by Marni Mann
I set the ring back on the tray and said to Rose, “Why don’t you give them some direction, so they know what we’re looking for?”
Rose glanced over to Haifa. “Everything on this table is gaudy, flashy, and over-the-top blingy. Alix is simple. She wants to blend in, not stand out.”
“Something more traditional perhaps?” his assistant asked.
Rose crossed both arms over the table. “We’re talking about a girl who would rather go hiking than go to the spa or sleep in a tent than a five-star hotel. I’m not sure how else to emphasize this, but a six carat isn’t her style. Neither is a band dripping in diamonds.”
Haifa spoke to his assistant in Hebrew, and then she got up and left the room.
“I have a few ideas,” he said. “She’s going to pull some different pieces, and she’ll return in just a moment.”
We sat in silence while we waited.
I wanted to laugh at how accurate Rose’s description was. Alix and I had been together for over a year, and I still hadn’t worn off on her. But just because we had varying tastes didn’t mean she wasn’t supposed to be mine forever.
There was nothing I loved more than her.
Not the business I’d built or the portfolio my fortune was invested in or the air I flew through.
That beautiful woman was going to be my wife.
Whom I would kiss every morning.
Whom I would hold every night.
If that meant I had to buy her the smallest ring in this entire store, I would.
Her happiness was the only thing that mattered to me.
And it was Rose’s only priority.
Haifa’s assistant quickly returned, placing a tray onto the table. On it were three rings with stones already in them.
“This one,” Rose said, lifting the middle one into her hand. She stared at it for several seconds, and then she held it out to me. “You don’t have to keep looking. This is the one.”
Gripping the ring between two of my fingers, I rotated it around, back and forth. It was traditional in the sense that it was a round solitaire. But it was the details on the band that made this ring even prettier, how it was cut and weaved into a pattern with small etches that streamed off each curve. Every time I moved it, the light reflected off the cuts, and it glowed all around the diamond.
“What do you think, Dylan?”
It was Haifa who had asked, so I looked up at him. “It’s beautiful.” I then glanced at Rose. “You’re absolutely sure this is the one?”
She smiled. It was the first time I’d seen her do that since we walked in here. “I’m positive.”
While Haifa described the size of the diamond, the cut, and the clarity—things I’d studied up on over the last few weeks to have a better knowledge of what I was purchasing—I stared at the ring. I pictured it on Alix’s finger; I thought of the grin she’d have on her face.
“I’ll take it,” I said. I reached into my pocket, grabbed my credit card, and set it in front of him. “Charge that for the full amount.”
Haifa took the card and said, “I’ll get it processed right now.”
Once he left the room with his assistant, I turned to Rose. “Thank you.”
“Of course. I’d do anything for that girl; you know that.” She started to play with her hair. “How are you going to ask her?” When I didn’t immediately answer, she said, “You do have a plan, don’t you?”
I laughed.
Rose was much more like me than her best friend.
“I’m going to fly us to St. Barts. Rent a house on the beach and propose on the sand. I’ll have a chef there to cook for us. We’ll have massages poolside. Access to a yacht if we want to go on the water. It’ll be total relaxation.”
“It sounds incredible.”
“I’m kidding, Rose.”
She started to laugh, her cheeks turning the same color as her name. “Then, what’s your idea?”
“I’m going to take her to Maine. I’ll keep it simple, probably a spur-of-the-moment thing because that’s what she’ll love.”
“You’re right about that. When do you plan on asking her?”
“Soon.” I rubbed my hands over the table, trying to cool down my palms. “I want to get married around this time next year.”
“A spring wedding, huh?”
I nodded. “It’s a perfect time in the city—not too hot and past the really cold months. After we get married, I’m going to take her on a two-week honeymoon. For the first week, we’ll spend half the time in South Africa and the other half at Mount Kilimanjaro. She’s going to love it there so much. And then we’ll spend the remainder of our time in Europe.”
She let go of her hair, her hands now in her lap. She looked at her fingers and then gazed up at me. “You be good to her, Dylan.”
“You don’t have to worry.”
“I always worry. She’s my best friend.”
Thirty-Five
Alix
Present Day
As I heard the creak of the door, my body went completely stiff.
My heart began to pound inside my chest.
My muscles screamed as though I’d hiked Cadillac Mountain twice today.
My body was responding to Dylan as I heard his feet move over the floor.
I hadn’t expected him.
Especially not after my date with Smith.
But he was here.
And I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I stayed in the ball I was tucked into, keeping my arms over my head and my face pressed into my thighs. “I’m sorry,” I whispered when he was right next to me. “I owe you an explanation. I just don’t know what to say.”
I had to be honest with him.
I certainly couldn’t lie.
Not now.
“Do you love him?”
Out of all the things, he had gone straight for the hardest.
