by KD Rouse
Maegan picked up another jar. Wipe. Wipe. “Yes. Like you, he got tired of things here.”
“I’m sorry.”
Maegan relaxed and turned to face her. “It’s all right. It’s been twenty-some years. It just…”
“It still hurts,” Lisiantha said softly.
“Yes, it does.” She went back to her work. “The bazaar and the crafts were Josh’s idea. He understood, since he’d been through the same thing.”
The implication made Lisiantha flinch. “I’d hardly compare Josh and me to you and Gabe. You were basically married.”
Maegan’s tone was mild, but Lisiantha suspected it hid deeper feelings. “As far as everyone was concerned, so were you and Josh. Everyone except you, apparently.”
Lisiantha scoffed. “Hardly. You act like we had some kind of understanding, like he’d pledged himself, or even asked me to be his mate, but that didn’t happen. There was no spoken commitment of any kind.”
“Maybe that’s because he didn’t think it needed to be spoken.” Jar on the counter. Another one picked up. Wipe. Wipe. “Maybe he thought it went deeper than words.”
Lisiantha pushed her chair out. “Then maybe he should have told me. I’m not a mind reader like you two, like Drake was. I never knew what Josh was thinking, or feeling, and I sure as hell never knew what his intentions were.”
Meagan scoffed softly. “Of course you did, and they only made you feel more trapped. Imagine if he had spoken them aloud? You’d have run then instead of waiting for Trek to show up.”
Lisiantha smacked the table with her palm, a thousand angry words on her lips, but she stopped. What was the point in arguing history? It was the past, and it didn’t matter anymore. Instead, she headed for the door and left with a final, “Forget it. Have fun with your craft project.”
**
The bed was set up by dawn. Ichirou used the cushions from the loveseat as a makeshift mattress and papered over the windows with layers of garbage bags and newspapers. Lisiantha washed her hands of the mess, changed into her pajamas, and thumped down to the cellar. As she passed the box Ichirou had been using she thought of Maegan and Gabe. That explained why they had an extra, but that they’d kept it said something. Was it that they had hoped Gabe would come back, or just that they couldn’t stand to change anything by removing it?
As she passed Josh, he leaned close to her ear and whispered, “More like we never got around to it.”
She spun around to shoot him a dirty look, but the expanse of his naked chest stopped her. Gone were the old pajamas she remembered him wearing, replaced by a pair of low hanging pants and naked feet.
He stepped close, until his breath tickled her face. “What? Did you think we were completely frozen in time? Lots of things have changed, Lisy.” His voice turned husky as he whispered, “But not everything.”
She struggled for a reply, and finally forced herself to step back. “Right. Good.” It was lame, but she was too distracted to think of anything better. His reply was a crooked grin, and she moved quickly to her own box and hurriedly tugged the lid open.
“Sweet dreams, Lisy,” Josh called from across the room.
“Yeah, you too,” she muttered as she stuffed herself inside and pulled the lid closed. If only she didn’t already know what she was going to dream about.
**
The following evening, Mére took Ichirou on a walk that left Lisiantha with nothing to do. She curled up on the loveseat in her room with a book, but it didn’t hold her interest. Instead of the blonde, tan hero, her mind kept conjuring Josh’s chestnut hair and midnight eyes, his crooked fanged grin, his naked chest…
She closed the book with a groan. What in the hell was she doing? Despite what Maegan said, she and Josh had never been official. He’d never once said he had feelings for her – not then and not now. They’d had a physical relationship, but that only meant so much without the words. And though she didn’t doubt he’d be willing to go back to that, she wanted something more now. She wanted a real commitment. A real mate. Like Trek.
Like I thought he was, she corrected herself. Or more like she’d pretended. Things had been great between them as long as things stayed exciting, but when the covens split, when there were no more parties, when they’d had to leave New York for LA and finally back to Chicago, where Trek didn’t have any friends, then things had gotten strained. Hours spent alone were filled with uncomfortable silence. When it came down to it, they had nothing in common. That’s when she’d made Ichirou, as if having a fledgling of their own would somehow save things; give them that common element. And it had worked for a while. But the thrill of tutoring a new vampire eventually wore off, and they were left with just each other again.
