ I say and look around the room where we’re sitting. It’s cool. Air-conditioned. Another first for me. The floorboards are polished wood. They shine. I look at the glass with the orange juice. The glass is foggy with cold. Frosted. I draw a line with my finger down the side of the glass and turn it into an A.
‘Cooled in the fridge,’ he says in explanation. He knows it’s all unfamiliar. Knows that this is not my world. Knows that I’m not sure of myself despite my pretence. He knows it by my feet. I have no shoes. Only village girls have no shoes. But I’m not a village girl. I can see him trying to work me out.
‘I like you, Aulani,’ he says but he doesn’t need to. I know that he does, but he’s not in my
power. Not like Joel is. He can take me or leave me.
We go to a bathroom with a shower like I’ve not seen before and we stand in the spray together. He soaps my body and sees that I’ve had a child.
‘Boy or girl? he asks.
‘Girl,’ I tell him.
He looks at my ankles and sees the scars but doesn’t comment.
And, in turn, I start to soap him. He’s mostly smooth with not much body hair. Golden skin. Firm. Strong. Exciting.
‘It’s all right,’ he says as he sees that I avoid touching certain parts of him, but still, he gently touches parts of me. I can’t help feeling shy although I’m still trying hard to keep up my act. We go to the bedroom still wet and I see a bed that is not on the floor. A bed like they have in the movies. We lie on it and it bounces and I have to laugh. Can’t stop the giggles that break out uncontrolled. I bounce up and down. It’s like a trampoline and he looks at me and smiles. Then he takes me and it’s as I imagined. Better than I imagined. He is altogether better than I imagined. I shouldn’t like being here with him using my body as payment for passports but I do, and I don’t want it to end.
There’s more orange juice afterwards and we shower again.
‘Shall I give you the names?’ I ask.
‘The names?’
‘For the passports,’ I say and he frowns.
‘Not yet,’ he says. ‘There are two more payments, Aulani. Then you can bring me the K750 and I’ll start work on the documents.’
‘No,’ I say. I’m angry. ‘That wasn’t the deal. We need them quickly. You have to start work on them now.’ I stare at him hard like I’ve learned to do and wait for him to look afraid but no, he looks amused. He doesn’t know about my special powers. Or doesn’t believe in them. One or the other.
‘OK,’ he agrees unexpectedly. ‘I’ll start doing them tonight.’ He fetches a piece of paper and a pen and asks me to write down the names for the passports. Looks almost surprised as I write. As though he had expected me to be illiterate. This man needs teaching a lesson, but so far he’s been in charge all the way. If this was an American movie, they would say that he was ‘calling the shots’. Maybe this language is rising up in my mind because this whole place feels like a movie set. It doesn’t feel real. I don’t feel real.
He takes the paper, folds it and puts it in his pocket.
‘I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Same time,’ he says. ‘I will start work on your passports, but I still expect two more payments.’ I nod and follow him out to the car and soon we’re back at the tree and I’m walking away.
***
I go each day and after the second day, Kandin tells me that the payments are complete, but I don’t stop going. Every day, I’m there by the tree and he arrives on time and he drives me to the house. I don’t tell Layla what the situation is. I go with Kandin day after day. I take the money from her and I give it to him. The passports are finished and he hands them over but I ask him to wait. I’ll take them soon. We need to leave but I’m caught by the golden boy. He has me in thrall.
One afternoon after we’ve eaten lunch and just before Kandin is going to drive me back, the dogs start to bark. We go outside to have a look and it’s Joel standing at the gate.
He’s full of anger. He’s in uniform and he’s come in a police car. I stand on the veranda and watch as Kandin goes to speak to him, then opens the gate and walks back to me.
‘He wants you to go with him,’ Kandin tells me, scowling. ‘Go to him, Aulani. He thinks I’m keeping you here against your will.’ I shake my head. ‘Then go and tell him,’ Kandin orders, ‘but he has to leave. And not come back. A visit from the police is bad for business.’
I remember that Kandin is a forger, a criminal and I can see that he is angry. I walk to the gate and speak to Joel.
‘You’re crazy,’ I tell him. ‘I won’t get the passports if you behave like this.’
‘They’re already finished,’ Joel shouts in my face. ‘Kandin told me last night when I asked him.’
‘He’s lying,’ I whisper and look into Joel’s eyes, ‘he’s going to give them to me tomorrow. But you’ve got to go or it will be the end of everything.’
‘I’ll text you,’ he says and turns away. He’s angrier than I’ve ever seen him and he doesn’t believe me.
23
Kandin tells me to get my bag. It’s time to go. He hands me the passports and tells me I should go back to my boyfriend. He won’t pick me up tomorrow.
‘He’s not my boyfriend,’ I tell him. ‘He’s the father of my child.’
‘The father of your child!’ Kandin asks with a curve of his eyebrow. ‘But not your boyfriend. What kind of a girl are you, Aulani? And what kind of trouble are you running from?’ Kandin hasn’t asked before. He has shown no interest at all in my need for three fake passports.