When I took a breath, something moved into the back of my throat, jabbing that side of my tongue.
I could barely swallow; it hurt so badly.
I knew exactly what was causing it.
It was the guilt.
Shame.
Disgust.
Because I had to admit to Dylan, “I think I could love him.”
There was a spot on my jeans that caught what was running from my nose. Soon, there would be two more circles right above it from my eyes.
“Alix …”
There was nothing really to say at this point.
He wouldn’t tell me to stop seeing Smith or that I was doing something wrong.
“I wanted you to be my future, but someone took that choice away from me.”
The more silence that passed, the deeper it dug.
God, this place we were in, it never got any better.
It only stabbed me harder each time and always in a part of my body that wasn’t anticipating it.
Day after day.
I fucking hated it.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered again.
“Me, too.”
My throat tightened as a cry pushed its way out, and I said, “I-I love y-you.”
This wasn’t a realization.
We knew exactly where things stood.
This wasn’t good-bye either.
Saying that would be impossible.
This was us admitting our relationship would never be more than what we had now.
And I truly believed that until I heard, “I wish I knew now what I hadn’t known then.”
My hand slapped over my mouth, stopping the sob from screaming out through my lips.
Tears were pouring so fast; it felt like my eyes were bleeding.
I didn’t want him to leave either.
But voicing that wouldn’t change anything.
And removing my hand from my face would just let out the cries I didn’t want Dylan to hear.
So, the only thing left to do was to say, “Dylan, I’m not going to make it up to bed tonight.”
“Do you want me to stay?
”
I felt sick.
I was betraying both of them.
Dylan could smell Smith all over me.
And I was certain, at some point, Smith had known there was someone in my past whom I loved.
The throbbing in the back of my throat was becoming more intense, the longer I avoided the question.
I didn’t know why I had delayed giving him an answer.
We both knew what I wanted.
“Yes,” I said, “I want you to stay.”
Not moving from the ball I was already in, I felt him behind me. I nuzzled in, and a tingling spread to my shoulders and all the way across my back.
It relaxed me.
Calmed me.
It made me close my eyes.
And, just before I fell asleep, I heard, “I love you, too, Alix.”
Thirty-Six
Smith
Present Day
Alix met me at my office two nights later. I was in a meeting when she arrived, and once I got out, I found her looking at the pictures on the wall behind my desk. With her back to me, I watched her for a few seconds. Her ass looked fucking incredible in those jeans. Her hair was falling over her bare shoulders, skin I was hoping to kiss tonight.
Before she turned around and caught me staring, I shut the door and said, “Hey, Alix.”
She looked over her shoulder and smiled, and then she pointed at the photos. “Are these your favorite places so far?”
That girl.
I just couldn’t get enough of her.
I walked over to where she stood and put my hand on her waist, leaning in to press my lips against hers. Tonight, her mouth tasted like cinnamon, and so did her cheek, which I kissed next. “I like having you in here.”
“I hope that it’s okay. Your assistant said I could wait in your office.”
“She’s getting fired.”
She playfully punched my chest.
My hand ran down her side and around her back. When it reached her ass, I kissed just below her ear. “Yes, Alix, those are my favorite places,” I said, finally answering her question. I pulled my face out of her neck and looked up at the frames.
“I see Lake Tahoe made the list.”
The shot was in the middle of the three rows, taken from the Observation Deck on Heavenly Mountain. “Look at that view. How could it not?”
“I can’t wait to see it.” As I glanced down at her, she added, “With you.”
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and brought her closer to my chest, kissing the center of her forehead. “What do you feel like doing tonight?”
We’d made plans for her to come to my office but nothing beyond that.
“Isn’t there a Sox game on tonight?”
I checked the time. “It starts in about twenty minutes.”
“Let’s go to a bar and watch it.”
She was perfect.
In every goddamn way.
“I’m just going to change out of my suit, and then I’ll be ready to go.”
I went into the private restroom in the back of my office, placed the suit in a bag for dry cleaning, and put on a pair of jeans and a button-down with a pair of Converse. I slipped my phone and wallet into my back pockets and opened the door.
Alix was sitting at my desk.
“You look good in that chair.”
She swiveled to the right and the left and then stood. “It’s too fancy for me.” She came closer, stopping right in front of me. “I like that the only thing fancy about you is your title.”
I laughed. “What does that mean?”
“You’re more comfortable in jeans than a suit. Your house could be extremely over the top, but it’s tasteful and super comfortable. You want to go to a bar with me and devour a greasy burger instead of chateaubriand.”
Someone in her life had to be just the opposite, or she wouldn’t have made the comparison.
I didn’t care who it was.
“You need to know something, Alix.” I put my hands in my pockets, trying to hold back my grin. “I also really like chateaubriand.”
