by Mac Hyman
The band struck up, and the General began stepping up to each one of them to pin the medal on, and I could hear Ben give a sigh each time he done it.
“An Air Medal!” Ben said. “Just like that! And we . . . we . . .”
“Yeah, Ben,” I said, “but if we had of stayed in that plane, we would be dead and . . .”
But then Ben said, “Hush, listen . . .” because the General was stepping back up to the loud-speaker again. He tapped on it a couple of times with his finger and then he stood there a minute clearing his throat while some of the newspapermen took pictures of him, and then he pulled out this other piece of paper and got himself a deep breath, and got started up again. He went off slow at first, saying how he had some other medals to award and how he was proud to do it and all like that, just getting kind of warmed up; and the first thing I knowed he was talking about us. I looked at Ben and said, “Listen, Ben, he’s . . .” but Ben already was; he waved his hand at me, and I turned back to listen, and by this time the General was going pretty strong too, taking on over me and Ben. And he really done a job of it too. It was a lot better than any of the rest of them—he said as how we had give our lives for our country which was about as far beyond the call of duty as you could get, and how we reflected glory on ourselves and on the Air Force, and practically everywhere else, and then that for Will Stockdale Deceased and Ben Whitledge Deceased, he didnt have just one medal, but two, the Air Medal and Purple Heart both!
* * *
And when I heered that I reached over and slapped Ben on the back and said, “Listen to that, will you? We got two medals, Ben. We got two medals, and we aint even dead!”
But Ben begun shaking his head from side to side, saying, “No, we aint. Not really we aint. When they find out we aint dead . . .”
“When they find out, they’ll probably give us one for pulling each other out, Ben. Why, doggit, you know they will!”
But he shook his head again and started climbing down off the box, saying, “There aint no use talking about it. We might as well go on back and get it over with.”
So we climbed down and headed on back toward the Orderly Room with Ben looking so droopy, it’s a wonder he could even make it. He just plodded along with his head hanging down, and when they started on another lively march with the drums going and everything, he didnt even try to keep in step with it.
23
I tried to perk Ben up by walking in step and strutting to the music and marching backward and all like that, but he wouldnt even look at me. So finally I cut that out and got to talking about how everybody was going to be surprised to see us, and how glad they was going to be to find out we was still alive, and all like that, thinking it might perk him up a bit. I said, “Just wait until Sergeant King sees us. Wont that be something, though?” and I took on about it a good bit that way.
And it did come off pretty good there at first too. Sergeant King was so surprised when we came in through the door, he didnt even believe it for a few minutes. He was setting there reading a magazine with his feet propped up on the desk; and when we stepped in and I said, “Well, I bet you never expected to see us no more, but here we air!” he was so surprised, he wouldnt even look at us for a minute, and just kept setting that way for the longest sort of time before he finally come around to peeping over the top of his magazine at us. And then he let the magazine fall right out of his hands and leaned forward staring kind of popeyed at us, muttering under his breath, “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”
So I said, “Didnt I tell you he would be surprised, Ben?” and Ben stepped up and said, “Will Stockdale and Ben Whitledge reporting for duty after a unforeseen delay,” and said it real snappy, looking like he felt a lot better already.
But Sergeant King set there not answering or saying nothing for a while, just staring from one to the other with his feet still up on the desk and leaning forward so that he was bent about double, which was a right uncomfortable way of setting; but he stayed like that not saying nothing for the longest sort of time, and when he finally did come around to opening his mouth, he said in a real low, hoarse voice, “Why aint yall dead?” which really warnt much to say at all.
But I said, “We got on the train and come back. We was a little late because we ran out of money but we made it all right. We . . .”
“You aint dead,” he said. “You aint dead . . .”
“I just told you,” I said. “We . . .”
But he kept on staring that way, and said, “You aint dead and I’m the one that went down there and identified your remains and . . .”
“Well, that was just a mistake,” I said. “Because we aint dead, no matter what you say, and . . .”
“Your dog tags was there,” Sergeant King said. “I seen them and I seen some of your clothes and the whole tail end of that airplane was burned and I was the one that had to make the report and I thought . . .”
“Sho,” I said. “I know what you thought because we was just down by the parade and . . .”
And then all of a sudden he hopped up and both feet hit the floor and he yelled out like he was about half-crazy, “The parade! The parade!”
“Now, look,” I said. “That aint no way to act, is it? Here me and Ben is alive and you . . .”
But then he started looking this way and that like he didnt have good sense, and all of a sudden he started bounding across the room, and then stopped and come back, and then his eyes lighted up again, and he went bounding back across the room again heading for the door and calling out, “Lieutenant! Lieutenant!” and slamming the door right in our faces.
So I said to Ben, “Well, I wouldnt pay no attention to him. He’s always acted kind of peculiar like that,” because you could tell Ben was already getting worried. But then there was a lot of commotion and talking in the other room, and then all of a sudden the door flung open and the Lieutenant stood staring at us a second, and then he yelled out, “Dont move! Dont move!” and slammed the door again, which made Ben jump. And then he opened it up again and yelled out, “If you move, I’ll have you shot!” which mighty near scared him to death, it looked like.