And Cash. Cash had been Trek’s fledgling, from before they met, and though they’d gotten along well enough, he’d never warmed to her or Ichirou. It was always a sort of us vs them mentality with Cash, and she imagined that he’d thrown a party the night she and Ichirou left.
Well good for him. Let him. Who cares? We don’t need either of them. We don’t need anyone.
A knock came on the door and Lisiantha called the visitor in without thinking. When Josh stepped through the door, she wished she’d checked who it was first.
“You don’t want to see me?” he teased.
She dropped the book on the nearby desk and stood. “Would you stop reading my mind?”
He shrugged. “I don’t have much of a choice. It’s not like you want to share your thoughts.”
“As if you’ve ever shared yours,” she bit back. “Never mind. This is stupid. If I’m going to stay here for a while, the least we can do is either get along or avoid each other.”
He frowned as he stepped closer. “You really want to avoid me? Am I that unbearable? Is that why you want to join The Guild?” Her surprise must have been on her face because he added, “Mére told me about your plans.”
She needed to have a word with Mére later. “It has nothing to do with you. We spent some time at The Guild, between LA and Chicago, and I’ve been considering it ever since.”
He closed the gap between them to take her hand. “But it’s dangerous.”
Her body flushed at his touch, and she looked away. “Not really. I mean, it doesn’t have to be. I’d be on the bottom, in charge of guarding something in the citadel, like maybe the prison, or the Lesser Council, or something like that.”
“Until you got promoted.”
“If I got promoted. And to get promoted, it means someone else would have to quit. The lesser guards quit a lot, but the greater guards tend to keep their positions.”
“Unless they die.” He sighed and ran his thumb over her knuckles. “I’m sorry if I don’t seem supportive, Lisy. It’s been so long, then you come back only to announce that you’re leaving again.” He met her eyes and held them. “How is that supposed to make me feel?”
She wanted to look away, but the intensity of his gaze held her. “I-It isn’t meant to make you feel anything.”
“Well it does.” His features hardened. “You said I never shared my thoughts, so here’s one for you. It makes me angry, Lisy. Angry and hurt. Maybe I was being stupid, but when Mére said that you and Trek were finished, that you were coming back…” he dropped her hand and turned away. “I guess I had a lot of stupid ideas. Like maybe you weren’t coming back just because you had nowhere to go. Maybe you were coming back for me.” He shook his head and straightened his shoulders. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
He moved for the door while she only stood and blinked. Coming back for him? As if he really had cared. Maegan said he had, but if that was true why hadn’t he said so sooner? Why hadn’t he just once told her that she was special, or that she mattered, or even that he might love her?
Josh paused in the doorway, his voice was so low she had to strain to hear it. “I thought you knew.”
“No, I didn’t. Why would I, when you never said?”
He shrugged, his back
still to her. “I thought it was obvious, had always been obvious. I guess so many of us are mind readers that I forget that you and Mére aren’t. That you don’t automatically know everything. As I said, you’re right. It’s all in the past and it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Wait!” She hurried to grab his arm before he could go. “I never said that.”
He turned to give her a fake smile. “You might as well have. It’s all right. You’re not to blame for my…optimism.” His chuckle sounded no more real than his smile looked. “Sorry for bothering you. I’ll let you get back to your book and-”
Before he could finish, she grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pressed her lips to his. He stiffened in surprise, and for a second she thought she’d made a mistake. Then he melted against her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. His lips moved against hers, and fire shot down her spine to pool in her belly. She pressed herself closer, as if she could climb inside him and lose herself, and all the swirling doubts, in his strength.
He pulled away at last, his smile genuine. “And what was that?”
