With the chance that I could be traded after the end of my contract, I supposed that in a way I would be. “I think it’s hard,” I decided. “I can’t say with confidence that I wouldn’t expect a girlfriend to make sacrifices for me. I’ve never thought about how that’s... sexist. Is that what you’re saying?”
Maria took the bowl from me, showing me how to roll the dough into small balls. “I don’t think it’s always sexist,” she clarified. “Some jobs come with different expectations. I think most people are smart enough to know what they’re getting involved with. You don’t marry a soldier or a doctor if you’re not willing to make sacrifices. And that’s true when the soldiers and doctors are women, too.”
She set one small ball aside, then dipped back into the bowl to make another. “But when two people’s jobs are… more or less equal, I think some men assume that their job is more important. Not because they’ve sat down and thought about whether the job itself is more demanding, but because that’s what they saw growing up.”
Pausing, Maria looked at me. Her expression was both intent and yet vulnerable. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t make sacrifices,” she added. “I would if it was logical that I be the one to make them. Or if my partner made equal sacrifices to be with me. But I won’t sacrifice more just because I’m the woman.”
“Yeah, that makes sense and seems fair,” I commented truthfully. I didn’t think one partner should make more effort than the other. Still, I recognized how for me, at least, it hadn’t always been the case. But that was not something I wanted to go into with Maria, even if it did kind of feel like I probably could.
I balled the dough up just how she’d instructed, giving Maria a smile. “You’re a pretty good friend, Masha,” I told her in slow Russian.
Surprisingly, she shook her head. “I am an excellent friend,” she corrected. “You are lucky.” Her arrogance made me laugh. The confidence was well-deserved. Maria was an excellent friend. I didn’t think I had many who would have agreed to make and eat protein cookies if they didn’t have to.
We kept adding balls of dough until we’d run out. “This is going to make a lot of cookies,” Maria observed. “Good thing you have a hockey team to feed them to.”
She pointed to the recipe, putting me in charge of measuring and mixing the right amounts of cinnamon and coconut sugar.
“What would you have done if you hadn’t been a hockey player?” Maria asked.
“I’d still want to do something hockey-related,” I answered confidently. “Having my dad play hockey while I grew up, I always knew I wanted to do hockey things.” Truthfully, since I had played from such a young age and was good at playing, I’d never given a lot of thought to what else I could do. Mama had been insistent I still study hard, which I could understand.
Injuries could be life-changing. We all knew that. Mama, especially. As a nurse married to a professional ice hockey player, she’d always known the dangers. “I think I would’ve liked to be a physiotherapist. They do so much to make sure players get to play, it’s pretty cool.” I hadn’t been off for injuries a lot. The one time I had torn my ACL, it had been the physiotherapist who’d gotten me back on the ice.
“That’s pretty heroic,” Maria observed. “If I couldn’t do the thing I loved, I don’t know if I’d have the temperament to help other people do it.” I hadn’t thought about it that way. I’d only thought that I would still get to be around hockey, still get to experience the highs of victory and the lows of defeat. And be a part of all that. Watching my dad play, it had been the rhythm of my life from an early age.
Maria dipped one of the cookie balls in the sugar mix, then gestured for me to do the same. “I don’t really take after either of my parents,” she said. “Dad was a teacher and mom worked at a hotel. It was dad who saw that I was good with numbers. Even though he didn’t teach math, he would always sit down with me to do extra work on the weekends. She grinned. “So I was lucky, too, having parents who would support me like that.”
“I’m sure your dad would be very proud of you,” I told Maria honestly. “Doing something you love is important.” Maybe it was a bit rich coming from me because I really loved my job. But then so did Maria. I still didn’t quite understand what it was she did. But she had said she’d look at my investments, so I took that as a good sign.
I bumped my shoulder against Maria’s when she didn’t say anything. “No sadness in the cookies,” I informed her seriously.
