“I called up a hardly used black defense in reverse: the Steinmetz defense to the Ruy Lopez, which hasn’t been played in over a hundred years. Like Momma says, ‘Eso es eso.’ That was it! I immediately pictured hundreds of variations of this old-time reverse defense strategy, which I now knew was the way to open tomorrow’s game.
“But then what? I mean, how could I then sucker Chess Maven into a trap? I wracked my brains. Then it came to me. In the second game, Chess Maven turned down a draw and beat me. I thought, Turn its strength against itself. Make it play to win!
“So in the game, I offered my queen again as a sacrifice—but in return for only a rook and a knight. Chess Maven saw the material lure but couldn’t understand why I’d sacrifice the queen a second time during a match. Computers assume the humin mind is limited. Chess Maven must have figured I can’t understand all the complications of sacrificing my queen for a rook and a knight.
“Then I had another brainstorm. I made two repetitions. Chess Maven refused to accept the draw. It allowed my sacrifice and played to win. It can’t help itself; that’s how it’s programmed—it plays only to win.
“At that point all I had to do was promote my pawn on the a-file and get a new queen. I won the game in three moves.”
Johnny: “Long live the humin mind!”
Wakinoya Yoshiharu
Teratol’s victory was also a triumph for Fritz and the Ozaki Institute. As a result he won a huge GE contract to design a humin genome that would stimulate the enlargement of the inferior parietal lobe, the math center of the brain, endowing it with the capacity to create a Theory Of Everything.
At the party celebrating the contract, Fritz came to me stinko and said, “Shokaki, I’m gonna make us a TOE-head! A TOE-head will give us the formula to master space and time. Whoopee!”
From Sri Billy Lee Mookerjee’s home page, October 21, 2053:
My beloved sheila, Alfred Howe, has left my service after failing to gain Gaian Consciousness. He took a job with Lunartech-Interares in Armstrong Keep on the moon. I know I speak for all my fellow Gaians in wishing him the best of luck.
Johnny Baker to Sri Billy Lee Mookerjee, October 22, 2053:
Last summer in Elmwood Park, I heard you say, “Death makes life possible.” I’m terrified of death. Teach me to affirm that it’s a necessity. Help me gain Gaian Consciousness. Take me on as your sheila in place of Alfred Howe.
Sri Billy Lee Mookerjee to Johnny Baker, October 24, 2053:
No. You were born to be an artist. Serve your gift, not me.
Alex Thomas jr. to Johnny Baker, January 12, 2054:
Tied Score, which I dedicated to Ishtar Teratol, had a student premiere performance in Paul Hall last night. A well-organized gang of AANGAs shouted down the soprano, a talented undergraduate from the Juilliard Opera Center who burst into tears and ran off the stage. Fistfights broke out in the audience.
From Jeanette Baker’s journal, March 8, 2054:
TOP IN-NEWS STORY:
MARIA LOPEZ KIDNAPED ON INTERNATIONAL WOMIN’S DAY
Longtime Chairpersin Of North American
Gynarchist Liberation League Taken By Unknown Assailants;
Four Masked Men Abduct Leading Antagonist Of Legalized
Polygamy Outside Atlanta Hotel; Bodyguard Fatally Shot
From John Firth Baker’s computer file “YoungGynLeague,” entry dated March 9, 2054:
FEMINIZE THE HUMIN RACE!
Date: March 9, 2054
From: jfbaker
To: CKHYGL
Subj: Taking over this afternoon’s all-school International Womin’s Day Assembly in the quad.
Sisters:
We have just been instructed by the Executive Committee of the North American Midwest Gynarchist League to turn this afternoon’s International Womin’s Day celebration into a protest rally against Sister Lopez’ kidnaping.
Here are some tips from the Committee on how a small group like us can dominate a crowd jammed into a confined space:
1. The International Womin’s Day rally is scheduled for 3 P.M. Arrive promptly at 2:30.
2. Facing west, towards the honey locust tree, fan out through the crowd in the shape of an inverted V, which will make it seem that there are many more of us present than are actually there.