“Me, too, but it was the fanciest food I could think of at that moment.”
She was so real.
That was another thing I liked about her.
I put my hand on her lower back and led her through the door. “To be honest, I’d probably go for a burger over almost anything.” We passed the reception area and stepped into the elevator. “Or pasta.”
“I speak fluent pasta.”
“I’d like to hear what that sounds like, coming out of your mouth.”
Her cheeks flushed at my response, and the elevator door opened. We stepped off and went through the lobby, finally getting outside. I took her just a block away to an old Irish pub that I’d been to many times. We sat at the bar with the TV across from us and both ordered beer and burgers.
The bartender handed us our pints with a basket of peanuts.
“I need to know something,” I said once he left us alone. “This is extremely important, Alix.”
Her body faced me, and I could see how tense it was. “Okay …”
“Hockey or basketball?”
She relaxed, her face even lighting up when she answered, “Hockey, of course. I’m from Maine, so that should be a given.”
“Good answer.”
She took a drink of her beer. “My turn to ask something.” Her eyes narrowed, and I watched her think of a question. “Is chocolate your favorite kind of cake?”
I took one of the peanuts, cracked it open, and emptied it into my mouth. “No, strawberry is.”
“Really? I didn’t know anyone even liked that flavor.”
“I do.” I ate another nut and washed it down with the spring ale. “So, that means, if you spend more time with me, you’re going to have to accept having strawberry in your life.”
She laughed, and it was so beautiful—the sound, her expression, the redness that darkened her cheeks.
“What would be your second choice?” she asked.
“Lemon.”
“Oh God, that’s the one I regret every time I buy it.” She was giggling harder. “I don’t know if I can finish this date now.”
Her body was loosening even more.
Every noise she made sounded lighter.
This was a side I hadn’t seen.
And I was going to try my best to keep her right here.
I put my hand on her leg and said, “Whenever you need someone to eat chocolate with you, you can count on me. All I’m asking is, you give strawberry a fair shot.”
Before she could respond, the bartender approached and said, “Another round?”
I nodded.
“Please,” Alix replied.
I finished the rest of my beer and turned toward her. “I want to know the symbolism behind the sun photos.”
She ran her thumb over the glass, condensation dripping onto her skin. When she finally gazed at me, I saw the emotion even though she was trying like hell not to reveal it.
“A pilot once told me, he always hoped for sunny days. They were the easiest and safest and the flights with the least amount of concern.”
“In some way or another, that’s what we all hope for.”
“That’s why I share the pictures; we all need a little more hope.” She was quiet again. “And some people need the reminder that there will be more sunny days, especially me,” she mumbled the last part.
“Why?”
I’d never pushed before.
But this I had to know.
She crossed her legs and put her arms around her stomach at the same time. “I’m petrified of the rain.”
I was gentle when I asked, “The rain specifically? Or getting wet?”
She shook her head and didn’t respond for several seconds. “The sound of thunder.”
I could barely hear her, yet it felt like she was screaming.
I was looking her demon right in the eyes.
Her fear went beyond terror.
Hear it.
A few evenings ago had been one of the worst storms we’d had in a while. It had rained all day and night, the sky shuddering from all the lightning and thunder.
I had a feeling that was the reason she hadn’t come over.
That was what had made her feel sick.
She wasn’t the only one.
She needed to know that.
I took several sips of the new beer, and then I said, “Do you know what I fear?”
Every night, I had the same dream.
It didn’t matter if I only slept an hour or if I got a solid eight; I still had it.
In the dream, I saw a room. The streetlamp shining through the window gave me just enough light to see inside.
I was standing outside the house, my hands holding the frame of the glass.
My sister was in the room, sitting on the floor.
There was no bed. Just a pillow and blanket.
It looked almost identical to some of the rooms we’d shared as kids.
In Star’s hand was a needle, and a rubber tourniquet was tied around her bicep.
No matter how fucking hard I banged my fists against that window, I couldn’t shatter it.
I couldn’t find the front door.
And I couldn’t get inside to save her.
I knew what the dream meant.
“Tell me,” Alix said. Her voice was still so soft.
“I worry my sister will make a bad decision and turn out just like my mother.” Beer wasn’t strong enough to hide my demons. I would die with those memories fresh in my head. “I’ve been trying to protect Star from the minute she was born. I did everything I could, but back then, it wasn’t enough.” I shook my head. “She’s doing so well, and she can lose it all so fast.”
She put her hand on top of mine. “We both have our own storms.”
Alix wasn’t just realizing this. She was just saying it out loud for the first time.
She reached into her purse and took out her phone, pressing something on the screen before she showed it to me. It was a picture of the entrance to Fenway with the sun shining across the lettering.
“You’re giving me a sunny day?”
She nodded. “You need it.”