She smiled at that, looking only a little sad around the edges. “They’re happy memories,” she pointed out. “Obviously, I wish he could still be here. But looking back at the time that he was isn’t painful. I’m grateful that we got as much time with him as we did.”
I couldn’t imagine how much time it would take to get to Maria’s level of serenity about losing a parent. But she had had time. Nearly eighteen years.
“Okay, so we need to flatten each of these balls into a cookie shape,” she explained. “Then they’re ready to go in the oven.” The prospect of baked cookies definitely made her seem brighter. “And after that, you’ll give me a tour?” she reminded me.
“Yeah, sounds good,” I nodded, working the balls the way Maria told me.
We got the trays ready, setting out the flattened cookie shapes at a distance that Maria recommended. She turned the oven on and soon the first batch was ready to go in. “Tour first?” I asked. Presumably, the cookies wouldn’t need to be in for too long.
I was excited to show her the house. Unlike so many of my guests, she would actually recognize and enjoy some of the things my parents had brought over from Russia for me.
“Let’s go,” Maria agreed, linking her arm with mine and letting me lead the way.
Maria seemed impressed. Not by the size of the house, as I knew some people were, but by how I’d chosen what to put where. It felt good to have her complimenting my decisions.
We put the cookies in the oven when we got back. Before long, the kitchen smelled like freshly-baked treats. We burned our fingers trying the cookies straight out of the oven. Maria deemed them almost as good as her nana’s recipe - which was good enough for me!
I hoped taking them to share with the rest of the Howlers wouldn’t bring up more questions about why Maria and I didn’t date.
She was an excellent friend. I wanted her to stay like that.
Chapter Six
As Lev and I became firm friends, I realized I was going to have to tell my mom about him. This was clearly no flash-in-the-pan. Having another friend - especially one I could practice my Russian with - was a delight. But Lev was more than just someone to help me learn a language. I genuinely enjoyed my time with him. He made space for me in his life, just as I made space for him in mine.
I barely went a day without texting him. I spent ages thinking up fun new activities for us to do. Even my colleagues had noticed. I’d been leaving work on time more and more often. It was a novelty for me. I usually loved staying late. I did my best work when the rest of the office had emptied and I could lose myself in facts and figures.
Somehow, I didn’t mind giving that up in exchange for spending time with Lev.
I wanted to tell my mom about him. I knew that she’d be excited for me. Just like she’d always been excited when Emily or I made a new friend at high school or college. I just had to get past her thinking Lev was something that he wasn’t. The easiest way to do that was to avoid telling her that his name matched my soulmark.
Despite that reservation, I wanted her to know how close we’d become. Lev was a great friend and I wanted to be able to talk to mom about him. I decided to pick a moment when she was already in a good mood. We’d spent the morning going through mom’s stacks of books, deciding which she wanted to keep and which could be donated to a thrift shop. I’d even offered to drive the books over there.
After mom insisted on feeding me. The chicken pot pies smelled delicious. I broke eagerly into the pastry top.
“So, you remembe
r I took Emily and Tanya to that ice hockey game?” I asked, waiting for mom’s nod before I carried on. “Well, I’ve kept in touch with the player who gave us the tickets. He’s from Moscow, so I get to practice speaking Russian again.”
Unlike Emily, my mom did know what my soulmark read. I saw the moment that she realized that maybe this new friend could be more than a friend.
“Don’t jump to conclusions, mom,” I pleaded. Mom huffed.
She’d been there when I first tried to figure out what the Russian letters said. She had been the one who’d encouraged me to learn Russian, to go to Moscow. Mom so desperately wanted me to meet my soulmate. But Lev was only a friend. I was careful not to lead mom on, to let her think this was more than it was.
“Okay, okay,” she said with a small frown. “A new friend is always nice. And I’m glad you get to practice your Russian. Is he... do you think he’s... someone you might be interested in as more than a friend?” I had to give her credit, at least she did attempt to dampen her excitement by the last question. Even without a name, mom was still matchmaking me! I almost laughed.
