When Ashes Fall

by Marni Mann

  I could do the same with pain.

  One day, Alix would tell me about the demons that haunted her, and I’d know the topics I needed to avoid.

  And, one day, she’d know why I never brought anyone to Roxbury.

  Holding both mugs, I walked through the kitchen and went out the back door, joining Alix in the garden. This was my favorite area, the space that had sold me on this brownstone. It was so private with greenery on all four sides and not a single building overlooking it.

  Alix was sitting on one of the couches in front of the firepit. I took the spot right next to her and handed her the tea I’d made.

  She pulled her knees up to her chest and set the mug on top of them.

  “Are you cold?” I asked. “I can get you a blanket.”

  She turned her body toward me. “I’m fine. I actually love the cold.”

  “So do I.”

  For all the nights I’d shivered myself to sleep, I should hate it.

  But the opposite had happened.

  “Do you ski?” I asked.

  She nodded. “I’ve seen your snowboarding pictures. Switzerland looked beautiful.”

  “It was one of the best experiences of my life. It’s a place you should definitely check out.”

  She held the cup against her lips and said, “I’m jealous of all the traveling you’ve done.”

  “I didn’t really start vacationing until a few years ago when I got the firm to a place where it could operate for a week without me. Now that I have the flexibility, I try to get away as often as I can.” I took a drink of the black coffee and set the mug on the table next to me.

  “Is it always a different destination, or do you have a favorite that you go back to?” she asked.

  I smiled as I thought about some of the sights I’d seen. “I have lots of favorites, but so far, it’s been a new spot each time. There are too many things to see to keep going back to the same ones.”

  “I never used to believe that. Maine was where I wanted to spend my time if I wasn’t in the city.”

  I stretched my arm across the back of the couch, my fingers gently touching her neck. “What caused the change?”

  She looked away, and I could tell she was thinking about my question. When our eyes connected again, she said, “I just fell out of love with it.”

  “That happens. You know my feelings about Boston.” I rubbed down her shoulder. “Where do you go when you need a break?”

  “I haven’t gone anywhere in a while.” She was only giving me her profile, but that was all I needed to see how much she was enjoying my touch. She even leaned into my fingers. “But I need to change that.”

  “What place do you have in mind?”

  “Lake Tahoe.”

  “Incredible spot—in the summer and the winter.”

  “I was there once, but I never really gave it a chance.”

  “You should. It’s worth it.” I reached into my back pocket and took out my phone. “I want to show you something.” I flipped through the videos I had saved until I found the one I had been looking for. I then moved closer to her on the couch, holding the screen in front of us so that she could see. “Check this out.”

  The video had been taken on a ski lift at the top of one of the mountains. The view from two and a half miles up was indescribable. But, from the footage, she could see the lake. In spots, it was teal and then the lightest blue, and in the middle, it was navy. Mountains surrounded the lake. Some were so high; it looked like the clouds were sitting on top of them.

  When the clip ended, she glanced at me. “That’s Lake Tahoe?”

  “You didn’t go up Heavenly Mountain when you were there?”

  She shook her head. “I didn’t see much honestly.”

  “You have to take the gondola on the south side of the lake up Heavenly. When they let you off, you have to jump on the chairlift, which takes you up even higher. That’s where I shot this video.”

  “That’s a sight I have to see.” She gazed at the frozen screen and then back at me. “I want to go.”

  “I’ll take you.”

  I’d get on a plane right now if that meant the pain would just stay out of her eyes.

  “You would?” she asked.

  Her voice was so fucking soft.

  So sweet.

  So tender.

  I had to touch her.

  I placed my phone on the cushion behind me and cupped her face with both of my hands. “I’d really like to.”

  I’d traveled with strangers before. That was what you had to do when a majority of your friends were married, so going with a girl I’d only known for a couple of weeks wasn’t a big deal.

  What made it different was that I cared about this girl.

  The top of that mountain had changed me.

  It would do the same for her.

  And I would be there to give her that experience.

  To taste it on her skin.

  Like I wanted to do right now.

  Fuck.

  I tightened my grip on her face and pulled her closer until her mouth was inches from mine.

  All I could smell was cinnamon.

  I didn’t know where the scent came from, but I was determined to find out tonight.

  I surrounded her bottom lip with my teeth.

  It was just a bite.

  But it was enough to see how she would respond.

  When her body started to loosen and her breathing increased, I knew she was ready for more. So, I closed the gap between us, and my tongue slowly slid through her lips.

  “Smith,” she moaned.

  My hand was now on her navel, and I moved it higher until it rested just below her ribs.

  She felt fucking amazing.

  I couldn’t wait to see her naked.

  When I pulled away to kiss just under her jaw, she tilted her head back, giving me all the access I wanted. My tongue grazed her flesh first and then my lips, gradually heading toward her face.

