The kid snorted. “I only did it because the fat lady was in the toilet and the other toilet stank.”
“Did you just call me fat?” Amanda yelled, approaching from behind.
“What's he mean? Both toilets stink,” Sady said with a perplexed look at Matt.
“Kid, I'm doing you a favor,” Matt said as he hauled him down the road.
“Bring him back,” Amanda said. “I want to beat his scrawny little butt! That monster needs to learn a little respect,” she told Sady as she tore out after them. Sady followed and met up with the group at the Knight's campsite.
The boy was still scowling, but now he looked scared because CJ had him by the neck. Sady caught the end of the conversation. “And I'm sorry I cut a hole in that other tent. I didn't know it was yours. Although if I'd known there was a fat lady, I probably wouldn't have bothered,” he finished on a note of defiance. CJ pinched his shoulder, and the kid turned to Amanda. “Sorry I called you fat... even though you are!”
Matt laughed out loud and CJ shoved the kid down the road. “Knock it off, Meadows,” she scolded. “You'll undo all my discipline.”
In the background Amanda muttered. “Fat? That kid needs to learn the difference between fat and desirably sized!”
Matt turned to Harry and asked about their walk. CJ waved the camera and showed them the pictures of gutted animals. Sady took one look and moved away. Amanda gave a snort of disgust and asked Sady, "You still going tonight?"
Sady nodded and said, "Matt goes first so if we find anything like that I don't have to look."
"You're missing the point, Sandy-Sue," Matt teased.
"And you're taking the camera," she replied.
"Make sure you get a picture of the DNR man for me," Amanda told Matt.
"Sure. That's at the top of my list- right after driving your wreckreational vehicle," he scoffed.
"Campfire tonight," Harry announced and CJ swore.
"What's wrong with a campfire?" Sady asked. "It sounds fun."
"You aren't gonna make us sing, are you?" Amanda asked. "Because I need a good karaoke machine for that to happen."
"You need more than that," Matt told her.
"I have a good horror story," Amanda snarled at Matt. "It's all about this big mouth who finally got permanently shut up when a gorgeous woman couldn't take it anymore and shoved him down the outdoor toilet."
CJ interrupted. "Pfft! Nothing as good as scary stories," she said in a crabby voice. "When Harry has a campfire everyone has to give a campfire confession."
Harry grinned. "That's the best way to get to know your fellow workers."
"It's also the best way to gather blackmail material," CJ said. "And, Amanda? Not too many details, please."
"I was just gonna ask," Amanda said. "Can I have more than one?"
"No," Matt yelled. "One from you is more than I can handle."
"Can't wait to hear yours, Stubbles," Amanda said with a grin. "Make it a good one!"
When it got dark Harry started the campfire and CJ pulled out the fixings for s'mores. Sady and Amanda ate several and made a mess.
"You two look like the Davis kids," Matt told them.
"Maybe they know something we don't," Sady suggested with a smile.
"Time for confessions," Harry said, sounding like a kid.
"Harry, I think this is grounds for divorce," CJ warned.
"You love it, and you know it," he replied. "Just for that I'll go first. When I was a baby my older sisters dressed me in their doll clothes and wheeled me around the neighborhood in the baby buggy. Everyone thought I was a girl."
Everyone laughed at the thought of good looking, masculine Harry dressed as a baby girl.
Sady waved and Matt asked, "Why am I not surprised?"
Sady grinned and confessed. "The first talent competition I entered I got so nervous I wet my pants. I was afraid to tell anyone and when I did my tap-dance, I slipped and fell off the stage. Matt, that was the beginning of my 'tips for travel' lessons."
"How old were you, Sassafras?" Matt teased.
"I was three," Sady said. "It's a good thing for the next girl I fell because it cleaned up most of the mess and she didn't fall. I think she won that competition."
"Come on, CJ," Harry prodded. "I know you have secrets you've never confessed."
"Fine," she growled. "Since we're going back to our childhood- my parents entered me in a beautiful baby contest when I was a few months old... and I won. I'll kill anyone who repeats this!"
