‘Was he?’
‘It’s hypothetical, Worthing. Work with me on this.’
‘Then yes,’ I said, ‘I could have done what he’d asked. Let Foulnap take Mrs Tiffen, gone on as if nothing had happened. But I didn’t. I did what I felt was right.’
‘The road to Spring is littered with well-intentioned morons,’ remarked Toccata, ‘but I’m satisfied you were acting upon conscience.’
She stared at me again.
‘You met her today, didn’t you?’
‘Yes, ma’am,’ I said, relieved we were moving away from the subject of Logan’s death, ‘she stopped three nightwalkers from eating me. Oh, and she had a message: Queen’s knight takes bishop.’
I decided to leave out the ‘being eaten alive by slime’ part of the message.
‘Queen’s knight takes bishop?’ said Toccata with a sudden burst of bright-eye enthusiasm. ‘An uncharacteristically dumb move, unless . . . unless she’s attempting the courageously risky yet certifiably insane Will Francis Queen & Double Rook Sacrifice. You’d better come in.’
She led me through to her office, which was beyond disordered. Papers and files were stacked almost to the roof and were so precariously balanced they looked as if they might collapse at any second, burying us all. She beckoned for Jonesy to join us, indicated for me to sit, then went to a chessboard set out in mid-game. She moved the knight and picked out the bishop. I noted she was playing black, and had to rotate the board several times so she could see all the pieces.
‘It is the Will Francis,’ she muttered under her breath, then moved her rook. Not to take Aurora’s queen, which was horribly exposed, but to take a pawn and place Aurora’s king in check. ‘Which can,’ she continued, ‘be defeated by the Mays Single Pawn Do-or-Die Offensive.’
I looked at Jonesy, who shrugged.
‘When you see the dopey cow again,’ she said without looking up, ‘queen’s rook takes bishop’s pawn two, check – and tell her from me that I hope she gets the mildew and her tits fall off.’
‘Yes, ma’am,’ I said, still confused. Not by the chess game itself, in which their play might be best described as ‘eccentrically inspiring’, but that they could play each other.
‘Right,’ said Toccata as she sat down behind her desk, ‘to work.’
She looked up and was about to say something, then stopped.
‘Where have you gone, Worthing?’
‘Here,’ I said, sitting precisely where I had been all along.
She turned her head to place me well to the left of her.
‘Of course you are. Jonesy? Explain.’
‘Best move to the other side of the room, Worthing; the Chief can only see the left side of anything.’
I got up and moved as requested, noting that the left side of her desk was clean and orderly while the right was a cluttered mass of old coffee cups, items of dirty washing and forgotten filing. The tower of dusty paperwork was also to her right, where she probably had no idea it existed – along with a stuffed ground sloth that had seen better days. I should have guessed about this, what with Aurora not seeing the left side of anything. I should have foreseen what happened next, too.
‘That’s better,’ said Toccata, studying me intently, ‘now, what’s the deal with your face?’
‘It’s a congenital bone deformity.’
‘On both sides? That’s a serious downer if ever I saw one.’
‘No, it’s just on the left.’
Her eyelid twitched for a moment. If she never saw the right of anything, her visual cortex would make up the shortfall by extrapolation. My left side became the yardstick of both sides. To her, I must have been an intriguing sight. Charlie double-wonky Worthing. But on the plus side, at least my eyes would be on the same level – just low on my face, about the same level as my nose. To her, I must have had a forehead the size of Vermont.
‘What are you sniggering about, Worthing?’
‘Nothing – I just had an amusing thought about Vermont.’
She glared at me with her single eye: powerful, unblinking, straight into my soul. It reminded of being given the eye by Mother Fallopia at the Pool. Even the most badly behaved kids would have their egos reduced to something resembling guacamole by its power.
‘On reflection,’ I added quickly, ‘you’re right – serious downer.’
