by Susan Stoker
“Blythe sent an email to your boss and told him what happened, and he said not to worry, that he’s watching your email and taking care of any problems with your clients that come up. Your job is safe and secure, you just have to get better so you can go back to helping everyone plan the world’s best vacations. Beth feels bad that she wasn’t able to track Nadine down faster. I think she also feels guilty, which I told her was crap, but you know how she is.”
Taco took a deep breath. “I miss you, Koren. I miss hearing your voice in the mornings. I miss seeing you sigh in contentment after you take your first sip of coffee. I miss your texts. I can’t even think about going home because I know everywhere I look, I’ll see you. I definitely can’t sleep in my bed without you there. It’ll hurt too much. So you have to hurry up and get better so we can go home. And you will be coming home with me. We love each other, and I want you there. I can’t bear the thought of you living anywhere other than right by my side. If you don’t like my house, I can sell it and we’ll get something else. Whatever you want.”
Feeling the tears clog his throat, Taco did his best to force them back, but it was no use. They welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks. “I wish it was me lying in that bed. She hated me. It should be me…”
Bowing his head, Taco let the tears fall. It had taken two and a half days, but the sorrow and guilt he felt that Koren had been sucked into the drama that was his life finally overcame him.
He was so lost in his own agony and despair that he missed it at first.
But when her fingers tightened once more around his own, Taco’s head whipped up and he stared at Koren’s face.
Her eyes were still closed. The tube was still down her throat. She hadn’t moved an inch.
Except for her fingers.
Some would say it was simply a muscle spasm.
The doctors would say it was impossible because she was still in the medically induced coma.
His friends would tell him not to get his hopes up.
But at that moment, Taco knew the truth.
Koren was going to be fine. She’d heard him. Knew he was there.
He helped curl her fingers around his and was rewarded with her grip tightening again, just slightly.
Nothing had ever felt better than feeling her latch on to him once more.
“I’m okay,” he whispered. “And so are you. I love you, Koren. I’ll be right here when you wake up…and we’ll start the rest of our lives.”
A month later, Koren threw herself down on Taco’s couch and breathed out a long sigh of relief. “I thought they were never going to leave,” she exclaimed.
Taco smiled, walked over and sat next to her. The first thing he did was grab her hand.
She’d heard all about how Taco had sat by her side in the ICU and refused to let go of her. She didn’t remember much about what happened after Nadine had forced her to drink all that rum and left her in the bathroom, but she’d gotten the story from several different people’s perspectives. Apparently, both she and Taco were lucky to be alive.
But the one thing every single person had reiterated was how devoted Taco had been while she was in a coma. He’d held her hand as if it was the only thing keeping her alive. And it might have been. What did she know?
Her first memory was waking up and seeing Taco’s beautiful hazel eyes looking down at her.
Her condo was completely ruined. As were the two on either side of hers. She had literally nothing other than the odds and ends she’d left over at Taco’s house and what had been in her car. That had been the weirdest thing, to go to the bathroom to brush her teeth and realize that she didn’t even have her own toothbrush anymore.
Towels, socks, underwear, a comb, tampons, a pot to heat water in…nothing. It was all gone. Either burned, or completely ruined from the smoke and the water used to put out the fire.
But every time she turned around, her friends and family were bringing over stuff. Vicky just happened to be shopping and had seen a beautiful shirt she knew Koren would love. Sue knew how much she adored the color blue, and had brought by a full set of towels. She’d tried to protest, explaining that Taco had towels at his place, but of course her friend had ignored her and brought them over anyway. Her parents had bought her a new laptop. Carter and Liam had sent their wives to the store with instructions to buy whatever they thought she might like as far as a whole new wardrobe.
Even the firefighters and their wives and girlfriends had gotten into the act, holding a fundraiser and, in the end, giving her a check for almost ten thousand dollars.
Nothing would replace the priceless quilt that her grandmother had made that had been on the couch in the basement. Or the photo albums that had burnt to a crisp. But the thoughtfulness of her friends and family went a long way toward making Koren understand that the only important thing in life was loved ones.
Taco had taken it upon himself to throw a “welcome home” party, even though she’d been out of the hospital and living with him for at least three weeks. He’d said he wanted to wait until she was one hundred percent better. And Koren had to admit that he’d been right. She’d slept a lot the first week after getting out of the hospital, and it had taken another two weeks for her to feel more like her old self.
“Happy?” Taco asked.
Koren sighed again and gripped his hand hard. “Yes. Although, you know who wasn’t here today?”
Taco nodded. “Penelope.”
“Where is she? I’ve only talked to her once, and it was only for like two seconds. She called to make sure I was all right, then said she had to go right after I said I was fine.”
