“Damn it,” Mia said under her breath, feeling the panic rising in her throat. From the trees surrounding them, they began to emerge, one by one.
A large black wolf, as dark as the night, stepped forward first. He raised his head to the sky and howled. Mia's blood ran cold, and she clutched Rowan closer to her. The others followed soon after, wolves of varying sizes, but all of them were dark and threatening. They joined the black wolf, harmonizing with his howls into the night.
"It's Grey," Mia said, her voice shaky. Her fingers felt numb, and not even Rowan's thick fur could warm them back to life.
"We should get out of here," Brian said quietly.
"I'm not going without Rowan," Mia said firmly.
"So what are we doing here?" Brian said as he walked closer to the center of the clearing. "We going to stay and fight?" He held out his arms, in a weak attempt to protect Mia and Rowan from the wolves.
"I don't think we have another choice," Mia said.
The wolves didn't make another sound as they inched closer towards the trio. They jumped from the trees on the hill down into the small clearing, circling menacingly around them, their bodies low to the ground. They were enormous, much larger up close than when they had first appeared.
Mia stood next to Brian, reaching down to grab a large stick from the ground. It was thick and sturdy, and she wasn’t certain just how much damage it would do, but it would have to be enough. After all, she had the strength of a bear beside her. The wolves were even closer now, and Mia stared right into Grey’s eyes. She would hit him first, she decided. He had been the source of enough violence in her life.
“Right when I put on clothes…” Brian started, but before he could finish he bent over at the waist, holding his arms out in front of him. In an instant, he contorted and twisted back into a bear. He roared up into the sky, and the wolves seemed to step back a few inches. Mia held tightly to the stick in her hands. She swung it from side to side at a wolf that was getting to close to her. She wondered which ones were Craig, Trent, and Rico, and wondered if they’d try to attack her first or let Grey make the first move. The wolf bent low, avoiding the stick, keeping its eyes locked onto hers. Mia’s knees felt weak, and suddenly she wasn’t so sure about their plan.
Brian roared, a staggered string of guttural cries ripping harshly from his throat. His breath made small clouds from his muzzle, and to Mia's surprise, he lifted himself up on his hind legs, swatting his massive paws in front of him in warning. The wolves began to growl now, one at a time as they watched Brian. The clearing became a standoff, with neither side willing to make the first move. It was agonizing for Mia.
She looked over at the fallen tree, where Rowan lay. Rage welled up inside of her. If she had to fight, she would fight for Rowan, whether he was still alive or not. She raised the stick high above her head and rushed straight for the black wolf, Grey.
Brian ran diligently beside her, his breaths laborious as his enormous body of muscle and fur carried him. With a piercing cry that tore at her throat, Mia swung the stick at the black wolf. The wolf was too quick, and grabbed for the stick, ripping it roughly out of Mia’s hands. Mia stumbled back, losing her balance, but she kept her feet firmly on the ground. The other wolves watched them, waiting for their chance to attack. Mia wondered why they didn’t just attack them at once.
The black wolf swiveled around and rushed for her, but Brian swung his paw at it. His claws were like long daggers, swishing quickly through the air. It made contact with the black wolf, knocking it onto its side. The other wolves growled in protest and charged for Brian and Mia.
One of them, a smaller wolf in the pack, lunged for Brian’s shoulder, latching on with his jaws. Brian reared back in protest as he shook the creature from his back.
Mia was already losing hope. There was no way they could take down all of them, even if they tried. But before she had another chance to think of a new plan, the black wolf stood over her. The air around them grew cold, and the wolf shook back and forth until he revealed himself as a human. Mia didn’t want to look at him. She couldn’t bear to see Grey’s face again. But something about him seemed off.
“It looks like we’ve finally found you,” a deep voice said. Mia opened her eyes. It wasn’t Grey at all. Instead, a large man with dark skin stared down at her. A large scar stretched from his forehead to his left cheek. Unlike Brian and Rowan when they shifted back, the man was actually wearing clothes, a plain sweater over some jeans.