Aurora Toccata, the Chief Consul of Sector Twelve and also the head of HiberTech Security, was a Halfer. It was less popular these days owing to better recruitment levels and decreased mortality, but some committed Winterers had trained themselves to sleep hemispherically – one side of the brain at a time. It enabled them to be more fully on top of problems, use less pantry and essentially offer the Consular Service two workers for the price of one. Most Halfers exhibited mildly separate personalities, but they at least shared a consciousness and a memory. Unusually, uniquely, even – it seemed that Toccata and Aurora had no idea what the other was up to at all.
‘So, Wonky Worthing,’ said Toccata, ‘you are henceforth inducted into the Consulate Service here in Sector Twelve. Pledge your allegiance and accept the deputisation.’
‘Do I have a choice?’
‘None at all.’
‘Then I accept,’ I said.
‘Wise of you. Now we’ve established that I’m your Chief, fill me in on how you got to the Douzey.’
I repeated what I’d told Jonesy – that after Logan died I’d delivered Mrs Tiffen to The Notable Goodnight at HiberTech, and since Toccata wasn’t about I spoke to Fodder about viral dreams, then was stranded by a stationmaster. Aurora found me a room and suggested I get out on a Sno-Trac.
‘Next thing I know Jonesy is waking me up,’ I concluded.
I didn’t think I’d mention anything about the dreams, nor about talking to Aurora in the Wincarnis. It wasn’t a good start, lying to one’s boss. But I needed to be cautious.
‘Hugo Foulnap?’ she echoed. ‘Seen him since?’
‘No – but Aurora thinks he might not be a Footman at all, but somehow involved with the Campaign for Real Sleep.’
She gazed at me for a moment.
‘A wild accusation, if ever I heard one. She wouldn’t know a real fact if it jumped up and bit her on the arse. I have an idea why Logan brought you here, but what’s confusing me is that Aurora wants you here too.’
‘I’m sorry?’
‘Why do you think she marooned you here?’
‘She didn’t maroon me,’ I said, ‘the stationmaster did.’
‘The lines were down from Slumberdown minus two to plus eight,’ said Toccata. ‘The only way the stationmaster could know if you delayed the train in Cardiff was if Aurora told her. Turn up soon after you missed your train, did she? As if by magic?’
‘Well, yes,’ I said.
‘Did she suggest you shouldn’t tell us you were here?’
I nodded.
‘Exactly. So: why is she interested in you remaining in Sector Twelve?’
I didn’t know quite what to think. Aurora had told me Toccata would be difficult – and unlikely to tell the truth. But now it looked as though Aurora herself might have been manipulative.
‘I don’t know,’ I said again.
Toccata looked at me for almost a minute without saying anything.
‘Where did you meet Aurora today?’
‘The basement of the Siddons.’
‘Met her by accident there too, did you?’
‘Why, yes . . . ’ I stopped. It might not have been an accident there, either. She’d have known I might go to get the Sno-Trac, and it would have been child’s play to empty the air reservoir so I couldn’t start the engine. ‘No, I was . . . ’
I was about to say ‘trying to get a Sno-Trac out of here’ but thought perhaps not.
‘Yes or no? What were you doing?’
‘We were both in the basement of the Siddons. I was . . . on an errand for Porter Lloyd and Aurora was looking for Tricksy walkers to take to HiberTech.’
Toccata grunted and looked at Jonesy.
‘We missed some?’
‘Six,’ said Jonesy with a shrug, ‘Lloyd sent a memo but it was mislaid. Three survived, Wonky retired Baggy and the other two I dealt with.’
‘I don’t like what HiberTech do with them,’ said Toccata. ‘Pull them apart, stick them back together, hope for the best, use them as mindless drones. It’s not dignified, even for a deadhead. What else happened? Leave out nothing.’
I considered my oath carefully. Aurora had specifically told me not to tell anyone. I wasn’t sure, but was an oath made to one of them binding on both? Probably not. But since my oath to Aurora began the moment we tied our walkers to her truck outside the Siddons, anything before this was knowledge I could share.
‘She gave me some advice about early rising,’ I said, feeling uncomfortable under Toccata’s baleful monogaze, ‘eat lots, keep warm, watch out for walkers, avoid Jim Treacle and the drowsies, that kind of stuff – then we parted outside the Siddons.’