  As I hovered in front of her mouth, she reached into my hair and tightly gripped it.

  I didn’t move.

  My eyes just bore through hers.

  Waiting.

  Until she said, “Kiss me.”

  It was one of the hottest demands I’d ever heard.

  Her fingers released me, and my mouth slammed against hers.

  She winced as my thumb grazed her nipple.

  Not because I’d hurt her.

  That was her way of begging for more.

  And that was exactly what I was going to give her.

  With my tongue.

  Because making Alix feel good was the only thing I wanted right now.

  I popped open the button of her jeans. Once I lowered her zipper, I paused, waiting to see if she wanted me to stop.

  The only response I got was more moans.

  So, I stood from the couch and slipped off her flats. Her pants and thong came off next before I knelt in front of her.

  She was watching me.

  There wasn’t any pain.

  Just hunger pouring out of those fucking eyes.

  My hands circled her knees and slowly pushed her thighs apart until they were spread enough that I could see her pussy.

  Jesus fucking Christ.

  It was perfect.

  Smooth skin, tight lips, a clit hidden between them that I knew was begging to be licked.

  “You’re gorgeous,” I said, eventually looking at her.

  I was so close; each breath I exhaled over her caused her body to bend just slightly.

  It was anticipation.

  I could feel it.

  Because it was pulsing inside me, too, intensifying every second my mouth wasn’t on her.

  I watched as she stared at me from between her legs.

  How she stabbed her teeth into her lip.

  How each movement, sound, tug of her fingers on the cushion told me where she wanted me.

  And how badly she wanted it.

  So, I pressed my nose ag
ainst the top of her pussy.

  My eyes closed, and I inhaled.

  Her scent made my cock throb inside my fucking jeans.

  More perfection.

  I couldn’t get enough of this girl.

  I started at the bottom, wedging my tongue between her lips, and I gently moved up.

  She tasted just as good.

  “Oh God,” she hissed.

  As I glanced at her, her head was falling back, her nails digging into the couch.

  When I reached her clit, already so fucking soaked, I flicked it back and forth. It hardened the more I grazed it. Her wetness thickening, her moaning becoming louder. I teased her with the tip of my finger, going in as deep as my nail, opening her just enough to make her crave more.

  Her hips bucked, and I licked her harder.

  After my tongue circled her several times, I sucked her clit into my mouth, and I drove in a second finger. I twisted my wrist, so she could feel the ridges of my knuckles as they moved in and out of her.

  She was tightening around me.

  Her hips were moving faster.

  “Smith …” she breathed.

  I ground my tongue against her, giving her the friction she needed.

  Within a few more licks, she was shuddering, her pussy clenching my fingers. I licked her clit as fast as I could and slowed only when I felt her start to come down.

  “Jesus,” she panted, her body now still.

  I kept my mouth on her, licking the wetness, not pulling away until there was hardly any left.

  When I was done, our eyes caught.

  I needed her again.

  But, this time, in a different way.

  “Come here,” I said, leaning up just enough to scoop her into my arms. I sat on the couch with her in my lap and held her against my chest.

  After a few seconds, her hand went to my stomach, and she ran it up and down my abs. “I owe you …”

  “You just gave me everything I wanted.” I pressed my lips into the top of her head and held them there. She wasn’t shivering, but I still had to ask, “Do you want a blanket?”

  “No.”

  I moved to the back of her neck, and my fingers slid through her hair. I combed through it several times before I said, “Look at me, Alix.”

  I needed to know how she was feeling, and her eyes would tell me.

  She turned her face to gaze up at me.

  The first thing I saw was turmoil.

  I’d touched her, I’d gotten her off, I’d seen half of her body naked—it was a lot, all of it.

  Maybe more than I had realized.

  But what I also saw in her stare was longing.

  For me.

  And, despite how heavy things looked in those dark eyes, she wanted me.

  Still, that didn’t stop me from asking, “Are you all right?”

  When she nodded, I waited a few seconds, and then I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers.

  The kiss was gentle.

  Passionate.

  And short.

  I pulled my mouth away before I gave her my tongue. “Stay with me tonight.”

  She was quiet.

  She breathed several times.

  There was so much confusion in her expression when she answered, “I can’t.”

  She needed time to process.

  I wouldn’t take that away from her.

  “I’ll drive you home,” I said.

  “You don’t have to do that. I’ll just order a car.”

  “Alix—”

  “Trust me; it’s fine,” she said. “I just have to grab my phone.”

  She climbed off my lap and put on the thong and jeans and slid into her flats. Once she was fully dressed, I brought her over to her bag.

  She took out her cell and typed something onto the screen. “The driver will be here in one minute.”

  I waited for her to take my hand, and then I led her through the kitchen and living room until we reached the front entrance. We stood by the door, and I wrapped an arm around her, my fingers resting over her ass.

  It felt so good under my hand.