‘I’m a witch,’ I shout, uncaring now and wanting to keep him any way I can, but he starts to laugh.
‘A witch?’ he says. ‘So what can you do? Cast a spell? Strike me down? Turn me into a frog?’
‘All of them,’ I say and try to look fierce.
‘Then do it,’ he says and I know I can’t, and he knows I can’t.
‘Not today,’ I reply. ‘I need you to drive me home.’
‘Not today,’ he mimics. ‘Not today. A fine witch you are,’ he says. ‘Can you only do magic on Sundays? Or when the moon is new?’ He’s laughing at me and suddenly I start to laugh too.
‘That’s right,’ I say but I can’t stop laughing now and I’m swamped with relief. I don’t have to pretend and here is a man who is not afraid of me. Who thinks that witchcraft doesn’t exist. We go back inside and he fetches a bottle of wine. That’s something else I’ve never had before but I’ve seen it in the movies. Everybody drinks it in the movies.
‘Let’s talk,’ he says, and he fetches glasses.
‘Do you prefer red or white?’ he asks and I’m done with the pretence.
‘I’ve no idea,’ I reply. ‘I’ve never tried either.‘
He fetches white and I don’t like it, but I persevere. This is the life I feel I should be leading so I’ve got to learn how to fit into it. The time flies and Kandin talks. I listen. He’s the same age as I am, but he’s mixed race. Didn’t realise that. His mother is from Melbourne and she comes back tomorrow. (I had wondered why he had such a large house to himself.) It’s his parents’ house.
‘And where’s your papa?’ I ask.
‘In Oxford, England’ he says. ‘Doing a doctorate.’ It’s a long story, he’ll tell me another time.
‘And what about your mother? What does she do?’
‘She runs Tara Jewellers in Boroko,’ he tells me. ‘Do you know it?’ But of course I don’t and once again, he looks surprised. The more he talks, the more I realise that although he thinks he’s a PNG man, we come from different worlds.
‘Shall I pick you up tomorrow?’ he asks me. ‘I can introduce you to my mother. She will be here early. You’ll like her.’
I’m not at all sure about this, but I want to keep on seeing Kandin so I have to say yes. I wonder what I could possibly wear and what she will be like. A waitpela meri. When the wine is finished, he drives me back to the tree, and somehow, it feels as though a barrier has been broken. Joel’s visit has brought us closer together.
At home (home?) things are not good and I fall back to earth with a crash. There is a price to pay for my dalliance with Kandin and when I look into Layla’s weary eyes, I feel sick with guilt and know that I deserve every bad thing that happens. I go to look at Jenn to say hello but I’ve come back so late that she’s already asleep. The girls look at me and frown. They don’t like me anymore. The teasing has stopped and they hardly speak to me now. I don’t blame them. I haven’t been working or looking after Jenn but I still come back and eat. They are right to be cross. Layla looks at me and gets up from the grass. Leads the way across the lawn to the place where we go each evening and have our talk.
‘We’v
e got to leave,’ she says. ‘Shantelle wants us out of here as soon as possible. The girls are asking questions about where you go every day and what we’re doing here.’ I hand her the passports and she gives a sigh of relief. ‘At last,’ she says. ‘I thought you’d never get them.’
‘Tomorrow I’ll ask Kandin to get the tickets for us,’ I say searching madly for an excuse to go there one last time. Layla considers what I’ve said.
‘All right,’ she says. ‘I was going to ask Shantelle, but I don’t think she’ll do it anymore. Can you trust him?’
‘Yes,’ I say but Layla looks doubtful.
‘Will you tell him it’s urgent?’ she asks and I can see that it is.
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘I’ll ask for us to leave as soon as possible.’
While we’re talking, a text arrives from Joel.
‘Meet me at the tree in half an hour,’ he texts. ‘Bring Jenn and bring her passport.’
I show Layla and she looks anxious.
‘Can’t do that,’ I reply. ‘Jenn’s asleep.’
‘I’m taking her to the village,’ Joel texts. ‘I’ll bring her to Melbourne myself. Will follow you there.’
‘Why?’ I ask but I already know.
‘Because,’ he replies and then texts again. ‘If you’re not there with Jenn, I’ll come to the house and get her.’
I show Layla.
‘What’s happened?’ she asks and I tell her about this afternoon.
‘What shall I do?’
‘You’ll have to take her,’ Layla says. ‘Joel will look after her. It will be all right.’
‘I can’t bear it,’ I say. ‘I can’t leave for Melbourne without Jenn.’
‘You’ll have to,’ Layla says. ‘I think he means it.’
And I do, too. This is a new Joel and I’ve stepped over a dangerous line. Slowly, I get up and Layla comes with me. We start packing Jenn’s things into a bilum and Shantelle asks what we’re doing.
‘Her papa wants to take her to the village,’ I say. ‘He’s coming for her.’
‘Tonight?’ Shantelle asks and we nod.
‘I’m coming with you,’ Layla says.