by Erin Havoc
Grinding my teeth together, I pry my eyes away. My fucking co-workers have the balls to hit on her, one after the other. I wait to one side, my hands curled in fists as I try to ignore the entire torture, but it’s ridiculously hard. And foxes aren’t even the most jealous of shifters out there.
But Vivian’s making this so fucking ruthless.
“Nice,” she says to Nolan with her voice rasping. They’re lucky I can’t smell her arousal or anything because I’m sure I’d blow up. “Now, turn with your back to me. Hands on your hips.”
Nolan obeys, flexing for my damn woman. My blood fizzles inside my veins. The world turns red. Fucking hell, I might break someone’s arm today.
“You all right, man?” Hunter asks.
I turn to him with my teeth bared, eyes wide and I almost bite the hand on my shoulder. “What?”
He pulls the hand back as if half-expecting me to bite him too. “Chill. Look, no one’s trying to pick a fight. If you had a previous claim on the girl, you should have let us know.”
“I have a claim on no one,” I snarl back, tightening the arms across my chest.
“You’re looking like you’re about to jump on Nolan if he smiles at her again.”
“I just might,” I answer with my jaw clenched. Forcing my gaze away, I lick at my teeth, keeping my anger at bay. It takes all of my willpower not to focus on her flirty voice and how Nolan fucking dares to reply to her.
When he finally walks back to us, a smirk across his face I’m dying to wipe off, Hunter’s hand drops to my shoulder again. I snap my eyes to him, my canines prodding against the inside of my lips. He looks back at me with all the placidness in the world.
Fucking bears.
“Vivian,” he calls my mate, and she turns to meet his eyes. She avoids me thoroughly. “Would you mind if you did Austin next? I have to discuss something with the others.”
She falters for a moment, the smile on her face threatening to disappear. “Sure. No problem at all.”
“Good,” Hunter says, slapping my shoulder. Several times. Harder until I step away from him and in Vivian’s direction. “Don’t bother the lady, Austin.”
I shoot him a glare, my fox’s hackles raised. But when I stand in front of Vivian’s camera, every one of my co-workers disappears to the back, Hunter shooing them all away.
It’s just the two of us. And a thick veil of bitterness in between.
Feeling like an idiot, I press my hands to my hips and try to pose as Nolan did. It’s so stupid. I can’t believe he made it look so simple. Vivian snaps a couple of pictures, then raises a hand and twirls a finger. Cocking a brow, I watch her repeat the motion once more before straightening her spine and glaring at me.
“Turn around, Austin.”
“Oh, okay. You could have just said it,” I say, obeying her orders. Gee, she’s not happy with my presence at all. Turning so I have my back to her, I repeat the pose, shaking my head at how silly this entire thing feels like.
“I thought everyone knew what this motion meant,” she spits, her voice covered in barely concealed anger.
“All right, all right.” I raise my hands in a pacifying gesture, without looking at her. “Sorry. It took me a moment to understand that.”
Vivian mumbles something under her breath and all I hear is the snapping of the camera for a long minute. Looking sideways, I take in the empty station. Completely deserted as it hardly ever is.
And it dawns on me that this is may be the only chance I’ll have with her. Just the two of us.
“So, how’s life?” I say, looking over my shoulder at her.
She snorts. “Why do you care? You disappeared without a trace. If it wasn’t for our neighbors asking about you, I would have thought you had been part of my imagination.”
Shifting so I faced her, I cock a brow. “Well, things happened. We had to move out in a hurry.”
“Stop moving,” she hisses into the camera, and I face away once more. “Well, it’s a relief you escaped whatever was the problem you had back then. Didn’t leave a letter. A fucking note. Never tried to find me.” A sound like a strangled laugh leaves her. “But that shouldn’t surprise me, right? It’s not like you’re that much of a fan of telling the truth. I mean...” I turn to meet her eyes. Vivian’s standing, the camera forgotten. Her delicate hands have curled in fists, and in her eyes there’s more disappointment than rage. It slices through me harder than anger would. “You are a fucking shifter, Austin. A shifter. And I’ve never known.”
