by Belle Malory
I never, ever, ever stuck to a predictable schedule. It made me feel guilty as hell, but I had to stop relying on Xander for safety, and he needed to stop obsessing over it. He didn’t choose this—his obsession stemmed from the Silver Oath. Knowing it wasn’t fair to him made me work harder at keeping my distance, too. This was the only way I knew how to give him the freedom to get back to his studies, focus on House Ares, and work toward his own goals. If he constantly worried about me, he wouldn’t have time to do any of that.
At lunch on Friday, I sat with Jett and Hazel, and we talked about her new relationship with Birch. “He asked me to the winter ball,” she said excitedly. “Maple is picking me up this weekend, and we’re going dress shopping.”
“What’s the winter ball?” I said, swallowing my bite of Greek salad.
Jett slurped from her can of Dr. Pepper, then answered my question. “This dumb event they put on for the students right before Christmas break. Everyone gets dressed up, they dance, and they enchant the pavilion to look like it’s snowing.”
“It’s romantic,” Hazel said, looking up at the sky with a dreamy smile. She and Birch had been seeing each other since the night in the woods, and she was falling head over heels—or hooves, I guess. “I can’t wait.”
“Yeah, sure.” Jett shook her head. “Anyway, can we rendezvous tonight in the woods again?”
“What for?” I said.
A few tables across from us, Xander sat down with his gladiator friends. They were talking and laughing, and a few of them were roughhousing, pretending to fight one another. Xander looked more carefree than I’d seen him lately. A girl with dark hair punched him on his bicep, and he smiled at whatever she said. I sighed, wishing I could sit next to him without it being a big deal.
Jett waved her hand in front of my face. “Hello—earth to Sheridan. I need to sell some of my potion stock. Also, can’t we just go for fun? I mean, that’s the whole point of us being friends, right? We do fun stuff together?”
I chuckled. “Like secret trips to Twilight Island that go horribly wrong? That kind of fun stuff?”
In a way, that experience only brought us closer. Instead of it being weird, we laughed about it now.
“Exactly—one for the books.”
“I’m down too,” Hazel added. “It will give me a chance to see Birch.”
“Oh, for Apollo’s sake,” Jett slit her eyes at Hazel. “People are going to start thinking Sheridan’s magic is rubbing off on you.”
Hazel shrugged. “Maybe it is.”
“I’m fine with that,” I said, grinning. “My reputation could use a boost. Tell everyone I’m the queen of romance.” I waved my fingers in the air, pretending to spell her.
She laughed. “Will do.”
My grin faded when I caught Xander looking over here out of the corner of my eye. He quickly looked away, and I winced, wishing it didn’t have to be this way.
Oh geez.
Queen of romance, my ass.
33
That night I canceled on Jett and Hazel, too tired to go out after a grueling session with Mia and Ben. Their attraction was strong, but getting those two to open up wasn’t easy. By the time I left the mirror realm, I was disappointed. Ione tried talking me into going to an Aphrodite party with her, but I refused that too. My books, my room, and my bed were the only friends and social interaction I wanted tonight.
Deep down, I knew this was about more than Mia and Ben. That moment at lunch really got me down, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Xander and I couldn’t even look at each other in public. As much as I tried not to think about it, I couldn’t help it. How was I supposed to help other people fall in love when my own track record was a series of failures?
Shortly after impressing the first few books, I fell asleep. Not surprising, since they were all about Mythonian law.
Sometime in the middle of the night, a knock sounded at the door. I glanced at Ione’s bed, noticing she wasn’t in it. She must have lost her key. I yawned and pushed my books aside to get up.
The moment it fell open, two mesmerizing blue orbs swirled over me, followed by a gorgeous grin I knew all too well. “Xander?”
The clock on the wall said it was two in the morning, not exactly the time to visit friends he wasn’t supposed to have in the first place.
Blinking through my sleep, I stuck my head out into the hall to make sure no one else was there. “You need to leave before someone sees you,” I hissed.
“Relax, they’ll think I’m here for my sister.”
He strolled past, a little too comfortably, his eyes glassier than normal. I shut the door, watching him closely. “You’ve been drinking.”
“Just a little. I had to kill some time in the woods—where you were supposed to be, by the way. Why are you never where you’re supposed to be?” He picked up a photo frame of me and my dad to inspect it, then set it back down again.
“Ione’s not here,” I pointed out, nodding to her empty bed.
“I know. She’s at some fancy Aphrodite party,” he said with a wave of his hand. “I definitely don’t miss those.”
Hold up, he knew she was gone? I blinked rapidly, wondering if I was dreaming. This all felt like some topsy-turvy universe, where nothing made any sense.
My eyes followed him to the bed. He plopped down, grimacing at something hard beneath the covers. “Why do you sleep with so many books?” he said, scooping them up and moving them aside.
“I don’t usually.”
I didn’t like the way he was invading my personal space, like he could figure me out if he just looked hard enough.
“Xander, why are you here?”
“Because I need to get something off my chest.”
I raised a brow. “What’s that?”
“I don’t appreciate the way you’re trying to confuse me. All the time, you keep me confused and guessing about where you’ll be.”
