I just smile back at him. Let him have that smug male sense of satisfaction. The kitty cat inside of me purrs and arches her back. I’ve taken three of the Havoc Boys to bed. I knew that I’d end up sleeping with them when I called out that word. Idiot that I am, I tried to lie to myself and pretend that it was all out of duty and obligation.
In reality, it was obsession.
Do the boys owe me retribution for their wrongs?
Sure.
But nothing is as sweet as salvation.
Someone like Kali or the Thing or Pamela, for that matter, will never be worthy of redemption. But the boys will. Are.
I bite my lip.
“Can we get a burger or something before we go home?” I ask, and Aaron laughs, reaching out to grab me by the hips and pull me close. It’s strange, I’ll admit, how easily we fall back into touching each other. He strokes my hair back, putting his face up against mine. The way Aaron touches me, I can sense it in him: he thinks we’re on a timeline, too. He’s going to touch me as much as he can because he doesn’t know when it might stop, when we might be separated again.
That’s how all the kids at Prescott High live, like we have no future at all.
That’s something I’d like to change, if I could.
Maybe one day.
“A burger, huh?” he asks, and just his breath against my ear makes my body spasm with need. My fingers dig into the skin of his bare back. We should probably find his shirt …
“Well, I’m hungry. You tired me out.” I sound like Bernadette, like the big bitch on campus, but … on the inside, I’m a kitten in his arms. Whereas Vic turns me into a lion and makes me want to roar, Aaron makes me purr like a baby.
“I suppose I can do that, treat you to a burger and fries. Honestly, our milkshakes are probably melted puddles by now, so I’ll guess we’ll have to order another round.” I nod, but for just a split-second there, I can’t speak.
Because I’ve just felt that flicker of emotion again, like a firefly trapped in my soul.
And, I’ve just figured out what it is: happiness.
Aaron makes me happy.
How weird is that?
Two and a half years earlier …
Aaron Fadler
What the fuck have I done?
I’m kneeling in the grass outside of Prescott High, my head bent over, crushed between my hands. I can’t listen to Bernadette scream, not without breaking down and pulling my gun on Victor. How can he be so cruel when he loves her so much? What the hell is wrong with him?
“Aaron, get up,” Vic commands, and I turn my head slowly to look at him, looming over me, staring down at me with dark eyes. He’s frowning at me, but I don’t care. I just gave up my motherfucking soulmate to save my sister and my cousin. The world isn’t fair; the world is cruel.
While that’s all true, I wasn’t supposed to add to Bernadette’s cruelty. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Giving her up to have a better life was one thing, but sabotaging her? Yes, Kali Rose-Kennedy called Havoc and asked us to destroy Bernie for a year. To be honest, I almost hit her, just clocked that smug bitch in the face.
But that’s not how Havoc works.
“This is probably for the best,” Oscar had mused, cocking his head to one side in thought. “Bernadette watches us too closely, peers too keenly. We have to put some space between us and her.”
“Why’s that?” Hael quipped back, frowning hard. “This whole thing is bullshit. Who is Kali Rose? Nobody. We have history with Bernadette.”
And he was right.
We do have history with Bernie. Since elementary school, we’ve tried to look out for her. Shit, we made a pact when we were thirteen to watch from afar but keep romance out of it.
They all wanted her then; they still do, but in a different way. Things have changed a lot since we were thirteen. Bernadette is curvy and beautiful, a young woman with determination and hope in her eyes. For the briefest of moments, she was mine. She was mine. Fucking mine.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Vic,” I tell him honestly. Seeing Bernie hauled out of Prescott, kicking and screaming? That killed me. I vomited all over the front steps.
Vic crouches down in front of me, still frowning, as unhappy as I am, but most definitely not as undecided as me. He’s never undecided about anything, that’s what makes him so scary. He’s the perfect leader; he oozes charisma. He also scares me a little, but I’ll never let him know that. I’d rather die.
“Aaron, when we let you date Bernadette before, we agreed it was because you could give her something that none of us could. Things have changed; you are tainted.”