‘That’s it?’
‘That’s it.’
She stared at me in silence for a few moments.
‘I dislike many things, but do you know what I dislike most of all?’
‘No, ma’am.’
‘Gaps. I loathe gaps. Gaps in doors, gaps in windows, gaps in bathroom tiles, long gaps between sequels to books. But you know which gaps I hate the most?’
‘No, ma’am.’
‘Gaps in my knowledge. You left the Siddons at 10.30 in Aurora’s command car and met up with Jonesy at midday.’
She tapped her head.
‘I don’t like secrets and I don’t like Aurora. I was going to get married, start a family. Aurora stuck her oar in and Logan hightailed it out of the Sector. That wasn’t enough for her and next thing I know she’s killed him – protecting your useless bony arse. So when a Deputy who has newly arrived in more-than-fishy circumstances has a time gap of ninety minutes, I get seriously pissed off. So let’s start again: what did you two talk about?’
‘We didn’t.’
‘So you said nothing at all over a cosy coffee and sandwich in the Wincarnis?’
My heart sank. The denials meant nothing. She knew – through ShamBob, most likely, or anyone from the Scrabble club. I was a fool to think that there could be any secrets in Sector Twelve. Our meeting had probably already been around the Open Telephone Network. Twice.
‘Just . . . stuff,’ I stammered, ‘gossip, advice.’
‘Oh, wait,’ she said, ‘so you did speak to her. Just a second ago you said you didn’t. You’re a lying little bedshit, Worthing. Do you know the penalty for lying to a Sector Chief?’
I’d grown hot and sweaty by now. A prickly heat was dancing down my back and I could feel beads of sweat on my brow. I’d never had a grilling like this before. I could even see Jonesy beginning to look around, wishing herself out of the office.
‘Dismissal,’ I said.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.’
‘Dismissal.’
‘No, it’s a punch in the eye, then dismissal. Strictly speaking it’s dismissal only, the punch in the eye I added strictly for my own pleasure. Now, let’s start again. What did you talk about?’
I stared at Toccata, then at Jonesy.
‘You’re going to have to tell her,’ said Jonesy.
I sat there, feeling hot and wretched and with a pained expression on my face.
‘Frozen Gronk’s piss in a handbag,’ said Toccata, ‘did she oath you?’
‘No,’ I said, thinking quickly. During the sleepstate, loyalty was often all there was, and I certainly wasn’t going to break a pledge to someone who had saved my pulse twice. But then, I had a thought. If Toccata saw me as wonky on both sides, Aurora must see me as pleasingly physiotypical. Maybe that was why she kissed me at the Wincarnis. She’d found me attractive. I had an idea. Daring, true, but an idea.
‘I didn’t know she was you—’
Toccata thumped her fists on the desk, then rose to her feet.
‘She’s not me. Never assume that she’s anything even like me!’
‘Sorry, I didn’t know you and she . . . didn’t get along. If I had, we wouldn’t have . . . ’
‘Wouldn’t have what?’
‘Wouldn’t have . . . bundled.’
Jonesy coughed almost explosively into her coffee, spilling it all over the carpet, while Toccata merely laughed.
‘We both know that never happened,’ said Toccata. ‘Aurora’s never been fussy over the who and what, but she always goes for lookers. Believe me, you ain’t one of them. I want the truth, or you’ll be mopping toilets until Springrise. With no teeth and broken fingers,’ she added, in case the option sounded in any way attractive.
I stared at her for a moment, then at Jonesy. Oddly, taunts over my appearance always gave me clarity, and renewed confidence.
‘She likes the snow but not the Winter,’ I said, recalling Birgitta’s impassioned description of her husband, ‘values the climb greater than the view from the summit. She doesn’t smile much, but when she does the world smiles with her. She wears Ludlow scent,’ I added in a quiet voice, ‘and has a birthmark the shape of Guernsey right here.’
I touched my fingertip to my chest. There was silence in the room. Toccata glared at me dangerously.