It was sweet. Mom knew how disappointing I had found Russia at first. Their lack of interest in soulmates, and the way ‘Lev’ had been a common enough name that I met quite a few of them.
I damped down the urge to sigh. I knew mom wanted me to be happy. She and dad had been soulmates. It was only natural that she wanted that same happiness for me and Emily. And it had been mom who’d introduced Emily to Tanya. She had a pretty good track record.
Things with me were different. I’d been shocked and disappointed, at first, when I’d discovered how little people in Russia cared about finding their soulmatch.
But as time went on, I realized it was liberating. I could date anyone, not just men called Lev. Or I could not date at all. That had ended up making me happiest.
“He’s just a friend, mom,” I told her gently, still careful not to use his name. “He’s not looking for a relationship.” Lev hadn’t told me why he wasn’t interested in dating. As a friend, I hadn’t wanted to pry. I was treating him the way I’d want to be treated by respecting what he’d said.
I could tell that mom wanted to say more. We’d had this argument many times over the years, both about soulmates and dating in general. She wished me well, I knew that. She just wanted me to find the sort of love she’d had with my dad. Whereas I wanted to be in charge of my own destiny. And that included dating who I wanted and being friends with whoever I chose.
“Okay,” mom nodded. “But are you? Looking for a relationship?” she asked. Before I could protest that my friendship with Lev was just that, mom raised her hand. “With anyone. It’s been ages since you dated someone, Maria.”
She had a point. I could hardly remember the last time I’d been on a date. I had my reasons. Like I’d told Lev, the expectation that I should be the one making sacrifices felt suffocating.
But it didn’t have to be like that. Tanya and Emily both made time for one another. I knew that mom and dad had, too.
I didn’t need to date. It truly made me happy, watching Emily and Tanya together. I felt included in their family, just like I felt included in mom’s life.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have that for myself?
Before that question could make itself too at home in my brain, I smirked.
“What about you, mom? Are you hitting up the over-50 dating websites?”
“Oh, Maria!” She gasped like I’d said the most insulting thing ever. I knew that, at least this time, I had won. What was more surprising was that there was a small blush tinting my mom’s cheeks. My ‘oh my God you have!’ was met with a dismissive wave.
Still, she didn’t deny it. “That is beside the point,” she informed me. “I’ve just been making new friends.” Just as she said it, she seemed to realize how similar that was to what I had said. “Oh. Well, maybe I’m trying to make more than friends,” mom admitted.
I was pleased for her. I leaned across the table, pulling her into as much of a hug as I could. It must be weird, trying to date when she knew that no one else could be her soulmate. A person only got one soulmark match.
But plenty of people were happy with partners whose names weren’t written on their skin. And mom deserved some happiness.
“Good for you!” I told her.
Maybe I should think about dating again. I frowned as I wondered how I would make the time. I didn’t want to work less or see Emily and mom less frequently. Or Lev.
Dating would have to wait.
I had plenty of good things in life already. Like mom’s homemade chicken pot pie, and asking teasing questions about what kind of man she was looking for!
It felt good to turn the tables on her, for once. She didn’t give much away. I got the impression she was dipping her toe in the water, seeing what was out there and what it felt like to date again at her age.
Once we’d finished eating, she helped me move the boxes of books to the back seat of my car. I drove them down to the thrift shop, happy with the world and my place in it.
As well as getting Lev, Ricky, and Devon to sign a Madison Howlers’ jersey for Emily to give to Tanya on their anniversary, I’d also persuaded Lev to give us a tour of the rink. It hadn’t, in all honesty, taken very much persuading.
Lev was almost more proud of the Howlers’ rink than he was of his home. He was always telling me about the atmosphere in the locker room, the way the players all teased one another like siblings. There was a special word for it - ‘chirping’. It was one of many hockey-related words I had added to my vocabulary, both in English and in Russian.