I said, “Well, hit’s just that they are kind of surprised right now. Later on, they’ll be more glad to see us.”
“There aint no telling what they’ll do with us,” Ben said. “If we’d have gotten in the infantry like I’ve wanted to all my life we’d never been in this mess. Now, like I say, there aint no telling what they’ll do with us.”
“Well, I wouldnt feel that way,” I said. “It’s just that they are kind of upset right now and later on after they get accustomed to it, I’ll mention it to them about them medals and . . .”
But then the door flung open again and Sergeant King and the Lieutenant come out again, and this time they was talking awful rough, it seemed like. The Lieutenant lit into us again, wanting to know what we was doing alive, and I told him about it, and he raved around a few minutes, not making good sense, and then he started in on Sergeant King again, wanting to know all about it, and got right ornery about it before it was over. Sergeant King explained to him how he found the dog tags and some of our clothes and all like that, and told him how the back end of the plane was burned, and told him how he figgered we was dead, and all like that, but then the Lieutenant busted in on him, and said, “Sergeant King, you can say nearly anything you want to me, but if you explain to me one more time how you knew they were dead, that’s going to be the end of you! Now you get to the General in a hurry and dont fool around about it—tell him to leave their names off the list. Tell him just not to mention them because they’ve got the newspapers down there and everybody else, including the Mayor—it’s the only thing I know to do right now because if he gets up there and gives them a medal for being dead while both of them are sitting right here in this office alive and the newspapers ever find out, he’ll be the laughingstock . . . Get out of here and hurry,” he shouted. “By God, step on it!”
Then Sergeant King went bounding out of t
he front door like he was in a race or something, and then the Lieutenant started in on us again but couldnt think of much to say, and finally just stopped with his finger up in the air and said, “Get in that office there and shut the door. And stay there! And if anybody comes in, you tell them you’re John Jones and Jack Smith—do you understand that now?”
“They’s just one thing,” I said. “About them medals . . .”
“Get in there!” he yelled.
So me and Ben went in the other office and he slammed the door shut, and we waited in there for a while, and then in a little bit there was another commotion in the outside office; and we heered the Captain say, “I dont believe it!” and then the door flung open again and the Lieutenant was pointing at us and the Captain was staring at us, and the Captain said, “Are you sure?” and the Lieutenant said, “Sure, I’m sure!”
“What’s your names?” the Captain asked us.
“I’m John Jones and this here is Jack Smith, sir,” I said.
Then the Captain looked at the Lieutenant and said, “Listen, Jim, if you’re trying to pull my leg, it’ll be the last time because that’s carrying joking too far, joking over the dead . . .”
“Dead! There they sit, right there, and they aint any more dead than you are! That idiot gave those names just because I told him to say that. That’s them all right. Sergeant King identified them!”
“Well, I’m beginning to think that dont mean too much,” the Captain said. “Seems like Sergeant King identified them the other time too . . .”
“It’s them,” the Lieutenant said. “I remember that long moronic-looking one myself. I’m trying to keep them hid back here until we figure something out. I’m telling you, Tom, if the General gets up there and gives them medals . . .”
“Well, come on,” the Captain said. “Let’s get something done about it . . .”
Then he went out and the Lieutenant started to shut the door, but then he looked back at us and yelled out again, “If you move from there, I’ll have you shot!” and slammed the door, and Ben turned white as a ghost again.
“Look,” I said. “Things will be all right once they calm down a bit. Maybe we’ll get to see the General and I’ll talk to him and . . .”
“I wish I had never got off that plane,” Ben said. “I wish I’d stayed on it even if it killed me.” He set there with his face in his hands, then set up blinking his eyes while outside in the other office they kept going at each other, running around and banging doors, with Ben jumping every time one banged, and it got right tiresome after a while. We set there and listened, and then I rolled a cigarette and smoked it, and then there was some more talking, and after a little bit I heered the front door slam again and the Lieutenant say, “What did the General do?”
And then I heered Sergeant King’s voice say: “Sir, I reported to the General and informed him as to the situation and advised him that under the very unusual circumstances that he desist in presenting posthumously the medals to the supposed deceased as it has been found that, completely contrary to all intelligence reports to the contrary, that . . .”
“By God!” the Lieutenant said. “Answer my question! Has he already presented the medals or not?”
“Yessir,” Sergeant King said. “He had already done it.”
“Lord,” the Captain said. “Lordy Lord. What did he say then?”
“He said he would be right down, sir. He said for you to hold the men here and not let anybody else know about it . . .”
“What else?”
“He went on to say, sir, that if the news did leak out that he had presented medals to two airmen for bravery beyond the call of duty when those two airmen were sitting right up here fat and healthy in this Orderly Room, he would court-martial every man he could get his hands on in this squadron. . . .”
“And he aint kidding,” the Lieutenant said. “He would eat us alive. Did he add anything further, Sergeant?”