‘I realise it was a huge mistake,’ I said, ‘but an opportunity like that had never come my way before. I was . . . flattered.’
Toccata stared at me, then at Jonesy, then back at me.
‘I had no idea it would anger you. It won’t happen again, I promise.’
‘It had better not or your tongue’s coming out – and not in the painless way.’
Toccata stared at me for a moment, trying to figure, I think, the best course of action. ‘Okay,’ she said, ‘couple of things: when you see Foulnap again you come and see me and me first and – are you listening to this bit?’
‘Yes.’
‘I want to know what Aurora’s up to. You’re not telling me the whole story – I’m not sure you even know the whole story – but I need to know more. Why she’s interested in you. And spoiler alert: it’s not your charm or your looks. She’s a user, and you’re either being used or are about to be.’
‘You want me to spy on her?’
‘Very astute of you. Oh, and double-cross me and you’ll be carrion for the hiburnals come the morning. Welcome to the Douzey. What’s our mission statement again?’
‘That we are to uphold the sanctity of the sleepstate, and ensure the most favourable outcome is enjoyed by the majority.’
‘Good. Might learn something over the Winter. Might have some fun; shit, you might even survive. But treat us like fools, follow a private agenda or undermine us in any way, and I’ll be down on you like a ton of grade “A” glyptodon shit. Do you think I’m speaking metaphorically?’
‘No, ma’am.’
‘Good. Now piss off.’
I stood up, saluted, and walked out of her office. I was sodden with nervous sweat. I found the changing rooms, took off my jacket and leaned against the cold lockers, heart thumping.
HiberTech
‘ . . . Winter bondsman was an occupation that wasn’t universally liked, for obvious reasons. Incautious agreement born of desperation to an overly stringent Winterloan was the number-one cause of personal bankruptcy. Most people call it Coldsharking but bondsmen referred to their trade as “an invaluable service to the wakeratti” . . . ’
– Handbook of Winterology, 4th edition, Hodder & Stoughton
‘I should have told you they were the same person,’ said Jonesy when she found me sitting in the staff rec room,
head in hands, ‘sorry about that.’
I looked up. She was trying to hide a smile and not doing it very well.
‘To be honest,’ she added, ‘your face was pretty funny when you saw her. Like that time we were at Glastonbury together and Piano Keyes fell off the stage. Remember?’
‘No.’
‘It wasn’t funny when he fell off the stage, or not funny your face, or no, you don’t remember the time we were at Glastonbury?’
‘Some, all, I don’t know. Well, okay, sort of funny,’ I added, giving her a half-smile to at least pretend I was being a good sport. But it wasn’t funny right now. Far from it. And we were never at Glastonbury together, with or without Piano Keyes. She was making up nostalgia, and wasn’t particularly good at it.
‘Can I ask a question?’ I said.
‘Shoot.’
‘How can Toccata be a Chief Consul with a split consciousness?’
‘One could ask just as easily how Aurora can be the Head of HiberTech Security with the same problem. It’s Winter Best Practice to deal with Aurora or Toccata, but not both. I guess you’ve figured the good eye switches depending on who’s at home. Right is Aurora, left is Toccata.’
‘I’ll remember that.’
‘It could save your life.’
I paused.
‘Why does Toccata want me to spy on Aurora and HiberTech?’
‘With those two, nothing is ever clear-cut. I heartily recommend you just say nothing and follow orders.’
‘Yes,’ I replied soberly, ‘it’s probably the most important thing I’ve learned from the Logan fiasco.’
‘Now you’re getting it. Oh, and some advice: if Aurora does want you to be her dumbundle, you should try to be more discreet.’
‘I was hoping the term “bundlechum” would be more appropriate.’
‘No,’ she said after a moment’s thought, I think “dumbundle” suits the circumstances better.’ She pointed behind me. ‘You’ve met Fodder?’
The colossus of Sector Twelve was standing behind us. He looked about the same as when I’d seen him last, just wearing warmer clothes and appearing even taller and more powerful.
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