“You’re the mind reader. You tell me.”
He laughed softly and laid his forehead against hers, cupping her face in his hands. “Lisy. I’m sorry. I should have realized that you wanted – needed – to hear those things. I just… then Trek breezed through, and he was everything I knew you wanted. Dressed in a sharp suit and driving one of those automobiles, and smooth talking, like one of the heroes from the radio programs, and I couldn’t compete. The minute he smiled at you I knew it was over. But maybe I should have tried. Maybe I should have bought the damn car, and one of those expensive suits and-”
“Josh, it didn’t have anything to do with that. I admit, I thought it did at first, too. I thought it was because he was dashing and exciting and modern, but it was really because he said the right things. He told me I was beautiful, and how much he wanted me. He said all the things I wanted to hear.”
Until he didn’t say anything at all and we just stared at one another.
“He was stupid to ever stop,” Josh said softly. “To let you go. Just like I was stupid.”
She opened her mouth to tell him he wasn’t stupid, that she was the idiot, but he silenced her with another searing kiss. Together they stumbled back into the room, and he shut the door with a kick before he guided her to Ishirou’s new bed with its makeshift mattress.
“It’s probably not comfortable,” he breathed around kisses.
“It can’t be worse than the barn.”
He laughed against her lips, and laid her down. His eyes traced her body, then he captured her lips again and let his hands do the roaming. She moaned softly, tugging his clothes away to find his naked skin. It had been so long that he was both familiar and new at the same time, a mixture that was intoxicating and only spurred her on.
His lips found her neck and he teased it with a lick. “I do love you, Lisy. I’ve always loved you.”
Before she could reply, he bit, and she disappeared into ecstasy. With a moan, she bit him back and they drank, making love as only vampires could, connected not just by their bodies but by their minds, and their blood.
The climax came, bringing a thousand showers of pleasure, and then they released one another and fell back.
Josh gathered her up in his arms and pulled her against him. She snuggled her face against his chest and closed her eyes. His scent filled her nose; strong, familiar, safe. Like this house, this coven. It might be a black hole, but in the center was a safety the outside world couldn’t match, a sameness that she’d once taken for boredom and now understood was really certainty – the certainty that everything would be all right, that Josh would always be there, that the evil of the world couldn’t touch them.
She lifted her head to express her thoughts when the door banged open. Ishirou stepped inside and stopped, eyes wide with horror, then disgust. He looked away, covering his face. “Oh, man! Ugh! My bed!”
Lisiantha and Josh both laughed.
**
Lisiantha rose the following evening and headed to her room. Ishirou was on his way out, and muttered a promise to wait if she hurried up. But she didn’t feel like hurrying. She and Josh had spent the rest of the night together, and had finally gone to the cellar, the last to climb in their boxes. When she’d gotten up, he was nowhere to be seen, and she wasn’t sure if that meant something. Did he regret what had happened last night?
You’re overthinking things, she told herself. Just get dressed and come on.
She went through three outfits before she settled on one, as if it really mattered, would really make all the difference between her and Josh. She even took the time to do something more with her hair than the usual ponytail, and added a touch of makeup to her face.
The results left her confident, and she headed downstairs to find Josh waiting with Mére and Ishirou. Her stomach flipped when she met his eyes. This was it. Time to find out if he was sorry for what had happened or-
Before the thought had finished, he pulled her to him and captured her lips in a long kiss. When he released her, he left her with pink cheeks and downcast eyes.
“Good morning. I’ve already fed,” he said. “But I’ll see you when you get back.”
“You must be a speed feeder,” she mumbled, aware of Mére and Ishirou’s curious stare.
Josh laughed. “No, I just got up before you and I got dressed a lot faster. Not that your effort was wasted.” He tipped her a wink, then pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You look perfect. Go before you starve to death.”
His praise left her holding back a girlish giggle, and she let Mére steer her out the door into the wintery night. Snowflakes drifted down, fat and lazy, to land in their hair and on their shoulders.
