“And while we are being honest, I have tried to be a great friend to you. I’ve been here for all the shit with your family over the years. When your brother died, who took two weeks of vacation time and sat and cried with you? Who checked in on your mother when you were too stubborn to forgive and try to understand that she went through all the same traumas you did?” Pausing for a second to give Amelia time to let that sink in, Brenda continued the tirade.
“We’re all trying to do our best. Trent and I are trying to do our best to help you. So, I suggest you see that, really see that. And start to care a little. We’re here for you. We want you to open up to us. We want to help you. I love you, Amelia. But I will not be your verbal punching bag whenever you get angry, and Trent shouldn’t be, either. Treat us like friends, or soon you might not have any.”
Amelia wanted to apologize, to somehow tell Brenda how grateful she was for her. For Trent. She wanted to explain herself, but she couldn’t find the words before Brenda turned and walked back out of the precinct.
She stared into the empty office. The ghosts crept up from Brenda’s lab to join her. Why couldn’t they see that this case was more important? She’d be a good friend once the case was solved. But then, of course, there were always more.
Her phone buzzed, and she checked it just to have a distraction. A new voicemail from that attorney. Of course! She had totally forgotten. She sunk into her chair and listened to it.
“Hello, Ms. Slate. I must say I’m disappointed that you missed our appointment. I’m unsure of how to convince you to meet with me. But as I mentioned earlier, I will continue to reach out to you until you do. Please call me back with a time that would be convenient for you to come in so we can get this settled.”
Amelia tossed her phone across her desk where it nestled among some papers. She closed her eyes, knowing that she should be watching those tapes. Doing something. Anything to help catch this killer.
“Why can’t everyone just leave me alone?” she whispered.
Chapter Six
March 10, 1993
It had been a little over a year since they found her in that darkness and brought most of her back up. A year since so many lives were sent spinning into the twisted galaxy of lies and betrayal. A year, and yet it still seemed like that horrible man would come back at any moment. A year, and yet Amelia had aged at least a decade. The happy, loving, trusting girl had changed into a bitter soul. Angry, frightened. Always frightened.
She loved her brother, Cameron, even when all her mother’s attention went to him. So when she was home, she stayed with him. Talked to him. Used what little energy she had to make up adventures for him. She barely spoke a word to her mother. Especially not as she drove Amelia here, though the drive was always just the two of them.
She hated coming here. She hated going anywhere, really. She wanted to just stay in her room where it was safe. Read to explore other places. Go on adventures among pages where she wouldn’t feel trapped. Where she could be the hero instead of the victim.
But life didn’t pause for her. Not for longer than a couple of weeks. So she slogged through the days pretending to be happy, since that seemed to be the only way to get people to not treat her like she was broken. Because somehow being broken was bad, so when they saw her like that, they said annoying words. Did annoying things. Like they were trying to fix her.
Wasn’t she allowed to be broken? Why was it so important to everyone that she move on and live a normal life?
She closed her eyes for just a moment. At least here she could do that without people jumping down her throat. When she opened them, she looked around at the room that seemed normal. A bookshelf, a couple of couches, ferns. Normal, but this was the place to talk about problems. She learned really quick that things that look normal aren’t always as they appear.
What is a normal life, anyway? Who decides what is normal? If you are born in a cage, is a cage normal? Those were the kinds of things she thought about. Couldn’t talk about.
Amelia couldn’t even look at a chain-link fence without her stomach turning to knots. Chain-link fence was everywhere, at every park, baseball diamond, school, so she didn’t want to leave the house. Ever. After the ordeal...
That’s what her mom called it, an ordeal. Her mom didn’t want to think about it, which only furthered the distance between them.
“How are you feeling today, Amelia?” Dr. Dempsey asked. A loaded question.
He sat in his oversized, brown leather chair like he always did. Eyes full of empathy, not sympathy. Somehow that was so much better.
She liked him. He had hundreds of books, but no medical or shrink-type books. He had novels, bigger versions of the books she liked to read. The kinds of things she’d one day read, when she was big enough to get through them. He read the type of books that take you to another world, if only for a short time.
His chair looked like it was probably a hand-me-down or garage sale find, the fabric on the arms were worn down so you could almost see through it. The end table had a slide-out shelf he kept his notepad on. She imagined his family room at home probably looked exactly like this.
“Is your family normal?” she asked.
Chapter Seven
Present Day
Amelia rolled over in bed as her phone rang for the millionth time, shattering her nightmare. She was grateful for that, for leaving the woods before she got caught. Grateful she had fallen asleep in her own bed for once. Her back didn’t ache as much as it did whenever she fell asleep on the couch and she felt rested. Quite rested. It was a beautiful feeling.
She glanced at her phone. Trent’s name flashed on the screen. Everything that had happened the day before raced through her mind at full speed like the stock market ticker. That beautiful feeling gave under a groan.