Closing my eyes, I nod. He’s right. I know he’s right.
“This is going to be hard, the hardest thing we’ve ever done. But Bernadette is too attached to us, too attached to you. We have to let her go, Aaron. The life of a mobster’s wife is short and brutal.”
“I know,” I growl out, sitting up. Vic claps a hand over my shoulder and rises to his feet.
“You’re selfless, Aaron. You always have been.” I’m not sure if Vic’s trying to compliment me … or insult me. Either way, he’s wrong.
Homecoming night, Hael and I watch from the woods as Bernadette walks home in nothing but a bra and panties. Her eyes are hard, her fists are clenched, but she doesn’t cry.
When she gets home, I’m waiting for her. She doesn’t know we watched her along the way, that we kept her safe. All she knows is that I’m a monster. Still … when I approach her, putting my hands on her hips, she looks up into my face and I know.
We can put distance between us, but that connection we have … it can’t be severed. Whether her name is in the acronym or not, Bernadette will and always has been Havoc, one of the family. Mine.
“I hate you,” she tells me, her pale skin washed in moonlight as she shivers. “I fucking hate you.”
But when I pull her into my arms and kiss her, we both melt. We fuck in her bed. I go home.
The next day, the torment continues.
Because I don’t deserve Bernadette. None of us do.
And yet … there’s not a single one of us that isn’t in love with her.
Shame.
It could only work if we could learn to share. But that … it’ll never happen.
Never.
November eighth, Now …
Bernadette Blackbird
There must be something on my face when I get back that screams just got my brains fucked out by Aaron Fadler because Vic takes one look at me and scowls.
“I was starting to wonder if we might have to come after you. Answer your damn phone when you’re going to be out for so long.”
I just stare at him as he stands up from one of the chairs at the dining table, casting those ebon eyes of his over me and then flicking them up to glare at Aaron when he comes in behind me.
“You’re right,” Aaron says, somewhat breathless, but resolute as he returns his leader’s stare. “We should’ve called and let you know we were going to be out longer than expected.” Vic taps his nails on the surface of the table and looks away, but not like he’s giving in, more like he needs a minute to trap some of that wild violence in his eyes.
“You’ve worked out your differences?” Vic asks, glancing back at me. He’s wearing dark purple cargo shorts and a loose white tank. The holes on the arms are so big, I can see his gorgeous chest and abs underneath. My body throbs in response, and I exhale sharply.
“By that, you mean, did you two fuck?” I ask, moving around the couches and coming to stand as close to Victor Channing as I dare. He looks down at me, and it doesn’t take a mind reader to tell that he’s absolutely furious. Sharing me with Hael is one thing, but Aaron? Aaron is a threat in Vic’s eyes. He had to know it would come to this, right? I couldn’t just step into Havoc and not come to some sort of understanding with my ex. He took a bullet for me. I won’t soon forget that. “The answer, by the way, is that yes, we did.”
Vic says nothing, but
the shape his mouth makes when he frowns scares me a little bit.
“Why?”
Of all the questions Victor could’ve asked, that’s the one that trips me up the most. Why? Why?
“I … don’t know,” I say, because I don’t. Glancing over at Aaron, I can see that he isn’t sure either. Are we back together? If we are, how do things work with Vic? I chew at my lower lip for a moment. “That’s what the sex was about, testing our limits.” I lick my lips and taste the sweetness of Aaron’s mouth. If Vic is my poison, Aaron is my antidote. One burns so good that you can’t help injecting yourself, even if you know it’s wrong. The other is violent relief, a desperate soothing balm that feels like old memories and hope.
I’m stuck right in the middle.
“Our girl,” Aaron says, voice low. I glance sharply in his direction and see that his head is tilted down, his eyes focused on Vic. He’s breathing hard, but he’s calm. Almost too calm. “A Havoc Girl. You keep saying she’s yours, and I can’t blame you. I’d like her to be mine, too, but, uh”—Aaron pauses to grab a beer from the fridge, leaning his back against the door after it closes—“that’s not what we agreed on. You’re as bound to Havoc’s price as she is. Or are you above it, Vic?”