3. At 2:55 P.M. sharp, start chanting “Free Maria Lopez!” in unison for five minutes. (Keep at it. Others will join in!)
4. At exactly 3 P.M. our chairpersin, Sandy Chan, standing on a chair, will raise both arms—our signal to shut up. Sandy will then speak for five minutes. At the end, she’ll call for a unanimous resolution, to be passed by acclamation, of the whole student body: “Free Maria Lopez now!” Whoop it up!!!
Sister Johnny Baker, (11th Grade) Secretary,
The Cather Keep High Young Gynarchist League
From John Firth Baker’s computer file “YoungGynLeague,” entry dated March 10, 2054:
FEMINIZE THE HUMIN RACE!
Date: March 10, 2054
From: jfbaker
To: CKHYGL
Subj: An emergency self-criticism session
Sisters:
An emergency self-criticism session will be held in room 406 (the chem lab) at 5 P.M. today to analyze our collective failure to take over yesterday’s rally in the quad. Attendance is mandatory. Sisters who fail to attend will be expelled from the Cather Keep High Young Gynarchist League without right of appeal!
Sister Johnny Baker, (11th Grade) Secretary,
The Cather Keep High Young Gynarchist League
From Jeanette Baker’s journal, March 10, 2054:
Lopez still missing; her bodyguard, an ex-Marine named Ruth Cardoza, was buried today in Arlington.
From Jeanette Baker’s journal, March 14, 2054:
TOP IN-NEWS STORY:
MORMON FUNDAMENTALISTS FREE MARIA LOPEZ IN
EUGENE, OREGON
Foe Of Polygamy Was Clitorectomized And Her Nipples
Amputated In Captivity By Religious Org
The True Church of Old Line Aryan Mormons
(TCOLAM) Home Page Declares It Made Chief American
Gynarchist “Atone For Sins With Blood Offering”
From John Firth Baker’s computer file “YoungGynLeague,” entry dated March 23, 2054:
FEMINIZE THE HUMIN RACE!
Date: March 23, 2054
From: jfbaker
To: CKHYGL
Subj: Minutes of today’s meeting.
Sisters:
It was unanimously resolved at today’s meeting that we send Sister Maria Lopez a token of our esteem while she’s recuperating from her recent ordeal.
Our Chairpersin, Sister Sandy Chan, suggested we give Sister Lopez a first edition of the 20th-century classic, The Reign of the Phallus by Eva C. Keuls, the 1985 book that gave the word “phallocracy” to the world.
Sister Sandy reported that her mom, Ruby, who’s a lifelong Gynarchist, owns a copy of said book and told Sandy she’d be pleased to donate it to our cause. Ruby’s copy, however, is minus a cover, and would cost at least $225 to repair, which we can’t afford because as our Treasurer, Sister Cassandra Kramer, pointed out, our treasury is down to an all-time low of $5.82.
At this point our Secretary, Sister Johnny Baker, volunteered to ask his good friend, the book repairer Indira Rabindra, to re-cover said book gratis as gesture of sympathy for Maria Lopez.
Sister Baker will report back on the results of his request to Ms. Rabindra as soon as he can.
Sister Johnny Baker, (11th Grade) Secretary,
The Cather Keep High Young Gynarchist League
Indira Rabindra
As a womin, sure, I felt for Lopez, but I told Johnny business is business. My charge for re-covering a book, depending on its condition, was upwards of $264. Then I had an idea. I always wanted one of Johnny’s drawings. I told him I’d repair The Reign of the Phallus in exchange for a drawing he’d make me on the subject of bound books.
Johnny said, “I don’t know a
nything about bound books.”
I said, “I’ll teach you.”
“You got yourself a deal.”
Because The Reign of the Phallus didn’t need to be resewed, I was able to re-cover it during one long Sunday, from 8 A.M. to 7:00 in the evening with half an hour off for lunch. I work on my feet; it gives me better leverage and control. Johnny watched me the whole time. I can still see him standing on the other side of the big table behind my precious 1939 letterpress, the kind that screws down by hand.
Repairing The Reign of the Phallus was a routine job. I added eighty-pound manila endpapers and used blue canton flannel for the cover. Johnny wanted to help. I showed him how to round the corners with my bone folder and crease the joints in back. He caught on fast—Johnny had a feel for tools. He also glued the completed case.