The phone went to voicemail as she replayed the nasty things she’d said to him. To Brenda. She didn’t want to face them. Didn’t think she could. They’d probably forgive her, they always did. But how could she even begin to apologize? Nothing she said could make up for her attitude lately.
She rolled over and buried her face into her pillow, but not before she noticed how light it was outside. The sun was fully up. There was no doubt she was already late for work, and though she liked to play it off as nothing, it bothered her that she was late all the time. She had already been let go from the FBI for a variety of reasons, her unreliability being one of them. The only reason the Nashville PD took a chance on her was because Trent and Brenda were already working there and they had vouched for her. If they fired her, she might never work in law enforcement again.
She’d be screwed, she knew it. It was just difficult to motivate herself when she was stuck in this black hole. These shadows wouldn’t let go of her. And the worse things became, the more helpless she felt, the more she wondered why she should even try.
Her phone went off again. Trent’s name flashed across the screen.
She reached for the phone and closed her eyes as she answered it, waiting for the scolding to begin.
“Hey,” she said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.
“Where are you?” Trent bellowed. She considered telling him that her alarm didn’t go off, but she never set it. Thought about lying, but there was no point.
“I’ve called you twenty times! Talk about dedication. Ever think about showing up to work on time? It worries people after a while.” He sighed, and she hated the sound of his frustration. “Meet me at The Corner Café. We need to talk.”
“Okay.” At least that gave her time to think of an excuse along the way. “I’ll be there in—” He’d hung up.
Despite the rehearsal in her car, Amelia still didn’t know what to say as she walked up to the café. Trent was already waiting for her at one of the patio tables, the burgundy umbrella providing the perfect amount of shade over their coffee. He always knew just what she liked. At least she could look forward to a decent breakfast.
He met her gaze as she
sat. She looked away. Sipped her coffee. Perfect. Then met his eyes again. “Trent, I am so sorry about what I said to you yesterday. You’re a great detective, I shouldn’t have insinuated otherwise. I’m just so focused on this case and…”
“Stop it,” Trent snapped, interrupting her before she could even finish half of her speech. “That’s not why I asked you to come here.” His face softened. “Though I appreciate your apology and I understand how the stress can really wear on people. I’m glad you don’t think I’m not dedicated to this work.”
“However, hurt feelings is one thing.” The sternness returned. “Being late to work all the time is another. You stay late and that’s great, but that means you never get there on time and we can’t just decide our own hours. A detective needs to be reliable. If I can’t rely on you to show up, how can I rely on you at all? This dismissal of the rules doesn’t look good to the guys in charge, and they aren’t as forgiving as Brenda and me.” Pausing for a breath, he looked down at the table while he played with his spoon.
“Amelia, we got you this job. We went to bat for you. So, who do you think they go to when you’re messing up? We’ve always done all we can to help you. The least you could do is have some respect for that and show up. It’s eleven am.” He sighed as he sat back in his chair and shook his head. “When were you planning on coming to work?”
She thought it was a theoretical question, but he seemed to wait for an answer. She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just woke up when I answered. I stayed up late looking over the case. I didn’t think I’d sleep so long.”
“There are things called alarms, Amelia. I use one. Most people do. It’s like you’re not even trying anymore. It’s like you don’t even care. Being a good detective and solving cases is important. But so is being a good employee. You won’t be able to help anyone if you don’t have a job.” Pausing to let that sink in, he wondered if she even wanted the job.
“I understand you’ve had a rough go with life. I’ve been there for you every step of the way. And losing your mom has got to be tough. But you must communicate, and if you’re struggling, you could’ve taken more time off. I told you you should. I’d support that, I support you. But I am not getting hung out to dry for your behavior.”
After what seemed like a full minute, Trent sighed and continued on, “You were one of the best special agents in the FBI, and you are an excellent detective. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember, and I care about you a lot. But I have my limits, and I want you to know you are getting real close to them. I care about this job more than anything and I can’t keep risking that for you.”
When he finally looked back up at her, a single tear was rolling down her cheek. The stress had finally become too much. She knew this, had known all of this. It was difficult to face, though, and she didn’t know how to change it.
“I’m sorry.” She wiped the tear away. “I won’t let you down, I will change. Now can we eat? I’m starving.”
He smiled as he shook his head. “It’s not going to be that easy this time, Amelia. You keep making the same promises, but nothing ever changes. Not really. Tell me what’s going on. Let me into your world. Maybe I can understand. Maybe I can help.”
Just the thought of doing so made her uncomfortable, but she knew she owed him after everything. And she thought maybe it might be nice to have help. To get a little outside insight.
“Fine, I’ll tell you everything. What do you want to know?”
“Everything?” He raised an eyebrow as the waitress walked up and took their order. As the waitress walked away, Amelia nodded. It’s not like he knew all the questions to ask anyway, so she would be able to keep some details to herself without lying.
“Everything.”