That was why he came here? I put my hands on my hips and let out a long sigh. “The solution is simple. Stop following me, and you won’t be confused anymore.”
“Should I just let you get eaten by monsters?” He said, wincing. “What if you die, huh?”
“I guess that’s a risk I’ll have to take.”
He groaned, sounding frustrated. “You want me to suffer.” He ran his hands through his hair, as if I were the cause of all his stress. If I wasn’t so annoyed, I would have laughed. Drunk Xander was kind of funny.
“The question is—why?” He held up his hands, being super dramatic about it. “I asked myself that all night. Why does this girl want to torment me? I just don’t understand.”
Oh, good grief. I might as well humor him since he probably wouldn’t remember this anyway. “Come up with any good answers?”
He nodded very seriously. “Not right away. At first, it was like a puzzle I couldn’t solve. I kept asking myself, why? What did I do to Sheridan to make her want to hurt me? Since we’ve met, I’ve only done good things, like save her life, rescue her from organ-stealing witch doctors, help her out of booby traps, take her bubble-diving and buy her yummy gelato—”
“You’re so amazing, Xander.”
“I know,” he agreed, and I rolled my eyes. “Aside from the small thing of wanting to keep our friendship a secret, I’ve been, all around, a pretty decent guy.”
I snorted. He actually thought that was a small thing.
“Can we at least agree there?” Xander said, ignoring my reaction.
“You’re not so bad.” And that was as far as I was going with that. He didn’t need any more of an ego boost.
“Good. Now back to my original question—why do you want to hurt me?”
I let out a tired breath. “I don’t want to hurt you, Xander.”
“Bingo.” He pointed at me, his mouth curving into an infectious grin. “You’re right; it’s not me you want to hurt. It’s the last guy that broke your heart.”
I stared at him like he’d lost his mind. Conn
or? He was trying to bring Connor into this? Okay, I was officially done with this conversation.
“Xander, you’ve been drinking—”
“Not nearly enough.”
“And you’re not thinking clearly.”
He stood up and walked toward me. “Wrong. I’ve never been so clearheaded in my life.”
I swallowed, nervous for some reason. “How do you even know there was a guy?”
He tilted his head to the side, like that was a dumb question. “Aphrodite descendant, remember?”
“Fine—whatever.” I waved that aside. “Let’s say you’re right, and there was someone. Why would I try to hurt you instead?”
“Because I’m here, and you know I’m crazy about you.”
His soft words tripped my heart. “You’re not—”
He shushed me by putting his fingers over my lips. “You know it, your mom apparently knew before either of us, and we might as well face the truth.”
I took a step back, carefully circling around him. “What does that even mean?”
“For one, it means you need to stop confusing me with your ex.”
Ugh. I should probably stop entertaining this, but I kind of wanted to see where he was going with it. “Exactly how am I supposed to stop confusing you, or making you suffer, or stop any of your complaints against me?”
“Another great question, one I’ve had plenty of time to think over in the woods. It’s simple—I need to kiss you.”
I nearly choked on my own breath. “What?”
“Once we’ve kissed, you’ll never confuse me with any of your loser ex-boyfriends again.”
I laughed, unable to help it. He was making me super nervous, especially the way he continued to walk toward me, as if this thing he suggested was about to happen at any moment.
“Xander.” I shook my head. “I have to tell you, your logic is—”
“Brilliant, I know.”
I cleared my throat. “Why don’t you use the night to think it over, then tell me if you still believe it’s a good idea in the morning?”
He reached for my hand, intertwining his fingers through mine. Oh God. Even while he was drunk, his touch and magic still worked its way over me, turning me into a puddle at his feet.
“Or we could just get it out of the way, here and now.” He leaned close to my face, his voice tickling my ear. “What have you got to lose?”
My heart? And that was still healing as it was.
Xander’s arm drew me closer. My body swayed toward him, falling under his hypnotizing spell. His other hand slid along my neck, his thumb tilting my chin up. I stared at his lips, knowing this was a bad idea, but wanting to go along with it anyway. What was going on with me? What was going on with him? “I don’t know…”
“Just one kiss,” he said, sweetly. “And I swear I’ll leave.”
It would be nice to get Connor out of my head. And for weeks, I’d been curious what it would be like to kiss Xander. We could have this one short moment, couldn’t we?
I had to know, and this was my chance. “Okay.” As soon as the word left my mouth, his lips were on mine, gently pressing, warm, and intoxicating.
And…wow.
A firestorm of energy exploded between us. I felt his magic blend into mine like swirling, languid wine, making us both drunk from the taste. It started off slow and sweet, but with a brush of his tongue, I felt the moment everything changed.
Seconds ago, this had all been a game to Xander. A silly little way to punish me for making him chase me around the campus. I was pretty sure he never expected this.
Suddenly, there was a desperation to his hands. His fingers dug into my hair, pulling me against him, leather and metal pressing against my chest. I reached around his neck as he deepened the kiss. He groaned, the sound vibrating against my mouth. We both just lost whatever game he started. It was no longer silly or funny. No longer a joke. Desire had swept in too fast, and we both wanted each other too much.