My heart aches so hard at that moment. It withers inside my chest, and there’s so much pain. For years I have ignored this. Ignored the pain I knew I had brought to her. But I had had my hands tied. My parents knew as much. It was too dangerous to let her know what happened.
But times changed.
“Vivian,” I say, locking our gazes and willing her to see through me, “I’m no liar.”
“You never said you were a shifter.”
“I never said I wasn’t. Besides, you know it was different back then. Being a shifter is hard now, but back then? That would have gotten us killed.”
She scoffs, bending behind the camera. “Please, Austin. You make it sound like there’s a mafia out there to hunt shifters.”
“We are hunted.” I take a step in her direction but she doesn’t face me. “But that’s not the point. If I had told you, and someone found out, I’d put you in danger.”
Vivian cocks her head, her hair cascading down a shoulder. Fuck, I miss those curls. I miss roping them between my fingers and smelling them. She places a hand to her waist. “Oh, so that’s all because of me? You’re going to say you ran because of me too?”
My hands dropping to my sides, I shake my head. “No. Someone threatened us. Andy Layne. Remember him?”
She blinks several times, the creases on her forehead soften. “The football captain?”
I nod, my muscles unwinding as she listens to me. “He was also a shifter. Wolf. His entire family was.” Her brows hike up her forehead. “Remember how he was always picking fights?”
“Yeah,” she breathes out. “Such a sucker. He thought he was the center of the universe.”
I shrug. “He was into that Janine girl, remember? It looks like she told him she wouldn’t go to the ball with him because she wanted me to ask her. And I wouldn’t ask her because I was going with you.” Another shake of my head. “Anyway, she said she’d go out with him if he made me regret rejecting her.”
Vivian steps away from the camera, her body facing me. “Fuck, I can’t believe you got in a fight with one of the Laynes. Everybody knew they owned the city.”
“That’s the thing. Andy threatened to tell everyone I was a shifter. Unless I disappeared. I may have punched him, his father went after mine a couple of days after that, and made it clear that he would destroy our lives.” And we knew that he meant it. Their pack was huge. They could easily kill us. My father’s also a fox but my mother isn’t, and that’s the entirety of my family.
Vivian presses a hand to her chest, curling her upper lip. “Fuckers. I’ve always hated their lot. Had no idea they were shifters themselves.”
I nod, staring at her and waiting for her next move. Hoping, against all hope, she’s forgotten she’s hated me for years.
But by the way her shoulders bunch together, I know it will not be this easy. She releases her breath and her attention focus on her camera. Professional mode. “That sucks, Austin. I’m sorry about that.”
I stare at her through the lenses, hoping for any other sign she’s forgiving me. “That’s that?”
She peers over the camera. “That’s what?”
“Are we good?”
The words seem to send a shiver down her body. She swallows and a brow cocks. “Well. You could have given me any sort of heads-up...”
“Vivian,” I sigh, motioning with my arms in frustration.
She raises a hand. “Austin. It’s been years. I’m sorry I acted out. Let’s move on, you kno
w?” With a soft smile, she flips her mane of a hair over a shoulder. “Life’s too short for this. And I want to finish this shooting today.”
With a huff, I cross my arms over my chest and follow her instructions through another set of poses. It’s not bad to watch her bent over the camera, her glorious rack up in the air. I just wish I was standing behind her to have a better view.
“So, are you dating?” The words escape me before I notice. It’s my fox. He’s pissed at me.
She peeks from behind the camera again, her eyes crinkling with humor. “No. Are you?”
“No.” So she is single. I grin at her, already listing in my head the places I will take her. Woo her. The things we could do together.
“Are you asking me because one of your friends is interested?” She says with a smirk. “Because I’m hoping it’s Hunter. Is Hunter single?”
My heart drops to my stomach. “I can’t believe you’re asking me this.”
