by Kat Simons
“I was wondering how long it would take you to come looking for me,” Jaxer said without looking away from the sky.
“Cary needs you, though it pains me to admit it. So where the hell have you been?”
“Sit down, Deacon.”
“Answer my question, faery.”
“Sit. There’s some things you should know.” He finally turned his head and looked at Deacon. “My story will explain a lot.”
Reluctantly, Deacon lowered himself to the soft grass.
“She really is your mate, isn’t she?” Jaxer said. He was staring at the stars again. “I’ve never seen you so on edge.”
On edge was a definite understatement. But since Deacon thought he’d been displaying a remarkable degree of control given the circumstances, Jaxer’s comment both pissed him off and annoyed him. “Shit.”
“Getting worse?” Jaxer asked.
“Yes.”
“Being the mate of a Protector isn’t going to be easy, Deacon. Ever.”
“Yeah, well that’s something we’ll have to deal with. She got stuck with an out-of-control leopard.”
“Not just any leopard,” Jaxer said. “Have you told her yet?”
“No. Later. When I can think straight again, and she’s more comfortable with me.”
Jaxer nodded. “Fair enough.” He blew out a long breath. “I have to say, I am really not happy Cary turned out to be your mate.”
“You wanted her for yourself?” Deacon really didn’t have to ask. He’d scented Jaxer’s attraction to Cary that first morning in her house.
“I thought… In a few months.” Jaxer shrugged.
“Why a few months? You’ve known her for years. Why not hit on her earlier?” The very idea made Deacon’s body tight with rage. He ground his teeth together and held on to the last shreds of his control by will alone. He had a feeling he needed to hear this.
“For the last six years, I’ve been her mentor, she’s been my student. I taught her as much as I could about being a Protector. And during all that time, I had to keep my…interest to myself. It’s the rule.” He rolled the word out. “My bosses have been reminding me of this rule a lot. Cary calls them the Nags. It’s appropriate.”
“You’ve wanted her from the beginning?” Deacon asked.
“Actually, no. My feelings developed over time. She’s a pretty amazing woman. I’m not even sure when I started thinking of her differently. But the feelings have gotten more intense over the years. And in another three weeks and a day, the rule of not getting involved with my student won’t apply anymore.”
“What happens then?” Deacon clenched his jaw. He hated this conversation. He had to know this stuff, but he didn’t like it. Every word made his leopard snarl. And he was afraid the next thing out of Jaxer’s mouth was only going to make matters worse.
“My tenure as mentor ends,” Jaxer said. “Protectors get six years of mentoring once they begin officially working—”
“Officially working?”
Jaxer paused, frowning a little. “Most future Protectors start their educations early. Then they begin officially working at twenty-one.”
“When did Cary start?” The fact that he didn’t know, the fact that there was still so much about her he didn’t know because they hadn’t had enough time alone, only angered his leopard further.
“Twenty-six,” Jaxer said. “Her situation wasn’t typical. She’s not typical.”
“You want to explain that?” Deacon growled.
Jaxer ignored the tone. “If she wants to tell you, she will.”
“She said she was tricked into it. Something about saving a puppy from a demon.”
Jaxer laughed and shook his head. He glanced at Deacon. “I don’t know about being tricked, although she loves to pull out that card. She was recruited, so to speak, after she stood up to a demon to protect a dog. Even after she realized she was in over her head, she still faced off against the demon. Bravest damned thing I’ve ever seen. And the stupidest. But it was a very Cary thing to do. She’s perfect for this job. Whether she believes it or not. If not for—”
When he cut himself off, Deacon’s instincts jumped with suspicion. “What? If not for what, Jaxer?” Even he was surprised by the deep, gravely sound of his voice.
Jaxer gave him a slight frown, then sighed. “She doesn’t even know this.”
“Damn it, faery, if you don’t start talking I’m going to hurt you. I need to hurt something very badly right now so don’t push me.”