“She’s been working alternate shifts than us,” Taco admitted.
“What does Moose say?”
“Not much. He’s as worried about her as we are. And she’s avoiding him too. I think she thinks you’re mad at her,” Taco said.
“Me? Why?”
“Because, from what I understand, she balked at going into your condo with Moose. She took one look at the smoke rolling out the front door and turned and ran away.”
Koren knew that already. “Is that it?”
“Is what it?”
“That’s why she thinks I’m mad at her? Good Lord, I wouldn’t go into my condo either if I was her.”
“You don’t understand,” Taco said. “She’s a firefighter. When everyone else is running out of a burning building, we run in.”
“She might be a firefighter, but she’s so much more than that,” Koren said softly. “She’s human. A human who has seen and experienced so much more than any of us have. I’m sure she feels as if she’s let all of you guys down. And for that to happen in front of her brother had to have sucked. And Moose. The one person she always wants to look strong in front of. I’m not surprised she’s lying low and avoiding all of you.”
“How’d you get so smart?”
“I’m not smart,” Koren protested. “I just thought about how I’d feel if that was me in her shoes…and you were Moose.”
“I love you,” Taco said gently.
Koren smiled and fell into him. His arm went around her, and she lay her head on his shoulder. She grabbed a fistful of his T-shirt and gripped it hard. “I love you too. What are we going to do with all this stuff?” she asked, talking about the additional gifts their friends and family had brought to the party. “We don’t need it, and it’s beginning to stress me out that they keep buying me things.”
“They just want to do something nice for you,” Taco said.
“I know, but it’s time for it to stop. I should be getting the check from the insurance company soon, and anything I’ve needed in the meantime, you’ve gone out of your way to get for me.”
“They love you.”
“Yeah.” Koren looked up at Taco. “You know what…when I was in the hospital and learned that everything I owned was gone, it hit me hard.”
“I remember.”
Koren winced. She’d been almost inconsolable
when Taco had explained that her condo was a pile of rubble. “But you know what I realized?”
“What?”
“That it’s just stuff. I thought I had nothing. I was having the biggest pity party anyone could ever have, and then Vicky came in and made me laugh. Sue arrived not too much later than that. And then Beth came, even though I could tell she’d rather be anywhere else. The parade of people didn’t stop all day, either. It took my mind off what I’d lost and made me concentrate on what I still had. People. People in my life who loved me no matter if I was wearing four hundred dollar shoes or two dollar flip-flops from Walmart. I might’ve had nothing, but in reality, I had everything. I think that’s what Nadine was missing.”
“No. Do not be sympathetic toward that bitch,” Taco growled.
“Hear me out,” Koren pleaded.
Taco sighed, but he didn’t protest any further.
“She didn’t seem to have any friends. She didn’t have a family support system. She only had Stevie. And when he died, she literally had no one. She’d lost all her belongings and she had no friends. It’s sad.”
“No, baby. She had a chance to make friends, but she chose to do drugs instead. She could’ve gotten involved in parent programs at school, put her son in sports, something. But she spent her time shooting meth and isolating herself. Stevie died because she was negligent. Plain and simple.”
“It’s sad.”
She felt Taco kiss the top of her head. “I love your big heart, but seriously, Koren, she doesn’t deserve one ounce of sympathy. She almost killed you. I’ll never forgive her for that. Never.”
“Okay, Taco.”
“Okay. Now…don’t think I didn’t notice Sue gave you those silk sheets, and then you distracted me so she could go upstairs and put them on our bed. How about if we go up and try them out?”
Koren laughed. “Oh, you’re subtle…not!”
He chuckled and stood, pulling her up after him. “Besides, you look tired. I’m thinking you need to take a nap.”
“You do, huh?” she asked with a grin.
“Definitely.”
She let him pull her toward the stairs to their bedroom. When she’d gotten out of the hospital, there hadn’t been any discussion about where she was going to live. He’d brought her back to his house and that had been that.
Honestly, Koren hadn’t wanted to be anywhere else. She’d had nightmares the first few nights, but Taco had been there every time. Soothing her.
Keeping her safe.
An hour and a half later, Koren lay sated in Taco’s arms. He’d made slow, sweet love to her, making sure she knew exactly how much he adored and cherished her. There would be times when they’d fuck, but tonight wasn’t one of them.
Reflecting back over the last month, Koren knew she was one lucky woman. Taco had done everything in his power to make her feel safe in his house. He’d given her a handcuff key to put on her keychain and, as a joke—even though they both knew it wasn’t really a joke—had hidden them all over the house. There was an emergency ladder next to every window on the second floor, and he’d even gotten her a panic button thing to carry with her as well. He’d also had a security system installed after she’d come home from the hospital.