After work, he asked to see my little collection of 20th-century bound and printed books.
From John Firth Baker’s interview in The International Review of Manual Art:
I gawked at Indira’s old books—a couple hundred all told: novels, histories, herstories, and biographies neatly stacked on ten or twelve shelves. I never saw so many bound books together in one place. Each book was a different height and width and color. The crowded shelves were a feast for the eyes!
Linda Stein, ex libris for Indira Rabindra, 2036, ink on scratchboard drawing. Collection Indira Rabindra
I picked a familiar title off the bottom shelf: Gimpel the Fool, by Isaac Bashevis Singer, a book of short stories I read at school in a digital edition. There was something pasted inside the front cover.
Indira Rabindra
Johnny had never seen a bookplate before. He asked me what ex libris meant. I explained, and he said, “I’m gonna make a bookplate for Maria Lopez.”
Ex libris for Maria Lopez, 2052, ink on scratchboard drawing. Collection National Archives, Washington, D.C.
From John Firth Baker’s interview in The International Review of Manual Art:
As you well know, the bookplate I designed for Maria Lopez made me famous—or I should say, infamous. For the life of me, I can’t recall how I thought of the image. I remember drawing it and giving the original to Indira, but not how it came to me in the first place.
Indira Rabindra
As you can well imagine, given its subsequent notoriety, Johnny’s bookplate is now worth a small fortune. I gave it on permanent loan to the National Archives.
Sri Billy Lee Mookerjee to Johnny Baker, April 5, 2054:
I’m writing you from Denver, where I’m helping the young congregation of Colorado’s First Church of Gaia prepare for the Centennial State’s upcoming annual Earth Day parade. This year’s parade commemorates the recent extinction by global warming of a unique local species of butterfly, the Uncompahgre fritillary (Boloria acrocnema), which lived only in the cool, wet environment once found on the Uncompahgre and Red Cloud Peaks in Colorado’s San Juan Mountains. During the last decade the climatic change to warmer, drier weather here wiped the species out.
I remember the banner you designed two years ago for Local 103 of the Hairstylist’s Guild in Nebraska’s Earth Day parade, and I wonder if you would design a marching banner for our Church, using the likeness of the extinct butterfly.
Unfortunately the Church can only afford to pay you the token amount of $350 for your work, but you will have the satisfaction of using your talent in Gaia’s service.
Johnny Baker to Sri Billy Lee Mookerjee, April 6, 2054:
Make me your sheila and my talents are yours to command. Otherwise, bug off! (Ha! Ha!)
Yours truly,
Sri Billy Lee Mookerjee to Johnny Baker, April 6, 2054:
Make yourself into what you were born to be—an artist.
Cather Keep High Young Gynarchist League to Sister Maria Lopez, April 21, 2054:
Dear Sister Lopez:
Please accept this gift of a 1985 first edition of Eva C. Keuls’ The Reign of the Phallus from our membership as an expression of our admiration for you in your struggle against phallocratic oppression.
The book was donated by the mother of our chairpersin, Sister Sandy Chan. The bookplate inside the front cover is the work of our Secretary, Sister Johnny Baker, who drew it by hand.
We Young Gynarchists at Cather Keep High hope you enjoy our present and are soon back feminizing the humin race.
Sincerely,
John Firth Baker,
Secretary, The Cather Keep High Young Gynarchist League
Sister Maria Lopez to The Cather Keep High Young Gynarchist League, May 3, 2034:
FEMINIZE THE HUMIN RACE!
Dear Sisters:
Thank you for your good wishes and thoughtful gift. I shall always treasure the first edition of The Reign of the Phallus and the bookplate that your Secretary, Sister Johnny Baker, drew especially for me.
My ordeal at the hands of TCOLAM convinces me that we must intensify our struggle against all phallocratic religious authority. Organized submission to mythical tribal father gods is the psychological basis of the global phallocratic oppression of wominkind.
Sisters! Topple the altars that phallocratic priests have erected in your minds to their tribal father gods! Raze their stone shrines to the ground!