Jaxer rolled his eyes, not looking even remotely worried. Which wasn’t very smart, Deacon thought. When Jaxer still didn’t say anything, Deacon snarled. “Talk.”
“It’s… We’re looking into it, okay. But Cary, she’s…” Jaxer lifted his hands in a shrug. “Most Protectors have some kind of power. They’re not ordinary humans like Cary. They have magic all on their own, usually something they can use offensively. Cary doesn’t have that. Without the Protector powers, she’s just a vulnerable human who can be killed.”
Deacon felt his head spinning. He had to close his eyes to keep from doing violence.
“She knows that part,” Jaxer said. “What she doesn’t know is… She’s not supposed to be getting hurt when she’s protecting someone.”
Very carefully, with his eyes still closed, Deacon said, “Explain.”
“Liruk thought at first it was because Cary wouldn’t fully embrace her position as Protector. She still uses that excuse with Cary. But the Nags and I have known for a while now it has to be something else. Nothing should get through their magic to hurt her while she’s protecting someone.”
“Your theory?” Deacon spoke through his teeth, his jaw tight. When he felt his hands actually starting to shift to claws, he buried his fingers in the soil beneath him, gripping the earth and rocks like a lifeline to sanity.
“We have no idea,” Jaxer said. “As far as we can tell, she doesn’t have any powers. The Nags can usually tell.”
“Usually?”
“There are a few things they can’t pick up, but most of those possibilities have been eliminated over the years.”
“Jaxer…”
“All we know is Cary is vulnerable and powerful all at once.”
“How is she still powerful?”
“She channels the Nags’ magic better than anyone I’ve ever trained. Which is why her getting hurt is so confusing. Because she doesn’t have any other magic, there’s nothing getting in the way of the Protector powers. So when she’s actually standing between danger and the good guys, as she puts it, she’s incredibly strong, impossible to move. She just shouldn’t be getting hurt all the time. And when she’s not protecting someone, she’s too easy to kill.”
Deacon let out a slow, deliberate breath. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate everything you’re saying to me right now.” He finally opened his eyes and looked at Jaxer.
Jaxer raised his brows. “Your eyes are glowing. Your leopard is showing.”
“Why haven’t you told her she’s not supposed to be getting hurt?”
“The Nags decided until she got through her seventh year, it was better she didn’t know. She’s always been a bit of a flight risk. But she’ll just keep jumping in front of people to protect them. She’ll get killed without the Protector magic. We thought she’d be safer this way. A few cracked ribs are a lot better than death.”
Deacon grunted. “Seventh year? Why is that significant?”
Jaxer picked at the grass, not looking at him when he said, “Protectors are set loose in their seventh year. A test of all they’ve learned. If they survive, their full powers come to the fore.”
“And if they don’t survive?” Deacon asked.
“Their families are compensated.”
Deacon felt something give in his hand. He glanced down to see the gravelly remains of a fist-sized rock dripping from between his clenched fingers. “Does Cary know this part?” he forced out.
“No,” Jaxer said. �
�Protectors never do. They have to learn to survive on their own, without the help of their mentors. They have to learn how to solve their own problems. Her powers are already stronger. She’s capable of things now that she doesn’t even realize. Those powers will continue to develop during the seventh year.”
“Will she continue to get hurt?”
Jaxer shrugged. “We don’t know.”
“So why the hell don’t you tell her?” Deacon’s anger rolled in his gut.
“She needs to learn about her powers and how to use them on her own. That’s what the seventh year is all about.” Jaxer fell silent a moment, then quietly, “She’ll survive, Deacon. She’ll figure everything out.”
Deacon couldn’t speak. Anger clogged his throat. They were going to throw her to the lions in less than a month, without warning, without telling her all the things she needed to know to survive. She didn’t have a clue what was coming. And they were going to leave her to sort it out on her own.