Victor just stares at Aaron, devoid of emotion, as impossible to read as always. The thing is, if you want to consume someone, you have to make room in yourself to hold all of that energy. You have to make space. And what happens to that bit of you that you give away? Sometimes it’s eaten by somebody else.
I can feel Victor inside of me—metaphorically speaking, at this moment anyway—and I know him much better than he thinks I do. His dark eyes slide to mine, studying me.
“I can sleep with any Havoc Boy I want,” I say, and there’s a visible ripple in Victor’s demeanor. He stalks toward me, but I’m not afraid. He just doesn’t scare me.
His hand lashes out, fingers curling around my wrist.
Aaron steps forward, teeth bared in warning.
“I keep trying to let her go, Vic, because I betrayed her, so I know I don’t deserve her. But you know what Bernie and I figured out today? I’m not the hero in the cape anymore. If I want her, I’ll have her. You agreed to that, when you slit her palm with that knife.”
“What’s your point, Fadler?” Vic asks, cocking his head to one side. His entire body radiates with rage, but he doesn’t act on it. He told me I needed to master my anger. How can I argue that, seeing as he’s most definitely got an ironclad grip on his own? “Your girl, my girl. I’m taking her into the bathroom. If I try to talk to you before I do that, I can’t be held responsible for how I behave.”
Victor pulls me away from the kitchen and into the half-bath near the front door.
“Are you insane?” I ask him as he steps inside with me, slamming the door behind us. It’s dark in here, but for a single nightlight. I notice Vic doesn’t exactly rush to turn on the light. Instead, he sits me on the counter, just like Aaron did. Does he know he’s mimicking what happened between us earlier? Not likely.
“I can’t stand the thought of you hating me,” Vic admits, and my brows go up in surprise. He sounds … different, like his voice is fractured in places. Vulnerable and hating it. That’s what he is. “You’ve barely looked at me since the Halloween party. You’re not afraid of me, are you, princess?” Victor growls at me, nuzzling against my neck and making me shiver.
I laugh at him.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I say, curling my fingers around his strong upper arms and digging my nails into his skin, marking him as my property. God help the next girl who thinks she can look at my man, let alone touch him. Because, even if I’m not ready to admit it aloud to him, that’s what Victor Channing is.
Mine.
“Then what? You’re upset about the video, I understand that.” He kisses my neck, and I shiver. “You want to run, because of what I told you. Because I’m selfish and I want you, have always wanted you. Or maybe it’s because of what we did to Aaron? Making him give you up …”
“Victor, shut up,” I snap, and he leans back, curling his lip at me. The nightlight illuminates the room just enough that I can see his teeth, and the shine of his dark eyes. “Yes, all of those things are bothering me. I felt like you betrayed me and honestly … it was almost a worse feeling than watching Neil hurt my sister. Are you stupid or something? I’ve been lusting after Havoc for years, watching you guys for even longer. I’m not going anywhere, not even if you’d truly deserve to see me flee.”
For a few moments, the room is quiet. Then I hear Aaron’s footsteps, moving away outside the bathroom door. He was listening, and I’m glad for it. At least the truth is out there.
“You know it wasn’t just me, right?” Vic asks, and I nod, which in reality just rubs my head against his some more. Primal marking, nuzzling, togetherness. I want more. “Nobody wanted to let you go. They’re all into you, Bernie. All of them. And that terrifies me.” He leans back and exhales. “I haven’t been afraid since I was five and here you come, sauntering in and shattering everything. That’s what you’ve done, Bernie, you’ve ruined me.”
“Good,” I tell him, reaching down to unbutton my jeans. Victor helps me get them off—along with my panties—so he can grind his own denim-clad pelvis against my bare heat. It feels amazing, little aftershocks from Aaron and his body echoing through me. “I like ruined things. Perfect things make my soul and my teeth ache.”
He chuckles at me, desperate and dark, and then lifts his head so that our eyes meet.