“He said, ‘So help him, God!’ sir.”
“And may the same be applied to you, Sergeant,” the Lieutenant said. “If you have an excuse, I would advise you to start working it out fully right now.”
And they fussed and fumed some more like that in the next room, so finally I took a seat in the Captain’s chair and smoked another cigarette; and then in a little bit I heered this car outside and got up and went to the window in time to see the General come busting out of the back seat, heading for the Orderly Room. Then I heered the door slam again and heered him stomping in saying, “What do you mean, they arent dead!”
“Sir,” the Captain said. “There’s been a slight mix-up and . . .”
“A slight mix-up,” the General bellowed. “You mean I’m in a position where two privates have got me over such a barrel that all they got to do is open their mouths to somebody or just show themselves in public and I’m made the biggest joke in the Air Force, and you call it a slight mix-up! Where are they anyhow? It would be right interesting just to look at two people who practically hold my career in their hands and make me look like the biggest fool that ever graduated from the Point—where are they anyhow?”
“They’re in the next office, sir,” the Captain said. “We kept them hid back there.”
And then the door opened and the General stood there and looked at us a minute, and then the door slammed again, and then they started going through the same stuff again with Sergeant King talking and the Captain talking and the Lieutenant talking, until they finally quieted down a bit, and the General said, “Sergeant, see if you can get General Pollard on the phone for me. I’ve done him many a favor and maybe this time he’ll help me out, because God knows, this is one time I’m going to need it. If we can just handle this thing right, we might be able to work out of it somehow . . . at least, we better, and I’m telling you all that. Get General Pollard on the phone and I’ll talk to him, and then if these boys are willing, I think I might handle it . . . Step on it,” he said, “We’ve got to move fast.”
So they talked a while longer and then the General went to the phone up in the other side of the building where we couldnt hear him and talked up there, and after a bit they quieted down some. So then we didnt hear nothing but mumbling for a while, and then all of a sudden the door started opening real easy and soft which made Ben jump even more than when they was slamming as I guess he had got kind of used to the noise by then; and the General come in with some overcoats over his arm, the others following behind, and he seemed just as pleasant as you could ask. He come in smiling and saying, “Well, boys, it looks like we had a little mix-up, doesnt it?” and then he chuckled a little bit, and said it again, and chuckled some more; and then he said, “Yessir, we sure did, but I guess we can straighten things out, cant we? You can straighten most things out if everybody co-operates—that’s all we need really, just a little bit of co-operation, isnt it?”
Then Ben snapped out, “Yessir,” and the General said, “Well, I’m mighty glad to hear you feel that way about it because if you didnt, there could be all kinds of trouble. You boys could even get court-martialed and sent off to prison, and neither one of you would like that, would you? No sir, so that’s the reason we’re going to straighten things out. I’m going to co-operate with you and you’re going to co-operate with me.”
“Sho,” I said. “And I’m mighty glad you feel that way about it because everybody has been arguing and taking on so much you couldnt make much sense out of them . . .”
“Well, of course they were all right surprised and happy too having you boys back, and they just didnt think how you boys might feel about it, you know.”
“Yessir,” I said. “That’s just what I was telling Ben. I said when everybody got calmed down it would be all right.”
“Yes,” the General said. “I’m glad you told Ben that. But right now, we’ve got to get started on straightening this mess out, havent we? Come on now, I want you to put these overcoats on and pull them way up over your heads, and I’m going to open the trunk of t
he car, and when I say ‘Go,’ I want you boys to run and jump in the trunk, you see. That’s for precaution, just to make sure. Then I’ll close it up and we’ll go to see General Pollard. Is that all right with you boys?”
“Yessir,” Ben said. “We’ll do just what you say.”
And I felt the same because he was a right nice fellow. I figgered it would be hot down in the bottom of that car, but Ben was willing, so I didnt say anything. So then Sergeant King went outside to see if anybody else was around and he come back and said there warnt, and then the General poked his head out the door too, and then come back and said, “Okay now, run for it!” and give Ben a little shove out the door.
So Ben run out and hopped in the back of the car, and then the General started to give me a shove, but I held up a minute to speak with him.
“Run for it,” he said. “What are you standing there for?”
“They’s something I want to see you about,” I said. “Ben, he takes a lot of stock in them medals and things and . . .”
“Look,” the General said. “We can talk about that later, cant we? Hurry up before somebody sees him out there! Hurry now!”
“Well, I dont want to talk about it around Ben, you see. I mean he’s kind of particular sometimes and might not like it, but I was thinking that if you could give us them medals you had, Ben would be mighty grateful and . . .”
My God!” the General said. “I’ve been put over a barrel before but I never had anybody hold me over one the way you do! Hurry up now before somebody sees him and spoils the whole thing!”
“You see, Ben, he kind of figgered with all the rest of them getting one for pulling each other out of that plane, me and him . . .”
“All right!” he yelled. “All right! He’ll get the medal. I’ll see to that myself. What do you want me to do now, swear to it? Get going now, for God’s sake!”