"What did you win?" Sady asked.
"You had to ask, didn't you?" Sady nodded and CJ thundered, "My folks won a year's supply of diapers. Maybe my mom should have saved some for your competition," she snapped, while everyone laughed. The corner of her mouth twitched, and they knew she wasn't really mad.
"You're up, Meadows," CJ said.
It was his turn to scowl. "Harry, I'm going to kill you. When I was in high school, my mom made me take my ugly cousin to the prom."
"Is that what happened to your parents as well, Stubbles?" Amanda laughed. "Did you take her to a make-out spot?"
He shuddered. "Hell, no! She was so ugly she'd make your chin quiver. I still wake up with cold sweats and nightmares! It's your turn, Amanda," he told her with his eyes narrowed.
"I got married on spring break one year," Amanda confessed to everyone's shock.
"Well? Come on," CJ urged. "You can't drop that bomb and leave us hanging!"
"Oh, I thought we weren't giving details." Amanda feigned innocence.
"Choose them wisely," CJ suggested.
Amanda chuckled and said, "I don't remember the exact details. I was on a Pacific island and someone gave me a drink. The next thing I knew this little native guy wearing a skirt, and a necklace made of teeth began chanting and sprinkling water on us. Then he put my hand in some guy's hand and patted us both on the head."
"Maybe he was baptizing you," Sady suggested.
"It sounds more like an exorcism," Matt scoffed. "Does Joey know about this?"
"Why would he know? He wasn't there, and I don't even remember the guy's name."
In awe Sady asked, "How do you know you were really married?"
"We exchanged necklaces. Plus, the guy standing next to me must have figured we were married too because we had a wild night. So when I woke up I was married and by the end of spring break I was divorced... I think," Amanda replied with a shrug.
"And the divorce?" Matt asked.
"At the end of spring break we decided we no longer wanted to be married and traded necklaces," Amanda said. "Actually, I saw this smoking hot lifeguard, and the hubby had his eye on some hot little tomato, so we called it quits."
"I don't think that's how it works," Matt teased. "How do you know he isn't going to show up on your doorstep one day and expect you to take care of him?"
"Because I'd pound his two-timing, cheating ass into the pavement and he knows it!"
"Okay, I think we got more than we expected from that session," Harry said, clearing his throat. "Matt, are you going out tonight?"
He nodded and Sady waved her hand anxiously. "Me too!" she yelled. "But he has to walk ahead of me so I don't step on any intestines."
CJ handed them the night gear and Matt pulled Sady to her feet. "You don't have a gun do you?" he asked suspiciously. "I don't want to get shot in the back."
"No, I don't! Besides, I know how to shoot," she defended herself.
"Just not well," he muttered.
Chapter 6
Matt handed Sady a flashlight, and they started down the dirt road. "Harry gave me the location of the area he wants us to search," he said as they walked. After a short distance they left the road and walked through a field.
"This isn't the skunk field, is it?" Sady asked.
"No, I'm pretty sure he's moved on," he assured her. She stumbled on a root and he took her arm. "You aren't going to sprain your ankle out here, are you?"
"Well, now if I go down, I'll have a soft
er landing," she teased. "The question you should ask is will you sprain your ankle? Because I don't think I can carry you."
"So you're saying we'd just have to lay there until help arrives?" he asked. "Give me a minute to find something to trip over. That might even be fun."
Sady hugged his arm. "Matt, did you really take your cousin to the prom?"
He sighed. "I knew confessing it was a bad idea. Yes, Sandy-Sue, I did. Not by choice. My mother felt sorry for her because no one else would take her. Come to think of it, my mother is always trying to fix me up with ugly women. I have an envelope full of pictures of ugly women my mother thought I should meet."
"You never talk about your family," Sady said. "Tell me about them."
"I have a mother with nothing better to do than try to fix me up with someone she found at the kennel, and a father who tries to stay out of her way. I guess my mother thinks ugly grandkids are better than none," he told her.
"Shame on you!" Sady scolded. "They can't all be ugly."
"You want to bet? I have picture proof. I think it's my mother's way of trying to balance out the universe," he shuddered.