He’d even told me about his nickname - ‘Cub’. Knowing Russian, I immediately figured it was because Lev’s name in Russian meant ‘lion’. It was a cute nickname. He hadn’t seemed too thrilled when I’d said as much. Instead, he’d complained that he didn’t get why they couldn’t call him a ‘lion’ instead of a baby lion.
Emily and Tanya met me outside the rink. It was hard to tell which of them was more excited. Tanya had been a fan of the Howlers for as long as I’d known her. And Emily loved to give perfect gifts.
“Am I the best sister in the whole world?” I asked them both. I was Emily’s only sister, and Tanya only had brothers. I felt confident that the answer was ‘yes’.
Tanya nodded energetically. “This is amazing, Maria, honestly,” she gushed. “Adam is going to be so jealous,” I smirked. I’d met Tanya’s brother and I liked him. Adam was almost as big a Howlers’ fan as Tanya was. I didn’t doubt he’d envy her getting a tour from one of their best players.
I grinned. “I was happy to do it,” I assured. “And Lev will be pleased to have someone to talk hockey with other than me. Come on, let’s go find him.”
It wasn’t difficult. Lily, the receptionist, pointed us round to the players’ entrance, where Lev was waiting.
“So where do we start?” I asked, once Emily and Tanya had both expressed their boundless gratitude.
“I’ll walk you through the players’ door, show you the home and away team’s locker rooms?” Lev offered. “Alas, empty of any half-naked hockey players,” he teased before frowning slightly. “Though, maybe you’re not into that.” Both Emily and Tanya laughed. They were pretty gay, the chances were pretty slim that seeing half-naked hockey players was of interest to them.
I, on the other hand, would not have objected to such sightseeing. But this tour was about Emily and Tanya. “Maria said it’s your anniversary? How long have you been married?” Lev asked as he led us through the corridors.
“Oh, forever,” Tanya answered, earning her a playful elbow in the ribs from Emily. She laughed. “Okay, it’s only been three years since we got married. But we’ve been together since our early twenties, so it feels like longer. In a good way.”
Tanya had been the first Tanya mom had introduced Emily to. Despite Emily’s rebellious desire to be independent, she hadn’t been able to resist the immediate connection that she fel
t. At least, that was how she told the story. Maybe she just wanted me to be on the lookout for my soulmate.
I watched as Tanya’s hand twisted at her side. It looked like she was itching to reach out and run her fingers across the hallowed walls.
“But you’ve been a Howlers’ fan for even longer than that,” I teased.
Tanya nodded energetically. “I can’t believe I’m actually walking through the corridors where Matt Fender and Joe Johnson used to walk.”
“Who?” I asked, mostly because I knew that both Lev and Tanya would turn to me with shocked expressions. I wasn’t stupid, I figured those names must belong to former Howlers’ players.
Emily nudged my side. “Don’t be a spoilsport,” she warned me, making me laugh. I hardly imagined that my ignorance about old Howlers’ players was going to spoil this for Tanya. The way her face was lit up like it was Christmas morning, I doubted anything would spoil it for her.
“Maria said your dad used to play in the KHL?” Emily asked. This time it was Lev’s face that blossomed into a smile. It made my breath catch. Seeing him talk about his parents was always a treat. He obviously adored them.
“SKA Moscow.” He nodded. “He played defense. It’s where my love of hockey comes from.”
I had, of course, heard this already. It didn’t make it any less nice to hear it again. “Alright,” Lev said pausing dramatically outside a door. “Are you ready to see the locker room?”
I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I’d played sports in high school. The locker room there had been a mess of lockers and abandoned sweaters and old sports equipment. I imagined that the Howlers’ space was going to be a lot more lavish.
“I’m ready,” Tanya gushed, reaching out to grip Emily’s hand. Lev swung the door open in a dramatic reveal. When he met my eyes, I smiled warmly. I appreciated him making this a special moment for Tanya. Though I suspected some of it was just his usual flair.
Final Score (Madison Howlers #5) Page 6