“Well, let’s start with your obsession with the Emma Green case.”
Amelia’s breath stuck in her throat for a few seconds as she tried to gather her own feelings about it. She’d been hoping he hadn’t noticed that. She knew he’d be irritated that she hadn’t mentioned this before. Hurt. It would’ve been so easy.
“She was the other girl,” Amelia confessed. “Who was with me in the basement when I was kidnapped as a child. She was in the other cage.”
Trent’s eyes widened as he shook his head. He sipped his coffee, closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I can’t believe that. That’s why it’s been so hard on you?” She nodded. “Why didn’t you tell us? We could’ve helped you. You shouldn’t even be on this case.”
“That’s why I didn’t say anything. Because I need to be on this case. I need to get justice for her. I knew that if anyone found out, I’d be taken off it. Too close to the victim.”
“And I’m…” This would be the hardest admission of all. The thing that got to her most. “I’m honestly terrified, and helping to solve this helps. What if the same person who kidnapped us before is the one who took her again? What if he’s our killer?”
Trent took a moment, his mind whirring. She appreciated that. Appreciated that he really thought things through before saying something that would only make everything worse.
“I can see why you’d worry about that. But he didn’t kill you, Amelia. He didn’t kill Emma. He had you guys there for quite some time if I remember right. But he didn’t kill you. I don’t think it’s the same guy. Regardless, you should’ve told me beforehand. I’ll let you stay on the case. I’ll keep your secret. But you have to start taking better care of yourself. You can’t drown in this case. And I want you to know I will protect you.” He looked her in the eyes, and she felt his sincerity. “I promise you that. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
She nodded, then looked away. This was all getting a little too intense for her. A little too personal. “Thank you,” she whispered. She raised her voice. “Then there’s this whole thing with my mother’s attorney. I have to go see him about her estate. What could be so important? Is he going to give me her bills?” She shook her head.
“Which would be a little crazy, because I’m pretty sure she had enough money to cover things, but who knows with how pricey my brother’s treatment was. Though I think an inheritance would be even worse. I don’t want anything from her. Not now. Not ever. I don’t know how I’d deal with it.”
“Want me to tag along when you go see him?” Trent asked. “For moral support?”
“I would love that.” The thought of having someone else there made it seem a little easier. But something stopped her. “However, I think this is something I need to do myself, as much as I’m avoiding it. I think I just need to tackle this alone, then put the whole thing behind me.”
“That’s understandable, though I don’t think you have that much to worry about. I highly doubt your mother was in debt. She constantly donated to every cause and volunteered her time to anyone who asked, especially once your brother passed. I know you’ve had some tough times with her, and I empathize with that. Things weren’t easy, and sometimes it’s better to blame someone rather than be angry at life in general. But she was a good person. It was difficult with Cameron being sick. I can’t even imagine the strain that must’ve put on your family. But I really think she did everything in her power to be the best mom she could be for you.”
“You didn’t live with her,” Amelia said, recalling that day she was kidnapped. Cameron would never have been kidnapped. Not with how much her mother watched over him. “Not everything is how it seems.”
“I know. Every family has their secrets, and I get I wasn’t there for everything. I will never fully understand all you’ve been through. But I was there a lot. Best friends with Cameron, and eventually you, too. Think of how much time Cameron, Brenda, you, and I spent together. I spent more time at your house than my own.”
The two laughed, wrapped up in warmth from a shared childhood. A reminder that they weren’t so different. That Amelia was never truly alone.
“I saw enough. I know what you told me. What
Cameron told me. Your mother didn’t spend enough time with you, even Cameron saw that. Felt bad about that. But she loved you. Illness affects the whole family, and it was tough on all of us once he died. But I think you held on to this anger toward your mother to cope. To bury everything else. It doesn’t really help, though. It’s eating you, Amelia. And I don’t think you’ll find true peace until you can come to terms with that. Until you can see your mom as the flawed yet great person she was. You’re a lot like her, you know.”
“Am not!” Amelia was grateful for the slight topic change. It was all getting a little too heavy for her.
“Are too! You both care for people with all of your heart. Your passion gets in the way sometimes, but it’s also the best part about you. You’d do anything for those you love. You’re both beautiful people and you would make a wonderful mother.”
He blushed at that, and Amelia pretended not to notice. She would never have children. She knew he was wrong about that.
“Nah, I think I’m a little too much like my mother in that regard. Instead of a sick son, I have a job that requires all my attention. This way I can never do to a child what she did to me. No child should ever wonder if their parents love them.”
The food came out, and they dropped the conversation in favor of eating. The two had bonded a bit again, though; essential as partners and friends. As their lunch wrapped up, the waitress dropped by to tell them a gentleman had paid their tab.
“Wow, that doesn’t happen every day,” Amelia replied.
“He knew you were law enforcement, and he said he likes to give back.”
The Darkest Secrets Page 3