"What about Emily? She's not ugly."
"Emily told my mother she doesn't have children in her future," Matt laughed. "It's a good thing too. Although at least the kids wouldn't be ugly." Sady punched his arm. "Just teasing, Sassafras. Marrying Emily would be worse than..." Sady's grip on his arm tightened, and he continued, "Dating Amanda?" She pinched it again, and he said, "Marrying Amanda!" Her grip loosened.
"And you missed out on that chance. Go figure! I'm still in shock. I wonder if Amanda really got married?" Sady pondered.
"And I wonder if her husband will ever show up. I hope I'm around if he does," Matt said. He held out his arm and stopped her progress with a "Shh!"
"What is it?" Sady whispered loudly, and he shook his head with a laugh.
"You have chocolate at the corner of your mouth," he said. He looked closer with the flashlight. "And some marshmallow," he teased. "We'd better clean you up." Sady forgot all about chocolate, marshmallows, and Amanda when he feathered his lips across hers. "It definitely needs more work," he told her and proceeded to work on her lips.
A few minutes later he nuzzled her neck. "Just checking for anything I missed."
"You missed one spot," she whispered breathlessly, then let out a squeak of surprise. "I didn't sit on a marshmallow!"
"Oh, sorry. I thought I felt something sticky and should pull it off. Where's that spot I missed?" Sady pointed to her lower lip, and he grinned.
"I thought we covered that, but I won't argue."
"I feel like a kitten that's just been cleaned by her mother," Sady told him a few minutes later.
"You've been running with Amanda too long," he sighed. "You're picking up the mood killer lines faster than I can come up with ways to kiss you."
"Maybe we'd better save some for later," she replied. "Where are we headed?"
"I forgot," he said. "Give me a minute to get my head on straight and we'll get going. I'd hate to tell CJ the only wildlife we encountered was us."
Sady smiled as he took her arm and led the way. "We're not done talking about your family," she warned him.
"Oh, yes we are!" he said firmly. "Now shut up and quit stomping like an elephant through the sticks! If there are any poachers, they'll hear us long before we see them."
"And you said I'm the mood killer?" Sady asked, pulling her arm away from his. "Stomping? Let's see you glide across a high gloss stage in five-inch heels and a bathing suit that's one slip away from indecent."
"I'd like to see that," he said. "After we're finished with this job. Now stow it, or I'll send you back."
"You just spent what I was saving for later," she hissed. She stopped and turned around as Matt was no longer by her side. He waved for her to come back and he pointed at something.
"What is it?" Sady whispered. It looked like a rectangular cage.
"Live trap," he replied, pulling out his camera and taking a picture. He marked the location on his map. "It looks freshly baited," he continued.
"It smells freshly baited," Sady confirmed, wrinkling her nose.
"Sady, this is serious. This is a protected wildlife area and trapping isn't allowed. We may have missed the trapper by a few minutes, and he might be just ahead of us. I'm going to continue, but maybe you should go back to camp... quietly!"
Sady snickered. "Who's gonna look for me when I get lost? Do you really think I can find my way back?" she whispered. "I'll take my chances with you. And I promise to be quiet!"
"Just stay behind me, please?" he asked, and she nodded. "Turn off your flashlight and stay close." He turned his flashlight to low beam and pointed it down and not ahead of him. Sady bit back a laugh when she tripped and nearly knocked him down.
"Sorry," she whispered. He mumbled something under his breath and kept walking. Sady's eyes adjusted to the dark, and she was able to make out her surroundings. When Matt stopped suddenly she was looking to the side and bumped into him. He motioned her to kneel and turned off his flashlight. She heard him rustling in the bag he carried, and he pulled out a night-vision scope.
"Here," he whispered, handing it to her. She watched two men ahead of them setting a trap while Matt pulled out a night vision camera and started filming. "Stay here," he whispered. "I'm going to move in closer."
Sady was tempted to follow, but she knew Matt, like the Knights, had specialized training in security and surveillance. She didn't want to blow the job because she stepped on a stick, so she stayed put and watched from her spot. About ten minutes later she saw Matt waving after the men moved on.