  My lips pressed into her forehead. “When am I going to see you again?”

  “Soon, I hope.”

  “When are you off?”

  “Two nights from now.”

  I leaned back to stare at her face. “Then, I’ll see you in two nights.”

  She smiled.

  “Is that too soon?” I asked.

  “No, definitely not.” She glanced through the glass at the same time I did, seeing that a car had pulled up and was double-parked out front. She looked back at me. “He’s here.”

  I needed to taste her one last time.

  To have her scent on my lips.

  To be closer even if it was only for a few seconds.

  “Kiss me.”

  She did.

  And it was everything I wanted.

  Thirty-Three

  Alix

  Present Day

  I got out of the backseat of the car I’d hired to take me home from Smith’s place and hurried up the five steps to my townhouse.

  When I got inside, my keys were placed in a bowl on a table in the entryway, and I set my bag on one of the barstools. I continued walking until I reached the middle of the kitchen.

  There were counters on both sides of me.

  To my left was wine.

  To my right were Smith’s flowers in a vase.

  They were still alive.

  Still beautiful.

  Oh God.

  I didn’t know what to do.

  I didn’t know how to process what I was feeling.

  What made it even worse was when my eyes shifted to the other side of the countertop and saw the note Dylan had written.

  And the cup by the sink that he’d left with just a tiny bit of water in it.

  And the engagement ring on my finger.

  The one I’d put on in the car after I left Smith’s house.

  Oh God.

  My feet weren’t steady.

  The earth was tilting beneath me, and I couldn’t find my balance.

  The air I was sucking in was becoming too thick.

  The only thing I could feel was the wetness on the inside of my panties.

  It had come from Smith’s mouth.

  This was too much.

  Oh God.

  My knees hit the tiles.

  My body tucked into the tiniest ball.

  I gasped in as much air as I could hold.

  My mouth opened.

  “I’m sorry,” I cried as though Dylan were home, pounding my fist on the floor. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

  I couldn’t take the pain.

  It was stabbing through my chest.

  It was moving to my throat.

  It was so powerful; I wanted to gag.

  My cheeks were soaked with tears.

  My lips were slick with spit.

  I was betraying Dylan.

  And that killed me.

  But I couldn’t stop.

  And that hurt me even worse.

  I liked Smith.

  I liked spending time with him.

  I liked the way he touched me.

  I liked the feeling of his mouth going down on me.

  A man besides Dylan had made me come tonight.

  And it’d felt incredible.

  And it made me feel sick.

  I was doing everything I could to keep my dinner down.

  Dylan had been the only one for so long.

  I’d wanted it that way.

  But, now, it wasn’t just him anymore.

  There was Smith, too.

  They’d each get a half of me.

  And that would have to be enough.

  I rested the side of my face on the tiles, the coldness soothing my sweaty, tear-soaked cheek. I pulled my legs in even tighter, my arms holding them to my chest. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  I wasn’t going to make it to my bed.

  No
t tonight.

  Not that it mattered since Dylan wasn’t going to come home anyway.

  I closed my eyes.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I said softly.

  And then I went silent.

  Because I heard the door open.

  Part Two

  I remembered the sound of the first beat.

  The simple chorus.

  The way my hips swayed.

  They told me the music would eventually start to play.

  They just didn’t tell me I would dance again.

  Thirty-Four

  Dylan

  Two Years Ago

  I asked Rose to go ring shopping.

  I needed guidance.

  The only jewelry Alix wore were the diamond earrings I’d gotten her two months ago for our one-year anniversary. Before those, I’d never seen anything in her ears. And, on her left wrist, she always had on her digital watch with a Velcro band. She loved that damn thing. It wasn’t my style, so I couldn’t even pretend to know what she would want in an engagement ring.

  I needed someone to help and to keep me grounded. Someone who wouldn’t let me purchase a ring too large that Alix would hate.

  That was where Rose came in.

  Since I already did so much business with Haifa, one of the best jewelers in Boston, I’d sent him a text earlier this week. He followed up with several questions, and we scheduled a time for me to come in.

  On the afternoon of my appointment, I picked up Rose, and my driver dropped us off. We were brought into a private room where Haifa and his assistant were waiting.

  Once introductions were made, he pointed at the six ring settings he’d placed on the table. “We’ll start with these, so I can get an idea of what she might like.”

  I lifted the one closest to me, rotating it to the right and left, seeing how the stones ran across the outside and the inside of the band.

  The ring was gorgeous, but it would be too much for Alix.

  “Each setting can hold up to a six carat center stone,” Haifa’s assistant told us. “If you’re looking for a larger diamond, we can certainly accommodate that—”

  “Alix definitely doesn’t need a larger diamond,” Rose interrupted.

  I felt Rose’s eyes on me, so I looked at her and said, “She would hate this one.”

  Her expression told me she agreed.