by R. L. Ullman
“Wow,” I say. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she says. “It happens to everyone eventually. My turn just came a little early.”
I manage to smile, but I feel terrible for her. I mean, she looks like she had everything going for her: smarts, good looks, confidence. Yet, here she is—or isn’t.
After lunch, we have Paranormal Science with Professor Quincy Morris IV. He’s an athletic-looking man with white, slicked-back hair and a nasty scar running from his forehead down to his chin. He speaks with a thick southern accent, and uses phrases like “over yonder,” “fixin’ to,” and “y’all.”
Today’s lesson is all about conducting Supernatural crime scene investigations, and we spend most of our time learning how to properly secure a crime scene. According to Professor Morris, the biggest problem isn’t the crime itself, but keeping first responders off the scene. You see, in normal crime situations, firemen, paramedics, and police officers are essential to solving the case, but in a Supernatural crime scene, they typically end up ruining all the evidence.
That’s when Professor Morris introduces a lollipop-looking device called a Hypno-Wipe. Under its power, you can hypnotize a whole bunch of people at once, which is great for lots of purposes, like helping them forget everything they just saw. Professor Morris lets us practice using it, which leads to some good laughs, like when Rage hypnotizes Hairball into thinking he’s a shag carpet.
After that, Professor Morris lets us play with a Spirit Sensor. The Spirit Sensor looks just like a watch, but it’s really a GPS for tracking ghosts. Professor Morris explains that in most Supernatural crime scenes ghosts are often your best witnesses. The Spirit Sensor detects the presence of ghosts in the area by measuring molecular disturbances. Apparently, all ghosts have a unique molecular signature. The Spirit Sensor reads that signature and matches it to the appropriate ghost.
Thanks to Aura, we get to try it out firsthand. Professor Morris gives her a five-minute head start and then turns it on, leading to an hour-long ghost chase through the entire building. Every time we think we have her cornered, she just laughs and phases through another wall. That girl is way too competitive.
Unfortunately, the fun and games eventually come to an end, because the bell RINGS and class is over.
Next up is Survival Skills.
“Get ready,” Rage warns.
“For what?” I ask.
“For anything,” he answers. “Hexum is a mentalist.”
“What’s that?” I ask.
“You’ll see,” he says.
To my surprise, Survival Skills isn’t taught in a classroom, but in the gymnasium, which looks dramatically different from when I saw it a few days ago. Instead of a large, enclosed room with wood floors and blue-padded walls, the space has been transformed into an open-air dirt field.
How’s that possible?
Standing in the center is a tall figure wearing all black and a red flowing cape. He has a narrow face, angular cheek bones, and a pointy chin. His hair and beard are white, and his lips are curled into a strange smile. He’s leaning on a black walking stick, his long fingers tapping impatiently on the silver cap. As we approach, I can’t help but notice that his blue eyes are focused only on me.
I have a bad feeling about this.
We fan out side-by-side, and no one says a word. Clearly, there aren’t going to be any friendly introductions. Finally, Hexum breaks the silence.
“There is a rumor that we have a real vampire in our midst,” he says, his raspy voice barely above a whisper. “Is that true?”
I peer at Rage who mouths, ‘don’t take the bait.’
“No answer?” Hexum continues, pacing back and forth. That’s when I notice he walks with a pronounced limp, so I guess that walking stick isn’t just for show.
“How disappointing,” he continues. “I always thought vampires were kings of the monsters. Perhaps ours is more of a court jester.”
Hang on. Did he just insult me? Then I remember what Rage said, so I do my best to stay calm.
“I assume all of you know how rare it is to even glimpse a vampire in this day and age,” Hexum says. “After all, vampires were thought to have been extinct, only existing in our nightmares. Yet, we supposedly have one right here in our presence. What an honor.”
What’s this guy’s problem?
“The abilities of vampires are legendary,” Hexum says, stopping suddenly in front of me and looking me dead in the eyes. “Are yours?”
Okay, this guy is definitely getting under my skin.
“Here in Survival Skills,” Hexum continues, “we will put your abilities to the test. We will see if you can live up to the standards of your ancestors. Shall we begin, Mr. Murray?”
I shoot a sideways glance at Rage and the others who are all staring at their feet. Okay, clearly no one is going to help me out here.
“I guess so,” I say finally, my voice surprisingly soft.
“Ah, he speaks,” Hexum says. “I was afraid you might be mute. Very well then, Mr. Murray, your first test is a simple one. Control the wolves.”
Wolves? What wolves?
Suddenly, Hexum snaps his fingers and two gigantic, gray wolves appear out of nowhere across the way. Where’d they come from? The wild animals crouch low and start growling, looking at me like I’m their next meal.
“Ready, Mr. Murray?” Hexum says. “Go.”
Um, what?
Just then, the wolves leap up and start chasing me.
So, I do what comes naturally. I take off.
“Stop it!” I hear Rage cry.
“Silence!” Hexum barks. “We must see what he can do.”
What I can do? All I can do is run for my life. I turn on the speed jets, putting as much distance between us as possible. But when I look over my shoulder, the wolves are still right on my tail. How’s that possible?
“Cease!” Hexum commands.