She chuckles, waving a hand. “I just wanted to see how insulted you would get.”
“There are other single men interested in you here, don’t date my boss.”
She shimmies her shoulders. “Other men? Do you mean Nolan?”
“No!” I huff out, curling my hands in fists. I know she’s teasing, but that’s such a soft spot. “Are you kidding me?”
“Because Nolan said I looked gorgeous, so I thought...”
“You’re such a tease,” I say, shaking my head. “You’re torturing me, and I can’t say you’re not to blame.”
She winks. “True that.”
Another snap of her camera. “So. I was talking about me.”
She doesn’t come up. “I expected as much.”
“I still think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” My heart’s on my sleeve, or it would be if I was wearing one, but the glare she shoots me tells me she doesn’t care.
“So what? You’ve had your chance, and you missed this train, Austin.” She stands, motioning for her delectable body. “Exes are supposed to stay in the past. Don’t even try. You’re wasting your time.” Clearing her throat, she looks away. “We’re done. Would you mind calling the next one?”
I think about arguing it. I think about staying and forcing her to face me. Maybe, maybe I should just kiss her and show her how we still fit perfectly. My fox begs me to take that path. To claim her, to drop to my knees and ask for forgiveness.
But I won’t. Not like this, and not now. She has no reason, and I’ve lived enough knowing she wouldn’t want me back.
So I turn my back to her and stride after the others, picking my shirt and darting to the back of the station, where we have a fitness area. I need to sweat this off, this tension, this anger. Only then I’ll be able to face her again. To think of a proper way to approach her.
If there’s a chance we’ll work. If there’s a sliver of hope. Because if there is, I’m grasping it with both hands.
5
VIVIAN
You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
That’s one of the sentences I have told my friends thousands of times. In bathroom stalls, inside crowded nightclubs. Cigarette smoke tainting my hair as I guided them to a side and patted their backs as they puked the contents of their stomachs. Too drunk to take the right decisions, too upset to care about them. They’d pick their phones and threaten to message exes, flings, boys they flirted with but left them hanging.
I was the responsible one. The friend who kept them from screwing their nights like that. No one wants to be the crazy ex come morning light, and I made sure none of my friends committed that sin.
Life takes some twisty, crazy turns. Because from the girl who shared body-positive images and inspirational quotes about forgetting your ex, I’ve just found out one dreadful, awful piece of trivia about myself.
I still have the hots for my ex.
This was not supposed to happen. I mean, when you have a friend that’s always talking about exes belonging to the past, you don’t expect them to have any sort of reaction if they ever come to meet a former flame. You can only preach what you practice.
And the way my body’s reacting to Austin is so wrong.
His auburn hair still catches the light just right. The pair of hazel eyes that gapes at me is still the very same. They still hold the same understanding, the same curiosity. And I can even read attraction in them as he takes a tour of my body.
He can eye me as much as he wants. It’s not like I’m keeping my eyes to myself.
Damn, he’s looking fine. All rippling muscles and a damn good-looking ass. Exes shouldn’t be allowed to get hotter. That’s not fair, at all. And a firefighter? Ridiculous.
My job is ruined. That’s all I can say. This sucker of my ex manages to be hotter than all these other shifters combined. And even when the others come back and I snap more pictures, I can’t get my mind off him.
An hour later, we’re back to group pictures, just to be sure I have everything I need. Austin’s called back, and I grind my jaw in hostility. How does this man manage? I’m in a freaking shifters-only fire station, all kinds of hot men around me. Some are even hitting on me. But his gaze is the only one that makes my body both warm and cold.
And I hate it.
“Well, that covers it, guys,” I say as I shut the camera off. The men clap and Hunter strides to me with a smile.
“So, do you think it’s going to be of some use? A bunch of rough guys, not used to be in front of a camera...” He teases with a grin. I wish he would ask me out on a date. That would get my mind off freaking Austin.