Koren couldn’t help but think about poor Nadine. She felt a little sorry for the woman. She’d had nothing, and even with no possessions, Koren still had the world.
“I love you, Rob,” she whispered.
“Love you too, Kor,” he mumbled back, already half asleep.
He wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing, but Koren just grabbed his biceps as she snuggled against him.
Sighing in contentment, Taco tightened his hold around her before relaxing completely.
Penelope sat on the floor of her small rental house. It was dark, she hadn’t bothered to turn on any lights. The only illumination coming from the night-light in the wall next to the front door. Smokey, her miniature donkey, was asleep with his head in her lap, snoring slightly with every exhale.
She knew her friends were upset with her, and she couldn’t blame them. She was upset with herself too. She’d failed in the worst way she ever could’ve failed. At the moment when she should’ve been a hero, she’d balked.
But thinking back to that day, and how she’d felt staring at the door, smoke rolling out between the cracks, and seeing Moose standing there waiting for her, something inside her had snapped.
She couldn’t do it.
She couldn’t be responsible for anyone else’s life.
She’d been struggling with the feeling for a while now, but standing there, knowing Taco, Koren, and Moose were relying on her, made the feelings of failure move over her like a death shroud. They shouldn’t rely on her for anything. She wasn’t a hero. Wasn’t anyone’s hero.
She didn’t remember exactly what happened when Henry White and Thomas Black had been captured with her in Turkey. But she couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread that she’d done something wrong. Then they’d been beheaded and burned at the stake.
She wasn’t there for that, but sometimes when she was fighting a fire, she wondered what they’d gone through. What their last thoughts had been before the sword removed their heads from their bodies.
And then when Robert Wilson had been set on fire while still alive, that was Penelope’s worst nightmare. She’d been in enough fires to know it wouldn’t have been pleasant.
Had they died cursing her name for not somehow preventing them from being taken? Had she done something to piss the terrorists off and make them kill her friends?
And the last straw had been the poor Australian soldier. She didn’t even know his name. He’d been so scared, and she could tell he’d been pleading with her with his eyes to do something. They both knew he was going to be killed. And yet, she’d done nothing. Had sat there and watched as he was strapped down, screaming and struggling, begging for mercy.
Afterward, she’d read the manifesto the terrorists wanted her to read without protest.
Everyone said the American Princess was a hero. They thought her being a firefighter was noble and brave.
Fuck that.
She was held together by strings, and that night at Koren’s condo had finally broken her. She couldn’t have set foot inside that building if her life had depended on it…and sadly, Koren and Taco’s lives had depended on it. And she’d still turned around and left like the fucking coward she was.
Knowing she was only delaying the inevitable, Penelope eased out from under Smokey and headed for the kitchen table. She opened her laptop, read what she’d written earlier that day, made a few tweaks, then printed it out.
The next morning, Penelope headed into the fire station, glad that she’d arrived right after a call so the building was empty. She didn’t have to see anyone. Pretend that she wasn’t broken inside. She slipped into the chief’s office and placed the resignation letter on his desk.
Then she went to the room she always used when she was there and cleared out all of her personal belongings from her locker. She stopped on her way out to look around the large common area. She’d had a lot of good times there with the guys…with Moose…but it was time to go. She couldn’t be relied on anymore, and the last thing she wanted to do was have someone else die or be injured because of her cowardice.
She needed space.
Space to think.
Space to breathe.
Needed to go where no one knew who she was and wouldn’t expect anything from her.
Knowing Moose and her brother would be hunting her down as soon as they heard she’d quit, Penelope took a deep breath and hurried out of the building. Smokey was sitting in the car waiting for her. She’d packed enough so they could stay on the road for months. It was better for everyone if she just disappeared for a while.
She needed to get her head on straight. Needed to figure out what the hell she was supposed to do with her life now.
Smokey brayed a bit and nodded his head up and down when sh
e approached the car.
At the moment, the donkey was the only thing keeping her together. He needed her. She couldn’t let him down, as it seemed she’d let down everyone else in her life.
Penelope climbed into the car and scratched Smokey behind the ears. “Ready, boy?”
He brayed again and nodded.
“Right. Then we’re off.”
Penelope pulled out of the parking lot of Station 7 without a backward glance. She didn’t know when she’d see it again, and she knew she was still being a coward by leaving without telling anyone, but it was what it was.
Look for the last book in the Badge of Honor series, Shelter for Penelope to find out where Penelope goes and if she can work through her issues to return to San Antonio.
And if you want to catch up with her story and you haven’t read Protecting the Future, do that while you’re waiting for Penelope’s story to go live!
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Also by Susan Stoker
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Badge of Honor: Texas Heroes Series
Justice for Mackenzie
Justice for Mickie