Yours in Sisterhood,
Sister Mary Lopez, Chairpersin,
The North American Gynarchist Liberation League
Sister Maria Lopez to Sister Johnny Baker, May 3, 2054:
Thank you again for your personalized bookplate. Your innovative representation of the Gyn Sign piercing a male symbol in the guise of a snake is too potent a symbol to be reserved for my personal use. It must be put to work in our struggle to feminize—to civilize—the humin race. Accordingly, the Executive Committee of the North American Gynarchist Liberation League authorizes me to purchase exclusive rights to your representation of the interlocking, combatant gender symbols which appears on my bookplate for an honorarium of $100.
If you agree, Sister Johnny, please sign the accompanying document, and, as you are legally underage, please ask your mother, Sister Jeanette Baker, to cosign it. I’m confident she will. Our records show that Sister Jeanette has been an active, valued member of the North American Gynarchist League since July 2, 2033.
Thank you both in advance for your inestimable contribution to our Cause.
Yours in Sisterhood.
In consideration of the payment of $100.00, receipt of which is hereby acknowledged, I hereby convey to the North American Gynarchist League all of my right, interest and title in and to my representation and drawing of the Gyn Sign piercing a male symbol, in the guise of a snake, which appears on Maria Lopez’s Bookplate, with the understanding that the aforesaid representation will not be used for commercial purposes or profit, but only for the advancement of world Gynarchism and the feminization of the humin race.
Sister John Firth Baker
Sister Jeanette Baker (Parent)
Johnny Baker to Mentor, May 6, 2054:
What’s the cheapest way to grow tits?
Mentor to Johnny Baker, May 6, 2054:
The Salmacis Gender Reassignment Clinic in Havana, Cuba (www.hermaphrodite.com) offers clients a no-frills transgenic mastogenesis for $7040.
Transgenic mastogenesis is a painless implantation into a humin of a hybrid molecular vector carrying a mastogenic gene from the male Malaysian Dayak fruit bat (Dyacopterus spadiceus), the only known male mammal that nurses its young. Its mastogenic gene, discovered in 2014, stimulates the growth of milk-producing breasts in the male bat without altering its male secondary sexual characteristics.
Transplanted to humins, the gene does the same within three to four months.
For Sale, online ad, 2054, scratchboard drawing
From John Firth Baker’s interview in The International Review of Manual Art:
I spent the night drawing my chest like my chest was going out of style—which it was.
John Firth Baker’s online advertisement on boybond.555, May 13, 205
4:
Now that I caught your eye, the truth is I’m a summer rental. My name is Johnny. I’m 16. W. Blue eyes. 5'11". Uncut. Very well hung. I’ll be your slave boy while school is out from June 14 through Labor Day. I’m cheap at the price: $8500 (no haggling), plus a round-trip ticket to New York, where my Master must reside. Want me for your very own? Contact [email protected].
Dominus to slaveboy, May 19, 2054:
I’m a thirty-nine-year-old, successful member of the business class. I own a hanging-garden apartment twenty-four floors above an Upper West Side Manhattan canal. Send me a picture of yourself naked. If I like what I see, I’ll meet your price and make you my slave.
Dominus to slaveboy, May 20, 2054:
Sold!
Johnny Baker to Mentor, May 20, 2054:
Give me one paragraph on New York.
Mentor to Johnny Baker, May 20, 2054:
New York City (pop. 12,102,142) is the cultural and fun capital of the world. The city’s made up of five boroughs, the heart of which is Manhattan Island. From 2028–36, as the rising Atlantic flooded the Eastern Seaboard, much of the old city of Manhattan was torn down. Present-day New York was built in its place along 504.3 miles of freshly dug waterways and canals.
Slaveboy to Dominus, May 20, 2054:
I hope to be a manual artist. In fact, I did the drawing for my online ad. Please make up some cover story about me winning a bogus scholarship, with all expenses paid, to study manual art in Manhattan this summer.
Otherwise, Mother won’t let me go.
Your obedient slave boy, Johnny.
P.S. My full name is John Firth Baker.
The Rev. Theodore Petrakis
Oberlin let out late that year, the last week in May. After church, the first Sunday I was home, Johnny came for brunch. All he talked about, over my spinach frittata, was Billy Lee—and how he, Johnny, was going to prove himself worthy of becoming Billy Lee’s sheila.
The Song of the Earth Page 12