Suddenly, the wolves vanish into thin air.
What’s happening? And why am I still standing in the same spot? I mean, I must have been running for miles.
“Strike one, Mr. Murray,” Hexum says. “You failed to control the wolves. Now let us move to your next test. Free yourself from the glass container.”
Did he say container?
Suddenly, a giant, glass tube drops from the sky, trapping me inside. I push against it, but it won’t budge. I notice there’s a small hole at the top, big enough for a mouse to squeeze through, but I can’t reach it. And even if I could, I couldn’t fit through it anyways.
Suddenly, my feet feel wet. I look down to find the tube filling with water! Where’d that come from? The water is rising quickly, reaching the tops of my shoes, then my knees, then my waist.
If I don’t get out of here, I’ll drown!
I jump up to reach the hole, but it’s too high!
“He’s struggling!” Rage yells.
“Quiet!” Hexum responds.
The water is up to my armpits! I’m going to drown in here! In front of everybody!
I close my eyes and scream.
“Stop!” Hexum commands.
Just like that, the water and the glass tube are gone.
And what’s even weirder, my clothes are completely dry. It’s like nothing happened.
“Strike two, Mr. Murray,” Hexum says. “You have failed to escape from the glass container. Now for your third and final test. Fly.”
Wait, what?
Suddenly, I’m standing on the edge of a high, rocky cliff. Where am I? I back away from the precipice and peer into the misty abyss. Great, it looks bottomless.
By now I know something bad is about to happen, I just don’t know what.
Then, I hear an ear-piercing SHRILL behind me.
I duck just as a giant bat buzzes my head.
Gross!
The bat flaps off into the sky. Whew, that was close!
Suddenly, I hear more SHRILLS.
I turn slowly, only to find more bats heading
my way.
Hundreds of them.
My heart starts pounding and I look for somewhere to hide, but there’s no escape. The bats are coming so fast all I can do is shuffle backwards to the edge of the cliff.
My heel kicks a rock that tumbles over the edge.
I never hear it land.
I look back to find a nearly black sky. The bats are everywhere! My only option is to jump, but I can’t!
There’s no bottom!
Seconds later, they’re on me. I kneel down, blocking my face with my arms, but the creatures pummel me, pushing me backwards. I try holding my ground, but I can’t, and then…
I’m falling! I can’t stop!
I’m going to die!
“Enough!” Hexum yells.
Just like that, the sensation of falling to my doom disappears, and I find myself lying on my back, my arms and legs spread out wide.
I’m alive! Thank goodness, I’m alive!
Then, I sense someone approaching.
“Strike three,” Hexum says. Disappointment is written all over his face.
“W-Why are you doing this?” I ask.
“Because my job is to sharpen your skills as a vampire,” Hexum says. “The first test was to see if you could control wild animals. The second test was to see if you could turn your body into a mist and escape through a small space. The third test was to see if you could transform into a bat and fly. These are the most basic abilities of a vampire. You, Mr. Murray, have none of them.”
I look at the other kids who are just staring at me.
I feel so embarrassed.
“You may be a vampire by blood,” he says, “but you are a rather limited vampire. If you wish to succeed in our line of work, you will need to push yourself harder than you have ever pushed yourself before. And if you don’t, then you will die. And I don’t think either of us wants that on our resumés, do we?”
But before I can answer he turns his back on me and claps sharply at the others. “This pathetic experiment is over. Students, take your places!”
STROLLING THROUGH THE GRAVEYARD
I don’t think I could feel more useless if I tried.
The other kids attempt to cheer me up at dinner, but I’m not in the mood. In fact, I’m feeling so depressed I can’t eat a thing. I try to smile and pretend everything is okay, but it’s not.
According to Hexum, I’m a limited vampire. And what’s worse is that I know he’s right! I mean, how in the world am I supposed to battle the Dark Ones if I’m so pathetic? The short answer—I can’t.
And the Monstrosities know it too.
I mean, they were forced to watch me make a total fool of myself. I’m pretty sure they won’t be inviting me to join their team any time soon.
Some vampire I turned out to be.
On the way back to our rooms, I decide that I’m going to run away once everyone’s gone to sleep. I mean, why should I bother hanging around this joint? Plus, at this point I’m pretty sure no one would miss me anyway.
Rage unlocks our door and flops onto his bed. As I head over to my side, I survey my things. I’ve never had so many clothes before. I could probably carry some of it, but the rest would only slow me down. I scoop a few pairs of clean underwear in my arms.
“You’re taking this way too personally,” Rage says.
“Taking what too personally?” I say, pretending not to know what he’s talking about.
“Hexum’s assessment,” Rage says.
“How else am I supposed to take it?” I snap. “I failed every one of his tests. Every single one. Am I supposed to be happy about it?”
“It’s your first day,” Rage says. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“Hexum called me ‘limited,’” I say. “How’d you feel if he said that to you?”
“He has,” Rage says. “Look, I failed all of my first tests too. And so did Stanphibian, and Hairball, and Aura. I warned you, you can’t win with that guy.”
“Hang on,” I say. “Aura failed a test?”