Oh God—why did this have to feel so perfect?
Part of me screamed at the unfairness. If Xander was a book, he would be the most beautiful, passionate story I’d ever read, ended by one long ellipses. There was an impending tragedy to the end of this story, and we just made it worse by tasting the forbidden fruit.
As long as I lived, I was pretty sure no kiss would ever compare.
One of us got a grip and pulled away—not sure if it was him or me. Our breaths were erratic, and we both just stood there, at a loss for words.
I dared a glance up at Xander, and he suddenly looked very sober. His eyes were heavy with desire, his lips swollen and pink, but there was a clearness in his gaze that told me he knew he’d taken it too far.
“I should go,” he said in a low voice.
“Yeah…” I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing he never came in the first place. Wishing he never showed us what we were missing.
It’s funny how being his friend had gone from hard to pretty much impossible in the span of a few stolen moments. I hadn’t wanted to lose our relationship altogether, but it felt as if we just severed whatever remaining threads were tying us together.
Before Xander left, he touched the side of my face, his fingertips softly brushing down my neck. His voice came out choked. “I’m sorry, Sheridan.”
When I opened my eyes, he was gone.
34
After that night in my dorm room, Xander no longer tried to follow me. We both stayed as far away from each other as we could, never crossing paths, even in passing. It was painful, and I missed knowing he was there, but I was glad he was back to his normal, uncomplicated routine.
Or at least, that’s what I told myself anyway.
I poured through more books from Arcadia’s library. At first, I wasn’t sure what I was searching for, but eventually, it hit me. Maybe if I knew enough about magic, then I could figure out a way to break this curse myself. Maybe the answer didn’t lie in any potential cures, but in using my own knowledge, my own resources…I thought of Riley and sighed. Crazily enough, I wished she were here. I wished I could ask her to help me figure it all out. Even if we couldn’t find the answer, she always had a way of making me feel like she could handle anything the world threw at her.
Over the weekend, House Ares held a gladiator contest, and the whole school, along with hundreds of visitors from neighboring islands, went to the amphitheater to watch. According to Ione, this was no ordinary high school event; the contestants fought real, flesh and blood conjured monsters. Only seniors or mastery students were allowed to enter, the majority coming from House Ares, but every house was included. In past years, gladiators had been severely injured, scarred, and in rare instances, killed. The worst part? Xander was fighting.
As soon as Ione told me, I felt nauseous. I knew it was something he’d done hundreds of times, something he trained for on a daily basis, but this was different. There was a possibility he could die, and that was terrifying. I spent the entire morning pacing inside my dorm room, struggling to get a grip.
I needed to get out of there. I felt like, if I could just go and watch Xander, everything would be okay. Pure craziness, of course. Like I could offer some sort of magical protection—clearly, I had issues. But I was determined to go. Besides, he wouldn’t even notice me in the huge crowds.
“We’re supposed to watch from the Aphrodite box,” Ione said, curling her hand to inspect her manicure as we headed toward the amphitheater. “It’s tradition.”
I shrugged, not caring one way or another. “That’s fine.”
She dusted off the bottom of her toga, redoing her hair as we walked, first into a braid, then into a ballerina bun at the top of her head. For someone usually so poised, she seemed super fidgety. Now that I thought about it, she took an unusual amount of time getting ready back in our dorm. It drove me crazy because I was trying to hurry.
“Who are you trying to impress, Ione?”
“No one.” She spoke too quickly, and we both noticed it.
Ha. Slipping up that easily meant she was super nervous. “And will no one be sitting with us in the Aphrodite box?”
Her eyes flashed, and I just chuckled.
“Fine, keep your secrets.” I didn’t have the energy to pry it out of her anyway—I’d try later, when I wasn’t consumed by thoughts of Xander being chomped to death by fangs the size of hammers.
“You know all of my secrets,” Ione said, clearing her throat. “Come along, or we’ll miss the opening ceremony.”
I rolled my eyes. Like she cared about that or any other part of the fights. Ione was more of a champagne and party kind of a girl—she had mentioned more than once that fighting was not her thing. Even she couldn’t believe her own brother ended up house leader of Ares. Had I not been so focused on getting to the amphitheater on time, I might have mentioned that. Instead, I offered a peace token.
“Your hair looks nice when it’s left down. Flowy blonde locks are your best look. It makes you seem approachable.”
“I didn’t ask for your advice, Sheridan.” Straightening her shoulders, she walked ahead of me. Two seconds later, her hair shifted into the style I suggested.
I shook my head and hurried to keep up, making a mental note to watch who she interacted with inside the arena.
We climbed dozens of steps to get to our box, out of breath by the time we’d made it. The view was worth it though. Aphrodite students claimed the midcenter of the stadium seating, because apparently, it was tradition to throw flowers to the gladiators for good luck.
Flowers. I snorted. That was just the kind of thing they would put us in charge of.
Someone handed me a program leaflet, and I combed through it as Ione walked around the box, catching up with all of her friends. I glanced at all the names, trying to find Xander’s, along with the names of all of the monsters. I’d impressed a book from the library that gave my brain a detailed list of monsters, along with their strengths and weaknesses.