“Who are you?” Mia asked. The man nodded at the other wolves, and one by one they began to shift into men and women. They had an air about them, a mysterious aura as if they were part of an ancient tradition.
“We’re old friends of Rowan,” the man said.
Brian shifted back into a man, gathering his clothes from the forest floor in a huff. The wolf closest to Brian was a young boy, about the same age as Rowan, when he had first turned. His eyes were bright, shining in the moonlight, which revealed a soft set of freckles on his nose.
"Sorry about that," the boy said to Brian, pointing at Brian's shoulder. "Got a little carried away." Brian nodded at him while still in shock from the sight of all the shifters surrounding them.
“Now, let’s see what we can do for our friend, shall we?” The man said as he headed for the fallen tree. “It looks like we have some catching up to do.”
CHAPTER 16: THE PAST
The pack functioned as if it were a busy hive of bees. Each shifter had their particular task, all for the purpose of setting up a camp further into the woods. Mia and Brian had followed them to their meeting ground shortly after they had pried Rowan from under the tree. Rowan was still a wolf, and the man had looked down at him with sorrow as he carried him through the forest with ease.
Mia perched herself near the fire, which was being built by the young boy who had attacked Brian. She stared at the fresh flames that were struggling and smoking under a loose pile of sticks, trying to grow brighter and hotter. Tents had been set up, creating a circle of safety around the fire. Mia watched as the shifters worked. It was if they had done this routine many times.
The man emerged out of a tent, his face grim. He took a seat next to Mia.
“He’s going to be okay,” he said.
Mia sighed with relief. Finally, just for a moment, she could get her head straight now that she knew Rowan wasn’t on the edge of life and death.
“What did you do?” Mia asked.
“What we always do with gunshot wounds,” the man said. “Fortunately the bullet was easy to retrieve. We’ve had some bad scrapes in the past with hunters.”
He looked down at his hands, still slightly caked with Rowan’s blood. A woman handed him a washcloth and he gently wiped away at his fingers with it. When he was pleased with the cleanliness, he held out his hand for Mia to shake.
“I’m Josiah,” he said. “Alpha of the Lost Shadow Pack.”
Mia almost hesitated to shake his hand, but then she clutched it, regardless, feeling his warm hand still damp from the washcloth. She tried not to think about Rowan’s blood. She realized that this was the wolf that Rowan had seen at the waterfall the other day, the one that he didn’t want to tell her too much about.
“I’m Mia,” she said. “Sorry for trying to attack you. I thought you were someone else.”
“You mean the wolves from the town nearby?” Josiah asked.
“Yeah,” Mia said. “How did you know?”
“We smelled them out when we had first arrived. We thought it was strange that they weren’t marking their territory, though.”
“Do you know them?” Mia asked. “Is that why you’re here? I’m still new to this whole wolf pack thing. I’m not sure if you keep in touch with other packs like you.”
Josiah looked at the young boy, still poking at the fire. “Tex, I think that fire’s looking good,” he said in a fatherly tone. “Why don’t you see what Raquel is up to?” The young boy nodded, his gaze floating between Josiah and Mia.
He knew something serious was about to be discussed and he hurried away.
“We’re not here for the other wolves,” Josiah said, getting straight to business. Mia admired his no-nonsense attitude, although his serious tone made her feel unsettled.
“You’re here for Rowan,” she said with certainty.
Josiah nodded solemnly. “I didn’t want Tex to hear,” he said, looking over at the young boy. He still had a youthful glow around him, like he wasn’t quite sure about the dangers of the world just yet. “Maturing as a shifter is a strenuous process,” Josiah explained. “I should have been more careful when I was training Rowan.”
“So you were the wolf he was talking about,” Mia said. “I heard he didn’t agree with some of your methods of teaching.”
"That's true," Josiah said. "Rowan was such a strong boy, with plenty of potential. But there was something holding him back."
“Me,” Mia guessed.