“Were you planning on making your feelings clear to her once the seventh year began?” Deacon asked when he could finally speak.
“Yes,” Jaxer said. “So I would have stuck around. I wouldn’t have been able to help her officially, but I’d still have been there.”
“Then why are you abandoning her now? Before the year is up? Why are you pulling back already?”
“I’m supposed to start giving her room to make more decisions. Until you made your claim on her, I hadn’t intended to pull back this much. But now… For my sake as well as hers, I think this is for the best.”
“For you maybe.” Deacon’s lip lifted in a snarl. “She’s at a loss, hurting and confused, and it’s your fault. You’re lucky we’ve known each other so long, or I’d have to rip your throat out for doing this to her.”
Jaxer’s mouth quirked up at one corner. “That’s the only reason I’m still sitting here, leopard.”
“Will you go on to mentor another Protector?”
“Eventually. Not right away.”
“How long have you been doing this?”
“I’ve mentored twenty Protectors. I was recruited a hundred and sixty years ago, when I first came to this country.”
“How many have survived the seventh year?”
“All but one.”
“And that one? What happened?”
Jaxer sighed. “He couldn’t control the powers he had, and he lost track of why he had them. He’d been a talented wizard before becoming a Protector. He started going after people during his seventh year—no longer just protecting, but actually killing people who he thought might be a threat someday. He made mistakes. And then he made one deadly one.”
“Fuck.” Deacon closed his eyes again. “What the hell have you and those Nags gotten Cary into?”
“She chose this life,” Jaxer said, “whether she admits it out loud or not. And she’s damned good at it. She won’t lose track of why she does what she does. Besides, you should be thanking us.”
Deacon opened his eyes, incredulous. “Thanking you?”
“Yes, Mr. shapeshifter-future-king-of-the-leopards-going-to-live-another- hundred-and-fifty-years-if-no-one-kills-you-first. Thanks to her Protector powers, Cary’s aging has slowed significantly. She’ll live much longer than she would have otherwise. I don’t know how you can possibly be the mate of a human, but thanks to us, that human will be able to live almost as long as you do.”
“If she survives the next year,” Deacon pointed out.
“She will,” Jaxer said, but he didn’t look at Deacon when he said it. “She’ll survive. She has to.”
“What the hell am I going to tell her?” Deacon murmured after a while.
“About my absence?”
“That. And Holland.”
Jaxer turned sharply, staring at Deacon. “Oliver Holland?”
“Yeah. He’s the man after Jonathon. Or the demon I should say.”
“Oliver Holland is the Boss? Bugger.”
Deacon studied Jaxer. “I know he’s dangerous as hell, and he smells like death and revenge. What don’t I know?”
“I don’t know a lot more. He’s been untethered for centuries.”
Which confirmed what Deacon had already suspected.
“Demon hunters don’t bother him,” Jaxer continued. “His freeing is something of a legend, though no one seems to know the real story anymore. He’s very powerful, rich, and incredibly dangerous.”
“All of which we already knew.”
“But dangerous as he is,” Jaxer ignored the interruption, “he’s never made an effort to recruit other supernatural talents before. That was one of the few things that made his existence…survivable. Now, suddenly, he’s gathering powers around him? Not good.”
“You need to figure out how to take care of this,” Deacon said. “Cary’s six years aren’t up yet.”
Jaxer nodded, scanning the dark trees as he thought. “We have to find out what use an animal speaker is to Holland.”
“Remember Jon can call animals, too. Even a shapeshifter’s animal, against the shifter’s will. Someone like Holland is bound to have a use for that.”
“The boy couldn’t call your leopard fully,” Jaxer pointed out. “You resisted. How powerful can he be?”
“Powerful enough the Nags want him protected. Powerful enough that he almost called up my leopard. Mine.”
“Fair point,” Jaxer admitted, then flowing to his feet.
It was damned fortunate Jaxer was so good at glamour. The way he moved sometimes, he’d never pass as human otherwise.