“Aaron isn’t the only man in this family I’m worried about. If they get the chance, each and every one of them will try to take you from me.”
“Even Oscar?” I quip saucily. Sorry, but there’s such a thing as stretching reality too far.
“Yes. Even. Oscar.” Victor stares right at me as he says it, each word enunciated and thick with jealousy. “You’re our dark angel, Bernadette.”
I’m flooded with a double sense of disbelief and perverse pleasure at the idea.
Oscar Montauk? No fucking way. Then again, what did he just say to me? Before I left to go with Aaron to the soda fountain … “For what it's worth, this particular incident wasn't just Victor's fault. Some boys just don't know how to share their toys.”
“At the same time, that means they’d all die to protect you. We all would. You know that if we could’ve taken Neil down and kept you safe at the same time, we would’ve?” I nod, but I’m having trouble responding to Victor’s words when his body is singing a siren song that I can’t resist. “If you’re ever in trouble, Bernie, you just call us. You don’t have to say anything, you just let it ring.”
I have no idea why he’s telling me this, especially right now of all times, but it seems important.
“Of course,” I respond, trying to kiss him again, but Vic stops me with a finger on my lips.
“Our safety word is mare’s nest. Do you know what that means?” He doesn’t wait for me to answer; he knows I don’t. “It means bullshit. If you need to tell us something is wrong without alerting anyone else, just say that you need to untangle a mare’s nest.” Victor smirks, his face shadowed and scary in the half-light. “It can also mean disorder, havoc.”
“Telling me all your secrets today?” I ask, choking on a sudden flood of emotion. Between Aaron and that strange flickering feeling, and this push-and-pull with Victor, I’m going to come apart at the seams. I think about Halloween night, about how quick the boys showed up at the house, not long after Aaron and I did.
He must’ve called them in the SUV, before we came inside. Chills creep down my spine at the thought; it’s proof that they think of everything. Speaking of, that stolen SUV was gone when I woke up the next day, like it’d never been. Efficient. I guess the Havoc Boys would have to be, considering they play such reckless games.
I’d still love to know how they managed to get showered up before appearing like shadows in the night. Maybe later though, when my pussy isn’t ach
ing for Vic’s cock.
“I want to tell you everything, Bernie,” he breathes back, sliding his mouth against mine but withholding his kiss on purpose, just to make me squirm.
“Fuck me,” I command, and Vic grins, as sharp as a knife.
“Don’t have to ask me twice,” he snarls, tearing his belt off and tossing it aside. He shoves his pants down his hips like they’ve personally offended him. When Vic tries to grab me and start off on a wild power-fuck the way he does, I stop him with a hand on his chest.
“Condom,” I tell him, looking him dead in the face. The way he snarls, you’d think he was a wild animal. “Now, or no deal.”
“You use a condom with Aaron?” he hisses at me, but I just frown.
“Condom,” I repeat and Vic growls, reaching past me to shove the glass lid off a small ceramic jar that I just assumed held, like, cotton balls or something. Instead, it’s full of condoms.
Wow.
This really was a house run by bachelors, wasn’t it?
Not anymore.
Victor puts the condom on his dick in a way that I can tell he’d murder the latex if he could, drown it in the goddamn toilet or something.
“You are such a bitch,” he purrs as he wraps an arm around my waist and drags me close, pressing my cunt to his hard lower belly. The way he says bitch, though, it’s clearly affectionate.
“How’s this for a boss bitch move,” I begin, adjusting myself and lifting my legs up to put my feet against the side of the doorjamb on one side, and against a shelf on the other. Good thing it’s screwed into the drywall because I’m about to abuse the hell out of it. “Don’t move, Victor. Seriously. Stay where you are.”
“The hell?” he murmurs, because he’s such an alpha dick that he can’t imagine not doing the thrusting. But I’ve already been fucked today; it’s my turn to fuck someone else.
I start to move before Vic can question me further, and that shuts him up real quick. Wrapping one arm around his neck, I use the other to grab his cock, pushing my hips forward and impaling myself on his monster dick.
Chaos at Prescott High Page 19