But Josiah shook his head. “That’s partially correct,” he said. “Rowan felt that he was responsible for you. He protected you once, long ago, but he felt that by being with us he was just wasting the time he could spend with you.”
“What about his trigger?” Mia asked. “Brian said that once you revealed that it was me, Rowan left.”
“Rowan left because of his guilt,” Josiah corrected. “He had made some mistakes. I’m sure he’s told you about that girl that was attacked. But he may have not told you about this.” He pointed to the long, ragged scar that dragged down over his eye.
“Rowan gave you that?” Mia asked, feeling a lump in her throat. “That’s just part of it, but yes,” Josiah said. “We were trying to teach him to shift back. It’s not always a grueling process, but it does take time. If he had stayed, he would have been able to control himself to the point where he wouldn’t have to be in pain.”
Mia stared down at the crackling fire. The smoke burned her nostrils, and she stared at it as it rose towards the treetops. "Rowan was having trouble," Josiah said. "Not every trigger comes from a direct cause as he thinks. Behind every trigger, there's an emotion attached, a much deeper meaning than what appears on the surface."
“What do you mean?” Mia asked.
“I could see why Rowan thought it was you,” Josiah said. “But if he had just tried to understand, he would have realized that there’s something hidden behind his fear. Unfortunately, he was still wild, and he lashed out. It scarred me physically, but I think it was his own guilt that scarred his mind. He ran from the Lost Shadows, and we’ve been trying to find him ever since.”
"Seems like a lot of work for you to come all the way out here," Mia said.
Josiah shrugged. "Because of Rowan's mistake, we've been chased from our land for the time being," he explained. "Hunters spread through the area, picking off some of our kind. Shifters have to be especially careful. If one of us makes a mistake, the rest of us will suffer."
Mia pondered Josiah's words carefully. She gazed at the worn faces of the other shifters as they set up their tents for the night. Who knew how long they'd been living like this?
"I know we might seem destitute," Josiah said. "Some shifters can keep their secret, like Rowan. But before he ran away, he was just as broken as these people were. The Lost Shadows exist for those who don't have a pack to belong to. We're not a gang or a club that meets for fun on the weekends. We're a family, made up of outcasts."
"Then why doesn't Rowan want to go back?" Mia asked quietly. "Rowan is fighting something deep inside of himself," Josiah said. "There comes a point where our training can only go so far. When it comes to the ghosts that haunt us, one can only find an answer in oneself."
“So, you’re not upset about what happened?” She asked. “Even when Rowan forced you guys out from your home?”
"No," Josiah said. "Rowan had made a mistake and a dangerous one at that. But like I said, we're a family. We will grow and learn to try again."
Mia stared down at her boots. She thought of what would have happened if these wolves had been Grey and his pack instead of the Lost Shadows. She had felt so helpless, and knew that if Rowan could have been there then maybe they would have had a better chance. But there was something else conflicting with that belief in her mind. It picked at her brain, and soon she could see a new possibility.
"Can I see him?" She asked.
Rowan was surrounded by several pack members, each of them cleaning up blood, bandaging the wound on his shoulder, or placing a cloth over his head. Brian was there, checking on Rowan’s condition. He could barely fit inside the tent. The others worked carefully and efficiently. As soon as Mia entered the tent, they lowered their eyes, collected their materials and shuffled past her without words.
Brian reached over, patting Rowan’s forehead. “Hang in there, buddy,” he said as he headed towards the tent’s opening. “He’s all yours,” he said to Mia jokingly.
Mia looked at the tired and battered Rowan resting on a cot, his skin on his chest gleaming with sweat. His eyes fluttered open, and he tried to sit up as soon as he saw Mia.
“You’re here,” Rowan whispered hoarsely. Mia sat on the edge of the cot, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Of course I am," she said quietly as she ran her hand along his dirty cheek.
Listen," Rowan said. "About what happened...?”
“Don’t worry,” Mia said. “I know it was an accident. Josiah cleared up some things for me.”