“I’ll go dig into Holland’s business,” Jaxer said. “Tell Cary I’ll be in touch soon with as much as I can find. Tell her I’ll send Angie with any information I get.”
Deacon released his death grip on the rocky soil and stood. “Anything you need to stop Holland, let me know. I’m not limited to defensive powers.”
Jaxer jerked his chin in a short nod. A set of steps materialized next to the faery, leading down inside the hill. When he’d disappeared underground and the stairs vanished, Deacon turned back toward his SUV.
He had some thinking to do. He had to decide just how much of this to tell his mate.
19
When Deacon arrived at her house the next morning, Cary met him at the door frowning.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I think you’d better stop bringing donuts over every morning,” she said.
“Why?” He slid past her into the house, making sure he brushed against her as he did.
She closed the door. “I had trouble buttoning my jeans this morning,” she muttered.
“Maybe they shrunk in the washing machine?”
“They aren’t newly washed.”
She looked so sad, he had to pull her into his arms. “I think you look beautiful and should eat donuts whenever you like.”
“That’s nice of you. But it’s not just about whether I look good or not—”
“You look good.”
His interruption made her smile slightly. “Deacon. I don’t mind the extra twenty pounds I carry around because it doesn’t interfere with my ability to move fast when I need to. Sometimes I have to run to get between a bad guy and the person I’m protecting. If I put on too much weight, I’ll have trouble sprinting. And I put on weight really really easily if I’m eating donuts every morning.”
“You want to go running later then? To help work off the donuts?”
She scowled. “I don’t run if I don’t have to. My Protector powers give me the boost I need when I do have to move fast. I just have to stay fit enough for the powers to work well.”
“You don’t like running?” he asked. “Even for fun?”
“Fun?” she said, sounding incredulous. “Why on earth would anyone consider running fun? It’s what you do when you’re trying to get away from bad guys. Or between bad guys and good guys.”
“Not always,” he said. “Sometimes it’s nice to stretch out and just run for the shee
r joy of it. To feel your muscles moving, the flex and strain, your blood pumping, your lungs working. The smell of the green earth as you pass between the trees…”
“You’re not talking about running on two legs anymore, are you?”
He tilted his head. “No. I guess I’m not.”
She dropped her gaze and pulled out of his arms.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” A sense of panic shot through him, and he wasn’t sure why.
“Deacon… Are you…?”
He took hold of her arms and pulled her closer. “Cary, what’s wrong? What did I say?”
“It’s just… That’s the kind of thing I won’t ever be able to share with you. Won’t you miss that? Wouldn’t you prefer a mate who could go running with you, on four legs?”
“What? No. I mean… You’re my mate.”
“Are you absolutely positive?” she asked. “We both know I shouldn’t be. Maybe, if we don’t allow things to go any further, maybe you’ll find someone else who would be better for you.”
“Stop. Where the hell is this coming from?”
“I’m just not…”
“Not what, damn it?”
She scowled. “I’m not sure this thing between us is meant to be. Or that it’s even good for us. For you.”
“Who says?”
“For one thing, your control says.”
“I can deal with my lack of control.”
“Like you are now? You do realize I’m going to have bruises, right?”
He dropped his hands instantly and took a step away from her, shock making his heart pound. “Oh god, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me I was hurting you?”
“If I was a shifter, would that have hurt?”
“I would never hurt you on purpose. Shifter or not.” She was scaring the shit out of him. “What is this about? You don’t want me? Is that it? I’m not what you want in a mate.”
She laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “What woman wouldn’t want you? Yes, I want you. But I’m not sure that’s enough.”
“It’s enough.”
“Deacon.”
He put a finger against her lips to stop her saying any more. “It’s enough. Even if you can’t run through the woods on four legs. Mates need differences as well as similarities.” He risked getting closer. “We just need more time together. Like you said, to get to know each other better. You’ll see.”