They were almost to the spot where the men set up their trap when Sady heard Matt swear and he pulled her to the ground. He turned off his flashlight, set it down, then grabbed her scope and shoved it into his bag along with the camera he used. "Give me your sweatshirt and fast!" He sounded urgent, so she did it without question. After he wrapped Sady's sweatshirt around the bag, he gave it a toss, muttering curses until Sady poked him on the shoulder.
"What's wrong?"
"They set a remote tripwire alarm system. I just felt the wire. Expect them to be back any minute," he warned.
"Can't we just run?"
"They have the same equipment we have. If we run, they'll know we've been watching them. Don't kill me, Sady, just take off your shirt." She opened her mouth to protest, and he said, "They have to believe we have some reason for being out here in the dark. There's not a lot of options and it's going to be hard to even sell this."
"You could have picked a warmer night," she complained as she yanked off her T-shirt. She poked him again. "Start peeling, buster, because I'm not going solo on this." Matt grinned and pulled off his long sleeve shirt.
"Is that better?" he asked. Sady nodded, thinking the temperature sure went up in a hurry. "It's a good thing you're better looking than my ugly cousin," he whispered as he rolled on top of her.
By the time the flashlights lit them up she didn't care what the poachers believed. Neither of them had to work at selling the action. She ignored the questions and enjoyed running her hands over the muscles of Matt's bare back. The men grew insistent and Matt reluctantly pulled away from Sady. They were both out of breath. "What are you doing out here?" one of them barked.
"Geez, Louise, fella! What's it look like? We came out here for a little privacy if you don't mind. If I wanted an audience, I'd just ask my tent-mate to watch," Sady snapped. "Get going, before you kill the mood," she hollered. She could feel Matt trying not to laugh.
"Oh, so you think it's funny?" she asked him in a scalding tone. She could hear the murmur of the poachers. It was the same sound all men made when one of their brothers was about to go down. She gave Matt a shove that sent him rolling off to the side.
"Where's my shirt?" she yelled. One of the poachers pointed, and she gave them both a dirty look as she retrieved it. "You've never seen a woman in a bra before?" She t
urned to Matt. "It's gonna be a long time before you see it again!" She began sniffling and all the men grew nervous.
"This was supposed to be my honeymoon," she wailed pathetically. "And I'm out here in the dark in the middle of this God-forsaken wilderness because he invited his whole family... on our camping honeymoon! I'm sharing a tent with his sister, so we have to sneak away and risk getting poison ivy!" Sady sounded hysterical, and the men looked at Matt like he was crazy.
"He took his cousin to our high school prom," she told them. The howled and made rude remarks.
"Honey, you might want to keep looking," one of the men said. "Any guy who takes his cousin to the senior prom has a family gene pool that's been drained."
Sady turned to the men, still sniffling. "Do you have a flashlight I can use? Or can you walk me back to the campground?" Matt protested from the ground and she kicked him. Another murmur from the poachers and a yell from Matt. Sady turned back to the poachers. "Can you just point me in the right direction?" She bit her lip and put on her doe eyes.
"You want us to take care of him for you?" they asked.
She started to cry loudly. "Will you take care of his whole family? His mother likes to watch when we... well, you know," she sobbed, using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe her nose. She kicked Matt again. "It's not funny, you perv!" Then she paced, wailed, and threw her arms about.
She grabbed one of the poachers by the front of his shirt. "What should I do? Do I call my Daddy to come pick me up? Do you know where I can get therapy? Should we try couples therapy, or should I go straight for the divorce? I don't know what to do!" With each question she gave his shirt another twist.
He reached down and pulled her hand off his shirt. "Lady, you're choking me. Why don't you just take this flashlight? The campground's that way." He pointed and Sady nodded. "Dump the loser," he suggested.
"Thank you," Sady said, taking the flashlight by the end. "I'll walk straight in that direction," she added, pointing the wrong way. She heard the other mumble something about inbreeding and she hid her smile.
City Girls Don't Camp Page 5