“So Ishirou was right,” Mére said, barely hiding a smirk. “You and Josh are back together. He said he walked in on you last night.”
“In my bed,” her fledgling added. “Talk about gross. I had to sleep on the floor.”
“Oh quit being a baby,” Lisiantha said dismissively. “As for Josh and I…I don’t know. I mean, there’s nothing official…I mean…”
“You mean he hasn’t specifically said ‘you are my girlfriend’? Or made a coven wide announcement? Sweetheart, I doubt very much that either of those are going to happen. I don’t understand why you spend all your time waiting for affirmation when it’s right there in front of you.”
She flushed and tried to fight the smile. “You think so?”
Mére put her arm around her. “Yes, I think so. And everyone else thinks so, so maybe you should stop doubting yourself for the first time in your life.”
Lisiantha turned the advice over in her head as they hunted down prey and fed. Maybe Mére was right. Maybe it had never been Josh and his reluctance to put things into words. Maybe it had been her own self-doubt, her own need for affirmation, proof that she really was loved – or worth loving. If so, that was something that no one could fix but herself.
She was still considering it as they drew back towards the house, but it disappeared when she saw an unfamiliar van parked in the driveway, lights on and exhaust belching into the night.
“Who’s that?”
Mére shrugged, and Lisiantha slowed to cautious pace. If Mére didn’t know, then it wasn’t one of their coven. Could it be a human who was lost or having car trouble? Or maybe it was the Executioners? Had the other coven turned the problem of Mére over to The Guild?
She paused at the van to peer inside the windows. There were no occupants, but a clutch of beads hanging from the rearview mirror didn’t look like something an Executioner would have. She could smell what had been immortal occupants, which ruled humans out.
Maybe it’s just someone’s friend?
When they walked into the house, the atmosphere said otherwise. The tension increased the closer she got to the living room, and by the time she stopped in the doorway she could barely stand the suffocating anger.
>
Maegan and Trinity stood against the back wall, arms crossed. Josh was in front of the fireplace, his expression unreadable. In front of him were two vampires Lisiantha didn’t recognize, face’s twisted in fury. “You have our demands. The choice is yours.”
As they stomped out of the room, the second knocked into Lisiantha and sent her stumbling. Josh caught her and snarled after their retreating figures. Close up, she could see the dark anger in his eyes, and noticed the tightness in his jaw.
“Are you all right?”
She absently rubbed her shoulder. “Yeah. Who were they?”
Josh tightened his arm on her waist. “They’re from that coven.”
And then she understood. “They want Mére or a war, don’t they?”
Josh looked away, the muscle in his jaw flexing. Finally he murmured, “Yes.”
She turned into him and grabbed his shirt. “You can’t let them have her! Josh, they’ll kill her! You can’t let that happen!”
“What am I supposed to do? Dammit, I don’t know the first thing about leading a war! If it comes to that, we’ll all be slaughtered. Drake could have done it, but not me. Do you want me to sacrifice the whole coven for one vampire?”
She let go and stepped back. “You’re going to do it. You’re going to give her to them. She’s my master!”
“Lisy,” he began desperately.
She held her hands up. “No. Just…no. I thought I knew you better than that Josh. I thought you were better than that. How could you…You might as well kill her yourself!”
She fled before he could offer another excuse.
**
Mére found her by the frozen pond and dropped a blanket over her shoulders. “To keep the snow off of you,” she said as she took a place next to her. They stared at the ice for a few moments, and finally Mére broke the silence, “He’s right, sweetheart. This coven has never been to war before. They wouldn’t know the first thing-”
“So?” Lisiantha snapped. “You can’t honestly say you’re all right with being traded away – with being killed? How can that be the right decision?” She wiped savagely at her tears. “How can it be right to let you die?”
Mére sighed. “No, I don’t want to die, Lisy. And it’s not right, but neither is it right to let others die.”
“But-”