“Yep,” Rage says. “We all did. I told you, Hexum is a different kind of teacher. He pushes you hard. But he does it to make you better.”
“He crossed the line,” I say.
“Think so?” Rage says. “On my first day I cried in front of the whole class. But look at me now. I’m still here, aren’t I? I didn’t quit. Will you?”
Darn it, he’s on to me.
I never thought of myself as a quitter, but maybe I am. I mean, every time things got hard, I tended to take off. Hexum was tough on me, but is it really the end of the world?
I turn to find Rage looking at me earnestly, like a puppy wearing blue glasses. I drop the underwear.
“Okay, okay,” I say. “I won’t quit. I just don’t get how he did all of those crazy tests. I mean, where’d those wolves come from? And the creepy bats?”
“From your brain,” Rage says, pointing to his head.
“What?”
“I told you,” Rage says. “Hexum is a mentalist. He can tap into your brain and make you think that all of that stuff is really happening. We didn’t see a wolf or a bat. Everything that happened was happening inside your own mind.”
In my own mind? I’m so shocked I sit down. Is that why those wolves were right behind me even though I was running at top speed. And I guess that explains why my clothes were bone dry after the water test. Or why I didn’t go splat after the bats knocked me off the cliff.
“I must have looked like a complete dweeb,” I say.
“A total dweeb,” Rage says. “But Hexum makes all of us look like dweebs every now and then. He knows what buttons to push. He’s a master at it. But if you stick with him, you’ll get stronger.”
“Yeah,” I say. “I guess.”
I’ll need to get a whole lot stronger if I’m going to survive this nut house. I lay down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I have that same itchy-feet-feeling I’d get when living with a foster family got rough. But this time that feeling is being squashed by another one.
A feeling that I should stay.
I mean, I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere before, until I got here. I’ve never met kids like these.
Kids like me.
“By the way,” Rage adds, “if you think Hexum’s bad, you should have been here when that Faustius guy was around. I heard he was a lunatic.”
Faustius? Who’s that? But then I remember seeing his name on that door with all the locks on it.
“Why’s that?” I ask.
“Because he used to teach a subject called Black Magic,” Rage says. “You know, evil incantations, curses, demon summoning. Stuff like that.”
“Wow,” I say. “That sounds hard core. What happened to him?”
“No one knows for sure,” Rage says. “He was gone before I got here. But the other kids said he was more brutal than Hexum. Van Helsing has been looking for a replacement ever since.”
I couldn’t imagine anyone more brutal than Hexum.
Rage puts his arms behind his head and settles into his bed. He seems like a good kid, but I really don’t know much about him.
“So, what brought you here?” I ask.
Rage chuckles.
“What’s so funny?” I ask.
“Nothing,” he says. “It’s just the way you phrased the question. I guess I literally was brought here. You see, I don’t remember anything before the Van Helsing Academy.”
“Seriously?” I ask.
“Yep,” Rage says. “One day I opened my eyes, and I was lying in the infirmary with tubes sticking out all over the place. Van Helsing was there, with Crawler, and Dr. Hagella. They were telling me to stay calm, that everything was going to be okay. Of course, I was scared out of my mind. I remember the machines blaring and Crawler holding me down while they amped up the medicine. Eventually, I calmed down and they asked me a lot of questions, but I couldn’t remember anything. I didn’t even know my own name, let alone the names of my parents, or even my home addr
ess.”
“Wow, is that still true?” I ask.
“Yep,” he says, “Everything before here is gone. So, they enrolled me. They said this was the perfect place for a kid like me. Because of my powers I got the code name Rage. And now here I am.”
“I was going to ask about that,” I say. “Does everybody get a code name?”
“Oh yeah,” he says. “You’ll get one eventually. But it has to relate to your abilities.”
“So, why are you called Rage anyway?”
“Well…” Rage starts.
But just then, Aura phases through the door.
“Get up, people!” she orders. “Time to get moving! Monsters are on the prowl!”
“Aura, I told you to knock!” Rage complains. “I could have been naked!”
“Whatever,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Get up, we’ve got a cemetery to visit. Hairball, InvisiBill, and Stanphibian are already in the lobby.”
“Um, sorry, but what’s going on here?” I ask.
“There’s another grave robbery in progress,” she says. “This is the third one in the last two weeks. This time we can catch the thieves red-handed.”
“And how do you know that?” I ask.
“I’m a ghost, remember? I’m wired into the spirit network.”
“Gotcha,” I say.
“Okay, okay,” Rage says, hopping off his bed and pulling on his sweatshirt. “How far away is it?”
“We’re in luck,” she says. “This one’s only a few towns over. Hurry up. Hairball’s driving.”
“Hang on,” I say. “I thought we weren’t supposed to be running around at night, especially off campus. What about Vi Clops? You know, that scary gigantic mountain-of-a-woman with the enormous eyeball. Remember her?”
I certainly did. She pretty much told me she’d swallow me whole if she caught me wandering around after curfew.
“Seriously?” Aura says, arms crossed.
“Um, yeah,” I say.
“Okay, then you stay here,” she says. She turns to leave, then stops and throws me an icy stare. “Maybe Hexum was right about you.”
Then, she phases through the door.