“It will do, I’m sure.” Pressing a hand to my waist, I flip my hair over a shoulder and smile the best flirty smile I can. Am I this interested in Hunter? No. Not while Austin’s standing right behind him, taking all of my brain space. But fake it ‘til you make it, right? “Hope I haven’t bothered you guys too much.”
Hunter shakes his head. “Of course not. It’s been a pleasure.” He offers a hand for me to shake. I do, with disappointment settling on my stomach. He’s not asking me out. I can feel it. A moment later, he juts a thumb over his shoulder. “Austin will help you carry your things back to your car.”
“Oh, that’s not—” I try, I do try to stop it from happening, but Hunter’s gone. Almost as if he’s pretending not to listen to me.
Austin stands two feet from me with his arms crossed over his chest. He has that lopsided grin across his face, and I’m forced to roll my eyes.
“What?” He chuckles as he picks my camera bag and opens it.
“It’s just that I’m trying to get rid of you, and you keep showing up.” I bend to free my camera off the tripod and put it inside the bag.
“Get rid of me? How rude.” Austin presses a hand to his chest in mock offense, grinning like he has this entire thing under control.
I squint at him as I come up. “Whatever plan you have going on inside your mind, you can drop it. And wipe that smirk off your handsome face or I will.”
His smirk widens, his eyes glinting. “My handsome face?”
What? Did I say that? Fuck. “That’s not what I meant.”
“What did you mean, then? Pray, tell.”
“Nothing,” I hiss as I fold my tripod and shove it inside its bag. Who the hell does he think he is? Twisting the questions and smiling at me like that. As if I’d fall for that easily. As if I were easy prey. Which I’m not.
I am so not.
Slinging the tripod and camera bags over a shoulder, I stand up straight, tilting my chin to look at Austin. “Well. I guess that’s it.” I shoot a hand out in a professional manner. “Good seeing you again. Goodbye.”
He takes my hand in his, that stupid smirk across his face. But when our skins touch, the contact becomes searing. As if touching an exposed wire, electricity runs up my hand, taunting my muscles until my arm’s rigid. I want to pull back, and I try to, but I can’t. My hand is glued to his as a lick of flame co
urses through my body.
When I manage to release his hand, I’m breathless. Gasping for air as I look up at Austin with wide eyes. I expect him to smirk wider and joke, but his features have changed.
The smirk is nowhere to be seen. His forehead is creased as he gawks at me, his jaw slack.
Then he had the same damn reaction. Good.
I step back, more like a scared animal than a brave woman who knows she has an effect on her ex. “Bye,” I mouth before I twirl around and dart out of the place. Air’s not coming in, and I touch a hand to my chest. My heart’s hammering inside my ribcage, galloping like crazy.
Calm down. Calm down. That’s nothing, that means nothing.
Sun threatens to blind me as I walk out into the street, blinking against the stark light. The rays hit my cheeks and I look around for my car. I can’t even remember where I left it.
I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have done this. This was silly. All I wanted was for some shifter to notice me, and what I got was the reminder I’m not over my ex. I’m not over how he made me feel alive. Adored. Loved.
You know. While it is always best to believe in yourself, a little help from others can be a great blessing, and he did spoil me rotten.
My car comes into view and I almost run in its direction.
“Vivian!” Austin calls from behind, and I curse under my breath. “Vivian, wait!”
Damn short legs, I can’t run from him. Even when I’m digging my hand into the bag, looking for the car keys, I’m not fast enough. He reaches me in two seconds, leisure steps as he keeps my pace.
“What?” I roar in his direction, but he’s not stunned.
“Let’s talk about this.”
“About what?”
I reach my car and find the keyhole in the first try. But as I twist it and pull the door open, Austin slams his hand on it, shutting it again. I turn to glare at him, and his damn hazelnut eyes look freaking honey in sunlight. Hell, why does he have to be so freaking handsome?
“About us,” he breathes, so gently it makes me stop. Just stop and listen to him. “We have unfinished business and you know that.”