“I see you’ve met the Lost Shadows, then,” Rowan said, a slight hint of bitterness in his voice. “I didn’t think they cared for me enough to come all the way out here.”
Mia reached for his hand, running her thumb softly against the top of it. “They’re running, Rowan. Just like you.”
“Because of me,” Rowan said, defeated. “Just add it to the list, I guess.”
“But they came back for you anyway,” Mia countered. “They’re just trying to help.”
“Now you sound like one of them,” Rowan said, inching himself lower towards the bed. He winced as the bandages crinkled against his shoulder. Mia could tell he was getting annoyed with her, but there was no way she was going to let him fight against what was good for him.
“I don’t care if I sound like one of them,” Mia said. “I’ve realized that the Lost Shadows and I have something in common.”
“And what is that?”
“That we care about you, deeply enough to be fighting for you.”
Rowan’s jaw clenched. The shadows from a nearby lantern flickered over his face. It reminded Mia of the night she had embraced him, seeing him covered by that same shadow looming over him. “The first step to cleaning up your mistake is to realize you’ve made one,” Mia said. “The least you could do is try to know that these people don’t hate you.”
“How could I?” Rowan asked. “And how could you not? I’ve hurt you already, Mia. Look.” He gestured towards Mia’s bandaged hand over his. “How many more times can I mess up before I lose you again?”
“It was an accident,” Mia said. “I’m more upset that you’re not willing to try to get over what should have been left in the past.”
She had hoped that Rowan would somehow understand, maybe hear the strain in her voice desperately trying to call him back. She knew Rowan would feel alone if he finished training with the Lost Shadows.
“Please, Rowan,” she said. “You can go back. Finish your training. Learn something from this.”
"My whole life has been made up of mistakes," Rowan said, his voice tense. "I don't think there's anything they can do for me now."
"What about me?" Mia asked. She felt Rowan stiffen beside her. "Was I a mistake to you? What about when I gave myself to you? Was that a mistake too?" She could feel her voice getting louder, but she suppressed herself before she started raving again as she had done with Louise at the diner.
Rowan fiddled with the edge of the blanket around him.
“Josiah told me something,” Mia said.
“Josiah
doesn’t know-“
“Quiet!” Mia commanded. She could feel Rowan’s shock emanating from him. She had never talked this way to him, not even when they were young. But there was something Rowan had to hear. As far as Mia knew, it was what was best for Rowan.
“You can only be helped so much. There’s something inside of you; something that only you have to deal with. Now whether you accept help is up to you. But if you’re so afraid of losing me, just know that it’s not going to be because you’re scared of biting me again.”
“What do you mean?” Rowan asked. The concern was rising in his voice. “Mia, what are you doing?” His voice was hard to hear. He sounded scared, childlike even. “You sound like you’re saying goodbye,” Rowan said.
Mia’s heart hammered against her chest, blood pounding in her ears. She couldn’t bear to say goodbye, and she knew that she wasn’t. She did know something, though, that she had put so much into Rowan when really she knew what she had to do.
“I’m not saying goodbye,” she said. “But I will if we both can’t learn to get ourselves under control.”
“Mia,” Rowan said, so quietly that it made Mia’s heart break even more.
“Josiah’s words weren’t just for you,” she said. “In fact, I think I learned something from them myself.”
“No,” Rowan said. “You’re not doing what I think you are.” He tried to sit up, but he clutched at his wound, angry. “Mia, you’ll be killed!”
“I know,” she said. “I almost was when I ran from the cabin. But he’s still out there, Rowan.”
“Then just wait for me,” he said. “I’ll recover, and we can do this together.”
“You’ve done enough for me,” Mia said. “I know you feel upset that you couldn’t be here to help me after you became a shifter. But that’s all in the past now. It was wrong of me to force my mistakes onto you. I’ve been trying to get you to fight this with me, only to realize that maybe I should fight this myself.”
“We can be there for each other!” Rowan argued, but Mia’s mind was racing down a one-way street.
Seeking The Alpha (Wolf Pack Chronicles Series Book 1) Page 11